Why a Goblin?

“Okay everyone listen up, the information I’m about to explain is very important to our future. To grow into an empire, we need more Goblins.

A lot more.

One of the oldest and easiest ways to do that is through reproduction. Hold all your questions till I’m done explaining. Understood?”

“Understood.”

“Yes!”

“Y..es!”

“Hm.”

Alright, it seems they’re all taking this seriously. I don’t know if that's good or bad but whatever. Also, I’m not a biologist so if anyone is reading this please don’t judge me.

[What do you mean by reading?]

Nothing, it's just the author trying to be funny.

[What author? I don’t understand.]

I don’t understand either! Anyways let's get this Goblin sex talk show on the road!

“Alright, so the practice of a male Goblin and a female Goblin participating in reproduction is called having sex. Which is a pretty important term to remember when it comes to reproduction.

Now reproduction can be attached to many things but in our case, it’s about making little Goblin babies. Basically, I’m saying that we need to have this fancy thing called sex, to be able to reproduce more Goblins.

Now you're all probably wondering what the hell is this sex thing that I keep mentioning. Well, it’s this beautiful thing that a male Goblin and a female Goblin perform together.

In other societies it can lead to wars, marriages, grudges, and all sorts of weird things, but in our case, it will lead to more Goblins and of course happiness and bliss for all parties involved. At least I hope so.

I guess that didn’t describe what sex actually is huh… Okay so myself, Jaba, Dal, Tars, and all the other male Goblins in the tribe all have one thing in common that Geedi doesn’t have. It is that thing between our legs that we pee from.

It is the pride of our manhood and should be protected at all costs.

That thing is called a penis.

Geedi on the other hand along with all the other female Goblins in the tribe has something else between their legs. It is also their pride and something that should also be protected at all costs. It is called a vagina.

Now sex is what happens when the female Goblin with a vagina and the male Goblin with the penis both come to an understanding, meaning both of them agreed to it, without anyone being forced into it, to let the male Goblin stick his penis into the female Goblin’s vagina.

And then BOOM! You are now having sex. Well, there are moves and other things involved but we’ll cross that bridge when we get there.

Now, remember clearly that both Goblins need to agree to it. The male Goblin must never try to force the female Goblin to have sex, while the female Goblin must never try to force the male.

Any Goblin that does that will be either kicked out of the tribe or killed immediately.

While sex and reproduction will be important for our growth, only do it when you want to and with who you want to. If you only want to have sex with one Goblin forever then that’s

fine, but if you want to do it with a lot of people then that’s also fine as long as everyone agrees.

Okay now we know what sex is, but that is only a part of the whole reproduction thing. The other is in the middle of having sex.

Once the male Goblin and hopefully the female Goblin as well reaches the absolute peak of their happiness, the male Goblin will release a special liquid that is not pee from their penis inside the female Goblin’s vagina.

That liquid will cause the female Goblin to get pregnant, which means carrying new little Goblins in your stomach. Then after some time has passed the little Goblins will come out from the female in a painful process. So all the female Goblins should only let the male Goblin release that liquid in them if they are okay with getting pregnant and going through the painful process of giving birth to the new Goblins.

Alright, that is everything I have to say about sex and reproduction.

Are there any questions?”

It’d be nice for not one of them to have any questions.

[Impossible. Look at them carefully thinking about everything you just said. Questions are bound to come.]

Yeah, I can see that.

“I have one. Who will take care of the new Goblins?”

“Well, Jaba, who took care of you when you were a new Goblin?"

“I don’t remember who took care of me. I don’t even remember

being a little Goblin.”

Hmm, so I guess Goblins don’t have any memory from their early childhood due to evolution limits? Actually I guess it’s not right to

call it childhood since Jaba himself is only three years old...Maybe premature tier one stage? Ah I don’t know this is getting too complicated for my perfectly green Goblin brain.

[How do you know it’s green?]

Ah just play along! It’s definitely green!

[If you say so.]

Anyway I’m going to assume that while Goblins are weaker than almost everything else, we reproduce a lot quicker and even grow much faster, based on the fact that it only took a couple weeks for us to evolve this much, and that Jaba has grown that much while being only three years old…Wait.. Doesn’t that me some type of ancestor level Goblin at my big age of twenty?! Nooooo what happened to my youth! I’m still young!

[Focus.]

Sigh.. can’t a Goblin complain about growing old in peace? The many woes of a Goblin, boy I tell ya..

Anyway I don’t know if only high Goblins can have babies or if the normal ones can as well, but I doubt any Goblin would want to top two weeks of training and hunting to take care of the smaller ones.

So maybe we can create some type of Goblin baby training ground that will train and nurture them until they grow into normal Goblins before putting them in a squad?

But who the hell is going to stay behind and run the nursery? The normal Goblins can’t talk to each other.

[The two squads that will stay behind on hunting trips can take care of the training grounds.]

Oh wait, I'm an idiot.

Thanks for pointing that out Velora.

But another problem...Do Goblins need to breastfeed? So many problems from just talking about sex.

I don’t even want to imagine the questions that Geedi, Dal, and Tars still haven’t asked.

Sigh...