LIGHTNOVELONLINE Chapter 59
“Feed me.”
The passing servants looked at Judas and Eliya in shock.
Judas wished it were just a dream.
Even a nightmare would be fine.
But it was reality.
Eliya handed a spoon to Judas, urging him on.
It was something she couldn’t avoid either.
This morning, she approached the meal with more joy than usual.
Thinking of Judas from yesterday.
But what was this?
The moment she sat down to eat the soup alone, her appetite plummeted.
Objectively, it was a tastier meal than the porridge she had yesterday.
But she didn’t want to eat it.
Eliya easily deduced the reason.
The presence or absence of Judas.
That was the only difference.
So, she called for Judas.
She wanted to, and she had the right to.
This situation arose for that reason.
It was something Eliya normally wouldn’t do.
Complaining about food.
Even asking to be fed.
It was a rudeness typical of a childish brat, but right now, Eliya couldn’t think like her usual self.
If she had to pinpoint the responsibility, it was all Judas’s fault.
Therefore, Eliya didn’t dispute her own complaint.
Judas couldn’t refuse the smiling Eliya.
He had no clue what was going through her mind.
However, this was a kind of self-inflicted consequence.
The situation he had created.
In the end, Judas picked up the spoon under the many gazes of the servants.
All for Eliya.
“……”
Unlike yesterday, he couldn’t bring himself to say anything crazy.
He carefully and steadily fed Eliya everything so he wouldn’t make mistakes.
Eliya accepted his offerings with a smile.
Throughout the meal, her eyes were glued to Judas.
Like a baby bird waiting for food.
Judas found that gaze a bit overwhelming, so he avoided eye contact and diligently fed her.
“I’m full…”
Today, Eliya ate a little more than yesterday.
The remaining portion was all for Judas.
As if he hadn’t been flustered at all, he polished off the food.
Meals at Eliya’s house were that delicious and abundant.
When the meal was drawing to a close, Eliya casually asked.
“Have you thought about the reward we talked about last time?”
“Hmm?”
Judas, who had been eating dessert, looked up.
His face was a mess.
Cream smeared on his nose.
Bread crumbs stuck around his mouth.
It was oddly amusing, and Eliya couldn’t help but chuckle lightly.
Judas reddened and wiped his face with a tissue.
“You said you would grant any request.”
“Ah.”
Judas recalled.
When he defended Eliya from an assassin from Ramek, she promised him a reward.
Judas had held off because nothing specific had come to mind.
Moreover, he thought he would leave one day.
“Have you thought about it?”
“Well, I did….”
“Tell me.”
He hesitated but finally spoke with difficulty.
“I want to learn to write… but I don’t know where or how to start.”
“Write?”
“Yes. I thought it might be helpful somehow.”
“Hmm.”
“I’m not hoping for a teacher. Just getting a book I can study on my own would be enough.”
“Really, that’s all you need?”
Eliya had thought of something grander.
Maybe a house or something?
She wasn’t sure if he would be satisfied, but she could grant it if he asked.
After laying the groundwork, she was willing to concede to requests for better things later.
But Judas’s answer was utterly unexpected to her.
She had no idea that he was preparing for a life beyond this place.
“Yes, that’s enough.”
“Hmm, writing…”
Eliya quickly had a grand idea.
“I’ll teach you.”
“…What?”
“I said I’ll teach you.”
Eliya said it casually.
In fact, she was confident.
She had already mastered grammar, vocabulary, and rhetoric to a level that didn’t require anyone’s instruction.
Though it would be her first time teaching.
“Ah, um, that….”
Judas found it hard to refuse.
He had said he wanted to learn, and now Eliya had accepted.
He just hadn’t expected her to offer to teach him.
He felt a bit overwhelmed.
With everything he was doing, it felt like he was sinking deeper into a swamp.
A self-inflicted trap. Always.
Seeing him hesitate, Eliya asked in a low voice.
“…Do you not want to?”
A cold shadow fell on her previously expressionless face.
Judas instinctively felt a sense of threat and quickly shook his head.
“No, it’s an honor. Thank you.”
“Isn’t it?”
Eliya quickly regained her smile.
Now that it was decided, there was no reason to hesitate.
Eliya gathered a blanket and a doll and took Judas’s hand, leading him to the study.
Judas felt like he was a ball of yarn being played with by a cat.
‘At this rate, I won’t survive… I’ll lose my soul before I see a tragedy…’
The study was far too spacious for just studying.
Eliya sat down first and said.
“Sit.”
Judas sat across from her.
“Ria, bring out the speaking books.”
Eliya easily listed the names of several books.
Including a blank notebook for practicing writing.
While waiting, Judas looked around the study.
It was far too spacious for Eliya to use alone.
Wouldn’t it be lonely to study here by herself?
“Look here.”
“Yes.”
“Can you write?”
“Somewhat… maybe?”
“Show me.”
Eliya handed him a blank sheet of paper and a quill.
Judas hesitantly picked up the pen, trying to dip the tip in ink.
“Wait. Why are you holding the pen like that?”
“…….”
In his life, all he had held were people’s collars or sleeves.
Naturally, the number of times he had held a pen was exceedingly low.
He wasn’t completely incapable.
It wasn’t his first time holding one, so he couldn’t say he didn’t know how.
It just wasn’t the standard way to hold it, and the peculiar grip he developed as a child lingered on.
Moreover, the quill he was holding for the first time was a challenging object.
Just that brought enough dissatisfaction to Eliya.
Eliya took the pen and demonstrated how to hold it.
“Like this. First, hold it with your thumb and index finger, and let your middle finger support it. Try again.”
“…Like this?”
“…….”
His fingers were stiff.
The pen’s balance felt awkward.
Judas’s nerves, heightened by Eliya, made his grip clumsier than before.
Unable to hold back, Eliya got up from her seat.
She walked over to Judas’s side and took each of his fingers to adjust how he held the pen.
Her small fingers deftly guided his hand.
“Like this.”
“Yes…”
“Now write.”
Eliya crossed her arms and waited.
Feeling the stern presence of the teacher, Judas cautiously wrote down letters.
The result was a train wreck.
Even he thought his handwriting was strange.
The scrawl seemed more like a chaotic scrawl than poor handwriting.
Simply saying he couldn’t write wouldn’t suffice.
It was a legible hand, but still didn’t meet Eliya’s standards.
Eliya fell into deep contemplation.
Reflecting on her past.
Was she like this too?
No, the day she first held a pen wasn’t this bad.
She had devoured books to reach this point, but she also had innate talent.
Though she wasn’t aware of it.
“Write again.”
“Yes…”
From then on, Judas learned to write while being scolded for his awful handwriting.
*
“That’s about decent; it’s improved compared to earlier.”
Eliya nodded in satisfaction while looking at the notebook.
Across from her, Judas’s hands were numb from holding the pen.
This was harder than training.
“That’s enough for today.”
“Yes… thank you…”
“Oh, take this.”
Eliya handed him a red blanket and a cat doll.
Judas stared at the two items resting in his hands.
‘So you didn’t throw it away… are you returning it after washing it?’
Was it no longer needed?
He didn’t know if he ever needed it, but that wasn’t what mattered now.
‘…What’s going on, why is she acting like this?’
The one in question wasn’t Eliya but himself.
Judas felt disappointed.
Not too much, just a little.
Barely a little.
It wasn’t a gift he expected to receive when he gave it.
He had given the red blanket on a whim.
It wouldn’t be strange at all if Eliya said she was returning it, but somehow, he felt disappointed.
Especially since she kept it for so long and then returned it suddenly.
Such feelings made him feel pretty ridiculous and nauseated.
His unreasonable anxiety vanished with Eliya’s next words.
“Use that to sleep for a while. And return it to me later.”
It wasn’t a complete return.
Ignoring the relief in his heart, questions arose.
Why this insistence?
What did this behavior mean?
Was it a new kind of entitlement?
Eliya had no intention of answering those questions.
What she knew was simple.
Since it had been washed, the comforting scent it used to have was gone.
She guessed it would return once she received it back from him.
Since it smelled similar to her.
Without realizing it was his natural scent, Eliya simply told him.
“Make sure to hold it tightly as you sleep. Okay?”
Judas had no choice but to follow his master’s instruction.
“Yes…”
*
“Bleh…”
I lay sprawled on the floor, gagging.
Gawain standing in front of me scratched his neck awkwardly and spoke.
“Uh, sorry. I misjudged my strength.”
“Bleh…”
I didn’t even have the strength to respond.
The incident had happened in an instant.
I thought I could release mana easier than before, and during a spar with Gawain, I actually succeeded.
However, the power was apparently far stronger than Gawain had anticipated.
He reflexively used more strength to retaliate.
And this is the aftermath.
‘With my mana stat suddenly at 28, I guess it makes sense…’
I understand, but it hurts like hell.
“Is it really that painful?”
“Ugh…”
“Hmm…”
The guy who usually doesn’t bat an eye even after hitting me hard looks genuinely concerned.
He’s been asking if I’m okay and pacing anxiously.
Well, considering he overused his mana, he couldn’t be faulted for feeling bad.
“Phew… I feel a bit better now…”
I managed to get my stomach settled slowly.
I leaned against the wall and took slow breaths.
Gawain seemed to think we should finish up, given that personal training time was still left for us.
“Let’s call it a day.”
“Yes…”
“That was clearly my mistake. I’m truly sorry.”
“No, it’s fine.”
I forced a weak smile.
“The fact that for a moment, you had to draw out your strength means I’ve grown, doesn’t it?”
If I think about it like that, it’s not too bad.
It hurts like hell, but there are moments like this in training.
Gawain, seeing my reply was rather surprising, stroked his beard and gazed at me.
“You’re oddly optimistic.”
“What do you mean by ‘oddly’?”
“…Nothing.”
Good grief.
He’s a guy with quirks.
“But it’s not wrong. You’ve clearly learned to handle your mana now.”
That’s true.
Unlike before, when I couldn’t release my mana no matter how hard I tried, I can now control it according to my will.
It’s not perfect; I can’t turn it on and off like a switch just yet.
I need to get riled up by getting hit a few times before releasing it.
So, the threshold for releasing it has just gotten lower compared to before.
‘…Am I just one step closer to having a rage control problem?’
It’s quite strange, but it’s a fact that it’s become easier.
That alone should be satisfying.
“Also, the size and strength of the mana I can release briefly have become far greater. It’s hard to compare to how it was before.”
It’s because of traits and quest rewards, but it’s something I can’t explain, so I just stayed silent.
“The results of your hard work are beginning to show.”
That’s true.
While the traits and quests had a major influence, I never slacked off in my training.
“You’re growing faster than I expected.”
“I owe much of it to Gawain’s teachings.”
“Hmm.”
He made a satisfied sound and nodded.
It seemed like my casual comment had surprisingly pleased him.
‘It’s not a lie.’
The sparring sessions I have with Gawain are the toughest part of my training.
That much impact is only natural.
“I heard you thwarted an assassin who came after my lady. You risked your life.”
“Ah, yes. It was a bit of a fluke…”
“Well done.”
Gawain patted my shoulder.
He was grinning more brightly than ever.
His eyes were filled with pride for me.
“Excellent work, Judas.”
I had never received such trust from someone I was teaching.
I couldn’t help but smile back at him.
“Thank you.”
“Alright then, the second test will simply be a physical fitness exam. You remember that, right?”
“Yes.”
“With your skills, I’m sure you’ll pass with ease.”
“I think so, but I mustn’t let my guard down.”
“Good attitude. Even though you probably already know, remember—just as you did when you thwarted the assassin, don’t hesitate, no matter the situation.”
Don’t hesitate.
It’s something he always says during duels.
Whatever the task may be, he insists one must never hesitate.
“I understand. I’ll strike back sincerely at whoever tries to teach me a lesson without hesitation…”
“I should be going now.”
Gawain hurriedly departed, but with a dignified gait.
I watched him leave and smirked.
‘He’s unexpectedly amusing.’
*
I sat in a corner of the training ground.
Today’s second test was done.
I passed the exam.
After finishing up my afternoon training and before heading home, I took some time to rest.
Propping my chin on my hand, I stared blankly at the sky.
It was a clear day, and the sun felt warm.
Spring seems to be creeping in.
In the corners of the training ground, nameless grass and flowers bloomed sparsely.
In this vibrant season, I was serious all by myself.
‘Am I really that bad at writing…’
That thought occupied my mind relentlessly.
While it was no longer a worry to sleep holding the stuffed toy Eliya gave me.
This was my first time doing something like this in life, but it wasn’t hard.
Yesterday, I got thoroughly scolded while learning to write with Eliya.
No, it’s not even that I was scolded, but rather…
Eliya was calm and cold.
She rarely raises her voice or shows her emotions.
Even when teaching.
She didn’t harshly critique or scold.
She simply bore down on me with her gaze.
It was clear as day that she was thinking, “How is this possible?”
The look of a genius unable to comprehend a fool.
That was exactly what it was.
‘It’s okay to have some trouble writing… but it was kind of funny how she mentioned my improvements at the end of each lesson.’
Recalling her smile, I burst into an unintentional grin.
It was a hollow laugh.
‘What in the world am I doing?’
Trying to escape from Eliya while being educated by her.
This is a comedy of sorts.
‘If only there weren’t a tragedy…’
The way to avoid the tragedy.
The most certain way would be to create a reason for Eliya to not kill me.
‘Becoming stronger than Eliya… is probably impossible.’
The wizard is incredibly powerful.
Eliya, even among those wizards, possesses the greatest talent in history.
There’s no one to compare to.
It’s practically an asymmetric power dynamic.
‘What if Eliya likes me…’
…Oh, no. Not like that, but maintaining a reasonably close master-servant relationship might keep the tragedy from occurring, something like that…
‘So, have I already achieved it?’
I have no idea.
I can’t know what’s in someone else’s heart.
Eliya sees me as her possession, not as a full person.
That means she could dispose of me whenever she doesn’t feel like it.
“Hah…”
Eliya chokes me.
Eliya smiles before me.
‘Which one should I believe…’
“Judas?”
Someone suddenly called my name.
“What’s with all the sighing?”
It was Lindell and Richard.
“Just a little deep in thought.”
“Hmm? Deep in thought? Are you hiding something like last time?”
Richard glanced at me suspiciously.
“This time it’s nothing important.”
“Then is it something else? Are things not going well with the lady?”
Word had somehow spread that I nearly died while protecting Eliya.
Since then, Richard has been teasing me every chance he gets.
Compared to Hermis, he’s relatively mild…
I shook my head and countered.
“How’s it going for you, Richard? Is things going smoothly with Beninita?”
“Wha-what do you mean? I have no idea what you’re talking about!”
Richard’s tone sounded bizarre and peculiar.
‘Come on. I saw that guy get married and tied down before, what’s he acting so weird about?’
While Richard fumbled on his own, I turned to Lindell.
“What’s the matter? You seem to have something to say.”
“Oh, it’s nothing much.”
Lindell sank beside me.
Richard was still bouncing off the walls, bizarrely trying to talk himself out of a corner.
We silently agreed to ignore him.
“Remember when you sparred with Galliot some time ago?”
“Feels like it was ages ago.”
“After that spar, I asked if you could teach me.”
“…Ah, yes. I remember. Is it about that now?”
“Um, yes, if you’re comfortable with it?”
The day’s training was winding down anyway.
We still had a bit of time before going back.
I stood up and dusted myself off.
“Let’s give it a try.”
It felt nostalgic, and besides, I liked it.
After quitting my athlete life, I’ve taught many people.
I take pride in my teaching abilities.
By the standard line of thought, I should start with falling techniques, but I see things a bit differently.
If you keep making new starters practice falling techniques, they’ll get bored and drop out.
‘At first, it’s best to show them the basics of getting a grip along with power struggles, gaining a sense of achievement and interest in what they’re learning.’
After that, when it comes to teaching techniques, if I throw in falling techniques alongside, they tend to follow along better.
I stood facing Lindell.
Richard awkwardly hovered next to us, watching.
Should things go wrong, he said he’d like to join in on the action too.
“First, let’s start without using swords. Here, grab hold of me.”
I let Lindell grab my collar.
“Like this?”
“No, like this. Hook your middle, ring, and pinky fingers around, like a crook.”
“Is this right?”
“No, again like this…”
Adjusting Lindell’s fingers, I suddenly felt a sense of déjà vu.
‘…It’s just like how Eliya taught me, huh?’
The gaze of a genius unable to fathom a regular person.
To be honest, I’ve felt somewhat the same when teaching normal folks.
Why can’t they do this?
Of course, I’ve never revealed such sentiments.
I had chosen it as my profession, whereas those learning from me are simply doing it as a hobby.
Just then, it was amusing to suddenly understand Eliya a bit more.
“When you’re pulling, think of pulling with your body instead of just your arm.”
“…What does that mean? Pulling with my body?”
More adjustments followed after that.
Then Richard joined in, and soon enough, people from the 13th Room started to trickle in until all of them were there.
And I began teaching all 11 of them one by one.
The teaching continued until just before I had to leave.
“Let’s wrap it up for today.”
Seeming to have enjoyed themselves, they chose to stay behind and train some more.
Leaving them behind, I exited the training facility.
On my way back, I ran into Hermis.
“Oh, Judas! Have you finished?”
“Yes. Let’s head back now.”
“Can I ask you one thing?”
“What is it?”
“Do you remember asking me to look into your background some time ago?”
“Oh, right.”
“I should have first asked if you had any memories beforehand. I just realized that.”
Hermis scratched his head and offered a sheepish smile.
“At the time, Lady Eliya was waiting, so I made a mistake.”
He spoke as though he was apologizing.
… I feel bad too, but I don’t really know myself.
Whether it’s then or now, it wouldn’t make much difference.
I returned her smile awkwardly.
“Well… honestly, I don’t really remember. My memories are vague.”
“Hmm? You mean you have no recollection at all?”
“About my parents, yes. That’s correct.”
Spouting unnecessary excuses would only hinder the search.
The best thing to do is to maintain that I don’t know anything.
Even if it seems absurd, it’s what I have to do.
“Oh… I had no idea…”
For some reason, Hermis looked at me with pity.
“You must have had a hard time.”
“…….”
“Don’t worry. I heard from Julia that many children searching for their parents often can’t remember their childhood. They might have been separated before knowing their parents…”
He began to murmur all sorts of comforting words.
I felt guilty, but I couldn’t deny it, so I stayed silent and listened.
After he finished speaking, Hermis added.
“Oh, Lady Eliya said she wouldn’t be able to join us for dinner this evening.”
“Why not?”
“Oh, you’re quite curious about that! Are you feeling sad to not be dining together? Or are you missing her already?”
“…Let’s just go.”
She giggled as she explained.
“She didn’t specify much. Just that due to important and busy matters, she couldn’t join us.”
“Hmm… Lady Eliya is always busy. I suppose that’s understandable.”
I didn’t feel particularly disappointed or anything. Honestly.
I was just mildly worried.
Lately, I’ve been the one feeding her during breakfast and dinner.
She once said she picked at her lunch.
I heard she hardly eats alone.
‘Especially since she has to eat more… Why is such a petite girl so busy she has to skip dinner?’
Moreover, she had skipped breakfast today.
She said her appetite has seemed to disappear.
Her expression did seem off today.
I wondered if something was going on…
“Hey, you there.”
Just as I was about to head back with Hermis, someone suddenly blocked our way.
“You’re Judas, right?”
The sharp, high-pitched voice belonged to a girl.
Short in stature.
About my age, I think?
But I couldn’t tell how she looked through the deep hood and ankle-length robe that concealed her face.
Hermis promptly stepped in front of me, both cautious and guarded.
“Who are you?”
“Hmph. I’m not interested in the likes of some lowly servant.”
She spoke with a decidedly arrogant and pompous air.
“I came to find the one beside you. That commoner. You must be Judas, right? Why haven’t you answered?”
This spoiled noblewoman had seized my attention.
Well, she definitely wasn’t Eliya.
Our Eliya wouldn’t be like this… No, wait, who do I call “my” Eliya?
Overwhelmed by that strange thought, my response was further delayed.
“Hah! Of course, you look like a dirty bastard who’s cherished by that girl, almost fitting for your appearance. No, I’d rather say that it suits you well?”
“…Who the hell are you? What kind of roach crawled out from where?”
Without realizing it, sharp words rushed out of me.
In reaction, the girl let out a laugh, as though she had merely waited for my remark.
*
Sara de Bevel.
The fifth child of Balak and Narcissi.
Excluding Eliya, she is the youngest daughter in the direct lineage.
Originally, she was set to go to Eliya’s mansion with her family.
They had all planned to confront Eliya over the incident of kidnapping Narcissi.
Sara, however, had decided not to go with them.
Feigning a stomachache, she instead went straight to trained as a candidate for Eliya’s knightly guard.
‘Judas, right? That boy who’s adored by that girl.’
She couldn’t forgive Eliya, who dared to act cruelly toward their mother.
However, she couldn’t torment Eliya directly.
Ever since they became independent from home several years ago, Eliya’s demeanor had turned bitter.
She hardly flinched at any serious matter.
And she had become a terrifying wizard as well.
Thus, she sought to bother the one person Eliya treasured instead.
‘I’ll humiliate him in front of her.’
The other would surely get angry, and at that moment, she would reveal her hidden identity, crushing him utterly.
Sara had always confirmed her status and power by doing such things.
Almost every time, the commoners and peasants would jump back in shock, quickly lowering their heads.
Sara expected the same from Judas.
Fully relishing the feeling of superiority after confirming her status, she would command the knights she brought to beat him mercilessly.
After all, a lowly commoner wouldn’t dare tell Eliya about her degrading him.
Thus, Eliya wouldn’t know about the incident, and even if she did find out, it would be far too late.
Sara’s plan was flawless.
“…Who the hell are you? What kind of roach crawled out from where?”
The boy was clearly biting the bait.
As Sara felt an uncontrollable thrill, she laughed.
“Ha! Did you just call me ‘you’? How amusingly scathing coming from a commoner!”
Sara threw off her hood and robe in one sweeping motion.
Her concealed looks were now bare for all to see.
The bright, shining golden hair was tied into pigtails.
Her clear crimson eyes mirrored Eliya’s hue.
The elegantly tailored dress was beyond decadent.
As Judas had expected, she was just a young girl.
“How dare you speak to me, Sara de Bevel, the fifth child of the Duke Balak?”
Sara exclaimed with vigor.
The thrill of revealing one’s identity after waiting just for the right moment never ceased to be exhilarating.
The future of that arrogant boy with the gaudy face was vividly pictured in her mind.
“You’d better kneel and apologize…”
However, Sara’s predictions took a turn.
“Why should I?”
“…Wha-what?”
“Who do you think you are, to insult my master unprovoked?”
Sara blinked rapidly.
Unsure of her own ears.
Without waiting, Judas unleashed his anger on her.
“Plus, what kind of cockamamie behavior is this, showing your true face after waiting to ambush me? Think being a spoiled noble means you can act however you want?”
“Y-you… you don’t know who I am!”
“Who cares? You’ll be the one to pay the consequences for disrespecting a servant of my master, Eliya!”
Sara was quaking with rage.
How could a mere commoner act like this towards her?
She had lived a life of being elevated, always cradled and cherished as the youngest daughter…
“J-Judas! You must take your anger down a notch!”
Hermis rushed forth to restrain Judas.
“Let go of me! This little brat doesn’t get to dictate how I treat my master!”
“Judas, please!”
Sara trembled with fright.
She lost strength in her legs, overwhelmed by the indignation and sadness that bubbled to the surface.
“A-Ah… I… I’ll not forget this…”
The last she saw as her surroundings blurred was the boy’s face filled with defiance.
He was someone she hadn’t anticipated.
Having been pampered her whole life, the concept that a commoner could stand toe-to-toe against her was something she could never fathom.
She had never been made to face a situation like this among commoners and peasants, whom she expected to yield immediately.
At that moment.
Someone appeared between them.