Dungeons Are Bad Business

Vee climbed down from the podium, feeling lighter with every step. All things considered, that hadn’t gone too badly. He hadn’t stumbled over his words, fat-fingered any cards, or ran out of breath. While it was unlikely that many of the adventurers would have found their Competitive Spirit burning as a result of the speech – several of the regulars wore expressions that bordered on…bored – it’d been a competently delivered welcome, and that was all the [Dungeon Master] could have hoped for.

It might be a good idea to invest in some public speaking lessons, Vee thought as he reached the ground. While he hadn’t seen the bevy of [Skill Trainers], [System Consultants], or other such people that were common in Bardis here in Oar’s Crest, there were bound to be at least a few people who could give him some pointers on such things.

Directing Reginald to look into the matter for him, Vee turned his attention back to the adventurers, who were steadily making their way through the Westown gate and heading toward Crestheart.

“I suppose we should probably follow after them,” Alforde said. “Get this thing started for real, eh?”

Vee nodded, and the trio joined the throng of people. Most of the adventurers spent several seconds looking at Alforde with a mixture of trepidation and excitement as they walked past, and Vee noticed with a small smile that his friend was doing everything he could to be as tall and imposing as possible. The [Dungeon Champion]’s eyes burned like furnaces, and now and then the armorsoul shifted Slammy from one pauldron to the other with plenty of flourish, somehow managing to make the weapon’s head whistle through the air without ever bringing it close to any of the other pedestrians.

Vee thought the movements looked more impressive than intimidating, but given the way a few of the soon-to-be challengers flinched away each time, the [Dungeon Master] was forced to reconsider his perspective.

As soon as they passed through the gate, Vee felt as if he’d stepped into a different city. Like everyone else associated with Crestheart, Kai and Dandelion had been hard at work for the past several days, arranging snowdrops, crocuses, hyacinths, and an oddly high number of sunflowers into a decorative display that gave the street the feeling of a well-tended garden. The colors were muted and simple – it was still too early in the year for there to be much variety – but the air was sweet with floral fragrance and Vee couldn’t help but smile as he took in the sights. Sure, boxes of carefully arranged flowers was a bit of a thematic mismatch with Crestheart’s ice and ghosts, but that was fine. Probably. Ultimately, Vee’s ambition for Westown was for it to be bigger than just the dungeon, so he didn’t mind the juxtaposition.

Speaking of ice and ghosts, Vee had done his best to mold some ectoplasm into faux icicles and snowflakes and affix them to the dungeon so that it wouldn’t look quite so boxy from the outside. His artistic ectoplasm shaping still had a long way to go, judging by some of the laughs from the more seasoned adventurers standing outside, but Vee didn’t let that bother him. Instead, he waited until the crowd was mostly still once again, then reached through his bond to Do and commanded the [Dungeon Maintainer] to activate the final portion of his welcome ceremony.

Veins of blue light raced up the dungeon’s side, and when they reached the top the big ghost Vee had previously installed on the roof expanded in size like an ectoplasmic balloon. It reared up, revealing a humanoid torso vaguely reminiscent of Alforde. It extended its arms like a [Magician] flourishing his hands right before a trick and Zeiken’s booming voice filled the air thanks to a collection of hastily rigged together magnifying crystals. The sound was so loud it caused the empty buildings on both sides of the street to shake and a few plants hanging in baskets fell from their hooks and hit the ground.

WHO DARES CHALLENGE THIS DUNGEON?

Reginald let out a sharp peal of laughter as several of the adventurers jumped into the air or fell down at the sudden burst of sound. “I’m guessing they weren’t expecting that.”

“Definitely not,” said Alforde.

The big ghost lowered its arms and the [Snow Flurry] trap gems that Vee had rigged up on the roof activated, sending a cascade of tiny snowflakes into the air as it spoke once more.

A WARNING FOR THOSE WHO ARE ABOUT TO ENTER:

BEWARE THE CHILLING TEMPEST BELOW…

YOU SHOULD KNOW

IT DOES NOT COMFORT

IT NEVER YIELDS

ICE, WIND, AND FROSTNICKEL IT WIELDS

BEWARE!

It wasn’t the best poem Vee had ever written – though the upper limit of his skills in that arena wasn’t much higher, truth be told – but much like his welcome speech the [Dungeon Master] thought it was sufficient for the needs of the moment. Zeiken's performance had helped it a lot; the salamander sure knew how to put on a commanding voice when he wanted to. One day he’d have the time and resources to improve the exterior appearance of the dungeon and add better verses of welcome, but not today.

“Alright, I’m going to head inside and get ready,” Alforde said. “Wish me luck.”

“You’re going to do great,” Vee said with a big grin. He clapped his friend on the arm. “I’ll do my best to make sure anyone who makes it down to you is good and tired, okay?”

“I appreciate it. I’ll make sure to give every fight my best.”

Vee was glad Alforde didn’t have delusions about winning every fight. While it’d be awesome, the trio had gone through the list of the upcoming challengers and there were a few who were simply too high of a level for the armorsoul to be competitive. In a few cases – like the level 52 [Thunderlord] – Vee wasn’t even sure why such strong adventurers had signed up to participate in the first place; surely they were strong enough to enter a proper circuit, weren’t they? The [Dungeon Master] didn’t know much about the rules that governed such things, but one didn’t need to be an expert to recognize that people in the high 30s and low 40s in their primary classes were far beyond what Crestheart could challenge.

Alas, there was nothing he could do about it either; he’d discussed the matter with Zeiken and the salamander had been clear that facing such overleveled challengers was simply a fact of life in the dungeon circuit scene. So long as they didn’t challenge the dungeon more than twice in a six month period, neither the adventurer’s guild nor the [Dungeon Master]’s union would intervene in any way.

Vee didn’t think that was particularly fair, but – as Reginald and Zeiken both reminded him – life often wasn’t. Complaining about it wouldn’t help either, so Vee resolved to just minimize his losses as best he could when those runs happened.

At least they’d be good targets for [Boost Drops].

Hurrying up the stairs with Reginald right behind him, Vee walked over to Dheart and poured in the day’s first dose of aqua magia. The bottle was slowly starting to empty, but Vee couldn’t say how many more times he’d be able to use it before it ran out.

With that done, Vee diverted the energy from Dheart back to the dungeon itself and made sure that all his dials, knobs, and switches were in their proper starting positions. This was an unnecessary check since he’d done it multiple times the day before, but there was no point in opening himself up to a chance of failure at this point.

Reginald set himself on the desk next to his magnification crystal and pulled over the day’s stack of adventurer sheets.

While he was setting them up, a knock on the door got Vee’s attention. Frowning, the [Dungeon Master] got up and walked across the room, only to find an elkin and a kitrekin dressed in brown jackets standing outside.

“Hi there,” the elkin said, pulling out a wallet and showing it to Vee. “I’m Agent Tull and this is Agent Shorthair. We’re with the Dungeon Sport Commissioner Office and we’re here to observe your dungeon’s runs as part of this development committee.”

Vee looked back at Reginald and raised an eyebrow. The hat’s bemused expression made it clear that it was the first time his [Majordomo] was hearing about this too.

“We sent a letter about a month ago letting you know this would be happening,” Agent Tull said. “Did you not receive it?”

Vee hadn’t, but neither of his skills for detecting untruths procced so there was a good chance of that being true. He wondered what had gone wrong with the post.

“I’m sorry, I must have missed it,” Vee said. “With all the hubbub getting ready for this event I’ve been somewhat neglectful in terms of handling my usual business.”

“Totally understandable,” the kitrekin – Agent Shorthair – said. “We’re sure that you’ve been extremely busy putting this all together. The observer policy is relatively new. You see, a few months ago we discovered a plot that was causing [Dungeon Champions] to intentionally throw their fights to benefit gambling houses around the continent. Such a thing is obviously antithetical to our office’s mission of maintaining a good, competitive dungeon sport environment, and the office has since adopted the policy of sending agents to observe dungeon runs to ensure that no negligent behavior occurs.”

“Intentionally throw their fights? I can’t imagine any [Dungeon Champion] doing such a thing,” Vee said, thinking about Alforde. “Surely they all have too much pride in their position for that.”

Both agents gave him a look that Vee had only seen before at parties when a guest who’d had too much to drink said something inappropriate.

“You’d be surprised,” Agent Tull said diplomatically. “Anyways, we won’t bother you or interfere with your duties in any way, so if you’d just let us step inside? I’m sure you’re eager to get these runs started, eh?”

Vee saw no reason to refuse, so he stepped aside and directed the agents to the chairs on the far side of the room. “Go ahead and make yourselves comfortable. I’m sorry, but I don’t have much in the way of refreshments here. The Lobby, er, the cafe across the street, has wonderful coffee and cookies though if either of you get hungry.”

“Good to know, but we’re fine for now,” Agent Shorthair said. He reached a paw into his jacket, drew out a small canteen, and took a long swig. “But a cookie does sound nice. Maybe later, eh Tull?”

Agent Tull shrugged. “We’ll see. Go ahead and begin, Mister Vales. We’re simply here to observe. Please, don’t worry about us and go about your business.”

Vee nodded, though he wasn’t quite able to shake the budding performance anxiety stemming from the presence of the agents. Questions raced through his head. What exactly constituted negligence? He turned back to Tull and Shorthair.

“Um, excuse me, I have a question about your mission.”

“Oh? What is it?”

Vee rifled through the dungeon applications until he found the [Thunderlord]’s. “This guy seems way too strong for me to genuinely challenge, so I’d planned to avoid using any of my expensive skills. Would that count as negligence?”

Tull’s expression remained the same, but Vee thought he noticed a slight tightening in the man’s shoulders. “What sort of skills were you thinking of avoiding?”

Vee explained how [Ectoplasmic Boost] worked, focusing on his concerns about his refined ectoplasm supply, and the agents brought their heads together to discuss the matter amongst themselves in hushed voices for a few moments until they came to a consensus.

“We believe that such a withholding of skill usage would be appropriate in this case,” Tull finally said. “While you’re not doing your best in that specific match, your reasons for doing so are to improve your winrate versus the rest of the field.”

“In general, our office believes that more than twenty levels of difference between primary classes constitutes an unwinnable match for the lower-leveled party. We don’t generally scrutinize such losses for competitiveness.”

Vee breathed an internal sigh of relief. That was good to know.

“Alright,” he said, turning back to the viewing crystal. He looked down at the pile of applications, and saw that their storymaker, Richter Arnis, was up first.

“Starting strong, I see. I wonder if we’ll regret the fleurs we spent on getting this guy, eh?”

The hat clapped his spirit arms together and his mouth widened into his unnaturally large grin.

“Who knows, boss. I have a feeling that this guy isn’t as strong as he’s supposed to be. He looks soft to me.”

Vee looked down at the burly man standing outside Crestheart's door with his whip brandished. Maybe it was because Reginald had already primed his brain, but the [Dungeon Master] couldn't help but think the same thing.

Main Character Sheets (Unchanged From Last Chapter):

Vee Vales:

Primary Class: Ghost Maestro (Locksmagister University), Level 32

Secondary Class: Dungeon Master (Oar’s Crest), Level 24

Tertiary Class: Guy-Who-Takes-Things-WAY-Too-Far (Self), Level 6

Might: 15

Wit: 39

Faith: 26

Adventurousness: 7

Ambition: 16

Plotting: 19

Charisma: 17

Devious Mind: 28

Leadership: 21

Guts: 14

Intimidating Presence: 11

Citizenship: 24

Public Relations: 8

Determination: 6

Persuasiveness: 6

Bargaining: 4

Patience: 3

Competitive Spirit: 1

Pragmatism: 1

<3<3 Infatuation <3<3

Alforde Armorsoul:

Primary Class: Hammer Specialist (Self), Level 6

Secondary Class: Right-hand man (Vee Vales), Level 18

Tertiary Class: Dungeon Champion (Oar’s Crest), Level 18

Additional Class: Glaciernaut (Sacha Silverblade), Level 11

Might: 58

Wit: 15

Faith: 28

Adventurousness (Bound – Vee Vales): 9

Endurance: 33

Intimidating Presence: 15

Heart of a Champion: 14

Citizenship (Bound – Vee Vales): 9

Vigilance: 11

Vanity: 2

Single-Mindedness: 1

Reginald:

Primary Class: Core Spirit (Unknown), Level ???

#$&Q#$)(@#$#@#$%!@#$##%#%()@#$**@@##

Secondary Class: Loudmouth (Self), Level 43

Tertiary Class: Majordomo (Vee Vales), Level 21

Additional Class: Announcer (Vee Vales), Level 13

Additional Class: Hyperthymesiac (Self), Level 5

Might: 1

Wit: 37

Faith: 18

Ambition: 28

Greed: 24

Deceptiveness: 27

Manipulativeness: 42

$#&*!@!!: !!!

Loyalty: 46

Patience: 11

Irritability: 24

Remorsefulness: 17

Expository Prowess: 23

#%$Pragmatism*#$: @#61$5

Hop@#!! @#$@!@#

@#$@%%^

#4^5#*&_!+++#(@$#

Citizenship (Bound – Vee Vales): 9