Dungeons Are Bad Business

DABB Volume 2 Chapter 101:



With only two days left until the circuit started, Vee discovered that he had an even greater capacity for stress than he’d otherwise believed possible. His heart raced constantly, his stomach was as knotted as a fishing net, and he semi-seriously considered accepting the offered [Guy-Who-Overthinks-Unlikely-Possibilities] class when the notification popped up before his eyes.

Of course, Alforde and Reginald did what they could to help out, running errands and taking care of what still needed to be checked off Vee’s list of things to do, but the [Dungeon Master]’s presence and attention were required on so many things that some of the chaos couldn’t be avoided.

Vee stuffed a slightly burnt piece of bread into his mouth and chewed mechanically as he strode out the door of the boarding house. “I’m off to supervise the fiends as they finish up the spectator arena. You two know what you’re supposed to be doing?”

Alforde nodded solemnly as he stood up. “I’m going to the adventurer’s guild and collecting the registration documents as well as making sure that the guild knows about your welcome speech. After that, I’m going to help Micah deliver some extra flour and other ingredients to the Lobby so that he’ll be well-stocked when the circuit starts up.”

“And I’m going to go talk to a bunch of the [Shopkeepers] we need to follow up with and make sure that they remember they need to put out their promotional signs when the circuit starts,” Reginald said as he directed his ghosthetic to follow after Vee. “We’ve been over this a dozen times already this morning, boss. You’ve got to take some deep breaths or something. Maybe try counting to a million and see if that takes the edge off.”

Vee scowled at his [Majordomo], but the hat just grinned and Alforde chuckled.

“He’s right, Vee. You’re way too tense about this. I know you want to make a good first impression and show the world what we can do, but think about how bad it’ll look if you collapse or something right before the event is supposed to start. We’ll get everything done on time, okay? Don’t worry so much.”

A small smile spread across Vee’s face. He supposed his friends had a point. “Yeah, I know. I’ll try. Thanks, you guys. We’ll meet back here once everything is done, okay?”

Alforde and Reginald nodded, and the trip split to go their separate ways.

Vee speed-walked through the city, smiling to himself as the streets got cleaner and more orderly as he neared Westown. The Kartine twins and the fiends were making good progress, though privately Vee worried they wouldn’t be able to get all the roads cleaned in time. He pushed the thought out of his mind as best he could. After all, he didn’t have any spare time or resources to help push them along any faster. Making peace with the things he couldn’t change or affect was increasingly the name of the game, and the [Dungeon Master] did his best to focus on the things that didn't fit that description before stopping in front of the gate to Westown.

The [City Guard] on duty was nice enough, but slow when it came to opening the gate up, and the [Dungeon Master] found himself irritated with how long the process took. He tapped his foot rapidly, and was probably a bit more curt in his thanks than usual, but the [City Guard] didn’t seem to mind.

Some people.

Do and the other [Dungeon Maintainers] had built enough seating in the spectator arena to comfortably hold a hundred with plenty of room to spare. According to the fiend’s estimate, the lot was big enough to hold up to five or six hundred spectators, though there wasn’t enough time to build more stands before the circuit started. That job, like so many others, got shifted to the ever-growing list of Things To Do Later.

Beyond that, the stands themselves were roughly constructed and not visually appealing. They were lopsided and splotchy; the wood and metal used to build them taken from the stash built by Vee’s usage of [Salvage Materials]. Alas, neither copious amounts of white paint nor the word ‘rustic’ – those powerful fix-alls popular with [Woodworkers] across the continent – would be enough to redeem the scraggly appearance of the spectator’s arena for any discerning visitors.

Vee didn’t mind. Better ugly stands you could sit in than pretty ones in your imagination. He walked along the length of each row, testing his weight and making sure that there weren’t any dangerous spots. Appearance was secondary only so long as the stands were safe.

“Is it suitable, Master?’

Vee turned and saw Do staring up at him. The fiend’s features were pulled tight in a clumsy, but unmistakable expression of worry.

“It is. Thank you, Do. You and your crew have done great work. Have you got the viewing crystal assembly set up yet?”

“We have. Allow me to demonstrate. Re, Mi!”

There was a crackle in the air as the viewing system was activated, and for a moment Vee feared that the second-hand crystals were going to explode or something. Thankfully they didn’t, and a grainy projection showing the inside of the dungeon materialized in the air. The image shifted and shook slightly, due to the fact that it was coming from a tiny golem that’d crawled up into a corner on the ceiling of the dungeon room in question. The little golem had also been bought from the pawn shop, since Vee hadn’t wanted to stuff his schedule further by trying to make a ghost that would carry the viewing crystal transmitter. That’d been the right decision, probably, but the [Dungeon Master] still couldn’t help but worry that the golem would get damaged by an errant skill or wouldn’t be fast enough to keep up with the adventurers in the dungeon once the circuit runs started.

There were so many things that could go wrong, and Vee’s mind increasingly focused on all of the ones he could think of.

“Master? Are you alright? You look pale.”

Do’s voice brought Vee back to his senses and he forced the unproductive thoughts from his mind. There was too much to do to be worrying about unlikely things.

Instead, he spent the next ninety minutes supervising the fiends and directing the final few touches for the spectator arena. When it was finished, he congratulated his minions on a job well done and gave all the [Dungeon Maintainers] a few bonus cubes of refined ectoplasm. Bidding them to enjoy the rest of their day, Vee headed over to Crestheart tower to make some ghosts in order to keep bolstering the dungeon’s supply.

A few hours later, a somewhat exhausted Vee pounded on the gate and hollered for someone to come and open it up. He’d been waiting for nearly twenty minutes, and was starting to get rather irritated.

“Sorry about that,” a different [City Guard] than had been on duty that morning said when she finally got around to letting Vee back into Oar’s Crest proper. “I didn’t hear your knocks.”

That was annoying, but far too possible, Vee supposed. Normally Alforde knocked, and the armorsoul’s gauntlets made a lot more noise than his own small fists did.

Vee scowled at the gate as it shut. It’d been irritating twice today, and the [Dungeon Master] found himself having a strange thought as he stared at it before heading to his next task.

What would it take to get the gate opened more often? He had no delusions about having it left open all day – the council and citizens of Oar’s Crest would probably faint at the mere thought – but perhaps there was something he could do to arrange a longer window of open that would last into the night or start in the early morning. He resolved to talk to Reginald and Sculla about it, then headed back to the boarding house.

His last task for the day, as much as he hated it, was to seriously attempt to write his circuit welcoming speech. Words were tricky and inconsistent; sometimes they flowed like a raging river after thirty straight days of rain while other times putting one to paper felt like a physical challenge akin to climbing a hundred flights of stairs. As such, Vee hoped that his task would go quickly but feared that despite his efforts and scheduling he’d find himself facing the crowd of out of town adventurers with nothing prepared. Given that Vee didn’t think of himself as a naturally skilled improviser, the prospect of such a thing was rightfully horrifying.

Strings of words and sentence snippets fluttered through his thoughts as he passed by other people out and about their business. Some of them Vee thought nonsense, others he did his best to try and remember as he crossed streets, dodged carriages and horses, and returned waves and greetings from people walking by.

Sculla wasn’t on her stoop when he reached the boarding house, which meant that he couldn’t ask the ogre about the gate just then, but he’d do it the next time he saw her. Perhaps she still had some spare pull with the council she could put to work for his benefit once again.

Hurrying up to his room, Vee sat down at the table and got out his best pen and notebook. Taking a deep breath, he collected his thoughts and started trying to write.

But where was he supposed to start? Obviously, welcoming the adventurers and others to Oar’s Crest would be good, but – Gawain’s beard! – that was a boring way to lead things off.

At the same time, it was functional, and wasn't it better to be a little boring than nonsensical? He didn’t want to ramble or spew nonsense.

With his tongue stuck between his teeth and a strong sense that his efforts were largely wasted, Vee kept on working until Reginald and Alforde returned. Zeiken was with Reginald, and while the yellow salamander looked as tired as Vee felt, he bowed deeply to the [Dungeon Master] and smiled brightly.

“Mister Vales, it’s wonderful to see you working on your welcome speech,” Zeiken said, drawing out a wad of papers from his envelope. “As the knob turns, I actually have here some documents that you might find useful in your efforts. They’re the official statement from the development committee, and should prove rather illuminating as you craft your own.”

Vee took the documents and flipped them open, marveling at the fancy handwriting as much as the content itself. He smiled.

“Well, the things that overlap are definitely written better here than they were in my version,” Vee said, crossing out large chunks of what he’d so painstakingly written. Doing so only hurt his soul a little bit. “Thanks, Zeiken. I appreciate it.”

“Of course, Mister Vales, I’m glad to be able to help,” the salamander said. “However, delivering those papers isn’t the only reason I’m here. There is another matter I hope you’ll allow me to assist you with before the circuit starts.”

“Oh? What might that be?”

Zeiken grinned, and Vee felt a pang of trepidation at the way the salamander’s eyes gleamed. “It’s simple, really. I believe, and your friends agree with me, that you should get yourself a new suit before we open for business. Your normal attire, while fine for daily business, lacks the gravitas necessary for an event like this. Adventurers and members of the press will be scrutinizing us carefully, as will other dungeon sport professionals and industry figures. It’s like the old saying goes, Mister Vales. You never get a second chance to make a great first impression.”

Vee groaned, while Alforde and Reginald snickered.

Main Character Sheets (Unchanged from last chapter):

Main Character Sheets

Vee Vales:

Primary Class: Ghost Maestro (Locksmagister University), Level 32

Secondary Class: Dungeon Master (Oar’s Crest), Level 23

Tertiary Class: Guy-Who-Takes-Things-WAY-Too-Far (Self), Level 6

Might: 15

Wit: 39

Faith: 26

Adventurousness: 7

Ambition: 16

Plotting: 19

Charisma: 16

Devious Mind: 28

Leadership: 21

Guts: 14

Intimidating Presence: 11

Citizenship: 24

Public Relations: 8

Determination: 6

Persuasiveness: 6

Bargaining: 4

Patience: 3

Competitive Spirit: 1

Pragmatism: 1

<3<3 Infatuation <3<3

Alforde Armorsoul:

Primary Class: Hammer Specialist (Self), Level 6

Secondary Class: Right-hand man (Vee Vales), Level 18

Tertiary Class: Dungeon Champion (Oar’s Crest), Level 18

Additional Class: Glaciernaut (Sacha Silverblade), Level 11

Might: 58

Wit: 15

Faith: 28

Adventurousness (Bound – Vee Vales): 9

Endurance: 33

Intimidating Presence: 15

Heart of a Champion: 14

Citizenship (Bound – Vee Vales): 9

Vigilance: 11

Vanity: 2

Single-Mindedness: 1

Reginald:

Primary Class: Core Spirit (Unknown), Level ???

#$&Q#$)(@#$#@#$%!@#$##%#%()@#$**@@##

Secondary Class: Loudmouth (Self), Level 43

Tertiary Class: Majordomo (Vee Vales), Level 20

Additional Class: Announcer (Vee Vales), Level 13

Additional Class: Hyperthymesiac (Self), Level 5

Might: 1

Wit: 37

Faith: 18

Ambition: 28

Greed: 24

Deceptiveness: 27

Manipulativeness: 42

$#&*!@!!: !!!

Loyalty: 46

Patience: 11

Irritability: 24

Remorsefulness: 17

Expository Prowess: 23

#%$Pragmatism*#$: @#61$5

Hop@#!! @#$@!@#

@#$@%%^

#4^5#*&_!+++#(@$#

Citizenship (Bound – Vee Vales): 9


Tip: You can use left, right, A and D keyboard keys to browse between chapters.