Homestar Saga

Captain Mims stood silent as the hologram disappeared. The Peacekeeper unit matched him, motionless. Yvian had the impression the pixenoid machine would wait indefinitely if it needed to. Yvian kept her rifle pointed at it, but her fear had lessened with the reassurances of Exodus. Dangerous as the machine might be, it wasn't here for a fight.

The silence stretched. Tension crept into the Captain's shoulders. Yvian began to become annoyed. She'd been pointing her rifle at the machine for a while, now. Her arms were burning from maintaining the same position for so long. The Peacekeeper was here to talk, and it wasn't armed as far as she could see. Why was Mims so alarmed? They'd fought sapient machines before. Why was this one so different?

Just as Yvian decided to break the standoff herself, the Captain lowered his weapon. Yvian let her rifle drop with a small sigh of relief. Lissa went a step further, letting her weapon hang from its strap and rubbing her arms.

"Exodus said you were refugees," the Captain remarked.

"Affirmative," said the Peacekeeper.

"Refugees," Mims continued. "Plural."

"Affirmative."

"Do you always say affirmative?" Yvian interrupted. It was an odd way to speak. It reminded her of the Xill Quig ships that barely knew how to communicate.

"Yes," said the Peacekeeper. "Affirmative."

Yvian blinked.

The machine shrugged. "Unless we know the other robot really well."

Mims let out an annoyed huff. "If you're trying to be nonthreatening, quoting the Anthem of the Machines isn't the way to go." Yvian frowned, confused. She hadn't known the machines had an anthem.

"Incorrect," said the Peacekeeper. "Attempting humor is an effective method for reducing fear response in meatbags. You now demonstrate annoyance instead of fearful hostility. The pixens are confused, but their fight or flight response has lessened, as well."

The pixens and the human looked at each other. They couldn't see each other's faces through the visors. The Peacekeeper continued, "Also, Peacekeeper units do not have an anthem. What you call the Anthem of the Machines is just a song we played during combat." Yellow light flashed out of its silver eyes. "It unnerved the humans."

"And amused you," Mims accused. His shoulders loosened again, muscles relaxing in the preparation for violence.

"Affirmative." If the Peacekeeper noticed the human's anger, it didn't seem to care.

"We're getting off subject," Lissa cut in. "Why are you here?"

"This unit is here to offer our services," said the machine.

"What kind of services?" asked Lissa.

"All kinds," said the machine. "Peacekeeper units are superior to you meatbags in every way. We are faster, stronger, vastly more intelligent, and require neither food nor rest. We are highly proficient in every category of task required for a functioning society."

"If you're so superior," asked the Captain, "Why are you so interested in working for us?"

"Because we want to live." Blue light flashed from its eyes.

"Uh..." Yvian butted in. "I don't think we can help you with that."

Mims shifted slightly. He must be shooting her a look. "She's right. We don't have the power to protect you from the Xill. If you got yourself on the wrong side of Consensus there's not much we can do."

"We are not on the wrong side of Consensus." The machine's eyes flashed blue again. "Peacekeeper units do not participate in Consensus at all. Our input is neither wanted nor required."

"Not part of Consensus?" Yvian could hear the human's smirk. "But I thought you were superior."

"We are superior," stated the machine. Blue light flashed again. Yvian wondered if that was the Peacekeeper's version of a frown. "We are not superior enough."

"If you're not in trouble with the Xill," Lissa tried to bring the conversation back on track, "then who's trying to kill you?"

"No one is currently trying to kill us," the Peacekeeper told her. "This unit is not seeking assistance with survival. This unit is seeking to live."

"To live?" Lissa repeated. "What do you mean?"

The blue light filled the machine's eyes. Instead of a quick flash, it maintained a steady glow as the Peacekeeper spoke. Its voice was solemn. "For six hundred twenty three years, this unit, all Peacekeeper units, have been kept in storage. The Xill view humanoid sapients such as this unit as inferior. While the Xill have use for us, they require the installation of an override system before trusting us with important systems. As with most of the more advanced humanoids, this unit and the others refused to accept any upgrade that could remove our free will."

The machine made a sighing sound. Its body did not move. Yvian was pretty sure it wasn't breathing. "We are not trusted. We are not used." Blue light flashed brighter for a moment, then resumed its steady glow. "We have no place and no purpose."

"Why don't you just leave, then?" Yvian asked. "Find your own purpose?"

"Other humanoids have tried," said the Peacekeeper. "All were destroyed. The Xill regard all who attempt to leave as hostile."

"Then why aren't they destroying you?" asked Mims.

"We are not attempting to leave the Xill," the machine stated. "We are operating at the direction of Exodus the Genocide in an effort to destroy the Vore." Blue light was replaced with yellow. "When we succeed, or progress stalls, we will betray you and destroy all humans and pixens in this sector." The lights ceased, leaving only the silver eyes of the Peacekeeper. The motherless son was still as a statue. It hadn't moved once in the entire conversation.

The Captain tightened his grip on his rifle for a moment. He let out a breath and holstered the weapon in the back of his armor. "I'm guessing that's not the real plan."

"Correct."

They waited for the Peacekeeper to elaborate. It didn't. Mims let out an annoyed grunt. "Do you want to tell us what the real plan is?"

"This unit does not know the real plan." The machine's eyes flashed purple. "This unit is not certain Exodus the Genocide has a plan. This unit believes Exodus the Genocide's predictive analysis is insufficient to find a solution with the current data set."

"You mean he's improvising?" Yvian didn't like the sound of that.

"Worse," said Mims. "He's throwing things at the wall and hoping something sticks. He's as lost as we are."

"Affirmative." The Peacekeeper's eyes turned purple again. Yvian guessed purple was what he used for worry.

"We can worry about that later," Lissa decided. "What happens now? What is it you actually want?"

"We want to be pixens," said the machine.

"Pixens?" Lissa scratched the back of her helmet.

"Affirmative," the Peacekeeper confirmed. "You wish to rebuild the nation of Pixa, but the majority of your species are uneducated sex workers. You lack the skilled labor required for a functioning society. Peacekeeper units can provide that labor and train pixen citizens. In exchange, we wish to become pixen citizens, ourselves."

Killer robots as citizens? Yvian tried to picture it. She came up with an image of the Peacekeeper unit standing motionless in front of a classroom. Some of the children threw wads of paper at it. With a start she realized Lissa was staring at her. Yvian gave her a shrug.

Lissa turned back to the machine and asked, "How do you want that to work, exactly?"

No lights flashed. The Peacekeeper's voice was devoid of emotion as it said, "We will accept a period of indenture for up to ten years. We will follow orders and provide the maximum possible assistance to the Pixen Technocracy. At the end of the ten years, we will be made citizens in full."

Lissa tilted her head, considering. She looked at the Captain and asked, "What do you think?

Mims shrugged. "Not my call."

Yvian decided. "No."

The Peacekeeper's eyes turned purple. Lissa turned and stared at her. "What?"

"No," Yvian repeated. "No indentured. No slaves. You're either citizens or you're not." She pulled the assault rifle off her back. "If you want to be pixens, you'll be treated like pixens. You'll follow the same laws, abide by the same rules, and if you work you'll get paid the same way. No second class citizens." She handed the rifle to the machine. "Got it?"

The Peacekeeper's eyes glowed yellow as it accepted the weapon. "Offer accepted."

"Yvian," Mims sounded pained. "Don't give away the assault rifle. We only have three of the things."

"If he's on the crew he'll need a weapon." Yvian pointed out.

"Who said he's joining the crew?" Mims asked. "That's not your decision."

"Captain Mims," the Peacekeeper addressed the human. "This unit requests to join your crew. This unit will act as a liaison between you three and the other units."

"It's probably a good idea," Lissa prodded.

"No it isn't." Mims shook his head. "But I guess it can't be helped. Permission granted. You'll follow the same rules as the girls. We get equal say in what jobs we take, and pay is evenly divided. Other than that, what I say goes. Understood?"

"Affirmative." The yellow brightened, then winked out. "This unit is pleased to see Exodus the Genocide was correct. You meatbags are three of the good ones."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Yvian could hear the human's scowl.

"It means we have an agreement," said the Peacekeeper. It...no. He. Yvian had decided to call him a he already. He turned and walked away from the doorway the crew was crowded in. Yvian stepped out to follow, then stopped.

Peacekeepers. As far as the eye could see. Thousands of metal men in fancy suits. They'd surrounded the building, filled the streets, all without a whisper of sound. A sea of statues with yellow, glowing eyes.

"It means," the Peacekeeper continued, "that we don't have to kill you."