I can't move on

"We still have time till Dom gets here, right, my princess?"

Leo looked at me.

I sighed.

"So much more, so many details you forgot, my princess."

I looked at Leo.

I sighed.

That's what you always thought of me?

It breaks my heart, princess.

It shatters it into pieces.

"Well, where should I start?"

"Nowhere," Leo said and I smiled.

Well, I remember walking into the second week of class. 

I just came back from studying abroad or visiting family, whatever I told them.

Anyway, I was going to be more fluent than the professor, because you never would have guessed where I just was.

I knew it was going to be an easy class; the plan was to come just enough for the attendance check on the syllabus and just sleep.

Until I saw him.

"Dramatic ass."

"Hey, you had your time to tell your part of the story; it is my time now," I said and Leo rolled his eyes.

Not even trying to be dramatic but my world stood still.

He was the only person in his row and immediately caught my eye.

He was quiet—an anxious-looking guy, really.

He was writing crazy long notes before the class even started.

I found it strangely funny and captivating.

That spark he had in his eyes drew me to him.

This stubborn determination kept him pushing through even when it looked like he barely understood a word the teacher was saying and what he was practicing.

It was cute.

The rest of the class was so fucking boring I don't remember any of it.

But I had developed this bad habit of scanning the room and making eye contact with people.

But my gaze always came back to Leo.

It always came back to him.

There was something so vulnerable.

So refreshingly open about him.

I was so used to people always trying to be so freaking cool, but he was different.

Raw.

And real.

"I wanted it raw and real."

"That's disgusting," Leo said.

"Hey, I got what I wanted in the end, didn't I?" I said, laughing, and Leo rolled his eyes.

I knew I shouldn't mess with him.

I really shouldn't. 

He was Dom's right-hand man.

I should just leave him alone.

When the professor assigned us together, I knew it was too late.

I could get to know him.

I could make him mine.

I saw the way he looked at me, curious by wary.

I would watch a slight blush creeping onto his cheeks when I introduced myself in Mandarin.

He looked intimidated and I was so into it.

I knew I could push it.

Push him to the limits.

As we walked out of the classroom together, I couldn't help but stare at his ass as I held the door open for him.

I was so excited.

So fucking excited for the rest of this semester.

Knowing I would get to see him again.

Week after week.

And push his buttons just enough to see how far he'd let me go.

When we met in the library, he looked nervous as hell.

His eyes darted around as if afraid someone would call him out for needing help.

But I could tell he was trying to hide his eagerness to learn.

I thought that was so fucking adorable.

That little spark he had.

It was.

It was perfect.

He was perfect.

I don't think I have ever met someone so fucking perfect.

Everything about him.

I started with the basics, going through the tones and the simplest sentence structures.

And he hung onto every word, even when he stumbled over them.

His pronunciation wasn't perfect, but I tried my best to guide him through everything.

I would stare at him as much as I could.

Every time our eyes met.

There was this flicker.

Something unspoken.

Some may even call it love.

I called it love.

I would brush my hand against his.

I watched how he stiffened slightly and his face would get red.

But he didn't pull away.

I leaned in a little closer, watching him lose his train of thought as I corrected him softly.

I knew I was getting under his skin.

I loved it.

See how much I could push him before he pulled back.

But it was more than just a game.

"Leo...had given me hope, a reason to live. He gave me a reason to live that I haven't felt in such a long time."

For so long, I'd felt like I was just moving through life, detached, going through the motions of a mafia boss.

Living life as I could.

But when he looked at me.

Confused.

Curious.

Flustered.

Something inside me stirred.

It wasn't just about pushing boundaries or seeing his reactions anymore.

It was the way he looked at me like he trusted me.

Like I was just another guy teaching him a language he barely knew.

There was a certain vulnerability in him—a rawness that I wanted.

I needed to protect.

Even if it wasn't what he wanted from me.

But for now.

Forever.

I would settle for this game of cat and mouse, seeing just how close I could get without scaring him off for good.

The thrill of each session.

The touches.

The glances.

Everything.

Every time it felt like I was pushing us closer to something inevitable.

I wanted more.

I craved it.

Even as I held myself back, not wanting to ruin the trust we had slowly built up.

Each session, I found myself not just showing up as his tutor.

But something more.

I'd catch myself drawn to his shy smiles and the way his eyebrows furrowed when he struggled.

His hesitant little laughs when he would get something wrong.

Those simple moments.

His small victories.

Even his failures.

It all made me want him more.

I found myself looking forward to each of them.

They were the only moments of joy in the week and I clung to them like my life depended on it.

He was reserved and awkward, yet there was this warmth to him.

Something so endearing it pulled me in without any effort on his part.

He would just sit there and look at me and I would fall like an idiot.

I knew he didn't see me as anything other than his tutor.

I was just the older guy showing him the ropes in Mandarin.

Nothing more.

Nothing less.

Part of me wanted him to make the first move, to see him cross that line on his own.

But I was starting to realize that I might need to nudge him there.

Not too much.

But enough to let him know I wanted more, even if I couldn't put it all into words yet.

When I also saw him outside of our tutoring sessions and outside of class, it brought me joy.

Well, until I saw Dominic.

I had to hate him because we were rivals and it was my life goal to beat him, but I started to hate him for other reasons.

God, the jealousy that I felt was beyond words.

It was like a knot in my stomach that wouldn't go away.

Seeing how Leo clung to Dom as if they were inseparable.

It didn't matter if it was just a friendship.

I hated how much of Leo's attention Dom had.

I hated how he seemed to bring out sides of Leo I didn't get to see.

"You are jealous of my dad?" Isabella asked. I slowly blinked.

Leo started laughing. "I didn't know that; that's actually really funny."

Oh, what I would give to see you laugh every day.

"Actually your dad was jealous of me," I said. "Yeah, right. I thought you guys were rivals and you hated him because of that."

I interjected. "I do hate him because of that."

"But you also hate him because you are jealous," Leo said.

"Whatever," I said, brushing them off as Leo continued to laugh.

The way Leo looked at Dom.

The comfort he had with him.

What I would give for that.

It made me wonder if I would ever get that close or if this would stay a game of stolen glances.

A game that stomped my fucking heart out.

Dom made me question everything.

Made me doubt my chances were even real.

Yet I couldn't stay away from Leo.

Every time we were together, I wanted more.

But I had this awful gut feeling that Dom was a part of Leo that I could never quite reach.

It made me so fucking angry.

I think that's when I started to loose my mind and go haywire.

I wanted what Dom had.

I wanted to be him. 

I wanted to be the most powerful mafia boss in the country.

I wanted a daughter.

I wanted Leo.

The more I thought about it.

The more it consumed me.

Leo was slipping away from me before I could even call him mine.

His loyalty.

His connection was tied to someone else.

Someone I couldn't stand.

Someone I was destined to be enemies with.

So I decided that I had to do something drastic.

Something to pull him closer to me.

Closer to me than Dom ever would.

"You do know that Dom is straight," Leo said.

I looked at him. "He is?"

"Yeah, well, back then he was. Now I don't know, but we were never a thing."

"You weren't?!" I asked, taken aback.

Leo nodded.

What the fuck?

Oh.

I would need to show him sides of me that nobody else saw.

To give him experiences that would leave him thinking about me constantly.

Leave him questioning his bond with Dom.

One evening, during what was supposed to be just another study session.

I decided to change things up.

I don't know if it was the frustration.

The jealousy.

Or just my sheer need to see him respond.

Either way, I suggested trying a new teaching approach. 

The way he looked at me.

He made it clear he was already in too deep to say no.

I watched as he hesitated, then nodded, trusting me in that fake, naive way he had.

Not realizing where I was about to lead him.

But I know he knew.

The power.

The control.

It was truly intoxicating.

I was finally getting closer to Leo in ways Dom couldn't.

Giving him experiences he wouldn't forget.

From that night, I began introducing Leo to things he'd never encountered.

Slowly bringing BDSM elements into our time together.

I framed it like a new lesson, a way to deepen trust and understanding.

I wanted him to let go and to trust me completely.

And he did, leaning into the thrill of it all.

Almost hypnotized by the way I led him.

I started calling him.

Princess.

My princess. 

Watching the way his gaze shifted whenever I said it.

How his eyes grew darker, a mixture of confusion and excitement.

I loved the nickname.

I loved him

He was the only one I called that, the only one I would ever call that.

For the first time.

I had him exactly where I wanted him.

Focused solely on me.

And I was focused solely on him.

He was the center of my world.

He was my fucking god.

And while he seemed intrigued and comfortable following my every command.

A part of me wondered.

Did he feel the same intensity I felt for him?

Was he drawn to me as fiercely as I was to him, or was he just going along for the ride?

Every touch.

Every word.

It felt like a test, like a way to see how far I could push him.

And every time he responded.

Every time he let me lead him deeper.

It fed that need I had—that hunger to finally be more to him.

I needed Leo to see me and recognize that there was something deeper between us.

Something he couldn't get from anyone else.

It was all a way to draw him closer to me.

To make him mine.

I took the lead naturally, confidently, and controlled.

Feeling an adoration that sometimes made me feel almost vulnerable.

I kept waiting for a moment when he would look at me and realize that it was more than just a game.

There were times in those intimate moments when I thought that he could feel it too.

When I could see it in his eyes.

A hint that maybe he needed me as much as I needed him.

One evening when the room was quiet, I thought maybe I could finally say it and make him see how much he meant to me.

I reached out to gently touch his face.

"I really care about you, Leo. I confessed, my voice was barely above a whisper." I looked at Leo. "Hoping that he would finally see how much he mattered to me."

"But he laughed, shrugging it off like it was a joke. Yeah right. He muttered."

His smile was awkward and uncertain.

My chest tightened and I felt the weight of rejection sink in.

He wasn't taking me seriously.

He couldn't even fathom that I might feel something real for him.

At that moment, I knew I was only setting myself up for failure and heartbreak.

After that, I couldn't keep being vulnerable with him.

I started to pull back, distancing myself.

Every time I wanted to reach out to tell him again how much he meant, the memory of his laughter stopped me.

Why should I risk my heart if he doesn't care?

It hurts too much to see him every time, knowing he saw me as someone who would eventually move on.

I could never move on. 

So I pretended that I didn't feel anything deeper and tried to play along with the role he'd assigned me in his mind.

In the end, the semester ended, and so did we.

I left frustrated and heartbroken, feeling like he never truly saw me for who I was.

All he saw was the surface, the one I put on for everyone else.

I could never forget him, though.

He has been the only one I'd wanted.

The one I bore my heart for.

"Only to be laughed off. I never wanted it to end this way, but I couldn't be something to him when he couldn't see me fully. And so I walked away, carrying with me all the things I'd left unsaid," I said and I smiled.

It hurt when I said it out loud.

It hurts every day, my love.

I couldn't ever forget him.

I never wanted it to be this way.

I heard gunshots start to ring out and the door busted open.

I looked over at Leo.

I'm sorry.