The 'Smart'phone Saga: A Distracted Journey of Spells and Signals

Chapter 26: Downer



Cavernous depths have a way of making you feel claustrophobic. Dark ceilings loom, a stone arch being all that keeps ten million tons from covering your sins in eternal slumber. It is an inescapable fact that holes in the earth become a shelter in primarily the worst of times. Even in the best of times, ever since mankind left the cave, the unnerving dark became something that serves only as houses for the grave dead.

Of course, warm company makes all the difference.

Clara was pressed against his side, sharing his little seven-inch world of entertainment. Her laughter echoed endlessly and her warmth spread across every hungry inch of him. Jasson found himself craving more of this time, shared in joy and spite-less solidarity. It was a profoundly human time.

A mortal time.

And as with all mortal things, it came to an end. Jasson should have noticed Petra landing on the lip of the pit. Should have noticed her stalking toward them with exhaustion in her steps. He did notice when Petra loomed above Clara and him, and looked up innocently with Tiktik on his mind.

“And what,” Petra smiled sweetly, “Have you been showing my sister for the past two hours?”

She’s smiling. Jasson thought. Angry. Why? Phone. Distraction. Keeping watch! Apologize.

“Sorry,” Jasson pocketed his phone, barely keeping himself from calling Petra ‘mom’.

“It was so fun!” Clara bounced up, “You need to see it when we get home.”

Petra sneered and said, “I doubt that he has anything worth my time on that thing. Definitely not something I would abandon my post for.”

Clara froze, then said, “Sorry Petra.”

Petra nodded and stomped off, leaving them to trail after her. Jasson raised his eyebrows at Clara and she shrugged.

“To be fair,” Clara said, climbing after Petra, “you were fine. Just slimes down there. You can’t expect us to do nothing the whole time.”

“Oh, you were just soo concerned about me,” Petra reached the path and started up the cavern, “I could tell by the sound of your raucous laughter. I knew you weren’t the brightest, but I didn’t know spending time with an idiot could be so much fun! Maybe I’ll hit my head on some rocks and try it myself!”

“Oi,” Jasson said, “That’s too far. I’m not that dumb! I’ve worked hard for my B’s in school.”

“Oh?” Petra said, “What were those videos about then? Or did my ears deceive me for the past two hours!”

Jasson, in heated pride, spent the next few minutes trying to explain the intellectual significance of funny animal videos. He ran out of excuses before he ran out of breath, and eventually fell silent as their ascent stole his verbal fervor.

Once Jasson was quiet for a few seconds Petra said, “What an inane tirade. Surely you can admit, after thoroughly disproving yourself for a quarter-hour, that the mind required to enjoy your drivel must have a minimum line of infants. Peekaboo for adults! A funny movement and you are filled with giggles.”

“You could use to watch these videos,” Jasson said, “Maybe you’d have a little more fun in life if you ever tried it. You might even become a better person.”

“Better person?!” Petra’s voice cracked (as well as the stalagmite she was leaning on, thoroughly destroying Alex’s love for Vicky), “And what, exactly, convinces you that I’m not?!”

The air crackled with tension, Petra’s ire going from dismissive to offended. Jasson knew he should back down, that this wasn’t worth it. He didn’t even have an argument! But…she had no right to insult something he loved without him saying something! She couldn’t get away with everything.

“He’s sorry Petra,” Clara said, stepping between them, “I wonder where Harriett went”-

“No, she asked.” Jasson said, nudging Clara aside to fully face Petra, “I like it, okay?! Is there something wrong with liking things? With enjoying something. I’m sorry it’s not a ten-page thesis on how useless everyone else is, but I tend to be happy without putting everyone else down!”

“Jasson that’s enough,” Clara said, “Don’t say anything you don’t mean.”

“Oh, I mean it!” Jasson said, “I’ve had to mean everything I say for the past week! Petra doesn’t let a single thing slide. She bites and cuts with every inch of mistake I make around her. I can’t say a $%^& thing around her without her correcting me in some minute manner, drilling in her superiority.”

Jasson wasn’t dead yet, so he continued, “Honestly Petra. I know I’m in your debt, but I’m not your slave begging for compliments. Begging for the slightest respect in the work you deign to hand me. I’m better than that. Everyone is better than that. Do you want to be a leader? You will never, ever, make people follow you by bullying them into submission. I’m sorry, it’s the truth. Live with it.”

Jasson took a breath, recovering some of his composure. That felt good, even as he waited for Petra’s retribution. He’d been holding that in for a while.

Petra just stood there, stiff with fury but not killing Jasson, so he continued, “I’m sure I’m in the wrong this time, and probably most of the others. That doesn’t make me less. That doesn’t make me a verbal punching bag for you to let off steam. That makes you a jerk, not clever. A verbal slaver with her whip. Well, I’m sorry for not having a stick )(*^(& *&^% like you, but I’m still doing a good job. If you’re that dissatisfied with me, then fire me. I’ll pay you back for the crystal and find another job. One that pays better and treats me well. Not working under a bully of a useless leader like you! A failure t-”

SLAP!

Jasson was expecting to die when he saw the slap coming. Petra’s strengthening glove glittered in a deadly arc toward him and he flinched away. It was certainly a shock, and Jasson had to wrestle with a surge of violent rage, but nothing more. It was the slap of a girl, furious and small.

“YOU BA-”

“PETRA!” Clara shouted, “Stop that! You never hit someone just because they’re right.”

Petra looked at Clara and blinked, then flushed and said “You’re right, Clara. I… I don’t know what came over me.”

I live! Jasson thought.

Petra pointed at Jasson and said “I’m sorry for slapping you. Not anything else. And don’t you ever talk to me like that again.”

Jasson raised his eyebrows and massaged his cheek.

“And…” Clara said.

“And I’m glad you’re here,” Petra said, a bitter smile teasing across her lips, “We’ve needed you once already. You’re a vital member of my team so I’ll…I’ll do better.”

Jasson nodded, feeling the knot in his chest ease a bit. How had this even started?

Ah well. Jasson thought. I’m alive. Petra won’t kill me for speaking my mind, and she’s even admitted that she’s wrong. I just need to get better on my end of the bargain and we might just get along swimmingly, no cap.

****

Harriett was waiting with skinned knees and bloody knuckles, bearing a monster core in either hand. She stood at the entrance of the cavern, reading the love notes and poorly educated drawings. As soon as Harriett noticed them she spun and flourished her glittering prizes.

I’m glad she’s safe, Jasson thought. She should have caught up earlier though, and those knees look painful…

“I travailed to great success!” Harriett cried as they drew near, “Your message to Scott of the possible presence of apex predator has been delivered. Now, witness the glory I have won with my faithful blade GreatBiter!”

“Well then,” Petra said, “That’s an efficient use of a few hours. What did you kill?”

“On my journey here a wyvern descended upon me in the shadow of the mountain,” Harriet said, “And I was put upon to cast my pack aside and draw faithful GreatBiter in my defense. It swooped upon me, toothy maw agape as I leapt upon its spiny back. Thence I struck and the GreatBiter went Snicker-snack and off”-

“I’m sorry, what?” Jasson said, “Snickers snack? Was the sword not feeling like itself when it’s hungry?”

“It’s the sound a- I mean it’s the sound my sword makes.” Harriett said, “Now hush, I’m not done.”

“Of course,” Jasson raised his hands, “Go on!”

“Thank you,” Harriett said, “As I was saying, I had scarcely, and valiantly, chopped off the wyvern’s head when another descended upon me that I was forced to dive out of the way, skinning my knees upon unforgiving stone. And it was my favorite pair of pants! Well, top ten at least. So I sought to revenge myself upon the beast for the cause of my pants and slew it as well! Now I bring you the spoils and, in my bag, the heads.”

“Excellent!” Petra reached for the spheres, “Let’s move the evidence into my locker and head back.”

“Oh,” Harriett pulled them back, “uh..”

Jasson watched as Harriett dodged Perta’s demanding hands.

Oho! Jasson thought. So you are credit-motivated!

“What?” Petra said, “Let’s get moving.”

Jasson said, “I think Harriett wants to personally present her ‘spoils’ to Lord Ippoph as evidence of the job progressing.”

“Oh,” Petra said, “Of course. I knew that. I just couldn’t believe that she’d be that vain and stupid.”

Harriett flinched and then smiled and said “I…it’s my fir-I want to okay. And-“

“You like the challenge of comrades insulting you,” Petra said, rolling her eyes, “yeah, yeah. Look, if you lose the evidence, don’t blame me. Okay?”

“Okay!” Harriett said, “Thank you!”

Harriett then took her absurdly tiny fashion bag, flipped open the nano flap, and squeezed the two fist-sized spheres into the bag.

“Woah,” Jasson said, “Is that where you’re storing things? How did it fit?”

“I thought you had a Locker!” Clara said, “What is this little sis? Some kind of Locker in a bag?”

“Kinda,” Harriett said, “It’s a bag for holding things. I call it a Storage Sack. Cute, isn’t it? It even has a bathroom. Come on, let's go!”

Jasson blinked. That four-inch bag had a what-now?


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