Chapter 27: Down to a Haire
All things considered, it had not been a good day to go caving.
Ahead of them, an ocean of white surged like a plague of rats, crashing into the defenses of Smill with a sound like a woodchipper. Great wooden walls and towers, like those overcomplicated wooden slat chairs, broke the waves as brave citizens shot fire and rocks into the mass. Every so often a massive blast of water would carve through, turning the foaming white still and red.
Thousands of white monstrosities surged around the town of Smill, disappearing around the other side of the buildings. Jasson watched as one of the towers fell, the inhabitants as tiny specks jumping for safety within the wall. In a flurry of movement, the fallen timbers of the tower flew apart, coming back together into a repaired tower before the horde could smash through.
“Are those… rabbits?” Harriett said.
The party stood on top of a gentle hill covered in green grasses, what had been prime grazing territory before Jasson’s not-so-fine misting of Wyvern the other day. Apparently, these weren’t herbirvoric rabbits. Or maybe they really needed the protein(and calcium).
“Aww!” Clara said, “They’re cute!”
“They’re a problem,” Petra rubbed her forehead, then reached into her Locker, “We’re not getting paid for this but Clara says we should help. At least they’re not totally useless over there. They could hold out without us for another oh…four hours? Are you sure we need to help now?”
“Yes Petra,” Clara said, “Every second we delay a father could be dying in defense of his home.”
“Well, &*^%.” Petra winced, “You don’t need to say it like that. I was going to help anyway. Is everyone good for this fight?”
Petra looked at Jasson and Harriet and grinned, “Why am I asking? She always is and he doesn’t have a choice. All right. We need to prioritize thinning the ranks and be prepared for a rapid retreat. This should be just manageable. By the gods…where did they even come from?”
“What are they?” Jasson said, feeling a little sour at her comment.
“I don’t know,” Petra said, pulling out a water flask and mana crystal, “Some kind of rapidly replicating ravenous rabbits. Clara?”
“White, red eyes, dog-sized.” Clara was swinging her sword, “Makes them easier to hit, and explains why they haven’t just slipped through the wal-”
“OOH!” Jasson said, “We were so worried about what fed on Wyverns, but I bet these are what normally support the Wyverns. Overpopulation!”
“It doesn’t matter,” Petra said, splashing her face after taking a swig from her flask, “I don’t suppose you have one of those missiles that won’t kill everyone in the city?”
Jasson felt the hot knot begin to tie in his chest. Why did she have to brush him off like that?
“Nope,” Jasson looked at MADaptation, “I do have a non-destructive AOE electric bubble. Not enough to deal with these and I have…not enough battery for all of them. Sorry.”
Petra grunted then said, “I didn’t expect you to. I suppose it’s my turn. I wish I didn’t spend most of my brain on searching underground.”
Petra capped her flask and put it away, then took the faintly glowing Mana crystal and held it between her hands. Petra closed her eyes and then crushed the Mana crystal as it turned to dust. A man-sized boulder exploded from the ground and shrunk, compacting into a head-sized sphere with sounds reminiscent of a hydraulic press channel.
Nope. Jasson thought, backing away a few steps. That can’t be how physics works, it’s not healthy.
Then Petra shot the boulder into the center of the rabbits. It sailed in a slow arc and landed in a thick of white-
Boom!
“Wow,” Jasson said, “Grenade launcher. Pretty go-”
“Shut it,” Petra said, “That was just a warm-up. Remember, if I end up dropping one of those we’re all experiencing the joys of being holier. So be ser-”
“Oh my!” Clara said, “They’re- oh. Oh, they’re not cute anymore. Oh gross.”
Jasson squinted at the swarm. What was Clara seeing? All Jasson could see was the horde of white rabbits filling in the space Petra had cleared and- oh.
“They’re cannibalizing,” Jasson said, “Look, that one tore off the dead one’s head. And that one is still twitching but-”
“I know!” Clara sounded genuinely angry, “Just shut up. Okay? I get it. They’re not the wholesome little rabbits I was hoping for. I’m even glad that they’re not Castle Hares. But don’t tell me to be happy that fluffy little bunnies have a hard time chewing organs.”
Jasson felt his stomach flip and he looked away and said, “You’d rather that you had to kill happy little bunnies?”
“No.” Clara said, “I’m not stupid. I know what these things are. I just…wish it was something else.”
Jasson looked at Clara. What was her deal? This wasn’t like her. But…well she did like the animal videos a lot. Perhaps she- She was definitely soft-hearted but Jasson hadn’t realized how much.
“I’m sorry,” Jasson said, “It can’t be easy. They look so cute from this distance.”
“It’s okay,” Clara took a breath, “And shouldn’t you be firing your missle? The distance is getting smaller.”
“$%&, really?!” Jasson swiveled and saw that Clara was right.
The rabbits- no the monsters had consumed their fallen comrades in seconds and locked onto the exposed party on a hill. Like a swarm of murder hornets that had their nest…disturbed. The swarm of white surged away from the defenses and toward their exposed group.
“*&%#,” Jasson said, switching to his missile, “I didn’t think you’d attract all of them!”
“Not all of them,” Harriett said, sounding ecstatic, “ just the ones in line behind the others.”
She sounds excited, Jasson thought. And reckless. Not good.
“That’s much better, thank you.” Jasson sighed, “Just…live through this. Okay? I’m not going to ‘sing of your heroism’ if you die to a bunch of rabid rabbits.”
“Really?” Harriet said, “But it’s an unstoppable horde!”
Jasson aimed briefly and fired, noticing how his missile didn’t get any smaller as he approached the pack approaching them. Or…herd? What did you call this many rabbits? A gluttony?
“It’s not worth it,” Jasson said, “But this is your chance to bathe in the blood of your enemies. Just…don’t slip, okay?”
“OOOHH!!” Harriett said, and started swinging her sword, “Perfect! I shall bathe in glory beside my glorious blade Dead Header!”
“Perfect,” Jasson sent another missile out, “Just keep your distance from me. I don’t want you to get caught in my AOE.”
“But owies aren’t that bad,” Harriett swished her sword, “And Clara’s playing defense. Tell you what, why don’t we compete for the highest kills?”
“Oh?” Jasson let off another missile as Petra pulled an enormous boulder from the ground, raining dirt on them, “Good luck with that. You haven’t even started.”
“Oh, I haven’t?” Harriett walked calmly out of Jasson’s view.
Jasson looked around and saw her twenty feet away, walking away from the monsters while casually swinging her sword.
“There.” Harriett said, “How’s that?”
The entire front line, something about a football field away with at least fifty in number, split in half.
“Holy (*$&%^!” Jasson said, “I thought that was only in animes!”
Harriett grinned and said, “And unlike you, I don’t run out of mana.”
“Well ^%^& this competition,” Jasson said, “You get the entire front line! I’m better at shooting explosive shots. Clara! Think you can help her?”
“Yup!” Clara said, swinging her massive sword, “You keep your explosive shots going. Every monster we kill makes two stop to- to-”
“To eat. Thanks,” Jasson switched back to the explosive shots, then checked his power.
Oh %&#%, Jasson thought, I’m down to fifty percent. That’s…five shots at 8 percent a shot? Maybe more. This is not going to work! We should retreat and-
“Petra!” Clara said, “I’m going for a spin. Give me a few seconds.”
“Be my guest,” Petra said, “You have five seconds. My time.”
“Perfect,” Clara glanced at Jasson and sighed, then said, “Don’t read too much into this, okay?”
Before Jasson could react, Clara faced away and started to shout the foulest things known to man. Yes, there were curses, but only to describe the other things. Words that, like curse words, get censored with * replacing the middle letters because they represent sins that made the news every night. Clara shouted the names of pure evil with a building rage that tore like screamo music but twice as mad.
Then sweet Clara charged, pouring bloodlust that would have gotten her either signed or committed.
WHAM!
The first strike was a blur with the flat of her blade, smashing into the front line and sending twenty flying back with broken bodies. The second attack became the third and fourth as Clara whipped her blade around, faster and faster until Clara spun into a weedwhacker of death. A technically human Beyblade (not sponsored) cutting a U into the enemy ranks.
“All right,” Petra said once Clara was back, “FIRE!”
Petra sent a chair-sized explosive shot whizzing over Jasson’s head, landing in the dead center of the horde and-
BOOM!!
“Frick,” Jasson caught himself, “That was like a Howitzer! You got ^%$&^ artillery?!”
“I don’t know what that is,” Petra said, smirking, “But I’ll take it as a compliment.”
Jasson looked out at hundreds of corpses and consumers and grinned. It was amazing how an endless swarm could get cut nearly in half. Unfortunately, the enemy was upon them, the front line surging past those who paused to feast.
Jasson backed off and aimed, firing a missile into the back of the group as the front line broke on Harriett and Clara. Jasson did his best to place strategic shots, but his phone beeped at him after only two more. His stomach dropped.
Fourteen percent left.
“One more shot,” Jasson said.
“Just let it fly,” Petra said, “And get behind me. This next shot is going to be huge.”
Jasson let his last shot fly and scampered behind Petra.
Sighing, Jasson closed MADaptation, pulling his crystal out and powering his phone off. He needed to charge it as quickly as possible. Harriett cut another row of monsters with blurring speed, and Clara carved deep with fathomless rage.
Isn’t…aren’t I supposed to be up there? Jasson thought. I’m the one who was reincarnated. Heck, I even have an overpowered ability. But I’m best back here, not the front lines. Once I run out of power I’m useless and I have to hide for the rest of the fight. I didn’t even think to ask for a sword.
BOOM!
Petra’s next shot knocked Jasson onto his butt and halved the horde again.
“Here,” Petra said, reaching into her locker, “I grabbed something for you.”
Petra pulled out another mana crystal and a long stick. No, not a stick. A spear.
“Use this,” Petra tossed the spear to Jasson, “I expect you to watch my back while you charge.”
“What happened to the short sword?” Jasson said.
“Good for caves, not for wide open hills,” Petra said, “Distance is your best friend. Besides, spears are easier to use. So look the other way and make sure we don’t get sneaked up on.”
Jasson said “Thanks.”
Jasson stood and balanced the spear on his shoulder, continuing to charge his phone, and looked around. Harriett and Clara had been pushed back a good fifty feet, but it didn’t look like anything was going around.
Still, Jasson thought, it’s something to do.
Jasson stood with his back to Petra and kept watch on the peaceful hill as behind him the sound of rending flesh and cutting bone filled the air. There were no bushes on this hill, but there was a patch of grass just tall enough to hide one of those monstrous rabbits. Jasson eyes the grass, daring it to shake.
It didn’t shake. It flattened.
Four dog-sized rabbits attacking from behind aren’t keen on being stealthy. The tingle of fear tickled familiar organs, but Jasson found himself anticipating them.
“They’re coming around,” Jasson said, “Shall I take them?”
“That’s why I handed you a spear,” Petra said, “Just don’t die, idiot.”
Jasson looked back, but Petra was facing away. The way she said that sounded…nice.
Sweet. Jasson thought as he pocketed his phone. And I have to say, it’s nice to not be fighting spiders or in the dark. Not as scary.
Swinging the spear, Jasson tested how it felt as he watched the four rabbits advance. It felt heavy in a satisfying way, and as long as he used both hands it moved fairly quickly. He just needed to kill two and have the others get distracted by eating. But they were running together so…
Jasson surged forward and plunged the spear at the first creature as hard as he could. Bone and blood parted as Jasson pierced the chest, the spear driving deep in a lethal blow.
Then the spear stuck.
“#&%&!” Jasson heaved backward, trying to dislodge the spear. The rabbit had fallen on the end, trapping the spear on a bone. With a desperate surge, Jasson pulled as two of the rabbits started to eat their ally.
Shonk!
The spear came free and sent Jasson tumbling back, landing hard. The fourth rabbit launched toward Jasson’s throat. Jasson just managed to bring his spear up to block it. He caught the rabbit’s rabid white mouth with the spear and collapsed to the ground, the weight of the rabbit driving to his throat.
Huh. Jasson thought as the rabbit knawed at the wood. It doesn’t have any front teeth. And…It’s not that much heavier than a dog.
“What’s the matter?” Jasson grunted, pushing back, “You didn’t get your teeth for Christmas?”
Jasson threw the rabbit to the side and flew to his feet, standing ready for another assault. But the rabbit, once it finished rolling down the hill, burst for Petra’s exposed back.
“NO!” Jasson charged, slipping in the grass as he charged after. His legs burned, the hill turning into a massive ascent as the rabbit outpaced Jasson. Jasson dropped the spear for what little speed he could get.
Can’t catch up. Jasson thought.
“Look out!” Jasson called. Petra didn’t turn around, keeping her focus on the bomb she was preparing.
It’s up to me. Jasson realized. I can’t let a single one through.
With another burst of speed, Jasson was almost within reach as the creature leaped. Trembling, Jasson focused on the horrid monster and punched, hoping he could somehow reach it.
Crack!
The monster twisted in mid-air and was flung to the side of Petra a second before Petra let off another mortar shell.
BOOM!
Petra turned and looked at the monster on the ground, then at Jasson unarmed and panting.
“Nice punch.” Petra reached into her Locker and pulled out a dagger, “You should make sure it’s finished off though. Also, the others are almost done eating so you best hurry up.”
Stunned, Jasson shook out his hand and took the knife. He stabbed the motionless corpse a few times before turning to the other two rabbits.
Dang. Jasson thought. Adrenaline is nice. It doesn’t even hurt.
Jasson pocketed the knife in his jeans and hurried to the spear, pulling it out of the ground just as the monsters turned on him. They growled, which was an odd sound coming from a rabbit, and bared glistening white and red teeth.
“Santa answered your letters I see,” Jasson swung the spear, a bit more confident now, “But the easter bunny is sending you a cease and desist. You should have followed LawbySpike for more tips.”
Jasson lunged, closing the gap and plunging the spearhead into the chest of the next rabbit. Jasson immediately heaved as hard as he could, pulling the spear out and turning to the final one.
The last rabbit turned away from Jasson and started to run towards Petra, but Jasson was waiting for that and lunged in that moment, practically throwing the spear in his outstretched arm. He took the monster in the side and speared out the other. Jasson lost his grip on the spear as the monster fell and the spear stood like a drunken flagpole in the corpse.
“Ya’ll are copyright infringement,” Jasson said, “So you’ve been demonetized. Or shall I say, demonstertized. Get the point?”
Jasson grinned and pumped his fist, “WOO! Let him COOK!”
Jasson put his foot against the still-warm corpse and, feeling like the coolest guy in the world, pulled the bloody spear from his foe.
His bloody spear.
“JASSON!” Clara called from the other side of the hill, “Watch out! Some are coming around!”
“I guess the battle’s not over yet,” Jasson grinned, then shouted, “I GOT THIS!”