I can't move on

Holy fuck.

Dom has been out for what feels like an eternity and I am just looking up at the television in the hospital room alone.

He said he would be gone for about 20 minutes and then left in a hurry.

I forgot to ask him what he went to go do but I feel like a clingy girlfriend waiting for him.

The show was on some children's cartoons, and I couldn't get up to change it because I couldn't walk without help at the moment.

I had taken some of my medication today and I felt very bloated and tired.

I watched as the door opened and I felt myself straighten up and smile.

Oh.

"Hi Ryder," my nurse said.

I am mad at myself for being disappointed that it was my nurse instead of Dom.

"Hello."

"Where is Mr. Dominic?" she asked.

I shrugged. "He didn't tell me."

I didn't ask him, actually.

"Oh, okay. Did you take your medication?"

I nodded.

"Any side effects?" she asked as she went around my room picking things up.

"I just feel tired and bloated, that's all," I said.

"That's normal; the medication, while extremely helpful, causes crazy drowsiness and also weight gain."

"Weight gain?"

"Yep," she said and she fixed something on my side table. "I had to take it for something; I think I gained 20ish pounds in a couple of weeks."

"That's not a lot."

"But you are also on a lot of medication. I don't know why they don't put this in the pamphlets but they have you on 4 different medications? Neurolaxid helps you prevent seizures as well as neurological complications. The side effects are fatigue, increased appetite, and weight gain."

"Lovely."

"The next one is cardofalene; it is for cardiovascular support. Which caused fluid retention, and you will never guess it causes weight gain and also dizziness."

"I am guessing the other two cause weight gain as well?" I asked, laughing, and she nodded.

"Yep, musclorid, or whatever it is called, is to help with pain, but it also makes it difficult to move, which gets problematic. It also slows your metabolic rate, causing weight gain and crazy nausea, but you look to be holding your food down well. And lastly, the immune support one. That's a name I can't remember but it makes sure you don't get infections while your body is weak. This can cause insomnia and weight gain."

"Fuck, they couldn't wake me up and tell me all of this shit?"

She started to laugh. "Guss not, but it won't be that much weight—about 50-60 pounds in a couple of weeks."

"Okay, as long as I am okay, how long will I be on this medication?"

"A year to several years. It all depends on how your body reacts to it and how you are feeling."

"God damn, they should have woken me up!" I said it again, this time louder.

"It's to make sure you stay better," she said and I watched the door open.

I smiled.

Dominic.

He had more flowers and had changed his clothes.

"Hi, Mr. Dominic."

"Hi daddy-o," I said with a smile.

"Hi and hi, mommy," he said with a smile to me and the nurse.

Mommy. 

The nurse smiled and looked at me.

"Were you aware that I am going to gain 50-60 pounds in a couple of weeks?" I said, pointing at Dominic.

Dominic shrugged as he put the flowers that he brought down.

"Probably, I don't know," he said in a nonchalant voice.

"It doesn't bother me," he added, getting in bed next to me. 

I nodded.

The nurse looked over at Dom and then at me.

I looked at Dom; he was on his phone next to me.

"Make sure you at least wait a couple of days," she said with a sly smile.

I rolled my eyes.

"For what?" Dom asked.

"He's not getting anything until I can stand and walk on my own." Her smile grew larger.

"Sounds good to me," she said. "Well, I will be back for lunch or dinner, whichever one you guys want and Dominic, make sure you take your medication."

"I will, ma'am," he said quickly, looking up from his phone and then back down at it. 

"Okay, bye now," she said with a smile as she walked outside.

I watched as the door shut and I looked back up at the television.

"What step should we take today?"

"Huh?" I asked, looking over at him.

"For our relationship," he said.

"Oh. Uh. I think boundaries are important to talk about." Yeah.

"Hmh yeah, so we don't make the same mistakes again," Dominic said.

I nodded. 

"I think some of your rules are a good start."

"It can be like that but this time they are going to be two-sided instead of one-sided. You know? Because there are two of us."

I just got my logic fucking handed back to me. 

"Of course. Um, we can take turns; there doesn't have to be that many, just however many that we both see fit."

Dominic nodded.

"I like my personal space," I said.

"I am very clingy," dominic said.

"Okay, so we can split it down the middle. I think I am fine with your physical contact unless stated otherwise. So if I am just having an off day and I don't want you on me twenty-four seven, I hope you understand."

"Of course, but what happens if it's every day that you don't want physical contact?" Dominic asked.

"Good question, also middle ground. I will try and make sure it is not every day and if you really want physical contact, let me know and I will try," I said. "As long as you are trying. I will be as well," Dominic said.

"If something makes you uncomfortable, please tell me," Dominic said.

I nodded to him. 

"Don't get too sappy because I think it's cringe."

"I know. Uhm, the boundary of being honest, I think, should extend to everything."

"Agreed."

"Including sexual context, if you are comfortable with that."

Oh.

"Yeah okay. Uh." My mind is blank, so blank.

Dominic gets sexier and sexier every day.

Him just saying that was sexy. 

Oh my god.

"You don't have anymore?"

"Nope, nothing comes to mind," but your sexy ass.

"I have another one. Under the same thing as telling the truth, I want to know what you think of me. I don't need it all out at once, but I want to know what you are thinking; you are hard to read."

"Something we have in common because you are also very hard to read," I said and the two of us started to laugh.

His eye wrinkles are so hot when he smiles.

"Now, what are you thinking? Why are you furrowing your eyebrows while laughing?" Dominic asked.

"Your eye wrinkles look really hot when you smile and laugh."

"My eye wrinkles?"

"The ones right here," I said, pointing at the sides of my eyes. 

"Crows feat?"

"Bitch what?"

"That's why they are called; I think they make me look old."

"You are old but I think they make you look hot," I said.

"I am glad," he said, and both of us changed our attention to the television.

I can't think of anything else for boundaries.

I dont know why.

The television was very addicting.

"What else do you need from me, Ryder?" holy fuck.

"Holy bitch," I said.

"What?"

"Why did you mumble that? That scared me so fucking bad."

"Bruh, how? We were talking 5 minutes ago."

"I zoned out; I am sorry. What did you ask?"

"I asked, What else do you need from me, Ryder? I know you probably can't think of anything but just anything, even if its a variation of what you already said; just tell me," Dominic said in this deep voice.

Uh.

Okay.

I feel myself pause and then the right words come out: "I know I have already said a variety of this and you as well, but I need to know that you are not hiding anything from me. I don't want you to tell me every fucking thought you think, but I need you to be open and to trust me, just like I am trying to trust you."

I don't know if those are the right words, but they feel right to me.

"Of course. I will not hide anything from you ever again."

"Unless its like a surprise."

"Suprise?"

"Like a gift, then you can lie to me because I like surprises."

"You do?"

I nodded. "I do; I think they are fun."

"Okay, I will note that," Dominic said as he slowly started to inch towards me in the hospital bed.

His limbs slowly intertwining with mine reminded me how much pain I was in because of the physical therapy yesterday.

"You okay?"

I swear to God this man can just sense when something is wrong. 

"Just in pain from yesterday's slow walk around the room," I said and he nodded, putting most of his body parts back on his side of the bed. 

We continued to watch television until the nurse came back.

"Ryder, you have visitors," she said. 

I looked up and smiled.

It was Isabella, Matteo, and Leo. 

"Hi Daddy," she said with a smile and walked over to Dominic.

My heart. 

Dominic smiled as he straightened up and hugged her while still sitting on the bed.

"Don't you start school soon, baby?" He asked, lifting her up onto the bed with her.

Daddy's home-type shit.

The way he loves Isabella is so sweet it just makes me want to cry.

"In 15 minutes, but she insisted that she wanted to see her dad," Leo said and I watched as Matteo's hand rubbed his back.

Weird.

Still not used to that.

Fuck, I am going to start crying.

Ignoring Matteo and Leo.

Dominic and Isabella.

They are so cute.

Isabella pulled back and awkwardly sat on her dad's knees.

She turned to me. "How are you doing?"

"Better, I still can't walk or stand on my own but your dad is a great help with that," I said with a smile and she nodded.

"That's good." She went quiet and leaned over to me. "It is his fault after all."

I laughed.

"Watch out for his legs," Dominic said, grabbing her and putting her on the floor like she weighed nothing.

"Sorry."

"It's okay; did you end up turning everything in okay?"

Isabella started to laugh. "Despite everybody going to good colleges and getting degrees, no one could help me so I ended up getting a B+ on it."

"That's not bad."

"But it could have been an A with your help," she said and I smiled.

"I will help on the next one; we will kick your dad out and you can come to sit next to me and we can work," I said and she nodded. "I like the sound of that."

Me too.

Me too, sweet girl.

"Okay, let's go; you have already missed a lot of school; I don't want you to also be late," Leo said, walking towards her.

"Fine, party pooper. Okay, bye, dad. I will see you. And bye, Ryder, get better soon so you can help me," she said, and just as soon as they came in, they were all gone.

The nurse smiled. "Would you like to get some physical therapy in, Ryder?" She asked and I nodded.

"You and Dominic can do some quickly, but not too much so you don't get sore and I will go get your guys food," she said and I nodded.

Dom got up and walked over my side of the bed.

I didn't even realize he was in his boxers.

Sexy bitch.

I slowly raked my eyes up his body until we made eye contact.

He reached out his hands and I took them.

I slowly stood up and it hurt so much more than yesterday did.

"It hurts," I said, laughing.

"Do you want to sit down?"

"No, I have to do this," I said, taking a deep breath.

I just need something to take my mind off of this.

Something.

My eyes raked back down Dominic's body.

Something.

A smile grew on my face as I slowly started to walk.

"What's with that look?"

"I know something that could take my mind off of this.

"What the fuck does that mean?" Dominic started to laugh. "Why did you say it like that? And that doesn't answer my question at all."

I closed my eyes and then opened them back up to look at Dominic.

"Sorry, I was just thinking about something to take my mind off the pain."

I was thinking about your dick.

But.

Oh.

I promised to be truthful.

"About-." 

I interjected, "I was thinking about your dick." I blurted out and Dominic stopped in his tracks and looked at me.

"You were what?"

"We promised to be truthful, didn't we? I was thinking of something to take my mind off of the pain and you get out of bed with your boxers on and something looked at me first."

He started to laugh.

"Half of that makes no sense, but I understand. Sorry, I took my shorts off as soon as they left. I was just very sly with it."

"Oh, okay, okay."

I forced myself to make eye contact with Dominic.

Wow, it is getting hot in here.

"Why don't we rest for today? Since your legs are in pain and your mind is…other places. Let's stop for today before I do something and the nurse yells at me," Dominic said.

"Like what?"

Dominic gave me a look.

"Sorry, sorry, is horny a side effect of the medication?"

"You haven't even taken it today."

"I took the morning medication," I said, trying to dig myself out of the hole I had dug myself into.

Dominic laughed as he walked me back to my spot.

He helped me put my legs back in bed and then put the covers over me. 

He smiled.

"How do your legs feel?" he asked as he kissed my forehead.

"I have started to feel pain a little more, which I guess is good because I am getting feeling back in them," I said as he walked over to where both of our medications were.

He put his in one hand and mine in the other.

He handed me mine and then shuffled back over to his side of the bed. 

He got under the covers and the nurse came in almost on cue.

She had a tray full of food and she smiled at the both of us.

"My legs hurt a little bit so we stopped earlier," I said.

"Oh, okay, make sure you don't over-exert yourself or else that could be bad." She put both of the trays on either side and then put the tray off to the side.

"Here are your waters and the other fluids you both should be drinking. Make sure to take the medication and then eat," she said and I nodded.

She was really nice.

"Of course, I will ring you if we need anything," Dominic said, and she nodded, and just like that, she was gone. 

We ate food together and ate our medicine as we watched the television.

Damn. "I think I'm done; it hurts for food to go down."

"You only took a few bites."

"I think it's enough for my medicine."

"Okay." He took the tray from me and put it back on the cart.

"If you want more, its on the tray waiting for you." I nodded and started to snug down.

It feels nice to be in his company.

I think that's the important thing about forgiving and forgetting.

Well, not completely forgetting, so we don't make the same mistakes again.

But forgiving yes.

While not all people deserve second chances, I think that it is important to give people them.

Especially when you have something so special.

Someone so special. 

I guess it feels special.

I wonder if not Dom, then who?

I looked up at the television as I zoned out. 

Would I be going through all of this if it was someone else?

Well.

I don't know.

I think because Dominic is the first one who showed a slight interest in me beyond just sex work.

He was interested in more than my body.

And because it's my first feeling of "love," I feel like that's why I am willing to do so much for him.

I wonder if it was someone else, would I still do the same?

I don't know.

What if it was matteo?

What if Matteo saw me in the park that day?

I mean, he did but what if he took Dom's spot and did all of this stuff?

I leaned over and put my head on Dom's lap.

I would probably be in some underground sex dungeon shit.

And he probably would have had me do the sex work again, so no.

Hell no.

Now what if it was Leo?

Leo is very nice and a gentleman.

Probably my best bet out of the three.

But I don't know.

Well, he is a nice, attractive guy.

I don't know how I feel about someone who is so hung up on an ex, though.

I don't know.

I feel like that would be a deal-breaker.

I don't know.

Probably not.

Out of the three, I think I would choose Dom.

I don't know.

Well, he is the most sexy out of all of them.

Maybe not the most built but still.

He is 6'5 and a very attractive, half-Italian, half-Korean man.

I looked over at him.

He was doing something on his phone and had finished his food.

He's a family man.

The love he has for his daughter is genuinely so sweet it makes me want to cry.

He tries even when he doesn't know.

He tries to be caring and respectful, even if it's hard.

He can be very honest and raw, which I like about him.

He has a rough exterior, but he cares deep down.

He tries in everything.

All of his good qualities make me forget everything.

Make me forget the whole mafia boss and mafia shit.

It really does.

He's even good at having sex.

I felt myself shift in bed.

He's so handsome and so good in bed.

And makes me forget and just replace it all with horny.

Every part of him.

Fuck.

I don't want to be desperate.

I really don't.

But only fuck.

Thinking about having sex with him.

Fuck.

The way he acts.

Holy shit.

It brings me chills; it is so fucking attractive.

"Do your legs hurt?" Dominic asked without looking up from his phone.

"Uh no." I mean, yeah, but that is not why I am moving.

"Why do you keep moving then?"

"Thinking about you."

"Me?"

"Yep, I think I'll embarrass myself another day and tell you," I said.

"Okay, just tell me when your ready."

I nodded.

Part of me wants to get better as soon as possible so I am not a burden.

And the other part wants me to get better so we can have sex.

Holy fuck.

Whatever I just need to sleep, just take a nap.

"I am going to take a nap; if I don't wake up, tell the nurse I have already taken my medicine and my stomach hurts," I said and Dominic nodded.

"Okay, you sleep well."

"Thank you."

No sex dreams.

Please.

Please and thank you.

Fuck you, Dom, for being so sexy.