I can't move on

I frantically checked both my daughter and Ryder.

"Baby cakes-."

"They are fine." I looked up at Matteo. "I didn't do anything to them."

"Give me back, Leo," I said.

I was not leaving this place without him. 

Not now.

Not ever.

I had a plan.

It was too go in alone because I didn't want Matteo to lose what little mind he has left and kill them all because he was threatened.

Which seeing it now was kind of unlikingly, but you never know with him.

This didn't need to blow up more.

And I can't lose them. 

If anything went wrong, I had Daniel and Thomas ready.

This was hard to get through Daniel's head as he screamed at me.

He didn't want me to go alone; he wanted to come with me.

He didn't want his family to be in anymore danger.

But I explained to him that it would be okay.

Everything would be okay. 

But it worked.

"Where are Gianna and Zayne?" I asked.

"They are fine," he said, slowly blinking at me.

The fact he was so nonchalant about this whole thing genuinely made me so fucking angry.

I was seeing red.

The world was spinning and I held my gun sturdy.

"Give me back, Leo," I repeated. 

"Nope, we had a deal," Matteo said and he touched Leo's face. "Stop fucking touching him!" I screamed.

"Calm down," Matteo said, laughing. 

Calm down.

You want me to fucking calm down right now?

No fucking way you want me to calm down.

You took my daughter.

My fiance.

And my best fucking friend.

You took my friend's wife, husband, and two kids.

And you got the nerve to tell me to CALM DOWN?!!

Fucking bicth.

I looked down at Ryder.

What the fuck did he give you, baby?

"Sugar plum, please watch after Ryder," I said, letting go of him and walking closer to Matteo with my gun drawn.

"You are shaking; are you scared?" he said as I got closer and closer to him.

"Shaking with anger," I said and I felt my eye twitch.

I am dead tired and I don't have time for this shit.

I put the gun to his forehead and he just laughed.

This crazy fcking bitch.

You don't fuck with crazy people.

I think always learn my lesson but I always come back to them.

Don't fuck with crazy people.

"Give him back." That was the final time I was going to say that.

He grabbed my gun and pulled it down slowly.

"We had a deal," he said, the same thing he had been saying.

I raised my eyebrow. "What did I tell you about cryptic fucking shit matteo?" I said, looking at him sideways.

"I am so fucking tired, tired beyond words. I have been running all around the city trying to find your dumb ass, as you sent me on some wild goose chase. I am tired and I am done."

I took a deep breath. "Just give me Leo before I end this once and for all." I put the gun back on his forehead. 

"You wouldn't."

"I would," I said with a smile.

He smirked at me. "In front of your own daughter? You wouldn't."

I felt her little eyes stare at me.

Stare at the terrible fucking monster that was her father.

He called my bluff.

He knew I wouldn't do it.

Not in front of Isabella.

Not in front of Ryder.

Not in front of the Lord.

"See," he said, grabbing my gun and lowering it again.

"You are weak; if you were just like me, killing me wouldn't be a problem. You would have had me dead along time ago." he stopped. "But no. We do this over and over again. You kill whoever I send your way, but whenever it comes to me, for some reason you can't do it."

He started to walk closer to me. "It's like you want to keep living this same life. Wanting that thrill, like you never want it to stop."

"See, we are the same."

I interrupted him. "We are not the same.

"We are though," he turned before he got to me and he started pacing. He always started pacing when he would do his monologues. "We are mafia bosses. Both half Asian, expect I actually speak Chinese and you don't speak Korean."

"You can't speak Italian though."

"Neither can you, making us the same. We were both born into this life. You were born 38 years ago, and me 41 years ago. We both lie to our loved ones." He stopped and turned back to me. "Or wait, that's just you."

My face dropped. 

He laughed.

Not a single emotion behind that laugh.

He walked over to Leo. "And we both have fuckers who hate us that we can't get enough."

The way he was touching Leo made me so fucking mad.

He stroked his face and looked at him.

We both have fuckers who hate us that we can't get enough of.

Ryder.

Who does Matteo have?

I don't. 

I looked at his face.

He had this look that I had never seen before.

It was.

It was love. 

Anger.

I was mad.

So fucking mad, in ways I can't even describe.

"I have men in all corners of this room that you can't even see. Look around." I looked to the darker corners of the room. 

"Even if you had the balls to kill me," he stopped. "Which you don't. You kill me and you and everyone in here are dead, simple as that.

He has this crazy fucking smile on his face. 

I sighed.

I watched as Matteo grabbed Leo by his chin and forced Leo to look at him.

"Do you want to tell him the deal we had?"

Leo looked at me.

Traitor?

No way.

My breathing picked up.

"What happened to you not being a traitor?" I said, looking at Leo.

I feel like my heart is being stabbed, holy fuck.

My throat hurts.

Everything hurts.

My chest was heaving and I felt my nostrils flaring.

"What deal did you have with him, Leo?" Did you lie to me?"

Leo looked at me with this sad look.

"I never betrayed you. I would never," he said. I watched as he gulped.

Matteo kept messing with him.

"I didn't lie to you."

"Tell him, princess," Matteo said, stroking Leo's face.

Princess?

What the hell?

Leo's eyes dropped and he looked at the floor.

Matteo forced him to look at me but I watched as he averted eye contact.

A look of shame.

I let out a sigh.

Tell me, my friend.

Just tell me. 

"Would you like me to tell him?" Matteo asked. Leo shook his head.

What the fuck?

I looked around.

"If I go with him. He will give you both Ryder and Isabella unharmed."

"If you go with him? Like work for him."

He shook his head.

I raised my eyebrow.

What the fuck? 

"If I go with him, like go with him," he gave me this look. 

That thousand yard fucking stare.

Oh.

Oh!

Oh!! 

"Like as a lover?" I asked and Matteo smiled.

Oh.

I don't know how I feel about that.

Leo nodded slowly to my question.

"Tell him the other stuff," Matteo said with his hands all over him. 

What is going on?

Oh my god.

Is any of this real?

"What other stuff?" I asked.

I don't know if I should be horfied or what. 

Matteo smirks; he likes when I am uncomfortable. It brings him so much joy.

So much fucking joy. 

"Oh, just some memories from college, you know?" His voice dips down as his smile grows.

I hate ominous ass things.

I fucking hate them.

He wanted to make me mad.

"And what the fuck does that mean?" I said, trying to keep my composure.

Note trying.

I am trying to remember, was Matteo at university with us?

Fuck, I don't even remember.

"Me and Leo were a thing back in college."

A WHAT?

YOU GUYS WERE A WHAT?

RUN IT BACK.

A WHAT?

I remember Leo talking about two guys.

The guy who cheated on him and an older guy in one of his major classes that I was not in. 

He claimed, "I didn't know him and it was just a one-time thing" expect that one thing lasted a lot longer than that.

Was that Matteo, or was he the other one?

"Was he the crazy bitch who cheated on you? I will shoot him right here right now if he is," I said, putting my hand on the trigger of my gun.

I felt myself getting angrier just thinking about all the shit Leo told me about him.

The sleepless nights of Leo crying.

Afraid to break up with him.

Afraid that he would.

He would.

Oh fuck, I am so fucking angry.

"No, the other one," Leo said.

He looked ashamed.

I took my finger off the trigger.

"One-time thing?" I asked.

"One-time thing, baby," Matteo said, pointing at himself with a smile on his face. 

"You don't own Leo; you can't have him as yours; that's not how that works," I explained.

Haven't we been here before?

"I can do whatever the fuck I want; I am a mafia boss."

"So you are going against all the mafia can't have lovers shit, for one of my men, actually for my best friend. That's fucking ironic," I said, letting out a tasteless laugh.

"Bingo. Just how you are breaking it for some 21-year-old fuck who doesn't even like your ass," Matteo said and he started to laugh.

My face dropped.

"Leo's mine; he's been mine and he will always be mine."

"You don't own him," I said again.

"Says who?" Gross.

His disgusting sinister smile got bigger and bigger as his attention turned to Leo.

"You fucking-."

He cut me off. "You think you can just live this double life, don't you? Become a fucking cold-hearted killer. Kill as many people as you want, and wipe your hands clean like it's fucking nothing. Then you want to start a family and put on this nice guy act."

Matteo's smile was venomous.

Like he was trying to get under my skin.

I looked down at Ryder.

He was looking at me.

His eyes looked lost and sad.

"Matteo."

Matteo interrupts me as his voice gains intensity. "Have your ex-wife walk out on you and your daughter because, oh my god, surprise, she found out you're not just some upstanding CEO businessman." Matteo looks down at Ryder. "But a mafia boss. Oh wow shocker."

My eyes were still on Ryder's as I got my whole life aired out to me.

He looked hurt and it was hurting me.

"Or was it because she cheated on you because you never paid attention to her? Never took her out on dates, nothing."

His words were hitting harder than I would ever like to admit.

Each of them striking every nerve.

"You can try to hide all of it," Matteo says, gesturing around him. "This whole lifestyle, the money, the power, the respect, the blood on your hands, the bitches."

He cut himself. "Or wait, you don't have any. You have those walls too high to care about anyone other than yourself, but here's the thing." he walks closer to me and leans in, his voice dropping below a whisper as his eyes locked with mine. "You can never hide from it. Never fucking escape it. You know that better than anyone."

My face drops, but he doesn't stop; his voice turns into a mocking tone of voice. "It's funny. Isn't it? Until you are dead, that is the only way out. Until you are lying six feet under, you are stuck with this shit. Forever. And even then."

He smiled. "There'll still be people after you, after what you left behind. This is what you signed up for. You are not some innocent family man. You are a mafia boss and you can't run from that." He grabbed Ryder's face with one hand and played with his own ring finger. "Your fake fiance can't run from that."

"Get off of him," I said, pushing Matteo back as he laughed.

I bent down to Ryder.

Disgust.

I could see it in his eyes.

"Ryder, are you okay?" I asked as he pushed me back.

I looked at him as he stood up.

"Sit back down; you are rocking," I explained, trying to hold on to him.

He looked back at me and shook his head.

"Tell me what's wrong," I asked frantically.

Disgust.