LIGHTNOVELONLINE Chapter 75: A Mother’s Regret
"Ahhh~! Ahhhnnn~~! That's the spot, Yoruto. That's the... spot. Ah~"
"Mom... Please stop."
"No. Don't stop... Do it harder— Ahhh~! Yes."
"Seriously Mom, stop."
"Yess! Yes! That's it... Ahh~! This is bad. I'm going to... My own son is going to make me—"
"I said STOP!"
"Ouch!"
I smacked my mother on her head, which made her tear up in pain as she rubbed the spot I hit.
"If you're going to keep moaning like that on purpose, I'm never going to give you shoulder massages again."
"Ah! Please no. Your massages are what keeps Momma going. Momma won't do it again, okay?"
"That's what you said the last time." I flicked my finger at her forehead.
"Ow!" She cried. Then pouts. "You meanie..." She said.
"Yeah. Whatever." I brushed her comment off and continued to vacuum in the house.
Mom, with her shoulders feeling better now, was watching me when she asked, "Do you want me to help?"
Although she has asked that, I have already done most of the house chores with the current one the only chore I need to do before mopping. However, there is still one thing that I have yet to do so I said to her.
"I'm fine over here. So can I ask you to go to the supermarket and buy some groceries instead? I'll write down a list on the things we need, so can you go and put on clothes in the meantime?"
"Of course! Leave it to Momma!"
And so, Mom rushed up to her room while I took out a piece of memo and wrote down a list of things she needed to buy. Once that was done, Mom had come out of her room at the same time, wearing proper clothes as I handed her the list and a grocery bag, and sent her out on the errand.
"I'm off, Yoruto!"
"Stay safe, Mom."
I saw her off and went back to doing the chores.
Honestly, shouldn't the errand running be the son's job while his mother does the house chores?
This role reversal feels weird, not going to lie...
Meanwhile, off to do her son's errand, Asako was smiling along her way to the local supermarket.
"Shopping~ Shopping~" She sang while walking. Bumping into a familiar face whom she has not met in a long while.
"Tori!"
"Oh? Why hello there, Asako. Fancy meeting you here." Said Madam Tori, the president of the Neighbourhood Household Association which Yoruto is a member of.1
"Are you on the way to the supermarket?" Madam Tori asked, seeing the grocery bag Asako had with her.
"Yup! I'm running an errand for my son. Are you heading there too, Tori?" Asako asked next, seeing her longtime neighbour and friend pulling a shopping trolley with her.
"Yes I am." Madam Tori answered, then asked, "Shall we head there together?"
"Sure!" Asako ecstatically replied, happy to meet up with her friend again.
The two of them began walking together, talking about their family along the way.
"And then my daughter, you see... She kept talking about this game she's always playing. Whining about how she will quote-unquote, 'get Yoru back next time!'" Said Madam Tori, retelling about her recent days in her home.
"Hahaha! That sounds like a pain."
"Oh, tell me about it. Even her step-father who plays the game with her could only force a smile as he listened to her complain. Geez... If she had that much time for games, I would have preferred if she could use some of that time for her studies instead. Seriously, I'm worried for her future."
"Well, I'm sure she will be alright. It's not like her grades have been dropping or anything, right?"
"Yes, that is true. But if school grades are everything, then I wouldn't be worried in the first place. She's too much of a slack, honestly, that child..."
"I see..."
In reality, Asako couldn't relate. Because despite being a mother as well, she barely has any experience with the lifestyle of parenthood. And for that reason is why she could only smile awkwardly to hide her shame.
The both of them eventually reached their local supermarket after talking some more. Together, they grabbed the items they needed while conversing even more, eating some of whatever food samples the supermarket was offering, before finally purchasing their groceries and leaving.
It was a strange moment for Asako. Even though she was initially happy to see her friend, Tori, again, she was only able to listen one-sidedly during their entire conversation. Reacting somewhat half-heartedly as she goes along with the topic.
In the end, once they had finally reached back to Madam Tori's house, Asako thought she could breathe a sigh of relief when Madam Tori asked her a question out of nowhere.
"By the way, Asako, have you reconciled with Yoruto and Hikari yet?"
It was a question that Asako couldn't answer right away.
"That is... No... I have not." She then replied after a few seconds of awkward silence.
"I see. And?" Madam Tori then asked, "Do you intend on running away again?"
Those words were like daggers to Asako's heart. For the majority of Yoruto's life, she has done nothing but that so far.
Ever since her husband disappeared without a word... Ever since she couldn't be there for her children at that crucial moment... Asako has felt nothing but regret as a mother.
Because of her work... Because of the sudden abandonment of her husband... Asako was simply not ready to tackle more responsibilities aside from providing for her family. Responsibilities which were supposed to be her husband's as a househusband.
But because of all of that, she ran as a result. Even though it was the worst thing she could have possibly done.
Using her work and her responsibility to provide money for her family as an excuse, she left the care of her children to Madam Tori until they can take care of themselves. Even though she herself knew that it was wrong.
But even so, she would still find more excuses to run away from her responsibilties.
The first was when she saw how matured her son had become, despite being a grade schooler at that time, and convinced herself that he and his sister will be fine. After that, it was more excuses after excuses.
Her children needed her. Her son needed her. And yet, she did nothing.
In a way, she had abandoned her family like her husband did, and the thought about it kept on weighing on her conscience.
"I heard that you've finally quit your flight attendant job and began working a different one that doesn't require you to travel abroad." Madam Tori said.
That was the reason why Asako quit her old job. The other reason she told Yoruto was also another. But it was not the main reason she retired from her twenty year long career.
"You've taken the first step towards reaching the goal you want. Now you just need to take the next step to achieve it." Madam Tori continued to speak.
"I know... I know that. But..." Asako's arms trembled as she clenched onto her grocery bag tighter. "I am... afraid." She said. "Even though they do not show it, those two must have hated me for neglecting them all these years. After all, what kind of a mother get hammered overseas while her two children suffer in loneliness, without the presence of a parent? They must have hated me for sure."
"So, is that why you put on that overbearingly loving motherly act whenever you're with them? To hide the fact that you're afraid?" Madam Tori asked.
And then, she sighed.
"Asako, believe me when I say this. Those two don't hate you as much as you may think. I know as someone who babysat them in your stead." She said, walking up to Asako and putting one hand on her shoulder.
"Talk to them. Especially Yoruto. While it's true he may have hated you somewhat in the past, that boy understands your feelings more than anyone. After all, no mother would act in that annoyingly loving sort of way towards their children unless they are hiding their true feelings or are clinically insane. At least, that is what I think."
Madam Tori then hugged her friend in comfort.
"We've known each other since junior high. While it may be too late to fix the mistakes you have made, it is not too late to catch up with everything you once dreamt of doing with your family. I know you can do it when you're ready. Just make sure that you do not hesitate for too long now, or you will just end up repeating the same mistakes again." She said, encouraging Asako.
Then, she lets go of her.
"That's all I have to say. See you some other time. We'll be able to meet each other a lot from now on, now that you've quit your old job. So, bye bye."
"Yeah... Bye, Tori."
The two mothers waved each other goodbye as Madam Tori entered her house, while Asako continued to walk forward a bit more to reach hers.
Although a bad mother, Asako wishes to fix that. However, despite the encouragement she had received from Madam Tori, she was still not ready to have the talk with her children. Not yet at least.
And so, standing right outside the front door to her house, Asako took a deep breath in and out to ease her mind as she put on her usual act before slamming the door wide open.
"I'm baaacckkk~!" She shouted, putting the grocery bag down for a moment to take off her shoes and remove her clothes, which is not part of her act but simply what she prefers to wear in the comfort of her own house.
"Welcome back, Mom. You sure took your time, didn't you?"
"Hehe. I ran into Tori outside of her house. So we went to the supermarket together while we talked."
"I see. You didn't say anything weird to her, did you?"
"Nope. Not at all. In fact, Tori was the one who kept chatting while I listened."
"Somehow I find that hard to believe... Anyways, thanks for buying the groceries I asked for. Could you dump your clothes into the washing machine instead of the ground and come help me in the kitchen afterwards? It'd be faster for me to cook lunch that way."
"Okie dokie, sweetie! What will you be making, by the way?"
"Spaghetti Bolognese."
"Ooh! Can I cook the noodles while you prepare the sauce?"
"Sure. But... don't break the noodles like you did the last time, okay?"
"Okay!"
With a hyper cheerful attitude, Asako carried on with her act, hoping to mend the bond that was broken with her children, and one day to hopefully be able to say to them when she's ready. The two words that carry her true feelings: "I'm sorry."
