A Murder Wizards Adventure

All things considered, my date with Tsunade went well enough, evident by the chaste kiss she gave me before she left my flat, along with the promise of more dates to come.

A promise which, so far, I have been making good use of, as it is now a month or so later and we have been on a number of dates together, from classical dinner dates, to more fun things that we came up with.

Our relationship is progressing smoothly, though we still haven't had sex, if you don't count that time years ago when we were drunk.

I think this prolonged period of celibacy is her way of testing my sincerity, I only hope it ends soon, because I have been loyal, and I am pent up as fuck.

Thankfully I think she's noticed this fact, I have been struggling to hide it after all, so pretty much everyone who I speak with regularly knows about it.

Anyway, that's not what's important right now.

Minato and Kushina successfully repelled the Jinchurriki of Iwa for now and got back to the village a few days ago, and I got a message earlier from Minato that he want's to meet.

So, here I am, heading to training ground three early in the morning, wondering what the 'surprise' is.

Maybe he's finally going to propose? Probably not, that seems like something he would want to work up to and do privately.

Pregnant? I doubt it, their kid is literally a product of Fate, so that's probably not happening until it happens.

Eh, the mystery of the fact is soon to be revealed as I am approaching the meeting location.

Only, I am also full stealth, and I mean full, full stealth, Sage mode included since with Minato being as talented as he is, I wouldn't be surprised if he could find me in my normal stealth.

So, casually I walk into the open field, where Minato and Kushina are sitting on a picnic blanket, both of them facing an artificial lake, not that it's immediately obvious that it's artificial, I just know it is.

Anyway, they are being really cinematic in a way that is either fake or even more proof that they are Fated to be together.

Seriously, with the way the grass is sparkling, wet from recent rain, even though it hasn't rained for days, so it's probably just a wonderful coincidence, then there's the peaceful faces they have as they lie in each others arms, like the turmoil of the world could never reach them.

Honestly, it's kinda annoying how perfect they are for each other, but at the same time, I don't really like the thought of being manipulated by Fate, or Hagoromo or whatever, and it's annoying that I won't be able to tell if it's even happening.

Which is why I just avoid thinking about it and do what I want.

Anyway, here I am, standing in front of my two nominal friends, completely unseen by them. Now I just need to decide how I want to fuck with them.

I figure I should go with the ol' classic and undress myself and put on a bright pink mankini, because it's funny, then I lie down in front of them in the 'paint me like one of your French girls' pose.

Which is to say, on my side, with one leg raised to rest its foot on the knee of the other, and one of my arms is over my stomach while the other is propping my head up.

The next moment, many things happen simultaneously.

The first thing that happens is that I dispel my Sage mode.

The second thing is that Minato and Kushina's eyes both widen.

The third is that I dispel my invisibility, proving that they can both see through my stealth, though Kushina can probably do so easier now that I think about it, since I don't have a way to hide from emotion sensing without Sage mode.

The third thing that happens, is that the front of the picnic blanket surges forwards as a pair of kids jump me.

The fourth thing that happens is Kushina screaming out in embarrassment.

The next thing that happens is I Kawarimi behind the two kids, no need to traumatise them after all.

Then, because I appear closet to the couple, I have to dodge as Kushina launches a punch to a very sensitive place.

Then, before I finish recovering from that, I have to dodge yet another child, this one even younger, who comes at me with a Kunai, still moving despite the blush visible under his mask.

Twisting around him, I grab his thrusting arm with one hand and throw him at the other children, knocking them all in the water.

With the action over and Kushina no longer screaming, I take in the situation for a moment, before turning to Minato with my hands on my hips, completely ignoring my current dress.

"What kind of surprise is this? I was expecting to have to deny a threesome or something."

My words bring blushes to the faces of everyone present, which I find incredibly amusing.

Before Minato can answer, it's one of the kids that shout a response to me.

"What the hell are you wearing!!? Put some clothes on!!" Shouts some Uchiha reject looking kid.

I'm serious, he has all the markings of an Uchiha but acts more like Nawaki, not to mention his stupid looking goggles, who the hell is this kid?

"In order, I am wearing a mankini, and I am wearing clothes, a mankini to be precise, as I said earlier. Also, who the hell even are you?"

Before we can devolve into arguments, Minato claps his hands forcefully, bringing everyone's attention to him.

*Clap*

"Well, Hana, please put some clothes on, everyone else please calm down."

I follow his instructions like the dutiful shinobi I am, normally I wouldn't bother to hide myself as I change, working in seduction has a way of getting rid of ones shame about these things, however I am in the presence of pubescents, and what seems to be a prepubescent.

So I make a quick earth wall so they can't see me change, of course, I don't expend the same mercy to Kushina and Minato, making them both look away with a flush.

As I change, I hear hushed conversation happening over the wall.

"Minato-sensei, uhm, who is that man? Is he really the friend you were expecting?" Questions who I assume is the only female of the kids by the voice, but for all I know it could be the prebubescent.

Minato's sigh is so loud that I hear it as well as the girl's voice.

"Yes, that is Hanabira Haruno, please forgive and forget his actions and dress, I'm sure he wouldn't have done so if he had known you were here."

That's a point, how come I didn't sense them? I doubt some kids could get the drop on me, so with both of my friends being sealing masters, I think it's safe to assume that they made something that hid where they were, because I can definitely sense them now.

Wait a minute, I was in Sage mode. What the fuck kind of seal did Minato develop? Because it must have been Minato, being both a seal master and a Sage, but the fact that it's even possible is mind boggling.

Stupid geniuses and their stupid talent for bullshit.

"Why would he wear that in the first place!?" The reject kid's voice whisper shouts.

Meanwhile I've finished dressing and am just leaning against the wall, which both Minato and Kushina have noticed, but they play along and pretend I'm not eavesdropping.

"That was just a stupid prank, he was just doing it to mess with us in the first place." Kushina grumbles an explanation, her embarrassment fading, exasperation taking it's place.

"But, why did he have to do it like 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵?" Comes the quietly horrified voice of the girl, still whispering.

"That, is something he will have to tell you himself." Minato's gentle voice is followed by the stoic, if still somewhat squeaky voice of the pubescent with the mask.

"He looks familiar. Who is he?"

"You recognise that freak!!"

Oi, who do you think you're calling a freak, Goggles? I will snap you in half like a breadstick.

"Now that you say it, wasn't there was a new Bingo Book entry recently who had pink hair? It's not a very common colour." Expands the girl.

Oh yeah, I forgot to check that, I hope they got my good side.

"Wait! Are you saying that guy is the 𝘉𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘥𝘺 𝘞𝘳𝘢𝘪𝘵𝘩!? The guy who fought and killed the Three Tails with 𝘵𝘩𝘦 Tsunade Senju!? No way!"

Well, at least you know about your betters, Mr Goggles, also, Bloody Wraith? That's what they went with? Why not something better, like, 'Handsome, Sexy Man', that seems much more fitting.

Now, it would be wrong of me to let such an introduction go to waste, so I use that moment to explode the wall and jump through, dressed appropriately this time with my hands on my hips.

"Indeed young shounen! It is I, the great Bloody Wraith! Now bow before my greatness!" I proudly declare to the world.

Unfortunately my declaration is not met with applause nor cheer, instead it is met with awkward and shocked silence.

"Uhh, Hana, what are you doing?" Comes Minato's incredulous voice.

Immediately, I stop acting like Jiraiya and instead just slouch down and pout at him.

"What? I was given such a great introduction, I had to do something to honour that. Anyway, who are the brats?"

Minato shakes his head and smiles brightly at the conversation change.

"The brats, are my new Genin team, Hana, meet Obito Uchiha, Rin Nohara and Kakashi Hatake." Minato happily introduces the kids and I.

Meanwhile I go into shock on the inside.

𝘛𝘩𝘢𝘵'𝘴 where I recognise them from!

Now that I think about it, I probably should have figured it sooner, why else would Minato and Kushina be hanging out with a few kids?

I guess, it's one of those things, where it's so obvious now that I know the answer.

So here I am, staring at the future Terrorist, Plot Corpse and Sad Man.

Crap, I've been silent too long and they're staring at me, but it's fine, I have an easy excuse lined up, even if it's not very polite to bring up.

"Hatake? Sakumo's kid? Huh, I knew your father, kid. A good man, and a good Shinobi, if you're even half as talented as him, then I expect great things from you."

My words make Minato smile, and get me a sombre nod from Kakashi and generally just bring the mood down.

Well, you can't win them all I suppose.

"Well, Rin! You had a question for Hana?"

Minato, ever the socially inept, breaks the silence by pushing all of our attention onto Rin, who silently sputters momentarily, before looking at the floor and scuffing her feet embarrassedly.

"Oh, uhm, I d-don't think that's necessary." She stutters under her breath, but clearly someone doesn't get the hint.

"She wanted to know why you were wearing that thing earlier!" Kid Obito shouts, still blushing about it too.

"It was just a prank." I smile, knowing it isn't the answer they were looking for.

"But why did you have to do 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵!" He all but shrieks at me.

"Because, I am a seduction specialist, so the amount of clothing I'm wearing has no effect on my comfort."

"A seduction specialist! But y-you're a guy!" Obito again shouts, sounding scandalised.

I really hope he has another volume, because his shouting is getting annoying, which is definitely the reason I say what I do next. I ignore the way Minato and Kushina sigh, already expecting what is to come.

"Young Obito, what are you implying? That Kunoichi should be expected to use their bodies as an asset, while Shinobi shouldn't?"

The effect is immediate as Rin turns a scathing glare to Obito who shivers dramatically, Kushina meanwhile, just sighs further, not getting mad since she knows me well enough by now.

Minato sends me an imploring look and I decide to do him a solid and stop messing with his brats, though I do wonder if this was the whole surprise, if it is then I am disappointed and my day is ruined.

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A/N: He~llo! Dear readers!

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