A Murder Wizards Adventure

After Obito got chewed out by an irate Rin, me and Kushina sat to the side and simply watched as Minato trained his Genin and other than Kakashi being really impressive for his age, they aren't really much to call home about.

It really goes to show just how bullshit the Uchiha's eyeballs and Hashirama's cells are, that someone like him could be such a big figure in the future.

Am I going to do anything to prevent the future I know is coming?

No, obviously not, why would I? It's not like Zetsu is going to stop just because of 𝘖𝘣𝘪𝘵𝘰, the guy is a pawn, he is replaceable, and honestly, I'd much rather one of the big bad evil guys be this pathetic twerp than someone actually competent, else they might do a better job impersonating Madara, and no one want's another Madara.

Well, unless I'm the new Madara, in that case, everyone right of mind should want it.

"You know, they're kinda really bad at this." I blithely comment as we watch Obito fall on his face and Rin trip over his body.

Kushina snorts but pretends to be offended on their part and gives me a playful punch to the shoulder, well, it was playful for us, for a civilian it probably would have broken a bone.

Man, it's times like this, with such simple things that I realise just how pathetic civilians are.

"Just because they aren't all geniuses like Minato and you, doesn't mean they are bad."

I give Kushina a deadpan stare at her defence of the kids, and keep looking at her even as I hear the sounds of Obito falling from a tree and landing on top of Kakashi, making Kushina wince at the proof of my earlier statement.

"First of all, I think you forgot to include yourself in that list of geniuses, Miss Red Tornado, secondly, look at them."

As if he was waiting for my signal, Minato throws a single kunai that panics and derails the formation they had just set up, sending them all stumbling to the floor.

To be fair to them, part of the fault for their poor display is simply that Minato is so good, I can count the number of people that can play with them so easily on two hands, and like, half of them are Kage.

Not that any Jonin wouldn't be able to play with them, just not so easily and efficiently.

Once they are all on the ground, I continue my earlier statement.

"They have no coordination whatsoever, I'm not even really a genius-"

At the sharp look she sends me I add an addendum to that.

"-Compared to Minato at least, but still, at their age I was at the very least able to coordinate with my team to set up a kill."

Kushina just rolls her eyes.

"Yeah, well you're weird, you seem to do better in a fight the more people are present."

Obviously, because people are stupid, and the more people there are, the more stupid people you can manipulate to do as you please. It's not a difficult concept to understand, evident by the fact that my squad are all capable of keeping track of the whole battlefield now, because to ignore anything happening is just an easy way to get a kunai to the back of the head.

Suddenly, Minato appears in front of us and I have to force down my knee jerk reaction of murder at his sudden appearance, stupid teleportation.

"Well! If they have such disappointing coordination, how about you take over for me for a moment and teach them to be better?"

Despite the cheerfulness to his tone, I sense some ploy at play here, so I squint suspiciously at the man before me until sweat starts dripping down his forehead.

Stareee.

Eventually he cracks, and while scratching the back of his head with a sheepish smile he speaks thus.

"It's just that, we know you will probably never accept a Genin team, so I figured it'd be nice if you were something of a co-sensei? Just, y'know, thought it would be nice if you had someone young to teach."

'And I'm worried about your mental health' goes unsaid, he doesn't want me to keep isolating myself. He knows that outside of ANBU the only people I talk to with any regularity is Tsunade, Kushina and him, and ANBU aren't the most consistent of friends.

In other words, he hopes that the 'joys' of teaching will help me out, mentally. Such a thoughtful guy. For someone who so often blunders social situations, he can be surprisingly charismatic sometimes. Must be a plot thing, Fate fucking with stuff I guess, I don't know, but Fate is easy to blame and it doesn't seem too keen on defending itself.

Heaving a sigh, I force myself to stand, groaning as if pushing through a great tribulation.

"Fiiine, I will teach your brats to be slightly less useless."

I make sure the kids can hear my complaining words, and I enjoy the frustrated looks on their faces as they hold themselves back from defending themselves.

All things considered, I think to myself as Minato takes his place behind his girl who melts into his embrace, at least Kakashi seems eager to learn from me, probably weighing the benefits of learning from someone Titled as greater than the pain of having to deal with my personality.

Oh, in case it isn't obvious, being Titled is kind of a big deal, especially when you're like me and get the S-class designation, which basically just means the person in question is at least as strong as a Bijuu. So it isn't a very common thing.

"So, brats. You are all ass at coordination, so imma give you a quick lesson in battlefield awareness. First things first, when you are working together, what are you?"

They exchange unsure glances with each other at my question, ignoring my insult in a way that I almost find insulting, but after a moment, Rin speaks up, hesitantly.

"We, uh, we are, a team?"

"WRONG!" I scream, suddenly in their faces and then laugh at the way they squeal and fall on their asses in the case of the two pubescents and jump backwards, weapon drawn in the case of the prepubescent.

I cut off my fake laughter after a moment and keep talking as if nothing ever happened.

"First of all, why is it that the prepubescent is the one with the better reactions? More importantly however, the answer is not a team. When you work together, you are a Ninja. A single Ninja with three minds. If you think of yourself as a team, then you will focus too much on working together, this is bad. Instead of working 𝘵𝘰𝘨𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳, you should be working as 𝘰𝘯𝘦."

The three of them look uncomprehendingly at me for a moment and I briefly wonder if this is how Minato and Kushina felt when they were trying to explain Fuinjutsu to me that I didn't understand but seemed to be common sense to them.

"Let me put it another way, when you fight alone, do you ask your arm if it is going to strike? Do you double check with your kunai, that they are going to fly towards the intended enemy? If the answer is yes then you are doing this whole Shinobi business wrong. I suppose, you could say, it's all about trust."

They look like they have a better idea of what I mean then, but they still don't understand, so I decide to give a more practical explanation.

With a flex of will, sixteen clones appear around me, then I henge all but two of them into Suna-nin and the other two, I henge into my younger self and Mantis and I use an area Genjutsu to make the tent. Time for a history lesson.

"This is the first time I was in a proper fight, me and Mantis, oh yeah, if you tell anyone about my ANBU identity, then that's punishable by death, I'm only showing you because you're Minato's brats. Anyway, Mantis and I had never met at this point, neither of us knew each other, neither of us knew how the other fought, but one thing they teach you in ANBU, is that you should trust your team with your life, because they received the same training as you and you aren't special."

The kid's watch as me and Mantis fight separately for a moment, wincing slightly at the Suna-nin's deaths, even though the Genjutsu is censoring the situation, since I doubt Minato would be happy with me traumatising his students.. again.

It is the sensei's duty to traumatise his Genin with the truth of this world of murder.

Anyway, we all silently watch the two fights, before I effectively put on 'pause', all of my clones stopping at once.

"Now, so far it has just been the two of us fighting our own battles, because, as I said, we aren't a team, we are one Ninja, this is simply the equivalent of fending off each group with one arm, but now you will see what I mean about trust and working as one."

Enraptured in the show, having never experienced a proper fight, the kids stay silent as they watch.

What they see, is the moment that I threw a handful of kunai, all of them seemingly missing, except with their view point it is easy for them to see the way the kunai's take out some of Mantis' opponents, and give him some breathing room.

Then they watch the fight playing out, all up until the point where I was about to die, only for Mantis to repay the earlier favour and come in and save my life.

After that, I shut down the Genjutsu and dispel the clones.

"You see, brats, I had no way out of that situation at the end there, if Mantis hadn't come, I would have died, yet I put myself in that situation willingly, even knowing that it should lead to my death. Why?"

The kids are looking at me with various emotions, from Obito's awe, to Kakashi's frustration and Rin's.. is that pity? Why would she pity me? Why would anyone pity me? My life is awesome, if anything they should be jealous.

It's Rin who speaks up to answer my question again.

"Uhm, is it, trust?"

It feels like she's just guessing based on the point I was making earlier, but she isn't wrong.

"Indeed, can any of you elaborate?"

Surprisingly, it's Kakashi that speaks up, his voice quiet and it sounds like he's in something of a trance.

"You trusted him to save you, even if you couldn't see him, or plan it out, you just knew he would."

I snap my fingers and point finger guns at Kakashi.

"Exactly! I didn't think of Mantis as a teammate that I need to plan things out with, I simply though of him as an extension of my body, and trusted the fact that he would come to my defence as I had his. This is what you lack, you are all so focused on yourselves, your enemy, and being a team. You shouldn't have to think about working together, you just do it, and trust that your comrades will have your back."

After my lesson, Minato appears again and calls an end to the days training, telling them they are free to go and to think about my lesson, that he expects them to do better during tomorrows training.

After it is just the three of us again, the two of them face me, hugging each other and smiling proud, happy smiles at me, like I'm their kid and I just made my first friend or something. Honestly, it's kind of making me uncomfortable.

"What?"

My demanding tone just makes them smile even more, and it's Kushina that speaks up.

"You didn't have to do that, I kind of expected you to just beat them up and insult them, but that was a very good lesson, and I think it has done the three of them a world of favour."

I just raise my eyebrow at her words and Minato cuts in before I can respond.

"Kakashi especially, he has been struggling to see his teammates as anything but tools to use, I think you've managed to help him through that. So thank you Hana, it really means a lot."

I just frown at his words, all I did was give a simple lesson, what's with all of this touchy feely shit?

"Yeah, well, it was hardly a big deal, you asked, anyway, I'm going to go now, see you two later."

Before I turn around I see a glint pass Kushina's eyes as she gains an evil smirk.

"My, who would have thought that Hana was such a tsundere?" Her sly voice is barely loud enough to ensure that I hear it.

I am not a tsundere.

I'm not!

Just because I'm saying I'm not a tsundere, that doesn't make me a tsundere!

I don't dignify her with a response and just head home, I want a nap.

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A/N: He~llo! Dear readers!

I'm surprised no ones pointed it out, but I couldn't think of any good chapter titles so I've just been titling them off of the lyrics of the meatal gear song 'it has to be this way'

Also, I have a commissions tab on my ko-fi now for anyone who wants smut

Advanced chapters with the link below! It's basically Pat/reon!

https://ko-fi.com/bored_works

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