The Broken Prince's Love

Theodore had just told Camille about his father's alleged marriage with Althea to hurt her. The issue was that a tantrum of unrivaled heights would soon appear.

Cedar could just sit there and glance to the side while trying to ignore how his stomach churned. He knew what would happen now. His mother wouldn't react to this kindly, and he had to fight the urge to storm out to console her.

Seconds passed, and Camille just stared at them with wide eyes and pure despair written onto her features.

The carriage began moving, and each step that was brought between them and the dowager empress was relieving. Moments of silence followed, and it almost seemed like this would be it. But then the realization sank in.

Camille let out some high-pitched scream that almost sounded inhuman before she just collapsed. None of the guards cared enough to help her off the floor. They just stood there next to her.

Cedar hated himself for even having turned to look around and hurried to avert his gaze. He felt horrible when he made eye contact with his brother and just refused to look in that direction too. He stared straight ahead while hoping that his smile wasn't too radiant. That hope was probably useless since he knew well how upset he was right now, and that was only affirmed when he caught a movement from the corner of his eyes.

Lucille had shuffled a bit closer to him. She looked so uncertain and barely dared to act on her own, but she came even closer when he didn't complain. She waited a few seconds before trying to decrease the distance between them again.

So, Cedar decided to take away the worries. He just extended his arms toward Lucille. A hug was exactly what he needed right now.

It was extremely satisfying to feel Lucille putting her arms around him. She was warm and made him feel protected instead of making him wonder whether she would lash out at him in a moment. This was what love felt like. Everything else was just a pathetic excuse for something else that definitely wasn't affection.

Cedar wrapped his arms around his lover but put his main focus on not crushing her in his hold. He would have liked to pull her closer, but he didn't dare use more force and just settled for this. Lucille was here with him. She wouldn't suddenly slip away and leave him all alone, right? If she did that, he would probably break for real. He didn't even want to imagine what he could be like if he lost one he cared for just after accepting that he was in love with her. That might as well kill him from the inside. He didn't want to lose Lucille. He couldn't. Even if she suddenly revealed to be the most materialistic person in this world who only wanted his wealth, he wouldn't let go of her. Especially since he knew that she wasn't like that.

Holding Lucille felt so wonderful. Just feeling the slight movement of her chest and hearing how she breathed next to his ear was enough to remind him of how much he cared for her. Cedar had truly and utterly gotten attached to her. Now he would be loyal to her for the rest of his life, and he could only pray that she would stay with him until then.

Lucille almost seemed to notice that there was an inner turmoil in his head. She raised her hand to stroke over his hair while she leaned her head against his chest. After a few seconds, she carefully kissed his cheek before she returned to resting her head on him. Maybe she listened to his heartbeat. If so, she would notice that he was way too tense and nervous at the moment.

Cedar wouldn't admit that out loud, but he couldn't hide his body's reaction. His hands were probably shaking by now, and he only felt the overwhelming urge to close his eyes to not be forced to see the others' expressions. He knew that he was pitiful. He didn't need them to show him that too. He had had twenty years to understand that Camille was horrible, so it shouldn't hurt him anymore.

And yet, he sat here and almost wanted to cry after having this conversation.

He didn't even want to think about what that woman would plan now after she had found out that Althea was recognized as the previous emperor's wife. It wouldn't be odd for her to plan some kind of revenge against Theodore. Or she could get angry at Cedar because his brother had claimed that they had both known about it. In any case, Camille's mental health would take a serious dent.

Cedar did his best not to think about that and just let Lucille's presence calm him down. She wasn't doing anything special, but just feeling how she was in his arms made him relax a bit. He leaned his head forward and rested his forehead in the crook of her neck.

He would need to say something in a few seconds. Just so that he could cover up how much this affected him. He had to make sure that no one knew how a single meeting with his mother destroyed him emotionally. He should just get over Camille being like this by now. Why was this so hard? Cedar was good at controlling his emotions, so he should be able to hide it without any problems. But before he could think about what to say to change the topic, someone else spoke.

Theodore's voice sounded very different from before. His tone was almost soft now and nothing like the icy one he had used while speaking to Camille. “You did well. It's almost over. We can forget that woman in just a few months.”

Cedar almost let out a bitter laugh at that. It was a bit ridiculous if one remembered why they were still in the middle of dealing with this mess. Surely, the emperor needed time to get rid of the supporters on Camille's side, but Theodore also had his second secret goal. Visiting the banquet today had only been for that reason as well. Cedar understood why his brother did this, but he still found it annoying. His voice sounded much too cheerful to cover up his frustration when he replied. “Can we finally stop this then? You keep dragging it out unnecessarily. Didn't I prove it often enough by now?” He knew that he wasn't trustworthy. Asking for trust was hypocritical after he had spent years lying to everyone around him. But he didn't want to do this anymore.

He didn't want to risk Lucille getting hurt. He didn't want his mother to injure anyone else with her destructive plans either. Even if Theodore seemed to limit the dowager empress' ways to attack, it still wasn't completely safe.

And most importantly, Cedar didn't want to see his mother anymore.

Theodore was silent for a short moment before he replied. “I'm not doing this to test you. We're almost there, Cedar. Please just endure it for a bit longer. I need a month, maybe two, to finish her puppets. Then we can begin with the rest.” So, he still planned on letting Camille suffer for a while. The dowager empress probably wouldn't be in a good condition after this was over.

Cedar gritted his teeth while trying to keep Lucille from noticing that he had tensed. He couldn't wait for the day that his mother finally wasn't a danger to his lover anymore. He hated himself for it, but he would be relieved when that moment arrived. That was truly sick. He had always known that he wasn't sane and couldn't develop a connection to people easily. But how come he wished for his own mother's death? He had been by her side for so long and done everything she asked of him. He couldn't just suddenly change his mind about this and blame her because he hadn't understood that it couldn't go on like this earlier.

A few seconds of silence passed before Blanche spoke up in a soft voice. “Cedar?” She didn't continue immediately. Damn it.

Cedar forced himself to lift his head and showed her a bright smile. “Yes?”

Blanche's expression was still odd. It showed so many conflicting emotions that ranged from amicability to regret, and yet, no trace of hatred was to be seen. “I want you to keep in mind that that woman lies more than she speaks the truth. So, forget what she told you today. And everything she told you in general for the past years.” Nonsense.

Cedar knew well that his mother was right about some things, even if he didn't want to hear it. “She didn't necessarily lie the whole time. She said true things too. Even I can see that I'm not-” He couldn't even begin to explain something.

Blanche cut him off already. “No. You are wonderful. Don't let that witch put you down. She is the one who has the problems and the one who will rot away alone because she forsook everyone who ever cared for her. You aren't like her in the slightest. Don't forget that no matter what happens.”

Cedar wasn't sure what he should think about that. Blanche, who had hated him for a while, suddenly said things like this, and that was very confusing. He stroked over Lucille's back to distract himself before he replied. “I appreciate your efforts, but you don't need to cheer me up. I'm perfectly fine.” He wasn't, and his radiant smile probably proved that to anyone who knew how to interpret his constant beaming. “But I will have to thank you for helping me out while we were discussing with Mother. You didn't need to defend me, but it certainly helped convince her that we are on the same side. She will really be upset now. Regarding the whole evening and the marriage problem. How are we going to deal with that?”

Blanche ignored that he had tried to distract them and stared straight into his eyes with a serious expression on her face. “We didn't defend you to convince her of anything. We only said what we believe to be true. And we wanted to keep her from slandering you because of her own issues.”

Cedar almost laughed at that. “Why would that be the case? Why would you feel the need to correct statements that aren't so far away from the truth?” The royal couple had no reason to defend him. He had probably shown his worst sides to them, so they should keep him at a distance instead of doing something like this again. He was already irritated enough by them insisting that he should act like an uncle and take care of Aurora when he was there. And now they acted like they believed that he was a good person? Surely, Lucille was naive enough to fall for that, but why did the emperor and the empress want to believe it?

Blanche still gazed at him without showing any amusement. There was only sincerity to be found on her face. “We care about you. You may be a dense idiot at times, but you should be able to differentiate between people that lie and people that don't. Theodore is your brother, and I'm your friend. Of course, we care when that wretched woman says derogatory things about you. You aren't a bad person no matter how often she told you that. Stop blaming yourself. I know that it will take a while for you to let go and that we can never undo what happened. But we can work on that. We will be a real family now. We won't allow anyone to divide the Estiens ever again and will finally develop the bond that we should have with one another.” She showed him a little smile when she finished. That was even odder.

Cedar scanned her face for signs of her just telling him that because she wanted to provoke him. He still didn't get why they should suddenly act like all the years of him causing problems for his brother and everyone around him had never happened. So, he couldn't help but add a snarky comment in a much too arrogant tone. “Friends? When did that happen? You hated me until a few months ago.” Everyone who had known him for long enough knew that he acted like he was smug when he got uncertain. Infuriating others and making them roll their eyes kept them from noticing what he was thinking, so this was a good way to hide what he felt like.

But it almost looked like Blanche had seen through his facade a long time ago. She just continued to smile at him. “And you found me annoying then, didn't you? Because I kept telling you how you should act without knowing a thing about you. I'm sorry. Now I know a bit more and regret being so harsh. I was in denial back then, so I couldn't understand that you weren't just the villain but very much on our side. Back then, I thought that seeing things in black and white was easier than remembering the full truth. Now that I see the whole picture, I want to take back everything that happened then. I want to make up for it by being here for you now. I want to be your friend.” That seemed stupid. The two of them had had a horrible relationship ever since they had met for the first time.

It should have been easy to just tell her that to her face.

But Cedar didn't do that and just acted indifferent. “That is a surprise. I didn't expect that.” Of course not. He remembered Blanche telling him to finally disappear from their lives and to stop trying to ruin everything. Saying that had been much more logical than this now. “I am uncertain as to why you would hold such a sentiment though.” And he was unsure why Theodore didn't get angry. The emperor had always been upset when Cedar had been anywhere close to his lover. That was why it had been easy to infuriate him using that.

Now Theodore only gave his wife a soft smile while she spoke, and that expression didn't even disappear when he made eye contact with Cedar for a moment.

Blanche didn't hesitate before she replied. “Because I like you. I don't see why we shouldn't be friends. I mean, I'm your sister-in-law, but that doesn't mean that being friends isn't a more fitting label. Even if being part of the same family is nice too.” That only made it more likely that Blanche had hit her head somewhere.

Cedar was much too irritated by all of these statements. He might normally have been able to deal with it without issues, but right now, his brain was already steaming after the meeting with his mother. He didn't need more confusion like this. “I would like to say that I understand why you feel that way, but I don't. Haven't there been many more problems than pleasant times here?” He turned his head to his brother. “The same holds true for you. Why aren't you protesting loudly to tell me to stay away from your wife and daughter? I'm not a good influence on anyone.”

The royal couple didn't have a chance to reply.

Lucille lifted her head and immediately drew Cedar's attention to her. “That's not true. You're much kinder than many other people are. You might not notice it yourself, but others do notice. Even back when we had only met a few days ago, you never ignored me when I needed help and instead consoled me right away. You always try to avoid conflict and help when you see an issue arise. You never hurt people on purpose and even ignore those who try to provoke you even if you had the right to criticize them. I've been with you for nine months, and not once have you done something bad in front of me or influenced me negatively. In fact, it was the opposite. I'm really happy when I'm with you. I can always be open when you are with me, and I feel safe and protected. I fell in love with you because you are such a kind person, so you can't deny it. If both His and Her Majesty see it too, it has to be true.”

Cedar saw so many mistakes here that it would be hard to refute all of them. But he just wanted to say the most important thing. “I may be nice in front of you, but you can't imagine how cruel-”

Theodore cut him off. “You know, everyone can be cruel. Doing that to protect yourself or the people that you care about isn't bad.” He had his arm wrapped around his wife and gazed at her for a moment while he continued. “I did some horrible things to protect what I care about too. And that is fine since only the people that attacked us were affected. You think similarly, I know that. You also would never injure those who don't deserve it when the dowager empress isn't involved. So, you aren't cruel nor are you a bad person. You are strong and won't allow others to hurt you. You want to keep what you care about safe. That is how you have to phrase it.” Now he was just being ridiculous.

Cedar was pretty sure that his brother ignored their past together by now. He had to admit that most issues back then had been caused by Camille in some way, but he himself had caused problems too. “I would argue that I was rather aggressive as a child, which doesn't make it seem like I am a very good person. Do you remember that I-” He had wanted to do it again. He wanted to remind the people around him of his bad times to get them to stay away.

And the only reason Cedar had stopped himself was because he didn't want Lucille to hear this. He didn't want her to know that he had threatened his brother with a sword and broken someone's arm while he had been a child. That would only make her wake up from her dream of him being a kind person. He didn't need to crush her hope in that regard. He knew that it was selfish, but he didn't want her to leave him because she finally understood how destructive he had been.

Theodore spoke up before his brother could correct himself and say something else. “I remember. But I remember the whole story. Your anger issues were caused by that horrible training. That made you aggressive because you needed to be on edge at all times unless you wanted to have your arm broken. The fact that the dowager empress purposefully triggered you only makes it even more obvious that this isn't your fault. And I have to admit that I was probably to blame when you lashed out at me too. I know that I once complained about your breakdowns while telling you that you didn't have it worse than anyone around you.” Theodore let out a little unamused huff before resuming. “That was stupid. Back then, I had no idea what you really went through, and by the time I realized that you had every right to get angry after I said that, I was too embarrassed to apologize. Because I had treated you unfairly often in the past. Not only because I hated the dowager empress and saw you as her living copy. I remember being extremely unhappy about hearing that you were the one advising some minister behind closed doors because I worried about you becoming the crown prince instead. That's why forbid you from entering Father's office and acted like an idiot.”

Cedar heard that, and for a single moment, he couldn't hide his irritation. “What?” He had spent his whole life being jealous of Theodore. What was he hearing now? His perfect brother was supposed to have worried about his reign? “That makes no sense.”

Theodore's expression was completely serious when he replied. “It does. I was pretty worried back then. You may not have noticed because that witch never praised you, but you were a genius at almost everything you touched. Surely, I was good too. But you never lacked in any regard. We were quite similar in many aspects despite you being five years younger. We have to talk about that later in more detail, but for now, I just want to say that there were three little differences. You were always good at making people like you within a few minutes of talking to them. You were already in the middle of guiding our nation forward by influencing the ministers without them noticing it. And you were closer to the empress, who would back you instead of me. All of that would have given you an advantage, and I was worried about Father making you the crown prince. At that point in time, I was insecure, and that might have caused me to be unnecessarily harsh. I sincerely apologize.”

That was strange. Really strange.

Cedar could only gaze at his brother with skepticism while listening to that. There was no way. Why would the perfect heir have worried about things like that? Cedar had always been the one comparing himself to Theodore. It couldn't have been the other way around. He had been told that he was good but that his brother had been a little better each time. His teachers had all admitted that no matter what they had taught him.

And his teachers had all directly been hired by Camille.

Cedar froze at that thought. He had known that his mother had implanted this inferiority complex into him on purpose. But maybe he hadn't guessed how far she would go to do that.

Cedar forced himself to smile as brightly as before. “I think we should discuss that later.” When he was a bit calmer and could think about this first.

Theodore nodded. “Sure. We have a lot we need to talk about. Our childhood in general is a huge issue. But we have more than enough time to do that later. It won't run away. For today, it would be better just to take it slow. We will drive home now and then have a relaxing evening.”

“Thank you very much.” Cedar felt like his brain would explode at any moment. He didn't want to think much more. So, he let his head fall forward and rested it on his lover's shoulder.

Lucille ran her fingers through his hair again. If she continued like this, his head might begin to tingle again. Would she be so kind to do that for him? Maybe. Lucille remained silent for a moment so that only the sound of the carriage moving across the street was audible before she whispered to him. “Are you feeling better now?” That was hard to say.

Cedar wasn't as shaken as before, and his hands weren't trembling anymore. But he was worried about his mother beginning a war because she had heard that Althea would be a part of the royal family now. And the royal couple's words confused him. However, he might be able to ignore all of that for now. He pressed a small kiss onto Lucille's neck, and an honest smile tugged at his lips while he felt how she tensed for a small moment before she continued to brush over his head. He whispered back his response in a barely audible volume. “A bit. Thank you very much.”

Lucille truly didn't need to do a lot. Cedar was used to talking so much that others were tired of his voice, and she was so quiet that she barely said a few sentences when they were with others. And yet, she didn't need more than those few words to calm him down. Surely, his mind was still in turmoil, but it was getting better. Her presence and her soft touch, which didn't announce any future demands for him, were enough to make him want to relax completely and forget his worries for a moment.

Still, Cedar would need a bit more before he could finally forget this day. He would definitely ask his lover whether he could spend the night in her room again.