Dungeons Are Bad Business

The indistinct rumble of a crowd filled the air as Vee approached the Westown gate. Reaching up, the [Dungeon Master] fiddled with the collar on his dress shirt, uncomfortable with the way that it clung to his neck. He hated formal clothing, but had to admit that he’d felt no small measure of satisfaction when he’d looked at his reflection that morning in the mirror. Zeiken had chosen well; the salamander’s eye for fashion was rather well trained.

Alforde had taken the time that morning to polish his armor, and his plates shone brightly in the morning sun. Slammy rested comfortably on his pauldron, and his eyes burned like fireplaces. The armorsoul’s stride was smooth and unhurried next to Vee’s, but the [Ghost Maestro] could sense the mixture of excitement and trepidation through the bond he shared with his best friend as they got closer to the crowd.

Only Reginald seemed to be unaffected by the spectacle of the crowd waiting for them. The hat was perched atop his ghosthetic, grinning wildly as the creature’s arms swung back and forth and he took in the sight at the gate.

“Lots of new faces out there,” he said. “Some of them look pretty tough, too, like they’ve been through some real fights and not just this dungeon stuff. Heck, that one red elkin over there is more scars than fur, and that salamander with the crystal spear is missing her tail. Oh! Look at the bladed yo-yo that guy in the flannel has. Kind of a weird outfit choice, but maybe he’ll wear something different for his run. I think you’re going to be in for some rough fights, Alforde.”

Alforde snorted, or rather, made the small tinny noise that Vee believed was his friend’s best effort to do so. “More like they’ll be in for some rough fights if they manage to reach me. The dungeon is going to stop most of them, right Vee?”

“That’s the hope,” Vee mumbled as he tried in vain to activate [Stiffen Spine]. For some reason, the skill was simply refusing to work, which was more than a little irritating. Skill failures were a known thing across the continent, typically happening during periods of intense stress or great physical injury, but Vee didn’t think he was that nervous about the start of the circuit. Heck, he’d felt pretty good that morning as he’d eaten and gotten dressed.

Tucking his hand into his pocket, Vee brought his thumb and forefinger together and tried to activate [Shape Ectoplasm]. It didn’t work either.

Closing his eyes, Vee took a long, slow breath and held it for a moment. I’m okay, this is going to be okay, and everything is fine. Relax, Vee. Re-lax.

He tried again, and relief flooded through his entire body as the skill activated and he squished a tiny ball of ectoplasm into existence. A few moments later, as if realizing that things were working right again, [Stiffen Spine] activated and Vee straightened up a few inches as it took hold.

People were starting to notice the trio now, and Vee felt the increasingly familiar sensation of being the center of attention. He refused to let it affect him though, and instead focused on the podium that the [Dungeon Maintainers] had hastily thrown together the night before and set outside the gate when the Light Section came in from their final cleaning before the circuit started. It was almost twice as tall as Alforde, and surprisingly aesthetic, with alternating colors of wood arranged in a pleasant geometric pattern around the sides and front. Even the staircase was well-built, and Vee found himself wondering if he could find some sort of use for the podium after today’s use.

Alforde clapped him on the shoulder firmly when they reached the podium, and quietly said, “Alright Vee, here we go. You’re going to do great!”

Nodding, Vee looked over at Reginald, who winked and brought the ghosthetic’s arm up to flash a cheeky thumbs up. “You sure are, boss, so long as you remember to aim your voice at the magnifying crystal properly and stick to what’s on the cards.”

Vee stopped dead in his tracks. The cards! He’d left them on the table back in the boarding house; he could see them clearly in his mind’s eye. He’d set them down – just for a moment, he’d thought at the time – to fuss with his stupid collar, and then had totally forgotten to pick them back up.

Now the [Dungeon Master] was faced with quite the dilemma. Certainly, it wouldn’t be dignified to run back to the boarding house to collect them, but it would also be less than ideal if he fumbled his way through his speech and forgot all of the important things he was supposed to say, like the multitude of “critical” things the development committee had asked him to include.

What was Vee going to do?

Thankfully, Reginald stepped in to save the day. His grin widening once again to that unnaturally large size that he was fond of in his smuggest moments, the hat said, “Based on that mortified expression, I’m guessing you just remembered that you don’t have the cards. However, you can go ahead and relax because your faithful, criminally under praised [Majordomo] has your back! Take a look!”

Using one of Dogginald’s arms, Reginald lifted himself up into the air which revealed Vee’s cards underneath. Breathing a sigh of relief, the [Dungeon Master] picked them and flipped through them quickly to ensure that they were all where they were supposed to be.

“Thanks, Reginald,” Vee said as he tucked them back into his pocket. “I appreciate you looking out for me.”

“Of course,” the hat said. “I’ve got a little flask here too if you want something to pick yourself up a bit.”

Pushing aside the brief question of why his hat had liquor, the [Dungeon Master] shook his head and climbed the stairs of the podium so that he could better see the crowd. He wished that there was some sort of fanfare to get their attention, and as if responding to his desire, the Expectation around his shoulder unfurled and flew up into the sky. Vee looked up at the spirit, which seemed to somehow be even longer than it’d been the last time he’d seen it, but the [Ghost Maestro] couldn’t be sure. It wasn't like he'd measured it or anything. Still, he craned his ears and managed to hear the Expectation’s voice, which was little more than a whisper in the wind.

~[Call To Attention]~

A shiver raced through the air, giving Vee goosebumps, and the air was filled with bright blue light. Small orbs of azure energy that crackled like flames surrounded the podium, and following various exclamations of surprise the crowd quickly fell silent.

The Expectation remained in the air for a few more seconds, then returned to its perch on Vee’s shoulder with a sonorous cry and nuzzled the [Ghost Maestro]’s cheek contentedly.

“Thanks,” Vee whispered, giving the snake dragon a quick pat like it was a purring cat before clearing his throat and setting his cards down on the podium. The magnifying crystal was slightly to his right, and he tilted his mouth toward it ever so slightly.

Putting on his best dignified smile, Vee raised his chin and said, “Welcome to Oar’s Crest! I am Vee Vales, [Dungeon Master] of Crestheart dungeon, and it’s my great honor to welcome you all here to the start of the dungeon development event that’s been dubbed ‘The Dungeons of the Future’.”

He flipped the first card over and exhaled. So far so good.

“I am proud to be participating alongside [Dungeon Masters] from Amespool, Old Narluc, Shontsdale, and Yew’s Rise. My peers and I look forward to the contests to come, and hope that they’re filled with excitement, drama, and good sportsmanship.”

Second card down. Vee was feeling the rhythm of speaking now, and was making sure to spread his attention across the crowd and make eye contact with audience members as he did so. Doing so helped calm his nerves, and his voice grew stronger as he started reading the next card.

“Now, with that said, we are a dungeon development committee, and all five of us have ambitions of joining other circuits around the continent at some point in the future. To that end, we welcome your honest and constructive feedback so that we can all improve our dungeon experiences in the future.

“For those of you who are members of the adventurer’s guild, there are forms in the Oar’s Crest branch that you can fill out following your run, and for spectators and others there’s a different form at the small cafe known as the lobby across from Crestheart tower. Thank you in advance for taking the time to let us know how we’re doing.”

He noticed Alisanne Henret in the crowd, and gave the [Fighter] a small smile when their eyes locked. She was wearing a new coat – or at least, it looked new – that bore an insignia Vee didn’t recognize. She grinned back, and brought her fists together in display of friendly competitiveness as he looked away.

Neil and his party looked stoic and eager for the circuit to start. They all wore the same outfits Vee had seen in some of their magazines, so he surmised that they were probably sponsored in some way or were otherwise connected to their brand.

However, not all the expressions in the crowd were encouraging. One kitrekin carrying a spear had eyes that burned with rage, a brawny man looked bored, and a towering fellow with a thick graying mustache wore a grin that could make Reginald’s look positively modest.

Actually, a good number of adventurers looked bored, and Vee had to resist the urge to speak faster so that his speech would end quicker. They could be bored; he had more to say.

“That last point is especially true for Crestheart. We are still a relatively new dungeon, and while we hope to continue growing and developing, I know for a fact that we have a long way to go before we’re able to stand with other dungeons around the continent as equals.

Next card.

“However, I am proud of the challenge we offer to adventurers, and I believe wholeheartedly that any of you who underestimate our floors or our [Dungeon Champion] are setting yourselves up for keen disappointment. We are a dungeon centered around ghosts: don’t let your ambitions join their number by being careless. Seriously, we even offer guides, so there’s no excuse for any of you to be unprepared.”

That earned a few chuckles from the crowd, and Vee smiled as he turned to his final cards. They were mostly logistical in nature, and he read through them quickly before getting to the end of his speech.

Here, and only here, did Vee decide that he wanted to go off script. The last card didn’t possess anything truly important, and all well-wishes were functionally the same.

Raising his hands, Vee lifted his chin and said, “I hope that you enjoy your time here and encourage you all to explore the things our city has to offer, and look forward to testing your mettle in the days to come. Welcome to Oar’s Crest. Now, [City Guards], if you’d be so kind, please go ahead and open the gate so that we can begin!”

The [City Guards], who’d been briefed on this the day before, hurried to do as Vee commanded. The gate swung open with a loud creak, and the adventurers and others flooded into the street toward the dungeon.

Vee breathed a sigh of relief.

[Congratulations, you are now a Dungeon Master Level 24!]

[Charisma +1]

Main Character Sheets:

Vee Vales:

Primary Class: Ghost Maestro (Locksmagister University), Level 32

Secondary Class: Dungeon Master (Oar’s Crest), Level 24 (+1)

Tertiary Class: Guy-Who-Takes-Things-WAY-Too-Far (Self), Level 6

Might: 15

Wit: 39

Faith: 26

Adventurousness: 7

Ambition: 16

Plotting: 19

Charisma: 17 (+1)

Devious Mind: 28

Leadership: 21

Guts: 14

Intimidating Presence: 11

Citizenship: 24

Public Relations: 8

Determination: 6

Persuasiveness: 6

Bargaining: 4

Patience: 3

Competitive Spirit: 1

Pragmatism: 1

<3<3 Infatuation <3<3

Alforde Armorsoul (Unchanged from last chapter):

Primary Class: Hammer Specialist (Self), Level 6

Secondary Class: Right-hand man (Vee Vales), Level 18

Tertiary Class: Dungeon Champion (Oar’s Crest), Level 18

Additional Class: Glaciernaut (Sacha Silverblade), Level 11

Might: 58

Wit: 15

Faith: 28

Adventurousness (Bound – Vee Vales): 9

Endurance: 33

Intimidating Presence: 15

Heart of a Champion: 14

Citizenship (Bound – Vee Vales): 9

Vigilance: 11

Vanity: 2

Single-Mindedness: 1

Reginald:

Primary Class: Core Spirit (Unknown), Level ???

#$&Q#$)(@#$#@#$%!@#$##%#%()@#$**@@##

Secondary Class: Loudmouth (Self), Level 43

Tertiary Class: Majordomo (Vee Vales), Level 21 (+1)

Additional Class: Announcer (Vee Vales), Level 13

Additional Class: Hyperthymesiac (Self), Level 5

Might: 1

Wit: 37

Faith: 18

Ambition: 28

Greed: 24

Deceptiveness: 27

Manipulativeness: 42

$#&*!@!!: !!!

Loyalty: 46

Patience: 11

Irritability: 24

Remorsefulness: 17

Expository Prowess: 23

#%$Pragmatism*#$: @#61$5

Hop@#!! @#$@!@#

@#$@%%^

#4^5#*&_!+++#(@$#

Citizenship (Bound – Vee Vales): 9