This Is Where I Want To Be

47. Cowards Versus Heroes

Juliet

Early the following morning, I made my escape; I could see no other way. Luckily, both my parents had been drinking for three days straight, and as I walked past the dining room table, saw the documents they had signed for exile. I couldn’t understand why they were so against it. If it was as easy as signing a paper, what was the problem? I tried to read it, but some of the writings were different and in a weird language; there was more they didn’t tell me.

At least killing yourself was the same for anything in this world. Bleed out… be somewhere no one can find you so they can’t save you. It was as simple as taking a pocket knife. What I didn’t take into account was Kubra. He wasn’t a stupid man, and I didn’t even know he was watching the house. It took me twenty minutes to walk through the wilderness to the gorge.

***

Marcus

Lucius turned to me, staring at the car after the auction night, “You will not go anywhere near her. She is mine now. Do you understand, Marcus?” I could probably fight and win if I challenged him. The repercussions, whether I won or lost, were countless. “She is now a part of our house and our property,” he kept going.

“You can’t touch her for another year. She is too young.”

Lucius scoffed, “It’s only a few months till she’s sixteen, I have four wives to keep me busy. Juliet will love watching and learning what I like. I know the rules. The pregnancy needs to be viable… I have nothing but time.”

There was an instant knot of fear in my belly. Every muscle twitched to do something stupid like Juliet had done. I needed to protect her, and the only thing I had to work with was the branding; the process Liam explained to me—seemed unnatural. I had never heard of it before. It had never been done. I didn’t even fully comprehend the meaning of what he wanted me to do. I either let a fifteen-year-old girl go into Lucius’s house or take her and run, or I trust her father, who wanted me to burn her like a stock animal… and somehow, magically set her free. Why would Qadir leave us alone after? My mind didn’t want to go there. If I didn’t understand it. How will she when I force her to take it?

I left the hall after the auction, sat down in a chair, and didn’t stop drinking. All I could see was his hands all over her. How she would fight, and what limbs she would lose.

“Marcus! Marcus! Wake up!”

I could feel a hand on my shoulder, shaking me to open my eyes. I had passed out at the dining room table. My neck was stiff when I sat up and rubbed it, “What!”

“It’s Juliet. She’s making a run for the gorge.” My heart leaped out of my chest. I jumped up and into the car already running outside. It was a ten-minute drive, and when we got there, we had to run up and down to find her in the dark.

She had been hiding in a bush; a figure in the distance walked out and was aiming for the cliff. I could smell the blood; she had cut her wrists, and red covered her hands, dripping as she ran. Kubra took out his gun and shot her in the leg. I didn’t even have to tell him to do something. I was in no condition to make it to her. She was too far away and too close to the edge. Juliet tumbled into the dirt, turning around on her back, sobbing.

“Tourniquet her leg.” I wanted to wrap her arms, but the bleeding had stopped already. I looked up at Juliet’s face; she had manifested for the first time, “Boy, but you’re ugly as a vampire. Look at that nose, Kubra.” He laughed at her. She stopped crying, feeling her features, lifting her arms into the air seeing the dry slits down her wrists and the black nails.

“What the hell? Why did I stop bleeding?”

I shrugged, “Does it matter!”

“Why are you in such a tiff? I’m the one who should be angry. You didn’t come around for three days.”

“I came around for hundreds! Nothing is good enough for you! You even did this. How selfish are you?” I sat next to her, supporting my arms on my legs, and lowered my head into the space between my knees.

“I was right about you. You are just like your father! Now that you can’t get what you want, you just what… forget about me? We could’ve run! Hell, we could’ve gotten down there and walked into the desert for all I care.” I scoffed at her. She didn’t know how fast my father would find us. No money. Me running with a little girl with nowhere to go. Liam and Cindy. “You lied to my father when you said you would never leave me.”

It dawned on me; I was indeed my father’s son. I had a way out. Even if it didn’t make logical sense… If it could work… why would I not even try. But I would have to dig into that side of my personality to do it, something I had fought for two hundred years. There was a chance I could lose Juliet forever, but I would lose her anyway. Liam’s way might just save her… I had thought about every way out of this; there was nothing left… I got up.

Gesturing with my hand… Kubra picked her up at the feet. I grabbed her under her armpits, and we put her in the boot of the car. There was a rope in there. When I looked at it and then at her, she said, “You wouldn’t?”

Kubra held her down. The first thing I did was gag her with some cloth. I reached for the duct tape, covered her mouth, and made a few rounds all around her head. The one thing I could not handle was that mouth of hers. If she pleaded and begged, I would lose it. We tied her hands and feet together behind her back; being vampires and killing or even kidnapping people when necessary came in handy.

She struggled but calmed down after five minutes as we drove straight home, parking at my house. We needed to be quiet and carry her in quickly before any of the guards told my father. It was early morning, and the sun was barely on the horizon. We got her into my study and put her on the couch. I stood there for a very long time, staring at her. Her eyes were full of fear. What must she have thought I was going to do to her?

I went to my desk. Kubra was already busy with the fire. He walked over and held out the poker to me. I opened the box in front of me, took out the emblem of our family, and attached it to the metal rod, “How are you so prepared.”

“You have been drinking for three days. I have been busy.”

Liam said I would be tied down to Juliet till death. I understood why this practice had all but disappeared. No man would take the chance. I was almost sure the death issue wasn’t all there was to it anyway. Nevertheless, I had an emblem… and had no idea where it came from. My father had so many kids. He was obsessed with what I did because I was his first wife’s child. I couldn’t understand it. I put the poker on its perch to heat up the emblem in the flames. It still felt wrong. Nothing of it made sense. I thought when I pressed that searing hot iron into her flesh… nothing would happen. She was going to hate me. Liam was very explicit; it had to be heated up in open fire until it was red and glowing. All I could do was wait. I still couldn’t look at her… My heart was racing as I leaned against the mantlepiece, steeling myself… trying to be rigid and unfeeling... heartless.

Kubra was busy in the room around me. He lifted the carpet and rolled it to the side of the room. I saw him take the chair in the corner and click it into a mechanism on the floor, securing it in place. The noise drew my attention to him, “What are you doing?”

“Like I said, I was busy. Don’t want her… getting loose.” I groaned at the words. The chair faced away from the fire. We tied her legs and bent her over the seat, tying her hands. Juliet was absolutely going crazy, screaming, trying to move anything she could. I couldn’t cry or have any emotion. Gagged, she made no more than muffled noises. I got up, and Kubra left the room, closing the door. As I walked over to the fire, she heard the poker in its stand, and she wet herself. I could smell it… I knew… that was the moment I had lost her. The emotions involved were too much for someone so young. That was why it took me months to even think about it. Her wanting to kill herself… had pushed me over the line. And it was what made me reach for the waist of her pants to pull them down. I needed to expose one of her buttocks. I heard a commotion outside, fighting, yelling… it was Liam. He and Kubra were screaming at each other; he got Liam to quiet down. There was silence, and the door slowly opened. He took in the scene… The relief on Juliet’s face was visible. I looked at Liam and saw the same emotion I had to have at that moment. It took him only a second to harden his heart. He stepped back and slowly closed the door.

After seeing her own father turn his back on her, tears ran out of her closed eyes. I cried out, picked up the poker out of the fire, and pressed it into her flesh in one swift motion. It had to be a four-second burn. Juliet was out before I lifted it from her flesh, my mark on her angry and searing. But I knew something had happened, and even before Liam pushed the door open, I screamed, “She will never forgive me for this!”

“You saved her. Her worst fear has been eradicated.” I shook my head. Even if I could feel the supernatural connection being formed between us, it would not help. She would hate me for not asking… “I am her father. How will she forgive me?” I fell to my knees in pain. I thought I was dying, gripping at my heart. Liam bent down next to me, putting his hand on my shoulder. “Thank you, Marcus. You are nothing like your father.”

The pain Juliet must’ve felt multiplied in my heart until it tore. I didn’t know if it was the regret or the stabbing pain in every fiber of my body.

***

Liam

I could smell Juliet’s flesh burning. The fact that Marcus had actually done it felt unreal. He had held out so long. Kubra came in after me, pausing for a second, his tired eyes staring at Marcus on the floor. I walked over to the phone on the table. I had to call Cindy and tell her what had happened and that she needed to come and bring all our documentation with her. I only came because Kubra had called me and told me they had saved Juliet from committing suicide and that they were at Marcus’s house. When I got there, I was upset. The whole way over, I was a nervous wreck. I didn’t want to scare Cindy, so I had just left. By the time Kubra and I fought outside the door… All he had to say was, ‘Marcus is doing it. H’s moments away from marking her.’ I hoped I had made the right decision. “Where should we start?” I asked, talking more to myself than to Kubra.

“I suppose a first aid kit for Juliet. Calling the council to come and see for themselves the evidence… I’ll make the calls. The medkit is in the bottom drawer. I put it there three days ago.”

“You saw it coming?”

He shook his head, “He wouldn’t relent. Seeing her wanting to jump into the gorge made him realize how different she was. She is so fearless. There was no other way….” Kubra said with a pull around his mouth.

It was true. I had prodded Marcus, but he would not hurt her. Coming to the same conclusion was the only way. He had to do it alone because he could never take it back. We would still have to pay the price for taking exile, but nothing less would pacify her after what I did. There was no way of doing the one without the other. My plan was to take them to an obscure little town out east. Close enough to major cities so we could live in peace.

Kubra came back five minutes later with a roaring Qadir, swearing, ranting, and raving. The council acknowledged it with blessings. Papers were documented, and it was done. I untied my daughter.

“You can’t take her. She has to stay!” Qadir said.

I got up, stuffing the papers into his hand.

Kubra turned to the desk and took out more sheets of paper Marcus had signed months ago. Qadir ripped it from his hand. When he read it, he went ballistic. It was papers giving Juliet her life back. It gave us the right to leave under his name and protection.

The scuff marks on her legs and hands were red, and her flesh was broken as she struggled. I didn’t know how I would make up for all of it… I pulled up her wet pants and picked her up, carrying her to the car.

The council had taken Marcus for his inauguration, his two-week sleep, and many other customs he would have to undergo. I didn’t envy him. He did what needed to be done with no benefit whatsoever. What would become of him? What course would he take? He was losing all of us.

When I parked the car in the driveway, Cindy was waiting nervously. “How did you manage?”

“Kubra got me at the gate. I left and drove back as quickly as possible.” Cindy was sniffling, but our bags were packed. She cleaned Juliet—we got her dressed—we loaded the car, and we left hell for good.

There was really only one destination we could go to. I would see my brother for the first time in hundreds of years. We didn’t want to stop and made turns driving, first east… and then north, until we reached Canada.

I picked Juliet up from the back seat and stood with her in my arms while Cindy rang the bell at the front door. A servant opened and ushered me up the stairs. I heard running behind me. Samuel was there peeking over my shoulder, “What happened?”

“Qadir’s boys branded her… She didn’t consent, and I made it happen. She is going to be very upset when she wakes up.” He stopped walking, staring after me. I followed the servant to a room where I could place her down.

***

Juliet

I woke up in an unfamiliar place. The room was dark. I hesitated, thinking I was somewhere in Qadir’s house. I sat up and squirmed as the pain in my ass shot through me. I groaned and tried to get up quickly—my leg gave way, and I stumbled to the floor with a loud thud, “S—!? He shot me!” I felt my leg in the dark; it was wrapped with bandages.

The sun was my only indicator of direction or of what surrounded me. I trembled from the throbbing pain as I shuffled to the heavy curtains that lined almost a whole wall. As I pushed them back I gasped at the view that met me. It was of unending grassy fields until I could see no more filled with horses, sheep, and cattle in different pens, green and lush grass. I had gone from the desert to a fertile oasis. Turning around, I took in the room. Saw crutches at the edge of the bed. I wasn’t at the compound anymore. Frowning, I scanned the massive space. A little TV nook with a couch and a desk with a computer stood against another wall. In the corner stood an oval-shaped full-length brass mirror hanging on hinges. For a moment, I contemplated if I wanted to see what my ass looked like. What had happened and what it meant.

I made my way to the mirror using the bed and the furniture. I turned to pull down my sleeping shorts and looked at the mark that now covered the right side of my butt. It had healed… there wasn’t any scarring. It wasn’t even red anymore. The beautiful eagle with stretched-out wings looked more like a tattoo. Not black but brownish—almost golden. For a moment, I had thought it would be a smudged, ugly scar. It was a supernatural process like our manifestations and our abilities. Not at all, like when an animal was tied down and burned for identification.

While thinking about what happened and wetting myself in front of Marcus, my heart convulsed, and a sob escaped me. Tears rolled down my face. I was so humiliated. Wasn’t I supposed to be strong and independent? Able to handle torture of some kind? But the fear got the better of me, and I felt so useless.

I didn’t understand what the mark meant. No one had ever told me that a man could do that. My father never said I would be able to leave… If Marcus had told me, would I have let him… We would never know...

I had more flashbacks… and the feelings connected with them came back. Marcus ignored me. Gagged me and tied me up like I meant nothing… The overwhelming pain brought on a second convulsion in my heart and throat… another sob escaped... more tears flowed. The violation of my body, my choices, and the rights I thought I had. I wanted to crumple down and cry it out, but my leg was killing me. My ass was still on fire. “Come on, Juliet, focus. You’re not there anymore, isn’t that what you wanted. You’re not with Lucius, and you’re still alive.” I wiped my eyes and hobbled back to the bed. Lying down on my stomach, I saw a cell phone on the nightstand. I reached for it. The screen lit, and I read the words that came up.

Liam { Hold the phone up to your face }

I did. The screen changed. It took me a while, but I eventually got around to reading my first text message.

Liam { Juliet. Your mother and I are out, too, and okay. We will see you when we see you. I love you, Dad }

I wanted to throw the phone against the wall. I was so mad at him. He came in and saw me like that. He just left. That is what they had been speaking about. Marcus manning up. My own father had been planning our escape. More tears rolled down my cheeks, and I let it all out.

***

Present-Day: Lounge France

Marcus

Juliet was telling the last bit of the story from her perspective. She could hardly speak when she said how humiliated she was… I couldn’t take it anymore. There were a lot of emotions I would’ve understood, but her first thought was ‘humiliation’… She was only a girl trying to be strong.

The violation she felt… made me feel like the villain all over again. I couldn’t stand hearing anymore. She should rather hate me. Be angry with me. Seeing me as a person who didn’t respect her crushed me.

We walked out of the lounge at the same time; she went upstairs, and I went to my room. I fell on the bed with my head buried in a cushion. It had been a long time since I had felt so emotional. The only good thought I could muster was, ‘I was there.’ It might not have been time for Juliet and me a few years ago, but I wasn’t going to leave her for anything—not again.

***

Chris

Juliet and Marcus disappeared into the house, exhausted after hours of sharing. She climbed the stairs to her and Louis’s room. I had not been up there yet. It felt weird. But I couldn’t not go. So, I slowly made my way to her. She sounded asleep as I approached the bed. The hardwood floors creaked under my weight. There was nothing else in the room… Only a bed and surrounded by glass. I went to sit next to her. She was lying on her stomach. There was no time in the car to notice if she had any markings on her. I stretched out my hand and pulled down her sleeping shorts. It was an enormous picture… No… Two images that had merged together. A beautiful eagle with flowers surrounding its feet. It was as if they meshed magically together; the flowers for Louis—the eagle for Marcus. As if her body knew. A pang of regret pulsed through me; I would never be there, thinking about the one Liam had made me. Should I have brought it…? It didn’t feel right… but what else would tie us all together? If vampires had these kinds of rituals… what did werewolves have? And me…? I didn’t even know what I was.

“I have to say… I’m kind of irritated that men keep pulling down my pants… You think it looks ugly?” she mumbled.

I kept studying it… tracing the pictures with a finger, “No… it’s beautiful, Juliet. It’s something no one would ever be able to take away from you. It’s more than just a marriage certificate or a ring…”

“Mmm, maybe.” I pulled her shorts up again. She complained, but I reached out to stroke her hair. She crooned… liking the feeling.

“Juliet… What was your first reaction? Hearing about the baby.”

“I had never been so happy about anything,” she whispered.

I kept stroking her hair until she fell asleep. After some time there, I wasn’t wondering where I fit in anymore. But Marcus? Would he go back? Play politics and general? What was their army for anyway? I didn’t want him to go back. Having someone directly connected to Juliet at the compound, knowing where we were, would be a problem. I needed to see Liam and Cindy. I wanted to talk to Juliet’s uncle.

I was tired and pulled a sheet and blanket over her. She snuggled into her pillow. I wanted to get in with her but didn’t have the guts. I opted for sleeping on the floor, spreading out a duvet and pillow. I fell asleep staring at her... She was quiet for a change; it was a good moment.

I woke up with her in my arms; she had come down during the night. I drew in a breath, smelling her hair on my chest. Louis had this for only a few days. Was that how providence would sort everything out; whoever was with her would have her.

I needed the loo and wanted to get up. Juliet complained and fastened her grip on me, climbing on top of me. “Where are you going?” she mumbled, resting her head sideways on my chest.

“I need to pee.”

“Oh,” she slid off, lying on my pillow as I got up. “Hey, Chris! Come back… Okay.”

“Stupid girl, where will I go. I belong here with you.”

“That’s not what I meant. Come back and sort me out.”

I spun around, “Didn’t you just eat? Why are you horny? And no! Not in Louis’s room and not while you’re pregnant. I only just got here— yesterday!”

She sat up suddenly, wide awake, “What? Eight months…? I’ll just get Louis to do it.” She fell back dramatically, her hands stretched out next to her body.

“Look, I get why you are so… sexualized… growing up in our small town with nothing to do and being a raging creature with needs. Being introduced to everything by the fifty guys you’ve had… Everything you had to go through has made you—”

“Available?”

I laughed, “Juliet… I really need to pee.” She threw me with a pillow. I laughed as I ran out of the room and down the stairs.

“Go then! Coward.”

***

Juliet

I followed Chris, needing the loo myself. Everyone was awake, it seemed. There was noise coming from the kitchen and outside on the patio. Marcus was in his usual chair reading. Somewhere in my gut, I was afraid that when I woke up, Marcus would’ve left. He was the first thing I thought of waking up. My emotions were raw from the catharsis we both had the previous night. He peeked at me over the rim of the book.

The truth was, he had fought to the very last minute to do it to me. He fought for years not to put me through that or tie me down to him without my permission. It was somewhat soothing… comforting knowing how difficult it was. And that it was not a compound thing. Something he didn’t even understand… I forgave him for everything on the spot. The images of him hurting me were replaced with him buying me the couch. The way he reacted when he saw me before the auction and for the first time without my veil. The days he came by our house, he was just there… while I grew up. I smiled at him. My heart felt like it wanted to burst; I was free… from all the anger I had towards him for so long. He lowered the book completely. That pensive, smoldering, narrowed eyes looked back at me. Marcus knew me so well… He didn’t even follow me off the compound, bombarding me with apologies after and trying to convince me to forgive him… I was so mad at the time. It took me years to even speak to my father… I would’ve felt like he was pushing me more into a corner rather than helping me out of an impossible situation. For years, I couldn’t understand why he didn’t or maybe why he couldn’t.

All Louis wanted was for me to choose him. I smiled again… Louis made it so easy…

All Marcus wanted was for me to be free to choose… And the freedom I had came with a price.

Every one of the men in my life loved me differently.

Chris came out of the bathroom. My attention moved to him… our gazes met. Chris paused, a small smile turning up at the corner of his mouth... All Chris wanted was… for me to be happy... I looked from him to Marcus, putting my hand on my stomach, and was thankful that this was my life. I didn’t really care that I had three husbands or how it would work out. Louis could figure it out for me. I felt like running and jumping into the pool to even out. So that’s what I did. Marcus jumped up and followed me out, shaking his head, stopping on the patio, watching me. Chris came out with a towel, and then I remembered I had to pee.