The Villainess Does Not Want to Die

Chapter 27: When I Grew a Little

I returned to the mansion by carriage.

On the way to the lake, we stopped by various villages, feeling like we were on a leisurely trip. But this time, we headed straight back without resting even once.

Of course, the horses grew tired, so we had to switch them out along the way.

Thanks to that, we arrived at the mansion within a day.

Alina still hadn’t woken up.

But her complexion had returned to normal, and she was sleeping peacefully. She’d surely wake up fine.

I was so worried that I didn’t leave her care to the servants and personally tended to her every need.

They said she’d wake up in a day or two, so she’d be up soon.

There wasn’t anyone to open the gates for us, so the coachman got down from the carriage, turned something diligently, and opened the gate.

We passed through the dark garden, barely visible, and I took Kesel’s hand as he helped me descend slowly from the carriage.

I wondered if Raphael was asleep.

There was no sign of him.

My head throbbed fiercely.

Since we arrived at dawn, not a single person in the mansion was awake.

After instructing Kesel to move Alina to my room, I went to the bathroom, washed up quickly, and with the help of servants other than Alina, dried myself off and dressed before returning to my room.

It felt strange.

As for Raphael, well… Kesel would take care of him.

When I got back to my room, Alina was rubbing her eyes, sitting up in bed.

Though she hadn’t eaten or bathed since she collapsed and smelled a little, it was Alina.

I approached her slowly and hugged her.

The girl, who was surely dizzy after sleeping for so long, began gently patting my back.

“Lie down here. I’ll bring you something to eat and drink.”

I took a box of cookies from a drawer in the room, placed the cookies in a clean bowl, and pulled a handle attached to the wall repeatedly.

A bell rang, and after a while, a servant came to the room.

“Did you call, My Lady?”

The maid who appeared looked about Alina’s age.

She must have been sent because she was the youngest.

She looked vaguely familiar.

Her expression was filled with fear.

“Bring warm water and oatmeal porridge. Don’t add any spices or seasoning to it.”

The girl nodded and turned away to carry out my orders.

After a while, she returned with a pitcher of warm water and a bowl of sticky, unappealing oatmeal porridge.

I took a sip of the water first to make sure it was fine, then brought it to Alina.

It seemed she didn’t have much strength. She nearly dropped the cup as she took it.

“I’ll feed you.”

I sat by Alina’s side for quite some time, feeding her.

Once her stomach was a bit fuller, she seemed to recover some strength and got up.

Had she injured her mouth?

She hadn’t spoken a word since earlier.

Her lips moved faintly as if to say something, only to close again repeatedly.

I placed tea leaves in a teapot, poured hot water, and let the tea steep slowly.

The room filled with the scent of black tea as I poured it into a cup.

Sipping the slightly bitter tea, I remembered the horrendously bitter tea I drank at the orphanage and let out a faint, bitter laugh before downing the rest in one go.

As I enjoyed the lingering aftertaste and lay on the sofa staring at the ceiling, Alina spoke softly.

Her voice carried the faintest hint of tears.

“My Lady.”

I had a sense of what was coming just from the emotions in her trembling voice.

“I… I’m leaving here. I should’ve listened to my mother and just married some decent boy and lived a quiet life farming.”

She didn’t get angry or lash out, asking how I could abandon her.

Closing my eyes briefly, I took a deep breath and picked up the teapot to refill my cup.

The bitter tea couldn’t possibly erase the astringent taste lingering in my mouth.

“…Why?”

“I’m just so tired.”

“Don’t say that. Couldn’t you come up with some pleasant excuse instead?”

I gently set down the teacup I was holding, letting go rather than placing it down carefully.

I didn’t bother picking it up again.

“An excuse, huh…”

Each time Alina spoke, my trembling hand holding the cup made me feel as if I might throw it without meaning to.

To steady myself, I placed my hands on the armrest of the chair and wiped any expression off my face.

“I like you, My Lady, but it seems the others living here don’t. They treat me horribly just because they dislike you.”

Various thoughts flashed through my mind.

The bruises that often covered Alina’s body.

Her silence when I asked her about them.

The exhaustion that seemed etched on her face whenever we stayed at the house near the lake.

The bastard who treated Alina as if she were a prostitute.

And the horrifying scenes where no one around intervened to stop it.

“…….”

I found myself at a loss for words.

For someone who cursed and condemned others for even the slightest offense against me, I couldn’t bring myself to do the same to Alina.

She was one of the three people in this world who truly cared for me.

My mad mother was gone, and the Proxy Manager, who once dreamt futile dreams while scraping by in the slums, met the typical, unremarkable death of those who lived there.

All that remained was Alina.

I couldn’t lose the last one.

Our eyes met.

The innocent, kind face that once smiled warmly at me was now filled with exhaustion and despair.

I never thought I’d see such familiar eyes on Alina.

The same look that haunted my own reflection when I locked myself away after my hand was mangled.

Could just a year ruin someone so completely?

Or had I destroyed Alina myself?

Maybe my very existence was the problem.

Alina rose from the bed and approached me slowly.

Her bare feet padded softly against the floor, her sweat-soaked clothes clinging to her body.

“My Lady, if you tell me not to go, I’ll stay here forever. Probably until I die.”

The girl embraced me and whispered into my ear.

A chill ran down my spine.

It felt as if my fingers were being crushed all over again.

“With just those few words, I’ll remain by your side forever. Until the end.”

I wanted to tell her not to go, but like Alina earlier, all I could do was open my lips slightly before closing them again.

Would it really be okay to let her go like this?

What if the Duke or that old man caused some mysterious accident?

Alina let go of the hug naturally and began walking out of my room.

I grabbed her left wrist from behind.

She didn’t turn back, so I forced her to face me.

Perhaps she was still weak from just waking up; she didn’t resist much as I turned her around.

She covered her face with her right hand, hiding her tear-streaked face.

When she looked at me, she started apologizing profusely.

She said she was sorry for leaving me behind in this disgusting place. That she couldn’t stay here any longer.

For a moment, I thought that if I had asked her to stay by my side without hesitation, she might have thrown herself out the window immediately.

I Don’t Want Anyone Close to Me to Die

Someone might ask, “Was there ever a time you liked it?” But even if I could endure twice, three times felt like too much.

If those two had died happily, it might have been different. But they died miserable, meaningless deaths—a dog’s death, as some would call it.

I should be the one apologizing, but here was Alina, crying and begging me for forgiveness. It felt like I was about to go insane.

“Alina.”

“…I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. I’m being such a coward, aren’t I?

I’m sorry for leaving you here all alone, My Lady. But still, but still…”

Alina, her words a jumbled mess as she cried, seemed utterly broken. I gently patted her back and took a deep breath in and out.

“I didn’t call you here to ask you to stay by my side.”

I rummaged through my clothing and pulled out a wad of cash.

Taking her right hand, the one she used to cover her tear-streaked face, I looked at Alina’s pale, tear-drenched expression for a long while.

She kept crying as if she didn’t know how to stop.

I placed the wad of money in the inner pocket of her clothes and spoke quietly.

“Just… thank you for everything up until now.”

Alina left the mansion.

I shook the handle attached to the wall to summon a servant and had them call the old butler.

I asked the butler to make sure Alina could leave comfortably, and she departed in a carriage.

As I watched the carriage disappear into the distance, a sharp pain shot through my head. 

Unable to hold back, I screamed, throwing teacups and teapots around the room, toppling books off the shelves.

When the headache worsened, I remembered the healing powder left by the healer. Thinking it might help, I loaded the powder into a pipe and lit it.

Out of curiosity, I had once asked how it was made. Apparently, it was concentrated raw opium dissolved in water and evaporated down. The problem was, I had no idea what a poppy even looked like.

So much for the idea of keeping a plant in the room.

Yes, if only there had been a tree in the room, maybe the air would have been better, and I wouldn’t have had such things to be angry about.

When I told Raphael about the knight I had killed, he waved it off like it was nothing significant, as if nothing would happen to me. But I knew it wouldn’t blow over that easily.

Before I could voice any thoughts, someone knocked on the door.

When I opened it, Kesel stood there with an unfamiliar knight and the old butler, whose expression was unusually stiff.

“My Lady, the Master and Madam have summoned you regarding the matter of the knight.”

The butler’s gaze swept over my wrecked room. His brow twitched slightly, but he said nothing.

Straightening my clothes, I stepped out of the room.

The knight, visibly seething, glared at me.

“Where am I supposed to go?”

I asked, and the butler instructed me to head to the study where I had first arrived.

No one walked ahead of me. They only trailed behind like a shadow.

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