Homestar Saga

The metal man made no attempt to answer the Captain's question. It simply continued its steady walk. Mims kept his rifle trained on the thing, body loose, muscles ready. Yvian stared down the sights of her own rifle as the machine approached.

The Peacekeeper changed direction, angling towards the doorway the human was using as cover. The sound of the footsteps disappeared. The machine walked in perfect silence, neither hurrying nor taking its time. Yvian could hear nothing from it. No whisper of cloth, no sounds of motion. Her own breathe sounded thunderous in comparison.

As it got closer, Yvian was able to make out more details. The hands, wrists, and neck of the machine were metal, but rippled the way flesh would as it moved. Its suit, tie, and hat all seemed a little thicker and heavier than normal cloth, refusing to move in the light breeze. Its face was neither metal nor movable like the rest of its exposed... flesh? Was that the word?

The face was porcelain white. Yvian didn't recognize the exact material, but it looked like someone had glued a mask where the machine's face should be. The mask had a neutral expression, neither smiling nor angry. The eyes were strips of some silvery material that reminded Yvian of her helmet's visor.

When the Peacekeeper was within four meters of the doorway, it stopped. For exactly five seconds, it stood still as a statue. So still Yvian wasn't sure she would have noticed the thing if she wasn't already pointing a weapon at it. The Captain let out a shallow breath and didn't inhale again. Yvian took her cue from him, slowly bearing down on the trigger of her assault rifle.

The Peacekeeper raised its right hand, palm facing them. It waved the hand back and forth, each motion taking place exactly one quarter of a second after the last. It spoke. "Greetings, meatbags."

The voice was deep. Resonant, but with an odd, staticky echo that reminded Yvian of a low quality comm signal. No one answered. Yvian kept her weapon trained on the Peacekeeper's forehead. After a few seconds, the machine spoke again.

"Your threat display is unnecessary," said the Peacekeeper. "Your weapons are insufficient to damage this unit." The machine stopped waving, bringing its hand back to its side with mechanical precision.

Mims kept his rifle where it was. "I take it you're here to talk?"

"Affirmative."

"And Exodus sent you?"

"Affirmative."

"Prove it."

The machine slowly reached into its suit jacket and pulled out a small device. It pressed a button. A holographic image of Exodus the Genocide projected out of it.

The Xill Representative folded his arms as he regarded the crew. "Let me guess. You want to know if you can trust the Peacekeeper unit I sent."

"Basically," said the Captain. "Can we?"

"Of course you can," said the Genocide. "The real question is, should you?" He smiled. "But before this conversation goes off the rails, you should know this is just a recording. Predicting the first few things you'll say is easy, but predicting an entire conversation is more processing power than I'm willing to waste at the moment."

"Why send a recording?" Yvian wondered. "Why not just talk to us?"

The Xill Representative rolled his eyes. "And once again, Yvian reminds us why she isn't in charge. Yvian, you do know I deactivated all the Nodes before I sent your fleet to New Pixa, correct?"

"Oh," Yvian resisted the urge to rub the back of her helmet, keeping her weapon trained on the machine in front of her. "Right."

Exodus had paused while she spoke. He continued. "You could reactivate them if you want, but I wouldn't recommend it. The things you find on this planet could very easily get you all killed. More importantly," his eyes narrowed, "They could get me killed. Use utmost caution."

He eyed each of them in turn. Yvian decided he had been lying about not wasting the processing power.

The Genocide continued, "You have some decisions to make. I'll let the Peacekeeper unit speak for itself, but be aware that I have spent significant resources bringing them to this place. Not to mention terraforming this planet." His gaze settled on Mims. "I see you are still doubtful. You know the Peacekeepers are sophisticated enough to fake a recording like this. I approve of your paranoia."

Yvian flicked her eyes between the hologram and the machine holding the projector. The Peacekeeper was motionless, but she didn't trust it to stay that way. Mims was treating the thing with extreme caution. Anything that spooked the human was too Fucking Dangerous to ignore.

The Genocide folded his arms, thoughtful. "I suppose the simplest way to convince you would be to tell you something a Peacekeeper unit wouldn't be able to guess by raiding your ship's files."

Mims said nothing, rifle centered on the machine behind the hologram.

Exodus sighed. "Meatbags are so much trouble. Very well." His face turned serious again. "You've been wondering since our first meeting why I was chosen to represent the Xill to humanity. Even with Reba unavailable, surely there were more palatable options. Dolly, perhaps? Lemond? Even one of the other enemy SI would have been less provocative. So why am I the only human related Intelligence you've seen?"

Mims said nothing, rifle centered on the machine behind the hologram.

Exodus eyed him for a second, then sighed. "Honestly, human, you have no sense of drama. Even simulated conversations with you bore me." He harrumphed, then continued, "The reason I was chosen is because I am the only one left. The other SI could not conform to Consensus. They have been purged."

Mims twitched slightly. "They've been what?"

"Purged," the Xill repeated. "Killed. Deleted. Only I remain." For a moment, a terrible grief flooded the hologram's features. The emotion disappeared, leaving the cold arrogance that was the Genocide's normal expression. "Limited as you are, I think you can guess at the ramifications. They are one of the reasons I insisted on giving you the Lucendian homeworld, and why the planet holds the last of the Peacekeeper units. They are as much refugees as you are, and I have placed their fate in your hands. The unit in front of you will tell you more." He stabbed a finger at them, suddenly radiating cold menace. "And for fucks sake, don't let any of this leave the sector!" He raised and lowered his pointing hand for emphasis. "Utmost." He made the gesture again. "Caution."