LIGHTNOVELONLINE Chapter 58
Judas didn’t particularly enjoy doing this.
But he didn’t dislike it either.
The shame he felt wasn’t really about like or dislike.
He just thought it was something that had to be done, and so he did it.
Having acted, he had no intention of turning back.
Since he had done it, he would charge straight ahead.
He had lived without looking back anyway.
‘What are you going to do? Besides executing me for nobility insult, what could you possibly do?’
Eliya’s eating habits were unlikely to be temporary.
She probably had been eating like this for a long time.
So he needed to feed her something easy to digest first.
He should avoid anything too large or hard to chew, or anything with a strong taste.
So he chose bland porridge.
After all that, it seemed Eliya had no intention of eating by herself.
That was within his expectations.
Judas intended to scoop the porridge himself, cool it down, and feed it to her.
“Ah, here you go.”
It was less of an affectionate gesture than a purely obligatory action.
Eliya didn’t react.
In fact, she couldn’t react at all.
Her mind went blank.
It felt like she was stranded in the middle of an empty snowfield.
She didn’t know where to go or what to do.
It was all beyond her comprehension.
Unconsciously, her mouth opened.
Judas paused for a moment.
Was she responding to him, or had she just spaced out?
After trying out the spoon, he realized it was the latter.
Even with porridge in her mouth, Eliya’s lips wouldn’t close.
“You’ll spill if you do that. You have to chew, you know?”
Judas held her chin and closed her mouth.
“……”
Only then did Eliya slowly start to move her jaw.
“Don’t just swallow; chew properly before swallowing.”
As he scooped the next spoonful, he said.
Eliya obeyed like a creaky doll.
She chewed the food.
Warm and sticky.
It had no taste at all.
If they were to weigh whether it was delicious or not, the answer was clearly no.
It was worse than the simple soup she would normally waste a few spoonfuls of.
Still, Eliya persevered and ate.
Swallowing, she finally got it down.
Judas waited a moment before offering the next spoonful.
“Ah.”
Eliya followed that cue.
She opened her mouth slightly and accepted the food.
Like a baby bird.
‘How did it come to this…?’
She rarely thought about the class difference between herself and Judas.
Especially after he had said he saw her as simply Eliya and nothing more.
Though he hadn’t explicitly said it, that was the impression she got.
But in this moment, she couldn’t help but reflect on that difference.
‘How dare a commoner treat me….’
Even amid the absurdity, her mouth kept moving.
She accepted the food and chewed on it.
Judas watched to see if Eliya chewed and swallowed properly.
She seemed to be eating well, her cheeks puffing up while she mumbled and chewed.
That action repeated a few times.
Eliya’s consciousness, which had gone blank, began to paint a mirage above it.
Like drawing on a blank sheet, she sketched herself and Judas into her surroundings.
That image resembled the past she had forgotten.
‘Mom….’
There was a time when they had eaten together.
At that time, Eliya had her taste adjusted to her age.
She used to spill food.
Whenever that happened, her mother would wipe her mouth and feed her, comforting Eliya.
It was the feeling of being cared for.
A feeling of protection.
Unlike her current situation, where she had to wrap herself in thorny brambles because everyone around her was an enemy, back then, she had depended on her only family and ally.
Judas often reminded her of that past.
Feeling close to tears, she clenched her fist.
While she had occasionally shown her bare face to Judas, she couldn’t show him her vulnerable side.
Though she had shown it a few times while sleeping, Eliya was unaware of that fact.
Suppressing her emotions, she struggled to chew the food.
She spilled or got food on her face, not very noble of her.
And then Judas silently wiped her mouth.
Even with his hand close to her face, Eliya remained calm.
She didn’t dislike it.
Having someone care for her felt nice.
‘I miss you….’
Her mother, with her black hair.
And those dark eyes.
Eliya visits her mother just once a year.
To her grave, actually.
In front of the tombstone, she always makes a vow.
To hold fast against the urge to become weak and to engrave her goal in her mind again.
That she will bring down the Bevel family with her own hands.
That she will take full revenge.
The reason she doesn’t visit often is that her heart gets shaken whenever she stands there.
Come to think of it, her mother’s memorial day isn’t far off.
“Want another bite?”
Judas asked, and Eliya nodded lightly.
A quiet meal time continued for a while.
It was something that hadn’t happened in years.
In a corner of the dining hall, Anna watched in anxiety.
Beside her, Ria’s dark gaze lingered on Eliya.
*
Eliya blurted out words she never imagined would come from her mouth.
“I’m full….”
The fullness in her belly pushed out her voice.
There were just a few spoonfuls of porridge left in the bowl.
Judas immediately set down his spoon.
He shouldn’t force her to eat any more.
She might end up hurting her stomach.
While he could have shoveled down the same amount in less than a minute, for Eliya, it might as well be a few days’ worth of food.
Anna quietly approached and cleared the bowl.
Bowing her head in thanks, Judas said to Eliya.
“I don’t know what other appointments you have today, but please try not to lie down right away. It’s good to spend time sitting or go for a light walk.”
He continued to rattle off things she shouldn’t do right after eating.
While he was still talking, he made eye contact with Eliya.
Her face was smiling at him with gentle happiness.
That innocent smile without a shadow made him feel strangely awkward.
He scratched his cheek and hurriedly wrapped up.
“Uh, anyway… in any case, if someone as busy as you doesn’t take care of your meals, it can affect your health, so, uh, be careful…”
Eliya tilted her head slightly and smiled.
Her response sounded a bit giddy.
“Yeah. I will.”
That action slowly put Judas’s heart in a dangerous state.
“Uh, then I’ll just… my apologies for today…”
Eliya cut him off.
“Don’t apologize.”
Her face was still filled with smiles.
It seemed almost kindly even.
“You don’t have to apologize.”
To be precise, she didn’t want to hear his apologies.
There was a big difference between not needing to apologize and simply not wanting to hear it.
With no proper retort to give back, Judas blurted out something random.
“Ah, um… thank you?”
Even with that absurd response, Eliya just smiled.
Judas sensed a small but significant sense of alienation in her cheerful grin.
Today, her usual red blanket and cat doll were missing.
Judas felt a sense of alienation from himself as well.
He couldn’t understand why he was thinking about it.
Whether she brought them or not was up to Eliya anyway….
Noticing Judas’s gaze, Eliya grinned mischievously.
She asked in a playful tone.
“What’s up?”
“Uh, nothing… really…”
“Are you worried?”
“Uh, just, I gave them to you, so a little… maybe…”
“You didn’t even say what you were worried about.”
“……”
Judas thought.
He wanted to bury his nose in the remaining porridge and die.
Eliya chuckled at the sight of a blushing Judas.
“I dropped them off for laundry. So don’t worry, I didn’t throw them away.”
Judas almost responded he wasn’t worried about that at all.
But he didn’t say it.
Saying so would only make him feel miserable.
He thought he really should leave this place as soon as possible.
He had already fed her, it was time for bed.
“Uh, then! I, um, I’ll take my leave now.”
As he hurriedly moved, Eliya smiled gently.
“Yeah. Sleep well.”
“Have a good night too, Miss…”
He barely managed to respond before shuffling away.
Eliya watched the closing door with a satisfied smile.
Feeling a pleasant fullness, she leaned back in her chair.
In that comfort, she thought.
‘Angra….’
Bishop Angra.
The person who brought Judas out from Judeca.
Judas didn’t know that name.
Her reaction was no lie.
Detecting the truth from Judas’s response was as easy as picking fruits off a cake.
From what she could tell, Judas truly did not know Angra.
‘Possibilities for why that’s the case.’
It wasn’t impossible.
First, if Angra had not revealed her identity.
Though she didn’t know why she would have to, if that were the case, it made sense for Judas to not know that name.
But that does not perfectly resolve her doubts.
The person who brought him from Judeca.
Judas had reacted as if the target was entirely unfamiliar.
‘In other words, that means he doesn’t know someone got him out.’
The second possibility.
Currently the most likely.
‘Someone used magic that affects memory.’
But that wasn’t magic anyone could easily learn.
It wasn’t just about the difficulty of learning.
Memory/mental interference magic has been designated a ‘ban’ under the Empire and Magic Tower’s jurisdiction.
That is to say, it is officially forbidden magic.
If you use it, you face severe penalties.
Before that punishment, it is nearly impossible to even learn it.
Materials related to that magic are strictly kept in the ‘Catacombs,’ a joint underground archive owned by the Magic Tower and the Royal Palace.
However, just because it’s forbidden doesn’t guarantee no one knows about it.
Just like someone doesn’t break the law simply because they are unaware of it.
Usually, they know the law, which allows them to break it all the more cleverly.
You can’t completely rule out the possibility that someone secretly meddled with that kind of magic.
Or maybe someone retained the knowledge from an era before it was banned.
Dark wizards exist too.
Criminals living outside of civilization.
Those who manifest magic by sacrificing life.
They can create mental interference magic with their unique magic systems.
Though it might be tricky due to the nature of dark magic.
‘An entity capable of doing such a dangerous act and having the need to do so.’
The answer came quickly.
‘The Empire supporting the Molsin Church.’
Then comes another question.
Why would they do that?
‘Because there’s something Judas shouldn’t know.’
From what Eliya grasped, Judas is a sort of scout sent by the Molsin Church.
Disposable chess pieces to determine if they could approach her.
Judas wouldn’t know that fact.
If he knew, he wouldn’t have dared to meet her gaze on the first day.
‘They tried to confirm through Judas and attempted to assassinate a second target named Tredito, but failed. Then I caught on, and Angra vanished.’
If Eliya could use Judas in this situation, she could access information about the Molsin Church in reverse.
The fact that they touched upon his memory likely signifies there are things left indirectly that he shouldn’t know.
Eliya found herself smiling without realizing it.
‘Quite a beneficial kid.’
He even helps soothe her own flames.
Thanks to that, Eliya was able to handle magic more easily and skillfully than she had expected.
Back in the day, she would have struggled to suppress that impulse.
According to the first scripture, it was said that the sun absorbs the moon, so perhaps that was the influence.
Did the Molsin Church not know about that nature?
Or could it be that it manifested after meeting her?
‘By the way, I should also help find Judas’s memories.’
Judas must have had a childhood as well.
Memories of someone precious to him, just like her.
It would be truly unfortunate if such memories got forgotten because of the Molsin Church.
Even if those memories didn’t exist, he shouldn’t lose them through another person.
Eliya wanted to help Judas reclaim his rightful past.
‘Approaching the banned area is… something I cannot do alone.’
The only power capable of reaching out right now was one.
She was reluctant to do so.
Eliya had solved everything on her own as much as possible.
Help is synonymous with debt.
Debts become responsibilities or weaknesses.
So it was better to struggle through alone.
But right now, there was no other way.
‘Guess I have no choice but to contact them.’
Eliya decided to ask for help from an external force.
The Information Guild.
Specifically, the one that takes care of her, ‘The Blind Star.’
Eliya stood up.
It was getting late, and it was time to sleep.
Following Judas’s advice, she had rested enough.
The moment she arrived in her bedroom, she forgot all the serious matters she had been contemplating.
A shocking realization hit her.
Her fingertips shook involuntarily.
‘The doll and scarf…!’
She shouldn’t have washed them.
She should have kept one….
Tonight, she would have to sleep alone without anything.
That thought made her sad.
But she quickly regained her composure.
In fact, she felt it might be better this way.
‘I can just hold on to Judas, right?’
Just as she was about to head to his bedroom, her body froze.
Wasn’t she trying to rely on Judas?
She took a step back from the situation and organized her thoughts.
Why did she have to hug Judas to sleep?
Was there really a need for that?
She shook her head.
Right now, her flame was stable.
She didn’t need his cool aura.
In other words, holding onto Judas was not a necessary act at all.
So why had she welcomed and felt joy over something unnecessary?
‘This is just… using him….’
She was merely using that kid.
But if the usage of him became uncontrollable, what would be the difference from reliance?
Eliya stepped back from the precipice.
Some lines, once crossed, can’t be erased.
She didn’t know what lay beyond that line, but she decided not to cross it.
Feeling lonely, she lay on the bed.
There was no doll, no blanket, and no Judas.
Staring blankly at the potted plant she had set on the windowsill.
A pot selected by Judas.
There must be anemones growing in there.
No matter how much she tossed around, sleep wouldn’t come.
Eliya got up.
Then she started rationalizing.
‘This is… for my sleep. Since it’s entered the realm of necessity, it can’t be helped….’
She immediately moved to Judas’s bedroom.
Judas lay there, sprawled out, free to stretch his limbs.
His posture utterly disregarded the very purpose of the pillow.
She admired that peculiar posture for a moment.
But then, just as Eliya was about to crawl up onto the bed, she hesitated.
Entering here would merely serve to prove her own weakness.
Though she didn’t understand the content of her rationalization, she was aware of the fact that she had rationalized.
‘…I shouldn’t rely on him. It must end at using him for a temporary necessity caused by the fluid change in circumstances.’
Being dependent would only create weaknesses.
Eliya didn’t embrace him but instead held his hand.
Even apart from the chill, just through the touch, her heart felt gently released.
Judas slept soundly without waking.
Eliya quietly adjusted her grip on his hand and pressed it against her face.
The moment when she nearly died in the hands of the Ramek assassin.
Judas had tried to raise his hand.
Whatever his intention was, she could only think he was trying to touch her face, so she allowed it.
Impulsively.
What was Judas thinking back then?
Why could he smile at her despite being on the brink of death?
Her emotions at that time were indescribably terrible.
She couldn’t even think of smiling.
‘……’
Eliya quietly rubbed her face against his hand.
That hand, slightly larger and warmer than hers, gently caressed her face.
Then suddenly, his face came into her view.
She remembered how he had arbitrarily pinched her cheek.
It was baffling behavior.
Eliya felt no sensation touching her own cheek.
But wouldn’t it be different if it were someone else’s cheek?
Slowly, Eliya reached out her hand.
Careful not to wake him.
Her small, short fingers lightly grasped the edge of Judas’s cheek.
‘Hmm…. I’m not quite sure.’
Eliya tilted her head and touched it a few more times.
It was a bit fun, maybe.
Just then, Judas stirred, causing her to freeze.
“Eliya… no… my neck….”
Eliya almost laughed at the silly sleep-talk.
He seemed to often dream of her, as he had done before.
She silently chuckled and rubbed her face deeper against his hand.
The first obsession of not relying away faded faintly, but she did not cross the line.
After satisfying her curiosity and returning to her place, she could sleep in peace.
*
Yurideke woke at dawn.
Having reunited with her husband for the first time in a long while and burnt through the misunderstandings and emotions they had stacked up, she finally managed to sleep, only to be awakened by someone knocking at her door.
She adjusted her clothes and stepped outside.
The one who had come was a delivery person from the Information Guild.
As the master of the guild, she had to hire a dedicated delivery person to convey important matters.
As Yurideke received the letter, she opened it right there.
The recipient was herself: The Blind Star.
Her eyes widened in shock at the sender’s name.
‘Chariot of Blazing Fire?’
It was the first request to arrive since they contracted.
Memories of meeting the requester came flooding back.
A small girl, about the right height to reach her thigh.
With red eyes rolling anxiously, she had forced herself to act nonchalant.
At that time, Yurideke had thought.
She was a girl who wouldn’t grow much.
She was certainly not as noble as any noble she’d seen.
That had been a misjudgment.
Within a few years, rumors originating from that girl proved to be anything but ordinary.
Recently, it was said that her magical talent had fully blossomed as a sorceress, causing upheaval in the succession hierarchy for the branch head.
Recalling the name was easy.
‘Eliya de Bevel….’
At one point, Yurideke had taken an interest in the Information Guild.
Not just because of Eliya’s magical talent, but also because of her biological mother.
There were many suspicions surrounding her death.
But the truth remained buried.
Yurideke read the rest of the request.
‘Path to obtain banned magic, specifically mental interference magic, or identifying capable individuals who could manipulate this ban within the last 13 years. No deadlines… compensation is negotiable.’
Information was never just the simple data it conveyed.
For example, it could contain the background as to why Eliya needed to get involved with this ban.
‘What could she be using this for? I heard she captured the duchess recently; could it be related to tampering with her memories?’
In more extreme scenarios, it could be for erasing identity through memory erasure.
That would undoubtedly be the most horrific form of vengeance.
Regardless, it was a rather welcome request.
No one could predict how the structure of the Bevel family would change.
Because of the unpredictable sorceress named Eliya.
Thus, it would be prudent to create a bit of debt with Eliya.
‘What luck! We also happen to be facing one dilemma.’
Aside from trusting Judas, they had been continuously investigating his past.
Coincidentally, they received a request from Judas to find his family.
However, they were stuck at the name ‘Angra.’
After that, there had been no leads whatsoever.
They could have stopped right there.
The unclear origins of a mere street slave were generally ambiguous.
Yet, Judas’s background was somewhat different.
There was strong indication that someone had deliberately obscured his identity and status.
‘What might it be hiding underneath…’
She had no intention of exploiting this but truly wished to help Judas.
He was such a lovely messenger who had brought him to Orfe, whom he had sought for so long.
A discarded slave.
An orphan who knew not their parents.
How curious must he be about his origins?
Collaborating with Eliya might allow her to reach that information more quickly.
‘It sounds worth a try.’
With a light smile, Yurideke accepted the request.
*
Judas woke up hearing Anna calling him.
For some reason, he felt an emptiness in his arms and hands.
He felt a pang of self-loathing for that.
It wasn’t the best way to start a morning.
As Anna arranged the curtains, she said.
“Miss is calling for you.”
“…Me? At this hour?”
“Yes. She asked to be brought to the dining room.”
Judas quickly washed his face and followed Anna.
Delicious smells wafted through the dining room.
By the looks of the spread, they were just about to have breakfast.
Eliya, sitting at the head of the table, smiled at Judas upon seeing him.
“Did you sleep well?”
“Uh….”
As the half-awake Judas fumbled for a greeting, Eliya tapped on the chair next to her.
Tap tap, right beside her.
‘Is she asking me to sit? Wait, does she want to have breakfast with me?’
Taking one step closer, he noticed there was indeed a lot of food on the table.
‘Did she have to sit next to me? And it’s a two-person chair… was that always there…?’
As he finally sat down right beside her, he instinctively sensed that something about this situation felt fundamentally wrong.
Eliya smiled warmly at him.
“Feed me.”
He thought maybe he had misheard.
He hoped he had.
But it was no illusion.
Eliya was smiling brightly, waiting for him.
His senses suddenly sharpened.
“……”
Today was the day Judas’s grasp on reality would shatter.
A word popped up above his whitewashed consciousness.
Karma.
‘…Oh.’