Dark Seduction

November 1, 2020

Dear Diary,

The past couple of days have been nothing short of a whirlwind. I didn't go to school yesterday. I couldn't bring myself to face everyone after what happened. Instead, I stayed home, curled up in bed, replaying the events over and over in my head, wishing I could erase them, wishing I could just disappear. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that avoiding school wasn't the answer. I couldn't hide forever.

This morning, I woke up determined to go back. I decided I wouldn't let what happened define me, even if that meant facing more ridicule. I got up, dressed in my usual loose-fitting clothes, and put my hair in a simple ponytail. No makeup, no corsets, no pretending to be someone else. Just me—plain, ordinary Leila.

The walk to school felt like a march to my own execution. I kept my head down, trying to avoid eye contact with anyone. When I finally made it to my locker, I was surprised to find Diana waiting for me. She looked relieved when she saw me.

"Leila, I'm so sorry I wasn't there," she said, her voice full of guilt. "I heard what happened. I should have been there to help you."

I shrugged, not really knowing what to say. Part of me wanted to be angry with her, to blame her for not being there when I needed her. But deep down, I knew it wasn't her fault. Pamela and her gang would have found a way to humiliate me regardless.

"It's fine, Diana," I mumbled, trying to brush it off. "It's not your fault."

She shook her head. "No, it's not fine. What Pamela did was horrible. She had no right to treat you like that."

I couldn't help but feel a tiny spark of warmth at her words. At least someone cared. "Thanks, Diana," I said, managing a small smile. "But I'm okay. Really."

Diana looked like she wanted to say more, but before she could, Nancy appeared, striding down the hallway with her usual air of confidence. When she saw us, she stopped and stared at me, her expression unreadable.

"Leila," she said, her voice clipped. "Why didn't you tell me what happened? I had to hear it from someone else."

I didn't know how to respond. I hadn't told her because, honestly, I didn't think she would care. Nancy had always been more focused on appearances, and I was sure she would have blamed me for not being able to handle myself.

"I didn't want to bother you with it," I finally replied, trying to keep my tone neutral.

Nancy's eyes narrowed. "Bother me? Leila, you're my friend. If someone messes with you, they mess with me. Pamela has no idea who she's dealing with."

Before I could react, Nancy stormed off, leaving Diana and me standing there, stunned. I wasn't sure what Nancy was planning, but something told me it wasn't going to be good. I wanted to stop her, to tell her that fighting back would only make things worse, but I knew she wouldn't listen.

The rest of the day passed in a blur. I kept my head down, avoided eye contact, and tried to get through my classes without drawing any attention. But I could feel the stares, hear the whispers. Everyone knew what had happened, and no one was going to let me forget it.

By the time lunch rolled around, I was exhausted—mentally, emotionally, physically. I made my way to the library, hoping to find some solace among the stacks of books. But as soon as I entered, I realized I wasn't alone. Pamela was there, sitting at one of the tables, her back to me.

For a moment, I considered turning around and leaving, but then I noticed something strange. Pamela wasn't surrounded by her usual group of followers. She was alone, hunched over the table, her shoulders slumped. It was so unlike the confident, cruel girl I knew that I couldn't help but be curious.

Cautiously, I approached her, my heart pounding in my chest. When I got closer, I saw that she was staring at her phone, her face pale and stricken. Without thinking, I spoke up.

"Pamela?"

She looked up, startled, and for the first time, I saw real fear in her eyes. "What do you want, Leila?" she snapped, but her voice lacked its usual venom.

I hesitated, not sure what to say. "Are you okay?"

Pamela blinked, clearly taken aback by the question. For a moment, she seemed to struggle with herself, then she let out a shaky breath. "No," she admitted, her voice barely above a whisper. "I'm not."

I stood there, stunned. I had never seen Pamela like this—vulnerable, almost human. It was like looking at a completely different person. Part of me wanted to turn and walk away, to leave her to whatever was bothering her. But another part of me, the part that had always tried to see the good in people, wouldn't let me.

"What happened?" I asked, my voice soft.

Pamela looked down at her phone again, her hands trembling. "Someone… someone leaked a bunch of stuff about me online," she said, her voice breaking. "Private stuff. And now everyone's talking about it."

My heart twisted with a strange mix of emotions. On one hand, I couldn't deny the small, vindictive part of me that felt a sense of satisfaction at seeing her suffer after what she'd done to me. But on the other hand, I knew how it felt to be humiliated in front of everyone, to have your life ripped apart for the world to see. I wouldn't wish that on anyone—not even Pamela.

"I'm sorry," I said, and I meant it.

Pamela looked up at me, her eyes filled with tears. For a moment, we just stared at each other, two girls who had been hurt in different ways but who were more alike than either of us had ever realized. Then, without another word, Pamela got up and walked out of the library, leaving me standing there alone, feeling stupid honestly, fuck my life would I ever stop being stupid, i should have just laughed her to scorn now she was vulnerable, the girl was literally a monster but I did wonder who would do such a thing to her and why?

I slowly turned to find her behind me, "if you had anything to do with this, which I doubt your too weak, but if you did, I would make sure you actually throw yourself down from that roof top', I watched trembling as she left in her usual haughty manner.

That afternoon, we crossed paths again , and to my dismay , the confidence that had momentarily deserted Pamela was back in full force. She was flanked by her usual entourage, each girl echoing her cruel smirk as they followed her like loyal shadows. Sometimes I did feel like bullying me made Pamela feel stronger and it was her way of keeping the others in check, I mean no body literally wanted to be in my shoes so they all behaved accordingly.

Honestly I felt cold shivers the moment Pamela's eyes lit up with glee when the landed on mine, I felt maybe she was attempting to punish me for seeing her on her most vulnerable.

"Well, well well, who do we have here?"Pamela's voice dripped with venom. "If it isn't the bitch who snuck into the boy's locker room to sleep with my boyfriend". Honestly, my heart sank into my belly, Max must have mentioned it to her, there was no way she could have known, it was only the two of us in there. I attempted to defend by self heart hammering in my chest and my cheeks turning red from the shame and half the school was witnessing this event, my eyes scanned the growing crowd for Nancy and Diana but they were nowhere to be seen and I deflated visible no one was coming to save me this time around from the devious manipulative girl standing in front of me.

"That's not what happened ', I stammered my voice coming out small and shaky, barely audible over the laughter that echoed from her friends. " I didn't know you were dating him at that time and I asked him out, I didn't actually sleep with him.

Pamela's eyes narrowed, and she took a step closer, her presence suffocating. " Is that so? Then why did you sneak into the men's locker room? You could have asked him anywhere else, but chose that place and this", she hissed yanking hard at my newly styled hair, "do you think dolling up would turn you into a swan?"

"I thought you were just a freak, I didn't know your you were actually a liar too, Sleep with him, honestly your not worthy to sleep with any man not to talk of my boyfriend when he has me".

Tears pricked the corners of my eyes, but I blinked them away quickly, unwilling to give her the satisfaction of seeing me cry.

"Get it into your thick skull, bitch. You stink. Max is mine, as in my boyfriend and he would never choose you over me. You are just a caricature of a woman. Look at you, you're laughable and pathetic, trying to steal what doesn't belong to you.

I swear I'll make your life a living hell,and I'll take everything from you, just like you tried to steal what belongs to me".

Before I could react, Pamela'shabd flew at my face with such force that I stumbled backwards and fell to the ground. The sound of the slap echoed through the room, but the laughter that followed was even louder drowning out any semblance of dignity I had left. My face burned with pain and shame, and I felt the sting of mocking eyes all over me.

Humiliated and utterly defeated, I scrambled to my feet and fleed the classroom, not caring where I was going as it was far away from their jeers. I managed to catch the next bus tears streaming down my face as I replayed the events of the day over and over again in my mind, unable to make sense of how everything had gone so wrong.

The bus finally reached my stop and I stumbled off, practically running the rest of the way home , my vision blurred by tears. Once inside, I shut the door behind me, leaned against it and let out a choked sob, feeling the weight of the world crash down on me my chest ached with a deep, hollow emptiness I couldn't shake.

In a desperate attempt to numb the pain, I made my way to the cellar and grabbed a bottle of wine from the buttom shelf, the one my dad never bothered with. I stripped off my clothes shoving them into the washer as if I could scrub away the day's humiliation along with the dirt. Then I headed to the bathroom, determined to rid myself of every trace of what has happened.

I scrubbed my hair and skin until they were red and raw the scalding water doing little to soothe my burning shame and the chattering. After what felt like an eternity, I grabbed the hair dye from under the sink and painstakingly returned my hair to its original dull brown color, erasing the bold streak of red that now felt like a mark of my foolishness.

Finally I filled the tub and sank into the warm lavender-scented water, hoping it would calm my frayed nerves.For a while, I just lay there,letting the soothing fragrance envelop me. But soon the water turned chilly and I knew I couldn't stay there forever.

I wrapped myself in a towel, grabbed the giant teddy bear my mom had given me for Valentine's day, and headed to the kitchen m I pulled out a box of chocolate and a bowl of strawberries, pouring them onto the counter beside the now open bottle of vintage wine. The first few sips were tentative,but soon I was taking huge gulping swigs straight from the bottle, letting the alcohol soothe over the memories of the day and dull my senses.

As I ate strawberries and chocolate, I drank more and more, quickly surpassing my limit. The room started to spin and I didn't care, I wanted to drown in the oblivion of drunkenness. I laughed and cried , the emotion 

washing over me in waves, each one more intense than the last.

The house felt empty and too quiet, the absence of Maya only amplifying the loneliness that gnawed at my heart. I found myself calling out for her, slurring her name, even though I knew she wouldn't answer, I mean she had her own home and family. My voice echoed back at me the sound empty, hollow and pitiful.

Staggering around the living room, I felt the world tilt beneath my feet. My thoughts were a chaotic jumble, and I couldn't focus on anything more than a few seconds at some point, I tripped over the teddy bear I had carelessly dropped earlier, and before I knew it , I was crashing to the floor, my head hitting the ground with a sickening thud.

The last thing I remembered before everything went black was the taste of blood in my mouth and the cold hard reality that no amount of wine or chocolate would help me escape the pain and loneliness I felt.