A Murder Wizards Adventure

It's been about a year, and my relationship with Tsunade has progressed well in this time. A benefit to having a very stressful job is that she is frequently in need of stress relief, relief that I am happy to provide.

But more importantly than my carnal desires is the growth of my strength.

Tsunade and I both improved on each others healing techniques' designs, the both of them basically ending up the same Jutsu, just with different aesthetics and hers is better for healing other people, while mine is more focused on my self, being that I don't care about other people the way Tsunade does.

Other than that, the most important thing is that by dating Tsunade, I have gotten myself access to Senju records, notes and Jutsu. More specifically, the 𝘴𝘦𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘥 𝘏𝘰𝘬𝘢𝘨𝘦'𝘴 notes.

And holy fuck balls, was that guy a genius. If not for the bullshit that is wood release, Tobirama is easily the stronger brother, the guy came up with pretty much every significant Jutsu in the village.

From the shadow clone technique, to just about every S-class water Jutsu, to 𝘦𝘭𝘦𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘢𝘭 clones. And I don't mean like the typical ones, but more like shadow clones that can explode into elements, or just generally explode, which is even stronger, if without the elemental advantages that can be scored.

Honestly, the guy was mental and kind of scary. Even scarier, is the fact that Itachi is supposed to be even more talented.

What the fuck.

I'm glad I have an experience advantage, because otherwise Itachi would kick my ass all the way back to the Before, and I don't want that.

But back to the notes, it should come as no surprise that he was just as prodigal at Fuinjutsu as he was with everything else and his notes on the subject eventually let me complete an old project that I actually stopped thinking about once I considered Sage mode.

See, Sage mode provides one with excellent sensory capabilities, so I figured it would be superfluous to keep expending effort into learning. But then Minato showed me that my Sage pride might have been making me make a stupid decision.

At least, Sage pride is easier to blame than it being my own mistake. The technique in question is of course the Ball of Death.

The technique that I originally used as normal chakra sensing, only to find out that I nearly killed myself via information overload by doing so. But with Tobirama's Fuinjutsu notes, I was able to create a formula that would process the information for me, it is basically a super computer.

The only problem, is that you can't just wave Fuinjutsu at a technique and make it work better, so I had to get another Fuinjutsu tattoo, which makes three, but I'm probably going to have to get more anyway.

The tattoo in question had to be near my head or central nervous system, due to the nature of the Jutsu it is to help, so I got it on the back of my neck.

The only annoying part is that I couldn't exactly apply it myself, so I had to ask Kushina to do it for me once I completed the design.

The reason it's annoying is because the tattoo is a butterfly and she wouldn't stop making fun of me, especially since when she was applying it, I couldn't move or speak, or risk ruining the procedure, so she was relentless.

But she did a good job nonetheless.

If you're wondering about the tattoo itself, well, first of all, it won't compromise my identity, because why would someone's first assumption upon seeing it be that I am the ANBU named butterfly, there are plenty of other people with animal tattoos. As for why I got a butterfly? Well, I lost a bet with Tatsuya, when he was still alive, obviously.

He said that the next tattoo I get has to be a butterfly, and it would be disingenuous of me to go back on the bet just because he can't call me out on it.

Besides, a small part of my mind whispers, this way I won't forget him.

Other than that, I have also started another secret project thanks to Tobiramas notes, this one I am putting a lot of focus on, as it is very important that I do it well.

I will need more tattoos though, and these ones will probably have to cover my whole body, but I already have that planned out, I'm going to connect it with the black bands on my wrists and the rest of it will just be straight, slightly thick black lines extending from my wrist, up my arm and splitting to meet in between my shoulder blades and at my collarbones gap, on my back they will make one line going down my spine that splits at my hips to go down the side of my legs and meet up at another pair of black bands.

On my chest, the line will go down between my pecks and curve to the sides underneath them to go down my sides, meeting the other line at my hip.

I think it'll be cool, and it keeps things simple, which is great for Fuinjutsu since it means I don't have to work out how to write it in a way that incorporates swirls and shit.

As for what it does? That's a secret.

But enough of that, right now I am headed to the Hokage's office in response to a summons I received this morning.

I don't know what it will be about though, if I had to guess, it would be a new mission, but for my ANBU self, since he's been having me parading around as myself, one of two Sages of Konoha.

He even ordered me to make sure I'm seen, which is the exact opposite of my skillset, but at least it means my new Medical Cloak Technique has seen plenty of use, and the 'bloody' part of my title has earned it's stay.

No, I am not a masochist, but I'm not a pussy either.

Still, I open the doors to the Hokage's office without knocking, fully making use of the fact that I am now important enough that I can't really be punished for small things like this anymore.

Honestly, it's kind of embarrassing the amount of political power plays happen in this village, breaking small rules is basically expected of important people, to show just how we are above the rabble I guess.

Even though me and Minato are both civilian born, and now that I think about it, so is Jiraiya, so, of all of the Sages Konoha has, all of us are civilian born.

How's that for clan superiority?

When I walk in I see a number of Jonin already lined up inside so I copy them, except I slip myself in between the two people in the middle, just because I wanted to be annoying.

Hiruzen looks up when I am standing at attention like the others.

"Ah, Haruno-san, good of you to finally join us, you know you were supposed to be here ten minutes ago?"

"One thousand apologies, Hokage-sama, I saw a butterfly and got distracted chasing it."

That is my excuse and I am sticking with it.

Everyone's eyebrows twitch slightly at the weak lie, but no one calls me out on it.

"Ahem, now that everyone is here, there's no sense to be wasting time, as I'm sure you're aware, the academy graduation ceremony is happening today, those of you in this room have been choses as this years Jonin-sensei."

The fuck?

I don't want to deal with any shitty brats, no thank you.

Right as I am about to object, Hiruzen speaks up again.

"Naturally, this is an order, and you cannot simply reject them. Any questions?"

This is an abuse of power. Are you happy, forcing kids upon me? It is both cruel to me and to the poor children being subjected to me.

"Can we bully them until they quit the Shinobi life?"

My question makes some of the Jonin chuckle, but Hiruzen just gives me a deadpan stare.

"No, no you cannot. Any other questions?"

I speak up again.

"Yes, actually, when is the next Chunin exam?"

That's my plan to get out of this. Once you are promoted to Chunin, you no longer operate under a Sensei, so I just need to get them all promoted or accidentally unalived and I can be free again.

Hiruzen sighs but doesn't bother arguing with me, I'm clearly set with my decision after all.

"The next exam will be held in six months, because of the war, it will not be as big a spectacle as it usually is and it will only have Konoha-nin present. If you can actually get your team to the level needed to promote by then, then I will be shocked."

Bah, how hard could it be? They are like, twelve, I was Jonin by then, and I'm not a genius like Minato, Kakashi and Itachi. All they need is a lesson in the ways of the world.

After all, six months isn't enough time to massively change someone's strength, but I could probably get them to high Genin by then, but someone's combat capabilities are affected by experience just as much as actual power.

That's the general difference between all Shinobi, there are those of us like me, who have witnessed and fought in war, we know what it's like to fight to the death. Then there is the green ones, mostly Genin, who have never been in a fight that they weren't sure they would walk away from.

It teaches you a certain ruthlessness that only experience can teach, and it's not something one can easily overcome.

Take the first Chunin exam for instance, I had to participate with the strength of a high Genin against Chunin level clan Shinobi, looking at it statistically, there is no way I would have won without cheating.

But I had experience that they lacked, oh sure, they had fought to the death to graduate, but that really isn't the same, or at least, they only really experienced that once, and against other green kids too.

In other words, if not for the intention of making them quit, I am going to bully my Genin until they are as seasoned as a veteran.

Damn, I almost pitied whoever will be my team for a moment, but then I remembered that I don't care.

Who's ready to traumatise some kids!

Man, if Jun was here, I bet I could have roped him into scaring the shit out of them, he'd probably have enjoyed traumatising some fresh graduates.

Hiruzen has been speaking this whole time and I am only snapped out of my thoughts when he calls out my name.

"-Hanabira Haruno, you have been assigned team 8, which consists of Ibiki Morino, Hayate Gekko and Tokara. Matubashi Manta, you have been assigned-"

Some of those names sound familiar, am I going to traumatise canon characters? Even better.

Man, what was I even worrying about, this sounds like it will be a blast.

A few moments later and Hiruzen informs us that we should show up to the academy tomorrow at ten in the morning, which is fine considering I am usually up at around six anyway, chakra and regular physical activity having made me less lethargic.

As a side note, I don't do any physical exercise most days, so you can take the words 'regular physical activity' how you will, but I think we all know what it means.

When I head home, I don't go to my flat this time, since Nawaki finally moved out a few weeks ago, which means Tsunade hasn't been bothering to head over to my place for our pretty much daily, ahem, regular physical activity.

I open the door to our room and am greeted with the sight of a scantily clad Tsunade laying on her side and smiling sultrily at me.

Looks like someone is having a good day, which means I am going to be having a good night.

Have I said yet how I love my life?

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