I can't move on

Fuck that selfish asshole for one not waking up to his five alarms and two for not closing the curtain.

I reached over and grabbed my glasses.

I put them on and then looked over at Dom.

He was a big fucking bitch, and the fact that he was cuddling me and putting dead weight on all of my limbs so I couldn't get up was very annoying.

His black hair was all over the place, and he looked almost cute.

He always looked so fucking stressed out all the damn time, and just seeing him rest peacefully was really nice, actually.

He has really long eyelashes.

His lips were big too.

They were slightly open as his chest rose and fell.

And his eyebrows were messed up.

It kept him from being this perfect scary man.

He had so many things wrong with him that it made him perfect.

I moved my broken arm so he wasn't holding it down, and he started to move.

"Don't move, baby, just stay with me." I felt myself blush.

Fucking weirdo, I can't with him. 

He keeps doing stuff like that.

And that is what keeps confusing me.

I mean, I don't know if I like like him or if I just like the idea of him.

I really don't want to lead him on because one, he is a powerful guy, and two, I would just feel bad.

But I guess I am kind of falling for him.

But then again, I don't really know what love is.

Passed sex, I really don't know. 

I moved so I was on my back and his head was resting on my chest.

His arm was trailing a little farther down than I would like it to, but then again, he is all in my personal space, so I guess it's fine.

I started to stroke his hair as he let out little breaths. 

"Are you going to wake up? It's almost 3 pm," I said, looking at the display on his alarm clock.

I was expecting him to get up frantically but he didn't.

"Oh, for real?"

He didn't even move. 

"Yes, don't you have work to get to?"

"Work can wait; I want to be next to you," he mumbled.

I laughed.

"Your laugh feels good."

"That's not weird at all," I said.

I smiled down at him.

"You are drooling," I said.

He shut his mouth.

"I am not."

"You so are," I said, and he just looked at me with these loving eyes.

"Boss, I need your..." Leo stopped, and his straight face turned into a smile.

"Your boss is a little bitch who likes head rubs and cuddles," I said, and Dom looked over at Leo, who was standing in the doorway of his bedroom.

"Can't it just wait? I just want more cuddles," Dom said in this baby voice.

I did not even know he was capable of doing that.

It's almost cute.

But at the same time, he was almost 300 pounds of dead fucking weight, so he wasn't that cute.

Okay, fine, he was. 

"You are 38; get your old ass up," Leo said.

He felt safe around me.

That was cute.

"Daddy, you have to get up; we can cuddle once it's all done," I said.

He grumbled, got his arm from underneath me, and stood up.

"Go put on a shirt and then go help Leo," I said.

"Daddy? Yall are weird as fuck," Leo said, and he had a face I couldn't describe.

"What's with the face?"

He didn't say anything; he just looked lost in thought.

Dominic put on a shirt and some sweatpants and jumped back in bed.

I laughed as he snugged back up towards me.

"Dominic, get up; I am not doing this with you," Leo said, and I squeezed him.

"Get up Dom," I said, and he sighed.

Sitting back up and fixing his hair.

"I'll be waiting for you," I said, waving him off, and he smiled back at me.

Stupid.

Whatever.

I don't know why, but I love cleaning and cooking.

I think my mom passed that on to me because it's like my love language.

"We have maids; you don't have to do that." I looked over; it was Isabella.

"It is okay; I love cleaning and cooking for people," I said, and she nodded.

She was at the dining room table typing on her computer.

Eliza: 

Are you coming to my track meet today?

Me: 

Yeah. It's at the same place, right?

Eliza:

Yeah. It starts in like an hour, I think. I don't know why our bus is running late.

Me:

Okay, I will be there. I am bringing Dom's daughter, but Dom can't make it because he has work to do or something.

Eliza:

Okay, cool. I will see you there.

"You almost done with your homework?" I asked her as I sat down next to her at the table. 

"Yeah, just working on my essay, and I have algebra. I regret trying to get ahead in math because they have us doing so much stuff on top of this," she said.

I completely forgot that she is 12.

"I think I can help you with algebra," I said.

"Oh cool. The essay isn't due till next week, but this is due tomorrow," she said, pulling out her notebook, worksheet, and pencil.

"After we are done, do you want to go to my sister's track meet?"

"Oh yeah, sure, anything to get away from my dad."

"I feel that. Is he overbearing?"

"So fucking overbearing. Every time I want to do anything, he has to come, or he makes it a big deal. You being here is stopping him from being so overbearing and all daddy mode," she said with a smile. 

"He gives off overbearing vibes. I'm glad I am stopping him from being overbearing."

"I am not overbearing." I heard Dom's voice, and Isabella rolled her eyes.

I smiled. 

"You so are; now go back to work; I'm helping Isabella, and then we are going to go to my sister's track meet," I said.

And he sighed.

"I'll send a driver with you guys."

"I can drive," I said.

"You don't have your licenses," Dom said with a smile.

"Who told you that?"

He shrugged and raided the fridge for leftovers.

He put them in the microwave.

"See," Isabella said.

"See what?" I mumbled.

"He didn't tell you no or anything. Didn't even question it. I need you here every time I ask him to do anything or ask him for things," Isabella said and then went back to her homework.

Fuck I do not remember the last time I took algebra 1.

"Okay, so it gives you a table with three coordinate pairs and asks you what is the y intercept of the line," I said.

She nodded.

"-28, 54. -21, -40, and then -14,-26. A y-intercept is a point on the line that is on the y-axis..."

"When the x value is zero," she said.

"Yeah exactly. So you subtract the x values from each other. So that one is +7 and the y is +14. Then you continue to do that, and what's your answer?"

"0 and 2," she said.

"Perfect."

"Now can you do this one by yourself?" I asked, and she nodded.

"Uh, 22 and 0."

"Yeah, good job. Let's try the word problems. Victor is rowing a boat for a summer job. For every rowing job, he charges a starting fee and another one for each hour of work. His fee for a 5-hour job is 42 dollars, and her fee for a 3-hour job is 28 dollars. Y represents the fee in dollars for a single job, and x is the number of hours it took him to compete. What is the following information about the graph of the relationship that is given? Uh, the two points would not be intercepts. I think this one's dumb, but it's easy," I explained, and she nodded.

She did some more problems and asked me for help as she went.

I watched as Dom walked over and came behind me.

He put one arm on my lower back and then the other on the arm of my chair.

He rubs my back, and I feel myself straighten up.

What the fuck does he think he is doing?

Isabella rolled her eyes.

"What?"

"Nothing, I am just watching." MORE LIKE FEELING ME UP.

I felt his hand go up from the bottom of my shirt.

I twisted my back and tried to get his hand out from underneath my shirt.

"Dom," I mumbled.

His hands were big, and they were cold.

It felt good, but at the same time, his daughter was right there.

"Is that right?"

I looked down at her sheet.

"Yeah, do you understand it?"

"Yeah, I think so. The word problems are easier than the table ones."

"Yeah, that's usually how-." Fuck Dom. He was now squeezing my side.

"How what?" Isabella asked, and I watched her face drop as she looked at her dad. "Dad, I swear, stop."

Dom smiled and continued with his devious ass hand all on my skin and in my personal space.

"I am not doing anything baby cakes, just listening," he said.

"Usually the word problems are harder because they have extra words just to confuse you. I would pay attention to the numbers and what they relate to, and usually the first two sentences aren't really important," I explained, and she nodded.

"When is the track meet?" Dom mumbled as he now squeezed my stomach.

"Get your hands out from under my shirt and stop squeezing my fat, and I will tell you," I said, grabbing his hand.

He grabbed my hand off his and just smiled.

"Baby cakes, when is the track meet?"

"Why?"

"I just want to know," he said with a smile. He was now back to rubbing my back.

"In like an hour. You can't come though," she said quickly.

"Why?"

She trailed off and went back to her homework.

I looked behind me. "Because you are overbearing."

"I am not."

"You so are Dad."

"And you are bad at admitting you're wrong, Daddy-o," I said, and he rolled his eyes. 

"Fine, I guess I am overbearing," he said, and I felt his hand travel down into my pants.

"Go back to your work," I said, and he laughed, pulling his hand up.

"Text me when you guys get to the meet," he said, walking to go get his food out of the microwave.

"You'll see us when we get back," I smiled, and he sighed, walking off.

I focused back on Isabella.

"See, you boss my dad around so much, and I love it. He caves for whatever you say. I need you to stay here forever. Or at least till I move out to go to college. Fuck, he will barely let me hang out with friends, let alone go to college out of the state," she said.

"College already? Dude, you aren't even in high school yet; stop thinking about that," I said.

"Still, you need to help me convince him."

"I'll see what I can do," I said. "Thank you."

"What about you?"

"What about me?"

"Yeah, are you in college?"

Oh.

"Oh, um, I dropped out of high school. I had planned on going to college, but meh," I said. 

"Oh, why?"

"My parents couldn't afford it."

"Oh."

"Yeah, it's whatever though."

"What did you want to be before you dropped out?" she asked.

"I wanted to be an actor something like that," I said.

"What about now? What do you want to be?"

Anything at this point.

"Whatever works really. Your dad kind of flipped my whole world upside down, and I don't really know what I want to do now. I am permanently messed up and might never be the same, so maybe still an actor or I'll be your dad's bitch for the rest of life," I said.

"My dad's what?"

"I don't mean that."

"You sure?"

"I hope so," I said.

I really do hope so.

I don't know why I keep making jokes about it, but I can't help myself, and I really don't know why.

Isabella finished her math homework, and we were just about ready to leave. 

Isabella was in the car, and Dom was talking to me.

"Dom, we will be fine; you already sent a driver; we will be okay," I said.

"Just I don't…"

"Dom." I grabbed his hand. "We will be fine. We will be back soon; don't worry," I said with a smile.

He sighed.

"You are such a sweet talker. I don't know how you do it, but you put my mind at ease every single time," Dom said.

"You are just easily swayed."

"I guess I am."

I let his hand go and nodded.

"It's because you are so beautiful," he said.

I rolled my eyes as I felt him hug me

Fuck, he knew how to get me every damn time.

"Oh. This is new," I said.

I felt awkward hugging him back, but he seemed very content with hugging me.

"Please get back home safe," he said, and I nodded. 

He pulled back and gave me this look I couldn't explain.

"Please."

"We will, Jesus Christ; it's not that deep. Go finish your work," I said, and he nodded.

I went to the car, and he went back inside.

I wondered why he worried so fucking much.

He acts like everyone around him has giant targets on their backs.

It feels very suffocating; I understand how Isabella has felt her whole life.

At least I can get up leave and do whatever I want; she is only 12; she can't really do anything.

I wonder why he is like that.

So fucking crazy. 

Isabella was sitting there on her phone, and the driver started to drive.

I still don't know how I feel about him. 

It's this weird feeling that I can't explain.

I don't know.

This weird pit in my stomach, like I was scared and hungry all at the same time.

I don't know.

We sat in silence, and the drive felt awkward.

We had finally made it, and Isabella and I were on the lookout for Eliza and Brandon.

"What's up?" I said, and Eliza came to hug me. "Hugging me like I didn't say I was coming." I laughed.

"I just miss you," she said.

Swear I saw you like yesterday.

"Where is Brandon?"

Eliza rolled her eyes. "Somewhere with his team."

"With that fuck you like?"

"Bryan yes."

"Bitch ass name."

She gave me a look.

"Sorry, go show me him, and I will tell you if he is worth all of this," I said, laughing, and she sighed.

"Isabella, you got to come with me and see this bozo that's been making my sister all worried." Isabella smiled and nodded.

"Eliza, this is Dom's daughter."

"I figured," she said. 

"Nice to meet you," Eliza said. "Likewise."

"Awkward as fuck, let's go see him before you have to run," I said, pushing Eliza to walk forward.

The two of us followed her until she stopped.

I saw Brandon, and he was talking with a group of guys.

"One of them has to be him," I said, and Isabella agreed.

"Hi Eliza, hi Ryder," Brandon said, waving to us.

I pushed Eliza forward, and the three of us got closer.

"You guys know Eliza, but this is my older brother Ryder, and this is Ryder Fiance's kid," Brandon said.

Fiance.

It made my heart flutter in some weird, twisted way that I couldn't even explain. 

It was that hungry, scared feeling again. 

The team waved to us, and we waved back.

"Which one of you is Bryan?" Isabella asked, and Eliza whipped around towards the both of us like she was going to kill us one by one.

I started laughing.

If Isabella wasn't going to do it, I was going to.

"Me," a pretty tall guy said, raising his hand.

He kind of looked like a younger dominic if he was tanner and a teenager.

He has the same fluffy black hair.

Sort of the same eyes.

Eliza started tweaking as I smiled at Isabella.

"Why?"

"Just wondering, because I saw you in the yearbook. I go here too, just the middle school," Isabella said.

Good save.

"Oh, for real, I thought you were in Eliza's grade; you are very tall," Brian said, laughing. 

"He knows my grade," Eliza mouthed to me. I just shook my head. 

Oh, to have a delusional crush on someone. 

"Oh no," she said, and Bryan nodded.

His attention was now on Eliza.

"What are you running today?" he asked.

"How do you know I'm running today?"

"You are in your track uniform?" he said, laughing.

"That'll do it. 400, 100, high jump, and the 4x400. It should go by fast today because it's a bigger meet," she explained.

"Oh, yeah. I saw you in the high jump last meet. You got first, didn't you? You looked really good."

Is this flirting?

I can't even tell; I am going to be honest.

"Oh yeah, I did; I don't think I'll get first this time because I'm tired. But I am going to blame it on the new spandex coach gave us on the way to the track meet," Eliza said with a smile.

Ew checking my sister out in front of me is crazy work.

CRAZY FUCKING WORK. 

"Oh, uh, you look good in spandex."

That's. Uh okay.

"Uh, thank you. They are a little tight," Eliza said, and I know she was blushing.

"Good."

"What?"

"I don't mean that; uh, I mean they look good on you, yeah. I said that already. Uh, good luck. I'm going to go back to my friends, and I will see you jump and run," Bryan said. He was just as awkward as my sister.

They are perfect.

"Haha okay." Bryan walked off. 

Fucking awkward.

Eliza turned around and looked at me and Isabella.

"Was he flirting with me?"

"Yes," we said in unison, and Eliza started to freak out and jump around. 

"First call for the high jump," the announcer said, and Eliza started to freak out.

"Fuck, let me go check in. Okay, bye, make sure you take pictures for me," she said and quickly ran off.

"Do you want to go sit down?" Isabella nodded.

The two of us sat down on the bleacher, and I pulled my knitting out.

I swear I pull this shit out of my ass sometimes.

"What are you making?"

"It's for your daddy. It's a sweater."

"Oh, that's nice," she said.

And I nodded.

"He likes gifts and physical affection, and I am not really good at the second one, but I am good at knitting, so I can do this for him," I explained.

"I didn't know Dad liked gifts."

"Yeah, he doesn't give off that vibe, but he does like them a lot," I said.

Isabella nodded.

I still don't even know how I really feel about your dad, but I know that I want to give him gifts to show him my appreciation.

We sat in silence as I watched all of the chaos unfold in front of me.

I look up.

There was this guy sitting on the same row as us, just a little farther down.

He wasn't with anyone, just himself.

Weird.

I am not really an overthinker or someone who always thinks everyone is out to get me, but I feel off. 

Very fucking off.

"Question for you."

"Yes?"

"Are you and my dad fucking?"

What?

That caught me very off guard.

"Uh, no, we aren't."

"You aren't?"

"No, I feel awkward doing that. I don't know why. I am not even sure how I feel about him," I said.

The whole, not wanting to replace her mom.

The guy was gone.

I did not even see him get up.

What the fuck?

"Hmm, okay," she seemed pretty indifferent. 

The track meet went by very quickly, and now we were looking for Eliza.

She had disappeared after her 4 by 4, and I have no idea where she went.

"I have practice till later, so I think Mom was going to take us home. I also can't find Bryan either," Brandon said, and I smiled. 

"Tell her we are going to go, and I will text her," I said, and Brandon nodded.

Before I knew it, we were back at home.

We had stopped to get Taco Bell, and I was now sitting on Isabella's floor, eating nachos.

She was in her bed on her second taco, and we were just talking.

"I guess it's always been me, Leo, and Dad; I don't remember my mom at all, and the only memories I have of her are through Leo, not even Dad. Leo used to tell me stories about her and how gorgeous she was and whatnot," Isabella said. 

"What was her name?"

"Lova, I think. Leo says I don't really look like her; I look more like my dad, but I think Dad begs to differ," Isabella said.

"I thought she left because Leo and Dad were fucking, but Dad's not gay, and he sees Leo as his brother."

Oh.

"Dad never told me the real reason she left; I had a feeling it was his standoffish personality and the whole vibe he has, but now that I think about it, that was created by her." She took a bite out of her taco.

"I think Dad hasn't had a partner since; something about not wanting to replace my mom, but I think it's because he is traumatized. Of course he would never admit it, but he's blocked off everyone and hasn't been emotionally there for me since forever. It's a shame."

"Why do you say that?"

"I guess I want my dad to be happy and stop making me his center world. Like I understand, but it is causing him to be such a fucking control freak, and we were talking about it earlier; it is fucking suffocating. And I love my dad a lot, but holy fuck, you know?"

"I feel that."

"See, but when you're here, it is all gone. The overbearing control freak is gone, and he starts to let stuff slide and is like he is in this fucking lalala land all the time when you are nearby. Like he is in a trance." She stopped to finish chewing her taco. 

"Do you think it would have been different if you knew your mom or if she was still here?" I said I was propping myself up on the floor. 

She looked at me. "I don't really know; I don't think she really wanted to be a mom, but Leo talks about her like she was the greatest thing since sliced bread. But if she was so great, why did she leave my Dad? I don't really know. All I really know is that it is different now that you're here. My dad is so hypercritical about everything, especially the people he likes, but you threw all of that out of the window."

"My dad is happier now—way happier than he has ever been in his pictures with my mom or anything. You're like his soulmate if you could believe it," she said, putting her trash in the bag.

I don't think I could.

"If anyone were to be my replacement mom, I'd hope it would be you. You cook better than my dad and our maids. You are nice. You knit. You listen to me. I don't know; you are just you, and I think it would be be cool," Isabella said.

Replacement mom.

I'd hope it would be you. 

Somehow that feels nice.

Somehow I'd hope it would be me too. 

"I hope I would just be your dad's partner and not a replacement mom."

The words came out before I could even think. 

Isabella raised her eyebrow at me.

And then she smiled. 

"So you are willing to be my dad's partner?"

"I never said that," I said, laughing. I rolled over on my back and looked up at her ceiling.

She had those shity green stars everyone got when they were younger all on her ceiling. 

"You just did."

"I so did, fuck. Whatever. I will be whatever you want me to be," I said, and she nodded.

"You can be my mom then."