I can't move on

Matteo smiled at me.

I felt eyes.

I felt his eyes.

Isabella's eyes.

Leo's eyes.

All of their eyes were on me.

And I felt my cheeks start to get wet as my tears fell.

I felt fucking delirious and the tears just kept coming.

The past couple of days, I feel like everything has just crashed down.

I'm not a whore

I never wanted to be one.

I.

I didn't.

I didn't have a choice.

I had to do it.

All of those terrible things I had forgotten.

All of those terrible things I had done.

All of those terrible things he made me do

My breathing was quick and I was losing my mind.

Fuck.

Bro.

"Oh, look who called me back," Matteo said, getting closer to me and sitting down right in front of me.

Isabella was next to Leo, and they were both giving me this look I couldn't explain.

It was dom.

I didn't want to hear his voice right now.

I don't want to.

I don't.

"Hi Dominic," Matteo said and he put the phone on speaker.

"You are the crimson veil, right?"

That awful fucking place.

I promised I would never go back here but here I am.

I am back at this fucking place.

Fuck.

I continued to cry, trying to keep my voice quiet.

I pushed up my glasses and rubbed my tears but they kept coming.

The room was spinning and my glasses continued to get dirtier with my dried tears.

I looked over at Leo.

He looked lost in thought but looked like he had a plan.

I hope so because I don't know what's happening right now.

I feel so sick and.

I feel like I did.

One of those nights.

With that man.

As he counted my money.

As he took my money.

I felt like I did that day.

I felt myself rocking back and forth.

"Oh, you are so smart," Matteo said. "But I told you."

Dom cut him off. "If you want to do more fucking monologuing, save it for when I shove my foot up your fucking ass. If you think that Ryder signing a contract and having sex with other men would put me off, you got it all fucking wrong."

I felt myself freeze.

"I truly wish it never came to that, but he doesn't do it anymore. No matter what that contract says, he doesn't do it anymore," he said.

I could tell he was fucking angry.

His voice just sounded angry.

"How do you know-."

Dom cut him off again. "I am dead fucking tired right now and not in the mood for any of your cryptic ass shit or any of your fucking bullshit. I think I have made that so goddamn clear to you, time after time. I do not give a fuck what Ryder did in his past. I do not care. Oh, Ryder did this, or he was sleeping with older men. If you want to see Ryder having sex with 40-year-old men so fucking bad, then I will come over there and show you myself."

My vision stood still and me and Matteo made eye contact. 

I swear to God, me and Matteo just had the same look of what the fuck on our faces.

"What?" Matteo said.

Dom just gagged me and Matteo because what?

My vision went back to being blurry.

"You fucking heard me. All of that crazy shit you were talking about, I can do all that and more if you want to see it so badly."

I felt my face start to get hot and my tears stopped coming.

I.

I don't really know.

"If you touch any of them, you are fucking dead; that is the last time I am going to say that dumb ass. Isabella is my 12-year-old…"

"I am not going to touch her. But I hope you know what this whole family shit makes you. All of this, oh, I am going to be the best dad ever, the best friend, the best partner, whatever bullshit. It makes you weak. You could be a global fucking superpower, you know that? But you always want to be a fucking hero. You could be one of the greatest mafia bosses in the world, but no." His tone switched to mocking. "You want to be a savior and you want to do this. You can't do any of that shit because you are a mafia boss. A fucking mafia boss can't go around and have lovers, can't have kids, can't have any fucking friends; you are supposed to be alone; that is the whole point."

Oh god.

Is he really a mafia boss?

Fuck that word keeps coming up over and over again.

Matteo mentioned earlier on the first call he made. 

"The mafia world," what?

What does this even mean?

All of the tattoos he was showing me.

I even asked him, like, a mafia boss?

I thought it was all sarcasm.

I thought he was just a guy.

Just a CEO.

Who likes to have tattoos?

I thought he was normal.

His fucking job.

The office job.

It was fucking fake.

It was all fake.

Every single part of the world he showed me.

It was all fake.

I gulped.

Oh god.

What was even real?

Was what he felt for me even real?

Matteo wasn't just a crazed rival who was out for blood.

He was a fucking mafia boss too.

I felt the world around me start to drown out.

Why would he not just tell me?

Save me all of this trouble?

Fuck.

Would I have even believed him?

God, I don't know.

I think I have been in denial about it.

Denial like.

I.

I don't know.

"I am not going back and forth with you." Dom's voice took me out of my thoughts. "Leo is my best friend. You can't force him to love you; that is not how that fucking works."

I looked over at a blurry leo. 

He and Matteo made eye contact.

Is any of this real?

"And if you touch my fucking fiance, fake or not. I will genuinely jump your ass and kill you with my bare fucking hands. Contract or not. He is mine."

The line went dead.

All of this warm feeling started to come back.

This warm feeling all through my body and my thoughts started to come back.

Mine.

To be his.

Mafia or not.

To be his.

Oh god.

Oh god.

Matteo turned his attention back to me.

The phone was long gone.

I don't know where he put it.

"You thinking he really fucking loves you?" He grabbed me by the collar of my shirt and brought me closer to him.

The sound of the chain strained as it stopped him from bringing me any closer. 

His voice got louder. "You think someone like him, someone who could have anyone? Anyone in the fucking world would choose you. A worthless used-up fucking whore?"

I felt my eyes start to prick as I felt like crying again.

My breathing quickened as I started to freak out.

I could barely focus on what Matteo was saying but his words pierced through the haze I was in.

"No one will ever fucking love," he growled at me; his voice was fucking trembling with anger. "Not Dominic, not anyone. You will always just be a plaything. Just a cheap, disposable whore."

He started to claw at my skin as he screamed. "JUST A FUCKING WHORE."

His hands went up to my throat as he squeezed tighter and tighter.

The world is spinning and I can feel my breaths turning shallow as the pressure builds.

I try to pry him off with my broken arm but it's no use.

My body is starting to ache all over and I can't tell up from down.

"It is fucking crazy," his grip loosens. "You just don't seem to get it, do you? You think you're worth something just because someone gives you a second of their time. Get back to reality; you haven't even known the guy for a month and you claim he is this savior."

Oh. He leans closer to me and his voice starts to drop. "You are fucking nothing, Ryder. Nothing but a pawn; you will get through aside. Just like I did to you, just like Dom is doing, and just like everyone else will do to you."

My vision started to dim as he pressed harder and harder. 

I feel like I am fucking drugged right now.

Holy fuck.

What is happening?

"You really think Dominic is going to come in and save you? He didn't even tell you he was a mafia boss for crying out loud. Imagine how many other things he lied to you about."

Fuck.

My breaths start to morph into cold and crispy

And they start to urn.

Everything is burning.

"No one saves people like you, Ryder." His laughs are cold and hollow. "People like you don't get love. You get bought, sold, and used, and when people are done, you are left alone. Just like you…"

Leo cuts him off. "Matteo."

Matteo's hands stopped pressing down on my neck but they didn't move.

Holy fuck.

Fuck.

"Get off of him," Leo said. I heard the chain on the wall move.

He sounded almost defeated.

Like he had done this before.

"Get off of him," he said again and Matteo sighed and let go of me.

He stood up.

And I felt myself slump back.

Oh fuck.