This Is Where I Want To Be

48. Juliet And Marcus

Juliet

The previous day, we had done nothing, nor did we talk about anything because Ben and the guys were still there. I made my way downstairs, hoping Marcus would be in his chair reading; we needed to talk… I needed to say things to him. Even if we were at a place where we could occupy the same space… I wanted him to know how I felt and if he was planning to stay. That morning, I got up with the same pit in my stomach that he might have bolted. He had not signed up for this—none of us had. Carl had mentioned Marcus was struggling with my behavior and how I dressed, and I didn’t want him to be there just because he told Louis he would.

Nervous, I peered into the open space and the lounge area; he wasn’t in his chair, the kitchen, or outside with the few people who were awake. On my tiptoes, I went down the hall to his room. The door was ajar, so I pushed it open; there was no one inside. I looked at the two bathroom doors; both stood open—he was not there either. The only other place he could be was the garage training. I sighed, not wanting to bother him. I bit my lip, thinking.

Chris had slept upstairs with me in bed, so I snuck out. While standing there, Chris came down past me towards the bathroom, “He wants to talk… Just go and get it over with… And after that, we need to talk as well, and then we need a family meeting.” I smiled, chuckling… What happened to Chris? His head was definitely not in the sand anymore. How did he know what I wanted to do anyway… I stomped towards the garage door, pushing myself to get it over with. I flung open the door and heard the stepping, jumping, and landing. Whatever weapon Marcus was wielding was swooshing and clanging. I stepped down the few stairs that led into the garage. He didn’t notice me. I exhaled and sat down to watch him gracefully move around, diligent and precise with every foot placement. I would have to learn from him. I needed to be able to do this when my strength came in—fight. I smiled, thinking about us going at it in the sand. I chuckled at how he toyed with me... He stopped… breathing heavily… casting a skeptical eye at me.

Being around Louis and Chris, so in touch with their emotions, and looking at Marcus’s face that I could not read was still daunting. I walked over and leaned onto the ring’s ropes, crossing my arms and putting my chin down. When his breathing was calmer, he went to put away the sword on the wall, coming over and standing next to me. My eyes moved with him across the room, “How did you and Carl do all this in three days?”

“Money.”

I turned my head to him as our eyes locked, “I want to talk to you… But it feels like I would have to make an appointment to do it.”

He pushed himself up from the frame of the boxing ring, standing up straight, “Can I go take a shower first?”

“Do you want to go for a hike?”

He seemed keen, “I would love a hike… Give me ten minutes,” he ran up the stairs.

***

“Is this even real? It looks like a fairytale picture,” Marcus didn’t answer and was still very quiet. We had climbed for a while and were standing on the edge of a cliff, only mountains as far as you could see into the distance. Behind us was a massive lake, so clear you could see to the bottom. “This is so much better than the desert,” I said before I could think. I quickly looked at him to see if it meant anything, “I mean, it’s better than where I was after the compound as well… It’s just beautiful—what I’m trying to say.”

He met my eyes but gazed back out over the view, “You’re still very careful around me… Your heart is pounding, Julie… Are you still scared of me? After everything?”

He still had on his poker face, and not knowing what he was feeling was hard. I shook my head, “I’m not scared… It’s because… I have to apologize to you… Mar… cus. I… find it very difficult to say I’m sorry. I feel… like I owe all of this to you, and I won’t have enough time to make it up to you… We’re here with Louis… and Chris… The baby… I feel like I disappointed you in some way… No… in every way.” My voice was tight, “I loved you very much. I wasn’t faithful… To some degree, I understood what it all meant… the branding. But I was so angry and so young. I didn’t know if I’d ever see you again….”

***

Marcus

All the way up there, Juliet talked about how much effort Louis had put into the place… I could see it, even appreciate it. How precise everything was that he had done. Placing those bricks all the way up the mountain must have taken years. The little path was beautiful, with the ground on either side lifting a little, covered by manicured grass rounding off the picture. The lane from the main road to his house was also done like that; two neatly packed brick lines running parallel so you could never get stuck in the mud. He made it so convenient that you wouldn’t want to leave in the snowy months but could still come and go in the rainy seasons. His life was about creating a house for his wife. I looked at Juliet; it was exactly what I had done. My ideas and visions were just different of how our future played out.

She was smiling at me over her shoulder as we climbed. She held out her hand to me and pulled me the last few steps over a little ridge to such a view. For a few moments, I was breathless; I had never traveled or seen other places. All I knew was, like she said, the desert. She didn’t let go of me, and the feeling of her completely consumed me—even after all the time apart.

I wondered what Louis’s story was. How did he get off the compound so long ago? How had he been free for the last two hundred years? And I had to be confined with my family. I haven’t even seen her and Louis together… or how they were as a couple. Why did she love him so much that she would ask him to do that? I had seen Chris and her, and he had a way with her that left me feeling wanting; they hadn’t known each other for more than a few hours put together.

Juliet’s heart was pounding. I thought she was going to ask me to leave… Whatever issues we had were sorted out… but… that it was over between us. She was still so uncertain about me… Then she apologized for everything… All I heard was the word—‘loved.’ I turned to her and asked softly, “Loved?” Her gaze shifted from me to the ground, playing with her shoe in the dirt, holding her backpack with both hands. I took in every little mannerism; all she’s done over the last few days we’ve reunited. Some of it got to me, other things I found endearing.

“I…”

“You don’t have to say it, Juliet. I kind of figured that there was no place for me here.”

Her head shot up, and her eyes locked with mine—full of pain. It caught me off guard; Juliet was an open book, “I don’t want you to leave….” she said softly… “Why am I suddenly Juliet?” I frowned. She turned to look out over the vastness and continued, “I’m not going to love what doesn’t love me.” Shocked, I drew in a breath. How could she think that I didn’t love her? “You saw me with Chris. Heard what happened. Even if it messed me up to say goodbye to him… I’m not going to wait for someone to choose me… I never want that for my life! Loving what is good for me is all I’m going to do… You know me… Where I’m invested, nothing can break me away… That is why I was so angry at the compound. It wasn’t that you weren’t enough for me but that I wasn’t enough for you to act or do something.”

I wanted to stop her from talking so I could say something… but she kept going, “I know how you grew up, and the fact that you did, in the end, do that for me was amazing! But I will never beg for you to fight for me. Louis… I don’t have to ask.” She looked at me again to try and read my eyes, “The question is not if I want you to stay… But if you want to stay. And if you do, you can’t bring your father with you as you did at the cage fight.”

My thoughts were spinning. Qadir was ruthless, and I was filial—almost to a fault. I felt the only way to protect her was to do as he told me. So that he wouldn’t know she had any hold over me. I tried to manipulate the situation so that everybody could be happy; it was another reason I never went after her. She was quietly staring at me, waiting. “What happened to you because you branded me? What did he do to you?” I drew in a breath, and my mouth opened to say something—nothing came out. After some time, she bobbed her head, “Marcus… I love you.” She met my gaze to see if the words meant anything. I was so caught off guard, stunned into silence. She smiled, walked towards me, leaned in, and locked lips with me. She didn’t need to stand on her toes anymore. Pulling away, she said, “It’s okay. I can wait… I can see you’re not ready. It took me so long to leave the compound behind that I would understand if you couldn’t. It’s your whole life… It’s not like you can’t take other wives; go back and lead an army. You know I’m safe and free.”

I was having difficulty with her being so close to me, the way she smelled, and her beautiful lips. She had not stepped away; all I had to do was lean in ten percent, and my lips would be on hers—I couldn’t.

***

Juliet

I stood hovering over his lips to see if he would close the distance. His self-control was out of this world—frustrating. It didn’t even help me that I wore those short pants; nothing made the guy budge. His eyes were on my face and then on my lips—nothing. Marcus also didn’t say anything further. He was floored, and I didn’t push. I might have brought out the heavy, but I needed to know where I stood with him.

If he had any plans of taking me back one night when he couldn’t handle sharing me with the other two men in my life. We haven’t even spoken about that yet. I was a little irritated walking back down. It was such a beautiful day. The air was so clear it seemed you could touch the mountains if you only stretched out a hand. It would have been perfect if we could’ve come to an agreement, maybe have a first kiss.

When we returned to the house, the others were on the patio, grilling meat, the table properly set with candles and plates. We were going to have an authentic family dinner, have fun, play games, and get drunk. I stopped before they saw us and turned to Marcus. His eyes were thoughtful, with slight creases between his brows. I met his eyes one last time, “You have anything to say yet?” he shook his head. It was more than frustrating. Chris at least yelled back; we could speak to each other. Louis and I didn’t really need to talk… Marcus had never been that quiet.

Walking up to the patio, Chris smiled at us. His eyes traveled from one to the other. His smile fell when he saw Marcus’s face. I shrugged. An angry guy pushed past me and went into the house. Staring after him, I wondered if he would break my heart again. Was he going to go and pack his bags? I implored Chris with wide eyes, gesturing inside with my head. He seemed reluctant but got up anyway, kissing me as he walked past me, “Everything is going to be okay,” he whispered.

***

Chris

Juliet had gone out that morning with expectations of getting somewhere with Marcus. We all needed to know what was going on in his mind. He had still not told anyone what Qadir was doing with his army.

His door was closed, so I knocked, “Come in.”

He was in a chair with his head in his hands. I went to sit across from him. He looked up, “Why can’t I talk to her?”

“Can you talk to me?” he nodded, “What happened?”

“I don’t know. She’s just so… so….”

I chuckled and grinned, “To the point?” I ventured.

Agitated, he sprung to his feet, “Yes, that’s it. There is no—”

“Filter,” I added again.

He pointed at me with an outstretched hand and nodded, agreeing with me. “I froze… I thought she was going to ask me to leave. So, I was preparing to say goodbye, but that’s not what she wants.” He bit his bottom lip, staring at me, shaking his head slowly… still processing what had happened a few hours ago. “I once compared her with a train bearing down a track; now she’s a hundred times worse.” I smiled at him. I felt for the guy. Juliet was intense… When she wanted something… I laughed a little, thinking back on that night. Carl brought us two beers and left again, “She wants me to stay. She loves me… Said she’ll wait for me.” He laughed. It was the first time I had seen Marcus relax. Was it me, or was there a small smile lingering on his lips? The love that little girl expressed so easily was daunting; also, accepting you were so deeply under her control. There wasn’t even a pang of jealousy from my side. I had feared that multiple men in her life… would get to me, but it hadn’t yet.

For Marcus, it meant so much more… Where he had a lifetime of suffering behind him, he knew with Juliet, it would be a lifetime of love for the future. No rejection, no manipulations. She was going to love him to death. He might even get crowded with too much Juliet. “She asked me what my father did to me after I branded her… Apologizing for being so hard on me about the whole thing. That she was young and stupid and asked if I could forgive her ignorance….” I smiled again. That was the most I had heard him say in five minutes versus since I had been in France. “She said I did not choose her and put my father above her….” his fist clenched, “He is so big. So strong. No one can put him down. The whole compound is behind him. What could I do?”

I sighed but thought that I could give it a go. Sure, I would be able to kill him in a second. “You know what I’m thinking… He wouldn't stand a chance… If he ever did anything to her, and you’re there. That thought makes me breathe easier.” His eyes fell to the ground, struggling to talk. “When… I woke up from the two-week sleep I was taken by my father's men… It was… only getting locked up for months, so I couldn’t go after her… Mental torture, deprivation of light and sleep… no food. After that, I was too much of a coward.”

The vexation was getting to me; I rubbed my hands over my face. The more I heard about Qadir, the more I wanted to snuff him out. No, just take him and rip his head from his body. He seemed totally depraved. How could Marcus use the word ‘only.’ The compound was just a society of men who felt nothing… Picturing Juliet bowing to a guy like that made my blood boil. Her on that podium. Marcus and Liam doing nothing.

“How can I tell her that? Put that on her.”

“You shouldn’t! It’s not her fault or yours!” My voice was loud… Marcus turned, pensively assessing me. “I’m sorry, Marcus, I’m having a tough time controlling myself. Thinking of Juliet in that situation with a guy like that… With a guy like you… Are you going to leave the compound behind?”

“Chris, you can’t blame me… Even you are having a difficult time adjusting. Her in this house with the clothes, the drinking, and doing whatever she wants. I’ve only been here a week, and I want her to put clothes on. Walking up the mountain wearing the shortest jeans I’ve ever seen; with little ruffles hanging on them. A blazer too big for her. Those chains of Louis are a constant reminder of the whole situation. Multiple men. It’s a lot.”

I smirked. The memory I had of Louis’s chains was a good one, “A reminder that you can’t control her,” I ventured to say. He was quiet, “Hey, you blamed me for wanting to figure things out. What happened to providence?”

“I thought I was going to leave. But I’m not.”

“You’re not? Then let’s talk about something else….” He locked gazes with me, “Benjamin warned Charlene about you. David gave Carl explicit instructions to keep an eye on you. That you were, and I quote, ‘Here for the wrong reasons.’” He snickered and paced back and forth, “Why were you even considering going back?”

He flung around towards me, “I’m not! I’m not going anywhere… When I saw her over that chair. Louis’s hands and knees in the sand… It was a turning point for me. I have left the compound! For good,” he sat down again, “I picked her up, and as my father was ranting, I walked past him, holding her close to me… Carl and Charlene were behind me… My father knew he had lost me that day… He lost a lot that day… He didn’t do anything or get Kubra to detain me… I was scared, but he was deflated, standing in the dirt on his knees. I had never seen him like that… I… just need some time.”

I sat back in my own chair, head leaning back. It wasn’t an unfair request. “Your father could have taken Louis and Juliet back… Why does he not have control now?”

“I have no freaking idea what’s going on or why he’s not barging in here. I don’t even know how Louis is living the life he is.”

“What is the army for?” Marcus took a swig of his beer but kept quiet, “We have to be able to trust you.”

“I know… And I don’t think you will believe me if I say that… I don’t know. I trained soldiers. I’m a fighter and a leader, but what we were preparing for could only be… taking over the Earth. That is my best assumption. He already has many political vampires in place in the government.”

“Humans will never accept it. A society with both humans and vamps… Who’s going to volunteer to be food… Hell, where does the food come from now? The compound seems like a big place.”

“It’s complicated, but it doesn’t matter, I just want you and Juliet to believe me. I will… never take her back… I don’t want to go back, ever. It might take me a few years to acclimate to how things work, hiding between the humans… I know my father wants me back, and he’ll do anything to do it. That is the only concern we should have. I’ve never been a threat to her!” He ran his hands through his hair, “I really just wanted to talk to her that night. I knew she would never… out of her own free will… I had not seen her in three years.” His tone softened, “I couldn’t think about another day without her.”

I chuckled, “It’s okay! I believe you…The fact that you’re here says it all. It proves something. You walking away. She will understand that you need some time.” I got up to leave, placing a hand on his shoulder and squeezing it, “We have to go speak to everybody and tell them. Carl has to report back to his father.”

I reached for the doorknob and saw the door wasn’t closed properly; three pairs of eyes met me, sitting on the floor outside the room. I looked back at Marcus, glancing over his shoulder at Juliet. She lifted up her arms. I stepped over their legs to pull her up. Carl did the same for Charlene. “Guess there’s no point in talking. Carl, you have everything you need to report?” he nodded.

For the rest of the evening… we tried to enjoy ourselves.