The Broken Prince's Love

Lucille had been taken aback when the empress had handed her a small handbook about etiquette. She had immediately worried about her manners being so unsightly that Blanche would feel the need to intervene. But then, she had been told that this was just to read up on something if there was an issue. She had accepted that while being a bit scared that she might have messed up completely, and yet, the empress had reassured her that it was fine.

So, Lucille had forgotten about it. Until now at least. Now that she sat here and received a handbook about the royal family by Leonard Astame, the emperor's personal advisor, she became a bit worried again. She sat there on the sofa and fiddled with her fingers while averting her eyes. That had probably been very obvious.

After all, Leon scanned her for a while before he spoke up. “You seem oddly unwell, Lady Valerian. I sincerely apologize if I made you feel displeased in some way.”

Lucille forced herself to reply despite her confusion. “No, that's not it. You did not do anything unsettling. It is merely that...” She didn't even know what to say about this.

Leon grinned at her, which almost made it seem like he was teasing her on purpose. “So, I did nothing, and you are still worried? Am I that scary? I can assure you that I will not do you any harm.” Now he was putting words into her mouth.

Lucille quickly refuted that as well. “No, no! You are not the issue, Lord Astame. I was merely...merely worried about suddenly...being called here.”

Leonard almost seemed like he could read all emotions off his face. He was content with her response. “I see. I already thought that our prince told you. Apparently, he didn't. He is much more considerate than he pretends to be. Well, I will have to thank him later. And I can calm you.” He reached for the book on the table and slowly opened it to show her the first few pages. “There haven't been any issues. I merely wished to start preparing, so to say.” He moved the book over to her. “Can you tell me whether you've read something like this already?”

Lucille was a bit reluctant, but she leaned forward to pick the book up. Apparently, this was about the history of the royal family with some notes about etiquette being put into it as well. Of course, she had never read this. She slowly lifted her gaze. Would Leon be mad if she admitted that? But he couldn't expect a viscount's daughter to learn a lot about the royal family, right? “I... I...haven't read it. I only read normal etiquette books. I'm sorry.”

Leonard looked like he was a bit concerned because of her reaction, but he didn't get angry. “That's perfectly fine. I never expected you to have read it. I merely asked since it wouldn't be necessary for you to read it twice. In fact, you don't need to read it at all. I just thought that this would be good preparation. After all, it may be practical to slowly begin now so that we don't have to go too quickly when you finally announce it.”

Oh. This wasn't just about her position as the empress' lady-in-waiting.

Lucille brought the book closer to her and read a bit. This certainly went into a lot of detail, so she assumed that it wasn't just for someone who would accompany the empress. A small idea came to Lucille. She lifted her head and scanned the secretary's expression. Then she looked down at the book again. He had specifically shown her the chapter about princes and princesses as well as their consorts. And that was enough to make her heart speed up its pace. Lucille could only sit there and stare at the lines in front of her while the blood rushed to her face.

This was supposed to prepare her in case she married Cedar. As the princess consort, she would have to show appropriate behavior at all times and had to act like a dignified and calm lady. No one could embarrass the royal family by letting the second prince's wife be uneducated.

Theoretically, she and Cedar had already talked about getting engaged. But suddenly seeing this and knowing that the emperor's advisor believed them to get married was something completely different.

Lucille put the book back onto the table and lifted her hands to cover her cheeks. Why did she have to get so red now? That was ridiculous.

Leon showed her a soft smile while he spoke up. “It seems like you understood it. At least you are quicker to catch on than Blanche. Well, this can only help us. You are rather young, so we have at least two years until the wedding will happen. After all, our prince will insist on giving you that much time so that you can be sure. If you tell me that you do not want to marry him now, we don't have to continue this. But if you consider the option, it would be nice to prepare a bit. We can just have a lesson every few days and talk about etiquette and a bit of politics if you care about that. It wouldn't be exhausting and a very reliable method to avoid overwhelming you because you suddenly need to learn so many things. Would that be fine, or are you against it?”

Lucille had no idea what to say. Her mouth opened, and then she closed it again. Of course, it had been obvious that being with Cedar could make her a part of the royal family. But for some reason, she had never thought about this part of her responsibilities. She seriously considered marrying Cedar, so she would need to prepare for things like this too. She hated being in the center of attention, but being with Cedar would definitely make up for this. Lucille couldn't imagine having another husband. Anyone else would never be able to make her heart beat so quickly, and they would never win her over with just a smile either.

Still, she couldn't make this decision on her own. If someone found out that she was taking lessons to prepare for being the princess consort, that could cause huge rumors. She really needed to discuss this with Cedar.

Lucille opened her mouth to explain that. She took a moment until the words came back to her. “I...have to ask...” That wasn't the right word. “I want to talk to Cedar first.” They needed to be on the same page regarding an engagement if someone offered her lessons like this.

Leonard thankfully didn't seem to be upset. He just smiled at her. “That's fine. You can talk to him as soon as he is done with his work. But as I said, we have enough time. Don't pressure yourself. You can change your mind in the middle too if you feel like you would rather have lessons or not. That was all I wanted to tell you.” He leaned forward to rustle with the papers in his hand and sorted them before moving back again. He flipped through the pages before glancing at the clock. “Your lover should be done in about ten minutes. How about we go pick him up from the office? I was going to bring chocolate milk there anyway.”

The fact that others openly addressed Cedar as her lover still made Lucille's stomach tingle. She wasn't sure what to tell the secretary about any of this, so she just nodded.

Leonard glanced toward the door. “I don't mind bringing you there. You can take your time before that though. Someone else is here to speak to you. I will read in the meantime, and you can just come back when you are done.” With that, he focused on his documents.

Lucille still had no idea what Leonard was thinking. But taking lessons with the person who was rumored to be a genius advisor who had the emperor's unconditional trust wasn't a bad option. But for now, she couldn't think about that. She stood up and walked to the door, to which Leon had gestured. She opened it and was surprised to find another woman standing right in front of her.

That woman was a bit older than her and wore a white coat. She quickly bowed to Lucille before speaking. “I sincerely apologize for disturbing you, Lady Valerian. I am uncertain whether you still remember who I am. I am one of the royal doctor's assistants.”

Lucille had spent enough time in that office after being hit with an arrow. She wouldn't forget so quickly. “I remember. It is a...pleasure to meet you again.” If someone from the doctor's office had come here, it had to be about something serious. Lucille almost swallowed as she turned around to the other side of the room.

Leonard was reading some letters with a frown on his face. He wouldn't need any help and rather wanted his privacy.

So, Lucille quickly spoke again. “Is there...perhaps something you need to discuss with me?”

The woman nodded. “There is. However, it is no concerning matter, so please do not be worried. It would just be...” She was silent for a moment before glancing to the side. “Better to enter a private room to talk about this.”

That actually worried Lucille a little. Would she have to listen to some explanation about how her arrow wound could cause more trouble in the future? She looked at Leon for a moment before gazing back at the woman and nodding. “I understand. Then we could use this side room.” She let the doctor's assistant enter and walked over to another door to a smaller room with only a little table inside. She was pretty sure that she had never been in there, and that proved how big the palace was. But she didn't point that out and entered.

The other woman followed her. She closed the door behind them and then stood there in silence for a moment. It only took a few seconds before she lost some of her confidence. She cleared her throat and hugged herself while shifting her weight from one leg to the other. She was quiet for a bit longer after that before she finally spoke up. “I sincerely apologize if this...topic makes you uncomfortable, Lady Valerian. I...will only address it because we, the doctor, the other assistants and me, believe that it is important to talk about this. I am the only woman there, so they thought that it might be more pleasant for me to deal with this instead.”

Lucille could guess in which direction this would go from that alone. But she didn't like that very much. She already knew that she would only get more embarrassed from now on. Her voice was an octave higher than it should be when she replied. “They did?”

The other woman nodded. She averted her eyes for a moment before forcing herself to meet the other's gaze. “You can probably imagine what this is about. By now...many people have seen it already, so...it's undeniable. His Royal Highness regularly sleeps in your room. And...and...” She stuttered a bit while saying that. “The doctor asked him whether you needed contraceptives multiple times, only to be rejected. So, we thought that...” Her face got red near the end. That was good in some way.

After all, Lucille's face was red too. She was probably much more embarrassed than the other woman. She looked down and hid herself behind her hands while trying to calm down. How often had Cedar dealt with these things for her? He had tried to keep her out of this, and yet, it hadn't worked.

The doctor's assistant seemed to have misunderstood her silence though. She became a bit more hectic and apologized. “I truly did not mean to offend you in any way. Please do not take it like that! I, I mean we, merely wanted to help you because...because you are very young. I am sorry. We will...”

Lucille only got even more bashful with each spoken word, so she hurried to stop the other woman. “It's not...I'm not angry. I just...” She didn't know how to explain that she didn't need contraceptives at the moment. Maybe she would need it at some point, but she couldn't think about that without making herself even more embarrassed. She wouldn't be able to face Cedar if she seriously had that in mind. “I...don't... We don't...need that.” She hoped that that was enough to tell the other woman the truth, but she couldn't look up to check. She was much too scared of the expression she would see if she made eye contact.

The other woman was silent for a moment before she let out a shaky “Oh...” After that, she was silent again. Why was she suddenly so unwell? It would be much more logical for her if she just said something quickly, but she drew it out a little. A few seconds passed before she replied. “I apologize for bothering you then. But...well... If you change your mind...just come to us. You don't need to...say anything. You can just send a servant as well. Just so that we can make sure that you will only have a child when you want one. But if you do want one already, that is naturally fine too...” She got quieter with each word.

Lucille had no idea what to say about this anymore. She just nodded weakly while still covering her face.

For a moment, it was quiet until the other woman moved. “Then I will take my leave now. I hope that I did not disturb you too much. I will...go.” It sounded like the door was opened and closed again. Then it was silent.

Lucille waited for a handful of seconds before she lifted her head. She was alone, and yet, her embarrassment still made her want to hide. Now that that woman had mentioned it, she felt like she seriously needed to think about it more. If she married Cedar, she would not only need to attend lessons and give her best to become a member of the royal family who was able to speak in public. She probably would have an heir at some point too. Surely, they didn't need one since Aurora would take over the family, but still, having a child at some point would be nice.

She had always wanted to have children, and Cedar might as well. If they married, they would most likely sleep with each other, at least if they both wanted it. That thought was as logical as it was overwhelming.

Lucille pressed her hands onto her cheeks and tapped onto her skin in an attempt to calm down. She wouldn't think about that now. She couldn't, or she would end up being red even while she went out to greet Leon. She closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths.

At least five minutes passed before she dared to leave the smaller room. That attempt to ease her nervousness had been to no avail though.

Leonard lifted his head and immediately grinned at her. “I presume it was the same topic they bothered Cedar with?” This was ridiculous. Leon acted like he knew what this had been about. Did he find this funny? Possibly. His expression made it seem like this was the case.

Lucille pressed her lips together and nodded while hiding her cheeks again. Apparently, that didn't do much.

Leonard just laughed and stood up. He sorted the papers in his hands before folding them. “I see. Of course, they couldn't drop it. Theodore was rather worried, so he probably told the doctor to be stubborn. Maybe he is also doing that because he finds his brother's reaction funny. Our prince is rather insensitive when it comes to jokes normally, and he only gets more annoyed when you are involved. So, I must apologize, but we like using his weak spot.” He checked whether he had put everything into his folder before walking over to the main door. “So. Can we go to the office now? Your lover is probably waiting there for you.” He opened the door and stepped out.

Lucille quickly followed him and tried to hide how bashful this whole topic made her. She once again hated the fact that she got so red all of a sudden and that everyone could read her face when she was like this. She hated it so much that she just wanted to hide in her room until it was over. It almost felt like everyone they passed knew exactly what was going on inside her head, and that was terrifying. So, she forced herself to stay quiet and calm.

She followed Leon while doing her best to hide the fact that she had just thought about her future with Cedar in a very intimate sense. Apparently, Leonard found it funny that she was so shy.

Lucille became even more worried about keeping her expression straight. She averted her eyes whenever a person walked past and just hoped that Cedar wouldn't see what was going in inside her head. But that was probably not a wish that could be fulfilled. Her lover was good at reading people. So, she was reluctant to walk faster than she had to.

But Leon quickly noticed that she had slowed her pace and stopped for a moment to walk next to her again. Lucille was almost sure that he would say something about the doctor, but he left her alone with her thoughts. He didn't say anything and just smiled at her before looking straight ahead again.

Lucille scanned him with skepticism before she directed her eyes at what she had noticed the whole time. Leonard was carrying some documents in his hand. It didn't look like those were official ones but letters. Normally, everything that was related to the emperor would be read in the office, but Leon had taken it with him to go through it in private. That made Lucille a bit curious. She doubted that she would be courageous enough to ask, but at the moment that Leon opened his mouth, she only wanted to keep him from addressing her insecurity. She hurried to speak. “Uhm...those letters...” She paused to give him a chance to complain and only continued when he didn't do that. “Are those for His Majesty?”

Leon lifted the papers and glanced down at them. “I wish.” His smile disappeared, and when it came back, it was forced, and he didn't even hide the annoyance that he felt. “Unfortunately, those aren't for our emperor. Those are for Cedar. And sadly, they aren't connected to politics and are rather unpleasant. They're from his mother. Ever since the banquet, she has been sending an abundance of letters each day. I would love to stop wasting my time with this since she only writes stupid things and insults with so many pages that I wonder whether she has been doing something aside from writing all day. But I will have to go through them for as long as she sends them.”

Lucille scanned the papers. It truly seemed like those were quite a few pages. She looked up at Leon and took a few seconds before asking. “I do not wish to be impolite, but... Why do you read them?”

Leonard's expression became serious at that. He stared into the distance while replying. “Theodore told me to check the letters for any kind of threats or insults. If that woman didn't write anything special, we don't need to make our prince read that. Surely, he would act strong, but he doesn't have to see how his mother addresses him here. You can imagine what a hysteric narcissist writes when she feels like Cedar is the one who left her behind to die. She keeps insulting him in the most vile ways, and then she writes that she loves him and needs him to stay with her. It's horrible. He shouldn't be confronted with that. Theodore shouldn't read this either, or he might run over to the mansion and cut off her head because he gets too angry. I'm the best option.” He said that, but his expression told a different story. There was fury bubbling below his facade. He disliked Camille as much as everyone else here.

Lucille didn't need to interact with that woman often to know that she was disgusting. She had seen Cedar after he had talked to his mother, and that already showed her how horrible Camille was. Few people could completely exhaust the chatty prince in just a few minutes. So, Cedar should avoid those letters. He didn't need to be insulted by Camille, who had no right to judge in any way.

Once again, Lucille prayed for the future. She desperately hoped that Cedar would finally be able to push Camille out of his life without that woman constantly looming in the back of his mind.

Of course, Cedar would never forget what had happened. He had already been scarred too much, and some of those wounds would never heal. But Lucille wanted to do everything she could to make it better. She would like to help him move forward. She wanted her lover to finally step out of the dark shadow that his mother had left in his life. Lucille wanted him to smile genuinely more often. She wanted him to be relaxed without needing to worry about attacks from behind. She wanted him to stop comparing himself to his brother, and she wanted him to stop looking down on himself.

Cedar was a wonderful person, and he should know that at some point. And it would be nice if he accepted that being vulnerable wasn't a weakness, that small mistakes and flaws were only human.

Maybe it was a selfish desire, but she wanted to stand at his side when that happened. And more than that, Lucille wanted him to know one thing. She wanted Cedar to know that she loved him. That was what he needed to hear and be shown many more times in the future. Lucille was more than ready to give that to him.