LIGHTNOVELONLINE Chapter 57
“Right, um, yes, yes.”
The Moon Deer rubbed its face against my hand.
Even though I see it every evening, it still makes a fuss every time it arrives.
Lately, it has been making strange noises.
A mix of squeaking puppies, with some goat and sheep cries, and a bit of whistling thrown in.
Anyway, it’s unusual and bizarre.
But it looks happy, so who cares?
“Oh dear, yes, yes.”
It keeps rubbing even more when I scratch its neck and chest.
Since it always arrives before Eliya, it plays around while waiting.
The stable master, Bradley, chuckled while changing the water.
“Looks like it’s totally smitten with you.”
“It’d be better off being faithful to the young lady, don’t you think?”
It’s not even mine; it belongs to Eliya.
“If it plays its cards right, it might even be able to ride it later.”
The Moon Deer can actually be ridden like a horse.
‘But… it’s too big!’
To ride it with my current body, I’d first need to climb that enormous frame.
I wouldn’t be able to hold on from up there, either.
‘If I could ride it, that’d be useful. This isn’t a world with many means of transportation.’
The Moon Deer is excellent for riding.
It’s a spirit, not just an ordinary beast.
It can navigate the paths by itself and runs really fast.
It can fight in dangerous situations and defend itself as well.
‘It’d be nice if the day comes when I can ride it.’
Just then, the door opened.
Eliya arrived.
Bradley bowed his head first to greet her.
I stepped back a pace from the Moon Deer and bowed my head too.
At times like this, the oblivious spirit kept bumping its head against my body.
Eliya stared at the Moon Deer without saying a word.
Her sunken gaze was somehow chilling.
Is she trying to apply noble etiquette to a beast?
Even though it’s a clever spirit, I didn’t think it could grasp such concepts.
“I’m sorry. We were just having fun…”
Instead, I apologized.
Her gaze shifted from the Moon Deer to me.
Those fixed red eyes seemed to peer into me.
Eliya approached, pressing her tired eyes, and grabbed my wrist.
She yanked me over suddenly.
“Hey….”
I was dragged along by her sudden action.
Eliya wrapped her arms around my waist.
“Uh, young lady…?”
Eliya was clingy without hesitation.
You’d think I would get used to it, but it’s hard to.
She buried her face in my stiffened chest and took a deep breath.
“I feel like I can finally breathe….”
I heard that Eliya met Narcissi today.
I don’t know the specifics, though.
Maybe that’s why she seems particularly tired today.
But to be saying she feels like she can finally breathe while holding me…
What on earth does that mean?
‘Could it be that she….’
In that instant, my eyes met those of the Moon Deer.
Looking into its innocent eyes, I realized how foolish my thoughts were.
I wanted to die from embarrassment.
*
The time spent caring for the Moon Deer was peaceful as usual.
While I fed mushrooms or hay, Eliya would brush or pet it.
It has become my everyday routine.
Eliya seems to be at ease, too.
At first, she was nervously flailing, not knowing what to do.
Now, brushing the Moon Deer or the way she gazes at it feels natural.
As a result, I’ve also become quite comfortable with this time.
No need to do anything special.
The sound of the Moon Deer munching.
Eliya brushing it while a soft swishing sound is made.
Occasionally, the distant chirping of insects can be heard.
The air is slightly cold before spring begins.
I can now feel those things.
In the past, I was too busy reading Eliya’s expressions to enjoy this time.
I was always so tense, worried about making mistakes.
‘Hmm…. This isn’t bad.’
As I relax, all kinds of thoughts arise.
A sudden curiosity pops up.
‘Has Eliya grown to like the Moon Deer?’
That’s the only way I can explain why Eliya comes so diligently.
‘Well, taking care of it together is nice for me too. …I don’t mean that in a weird way.’
I suddenly recall the image of Eliya smiling brightly, her face close to the Moon Deer.
A strangely clear and bright smile.
‘Just an ordinary girl. Not the Eliya I know….’
Suddenly, that phrase felt strange.
The Eliya I know.
The one who could be summed up as a murder or arsonist.
Is that really the Eliya I know?
How well do I even know Eliya?
Can I say I know her?
When I was close to death, Eliya cried in my arms.
That sight was so different from what I knew of Eliya….
“Judas.”
I answered immediately.
“Yes, young lady.”
She asked while brushing.
“Is life at the training camp going well?”
I hesitated for a moment, overwhelmed.
Rarely had conversations while petting the Moon Deer.
Unless something happened, we usually remained silent.
But Eliya opened the floor for conversation.
And on such a mundane topic.
As she gently petted the Moon Deer, Eliya looked at me.
A calm gaze as if she was just observing me without prompting.
“…Ah. It’s manageable. Nothing particularly uncomfortable….”
If I had to point out something, there are more comforts than discomforts.
Though there are little disputes from the other rooms, my roommates are reliable.
Training now feels easier than it did in my past life.
Now, the meals are decent and there are many ways I’m recognized….
Suddenly, I recalled the day I first entered this training camp.
I wanted to escape this place.
Since that day, I have been wanting to leave.
My plan remains unchanged.
To someday escape this place.
To avoid or overcome a future where Eliya might kill me.
I thought merely that.
I would leave one day.
Habitually, as second nature.
Going to the information guild, maintaining a friendly relationship was in service of that purpose.
However, as I responded to Eliya, I realized I was quite satisfied with my life here.
Feeling somewhat embarrassed, I looked away and said,
“…Thanks to you, I’m managing just fine.”
That wasn’t a lie.
Eliya chose me.
If I had been chased away back then, I might have become a beggar on the streets.
I don’t know how to survive in this world.
A question popped into my mind.
I almost died.
Does that mean the tragedies I witnessed are now nullified?
Or are they still relevant?
“I’m glad to hear that.”
Eliya smiled gently.
“But it’s strange. At first, you didn’t seem like you wanted to come in.”
“…….”
“Did you really glare straight at my eyes?”
“That, um, was a form of performance art called shock therapy to make a deep impression on your eyes….”
I stammered out my words unknowingly.
Eliya chuckled softly.
“Why are you fumbling and watching me so closely? It’s not like I have a shortage of people who dislike me.”
“…….”
Such casual self-deprecation.
She doesn’t even seem to recognize it as self-deprecation.
It’s just her attitude, like stating the obvious about the natural phenomena of the sun rising and setting.
My protest rose to my throat, but I couldn’t bring myself to say it.
At that point, did I really not dislike Eliya?
I looked at her with challenging eyes.
At first, I didn’t want to enter the training camp.
Then, I remembered the Eliya I thought I knew.
I should refute that.
But since I wasn’t sure about my feelings, I stayed silent.
Eliya didn’t find my silence uncomfortable.
She glanced at me and smiled.
“You don’t even bother denying it in empty words. You’re really strange. If it were me, I’d embarrass myself just for my life.”
“…….”
“But I don’t dislike you for being this way. In that sense, I’m the stranger, right?”
Around her, there would be people who idolized her.
I don’t know for sure, but they probably weren’t heartfelt.
Amidst that, I didn’t even flatter her with ingratiation.
My inability to lie might have given her some comfort.
As I struggled to find a response, Eliya spoke out of the blue.
“What’s your relationship with Angra?”
She asked like it was a name I should know.
All my confusion faded.
‘Ang… what?’
I blinked and asked back.
“…Yes? What do you mean….”
“Avestan Mazda Angra. He’s the bishop of Molsin Church. Usually known as Bishop Angra.”
“…?”
Who is… that?
If he’s a bishop, then he’s a clergyman?
Is he someone I should know?
Or should I really know him?
I stood there with my mouth agape and eyes blinking.
Eliya stared at me, tilting her head.
“Don’t you know?”
“Yes.”
I answered firmly.
I have no idea.
I quickly recalled the various names I know.
The characters that probably exist somewhere in this world that I’ve never met.
Angra’s name was also absent among them.
Avestan, Mazda, none of those ring a bell either.
“Hmm.”
Eliya paused brushing the Moon Deer.
She crossed her arms and fixed her gaze directly on me.
Her confident red eyes were always like this.
Without hesitation, as if it’s only right, they penetrate into others’ eyes.
When I met her gaze directly, it felt like I’d get sucked in.
I shyly looked away.
Her gaze remained on my face.
It drifted over my features meticulously, like peeling layers.
Then, she marvelled, her eyes wide in surprise.
“You genuinely don’t know?”
…What’s this?
Has she figured me out?
Do I really seem that transparent?
‘Honestly, I can’t argue that point.’
Eliya is a natural genius in these matters, so that’s probably part of it.
“Judas. Let me ask you again. You really don’t know?”
“Yes…. Should I know who he is?”
A small crease formed in Eliya’s brow.
The usually composed and unbothered her, wore a serious expression.
“Angra was the one who brought you out of Judeca. Since then, he has also protected you. After that, I don’t know if he let you go or if you escaped, but you left that place and wandered to a different slave market before coming to my side.”
“…….”
Suddenly, a flood of information poured in.
It was completely unexpected.
I fell behind in processing it.
I never thought about it.
About Judas’s family ties or his past.
I learned from Envinil that I came from Judeca.
I was curious.
But it never took priority.
I was too busy trying to escape the tragic fate that was about to befall me.
Eliya was digging into my past.
‘It’s surprising, but… how important is it? What should I do?’
I don’t know the person who rescued me.
This situation feels quite suspicious and strange.
But now, I can’t just backtrack and say I suddenly remembered.
I’m bad at lies, and Eliya knows how to read my lies.
So I only have one option left.
“I truly don’t remember.”
I just spoke the truth.
Even if it sounds like a clichéd excuse of memory loss, what can I do?
It’s the bare truth.
“Right… So, that’s what happened…”
Eliya nodded slowly as if she had come to a realization.
Just then, Ria approached timidly, as if it was time to leave.
She wiped Eliya’s hands with a handkerchief.
Usually, Eliya lets her hand be taken care of, but her eyes were different this time.
Her gaze was fixed somewhere in the air, a determined look in it.
“I understand. Let’s end it for today…”
Eliya paused and stood still.
Her slightly parted lips.
Her big eyes slowly closed.
I was concerned about what would come next, so I quickly reached out my hand.
‘She’s going to fall…!’
True to my prediction, Eliya swayed with her eyes half-shut.
Before she fell, my arm caught her.
“…Ah.”
Eliya opened her eyes.
Furrowing her brow, she alternated her gaze between me and Ria.
On the other side, Ria was helping Eliya stay upright along with me.
The red-haired maid, who always followed like a shadow.
I glanced at her.
She wasn’t glaring at me like before.
She just looked at Eliya.
Her eyes were filled with sympathy and pity.
Eliya couldn’t look at Ria, as she was focused on my arm that held her.
“…I’m sorry.”
I apologize out of habit and tried to let go of my arm.
But it wouldn’t budge.
Eliya held onto my collar and wouldn’t let go.
“Young lady?”
“…No, nothing.”
She shook her head briefly and released my hand.
Leaning against Ria, she barely managed to stand straight.
‘What’s with her? Why so shaky….’
“I’ll call for the doctor immediately.”
Ria said, but Eliya waved her hand lightly.
“Forget it, anyway….”
This time, her words trailed off.
She didn’t collapse again.
Somewhere, I heard a frog croaking.
A deep, resonant sound.
It came from Eliya’s belly.
“…….”
I pretended I didn’t hear it and turned away.
I felt Eliya’s stare on me.
Those piercing eyes glared at me.
As I coyly rolled my eyes to meet her gaze, she whipped her head away.
Her round cheeks flushed.
Pouting her lips, she hastily averted her gaze and spoke gruffly.
“…Let’s pretend you didn’t hear that.”
“It’s about time the frogs wake up from their hibernation….”
“What?”
“Ah, no, nothing.”
I hurriedly changed the topic.
“Have you had dinner?”
…Wait a minute.
This isn’t changing the subject; it’s shoving it in her face!
Did I just mention the sound that came from her belly?
Since I mentioned it out loud, I decided to be brazen.
Eliya responded while pouting her lips.
“I ate.”
“Hmm….”
She may be small for her age, but her limbs are unreasonably thin.
That day we had a meal together comes to mind.
Even with a feast laid out, Eliya barely touched her plate.
She nibbled at the soup a few times before abandoning it.
She wasn’t showing humility in front of me, as that’s not her character.
It’s just how Eliya eats.
‘With so much to do, why isn’t she eating? She’s just gonna collapse!’
It irks me for some reason.
I generally eat a lot.
To maintain the body I built from training and enhance my abilities, I have to.
Maybe that’s why I find short eaters bothersome.
Especially those who starve themselves for the sake of dieting.
Or those who claim they’re eating healthy while looking weak.
Basically, humans should eat well and move around a lot—that’s my personal opinion.
Anyway.
Especially when a child doesn’t eat and is starving, that’s the worst!
I asked impulsively,
“Are you busy?”
“…Huh? Me?”
Eliya seemed caught off guard by my unexpected question.
Ria answered in her stead.
“The young lady plans to have self-paced study time before bed.”
“Self-paced means it’s not important work related to the family, right?”
Ria seemed hesitant to respond briefly.
It was Eliya who answered.
“It’s true, but… why do you ask?”
“That’s good enough for me.”
Without hesitation, I grabbed Eliya’s hand.
Without asking for permission, I led her away.
“Let’s go have a meal together.”
*
Eliya recalled a line from an old book she once read.
Emotions are untamed horses, and reason is the rider who puts a bridle on that horse.
Thus, humans act according to their emotional instincts and merely manage to control it with reason.
That was quite an impressive insight.
It lingered deep in her heart.
However, she wasn’t an emotional person.
She may have been when she was younger, but now she was completely different.
She was cautious, composed, and objective in everything.
It wasn’t arrogance, but a fact.
She had confidence in her self-objectivity.
She had to be able to objectively understand her position.
Life as a powerless bastard was like that.
Always watching others, fighting in unseen ways, looking for a place to lay her head.
Thanks to this, she had become adept at analyzing and understanding her situation.
What elements triggered the current circumstances?
How should she respond? Those kinds of things.
Yet, Eliya—who had always been so collected—felt confusion for a rare moment.
The very fact that she felt confused was further disorienting, crafting an even deeper layer of confusion.
Her chaotic emotions ran rampant.
Reason couldn’t dare to wield control over them.
She once laughed when she saw Judas messing around with Balak.
Watching the flustered Balak in front of the defiant Judas.
She felt like that now.
She never dreamed she would end up in such a situation.
‘What’s going on… right now….’
Sitting at the table, she stared blankly at the food in front of her.
A steaming bowl of something.
It was a humble porridge made from crushed grains.
Never in her wildest dreams did she imagine such food on her table.
Eliya wanted to understand this situation.
What moment initiated this?
She rewound the clock in her mind.
She felt dizzy at the stable.
A familiar sense of faintness and dizziness.
She tried to brush it off, but Judas had suddenly grabbed her hand.
With audacity, he asked about her schedule and dragged her along.
She was flabbergasted.
It was true she held a preference for him and treated him generously.
But that crossed a line.
She should have reprimanded him.
Yet, the words wouldn’t come out.
For some reason, her body complied willingly.
To be honest, she didn’t really want to punish him.
And here they were, at the dining hall.
Not wanting to wake the sleeping chef, Judas asked Anna for help instead.
He only asked her to heat up a bowl of porridge.
Ria found it difficult and awkward to ask directly, so she instead opted for Anna.
While Anna prepared the porridge, Ria assisted her.
Anna was stunned when she found out who the meal was for, almost fainting from shock.
Now the porridge meant for Judas was sitting in front of Eliya.
Judas scooped some porridge with a spoon.
Hot steam rose from it.
Was he trying to cool it down? He blew on it softly.
Eliya stared at him blankly, wondering what he was doing.
What is this situation?
She needed to understand, yet it was utterly incomprehensible.
From afar, Ria watched with complicated emotions, but no one cared about her.
In fact, Judas wasn’t quite himself at the moment either.
He had never hated his personality this much in his life.
His habit of acting on impulse had led him here.
He felt so embarrassed he wanted to faint, yet there was nothing to be done.
He’d done it and arrived here, with no way to retreat.
Knowing it was insane made his face burn, yet he pressed on.
Finally, he lowered the spoon by her lips.
“Ah, please go ahead.”
“…….”
Eliya’s sense of reality shattered.