Paladins of the Pickle Goddess

Well, it was certainly a door. “Yes,” said Apis, pushing on the door once, twice, a third time. “Definitely locked.”

After a moment of thought, I kicked it. Afterwards, I stumbled back, hissing in pain. “So,” I said, once I’d recovered sufficiently. “Solid wood.”

“It didn’t even sound hollow,” said Duran, from where he was thumping at the edges with the hilt of the sword. “Do you think the stone actually collapsed behind it?”

“Of course not!” Durandus the first couldn’t be dead. Not in something as silly as this. “I’m sure it’s just locked.” I stumbled up, straightening my back.

Around us, the activity of the camp had calmed a little for the afternoon. Herminius’s hunting expedition was somewhere in the woods, and Katla had disappeared for her own business; a few people were cooking or hiking, and a set had begun trying to climb the temple walls. We were the only ones foolish enough to try the front door.

“Maybe a bee could go in and investigate.” Apis had his eye to the keyhole. The door was the only part of the temple that had been decorated at all. It was elaborate. A massive bronze cast of a squid took up most of the front door, with one tentacle curling around a keyhole. There was no knob.

“And then what? Will it tell you what to do?”

Apis paused. “Well,” he said, “Maybe we could pray to Andrena, and she could speak to the bee for us?”

“Is that some sort of violation, using another goddess’s sacred animal to break into a different temple?”

“It wouldn’t be… breaking in,” he said. “More like… traveling. In a way Teuthida wouldn’t prefer.” Apis paused, then scratched at his stubble. “Well, maybe it wouldn’t be advisable. Is there another door, perhaps?”

I stepped back and stared up. And up, and up. The walls had seemed short and stumpy from far away, but now they seemed to go on forever. Uneven cobbles of gray stone stacked upon each other. Unadorned, with barely enough grout to keep them on. Rough merlons were the only effort made at decoration. I thought I could see the faint shape of carved squid at the top of each, but they were so well-weathered it might have been particularly weathered stones.

Next to us, I heard a shout as a rope went over one of the merlons. The girl who had given me apple butter was tightening her rope, beginning to climb. We all stopped to watch her. She was gaining height very quickly, in fact. She was a quarter of the way up, then halfway- a good way off the ground, hovering over a strand of the stream as it burbled out of the grates at the base of the tower.

Then, with a great cracking, the merlon began to fall. I felt myself yell as one person with Apis, both of us jumping forward to no effect. I saw her almost frozen in free-fall, hair flaring out. Then she was gone, a splash in the river.

I dashed forward, heart in my throat. Had I just seen a girl die? I couldn’t have. She had given me apple butter. Andrena, I thought, desperate. Do me a favor here. Can you do anything about falls?

Across the river, I could see another figure dashing out of the trees, dark cloak a bright contrast agains the fall trees. Katla.

I was halfway into the river, legs soaked, before there was another splash. She was swimming.

“Ugh,” said the girl, spitting out water.

I was already reaching forward and grabbing the back of her neck like a kitten, throwing her towards the side. Apis knelt at her side, shaking her shoulder.

“Are you well? Can you feel every limb?”

“Oh, I feel them.” She rolled onto her back, coughing. “Ugh! I thought these were well-built. Did anyone get that rock?”

“We were worried about you.”

She shoved herself up onto one elbow. “Don’t be! I want to see what the carvings are if I couldn’t make it up.”

“Don’t be silly,” I said. “Why would we have been looking for a boulder when you could have-”

“Got it!” Duran shouted. We all turned. He was midway in the river, trousers soaked. He huffed with exertion. “I can’t lift it, though. Can I have some help, Madam Elysia?”

I closed my eyes. I exhaled, slowly. “You’re sure you’re well?”

“Oh, I won’t be climbing again soon,” she said. “But I actually wasn’t that high up. I’ll be well enough.” She reached down, pressed at her ankle with a grimace. “I probably won’t be walking that well, either.”

Well, I was a cook, not a medic. I left her to Apis’s concoctions and went to go grab Duran’s rock. Across the river, Katla had disappeared.

“Wow,” said the girl. She was having trouble keeping her eyes open. “Is that really medicinal?”

“Of course it is,” said Apis, offering her another jar of mead. “I put herbs in it.”

I gave it a suspicious glance. He’d definitely put… something in it. I thought I recognized mint, rosemary, and some of my pepper for pickling. “Did you just raid my spice cabinet?”

“It’s for an important purpose!” He offered the mead to me. “You injured your foot too, did you not? You should have some too.”

Duran leaned in. “Can I?”

He pulled it back. “You don’t need medicine. Save it for those who do.”

I wrinkled my nose. “I’ll go with the gods. Surely they can help me more than… that.”

Apis was good with mead when it was just mead. I didn’t know how the girl was keeping the rest of it down. “Do you have other family with you?” I said, adjusting the boulder next to her on the bank of the stream. We hadn’t managed to move her; Apis had just been retrieving ‘medical supplies’ as time went on. “Someone who might be able to help carry you back to your tent?”

She hiccoughed and shook her head. “Nope! No one! Came here on my own!” She laughed. “Oh, my Pa’s gonna be sooooo mad.”

Apis offered her more mead. I pushed his hand down. “Does your Pa have a name?”

She shook her head more violently. “You want some apple butter?”

“You can’t bribe your way out of us knowing your family.” I squinted. Now that I was speaking to her, she looked more and more familiar.

Duran beat me to it. “Wait. Your Pa, he has the orchard north of the One Horse?”

She stopped laughing. “You know the One Horse?”

I couldn’t help but be insulted. “Know it? I maintained that place for fourteen years!”

Duran, notably, didn’t say anything. He returned to trying to clean off the boulder with river-water, a task that was apparently very absorbing.

“Oh.” She shrugged. “I thought that place was for half-rate pilgrims and drunkards.”

At this, Duran looked up. “Hey! We had bards come by, and politicians. And a horse-trader, once!”

“Well, the oatcakes were good,” I said. I adjusted the boulder. “Did you want to look at your rock, or not?”

I’d traded with her father for apples once or twice, when money had been good. Of course, I didn’t remember her being this old; last time I’d met her, she’d been about as tall as my shoulder and running wild in the trees. Farmer Tullio’s kid, although I had never thought her name was important. She wasn’t the one with the apples.

“Oh, yes!” She half-stumbled up onto her ankle, clearly remembered it was broken, and then leaned over to stare at the rock with a wince. “Huh,” she said. “I thought it would be… better.”

“Maybe it was more squid-ish before,” said Duran.

She squinted over at him. “Who asked you?”

He puffed up his chest, but before he could respond, I cut in. “Look,” I said, “You’re clearly injured. We’ll take you back to your tent, leave you with some…. medicine, and then we’ll resume our investigation.”

She shoved the boulder over, inspecting the bottom. “Ugh,” she said. “I just wish I’d been able to get up there. I was sure there’d be a skylight or something.” She scratched at her chin. “I was going to try the grates next, but it looks like that’s going to be a loss.”

I propped her up, then looked at the grates. Solid iron. A solid flow of water. “Can you breathe water?”

She shrugged. “I have to get in.”

“Why?”

“I’m going to be a priestess,” she said, and folded her arms. “Obviously. Now help me get back to my tent, please.”

With everyone’s powers combined, we just barely managed to get her back to her tent as the sun began to lower overhead. A day wasted, with nothing gained. I sighed, watching her fall asleep. “A priestess, huh?”

“She’d be better than the one they have,” said Duran. I glanced over.

“She didn’t even recognize you!”

“It’s a useless point, anyway,” said Apis. “No one can go in. Unless her temple is fixed, Teuthida will be stuck with the priestesses she has. They all have to finish the trials here.” He leaned over and closed the tent on the girl. “Unfortunately enough.”