The Misadventures of a Terrestrial Anomaly

Charlie stretched and felt a familiar pair of arms pull her close. She sighed as his hand brushed hair from her face. She begrudgingly opened her eyes to see the familiar tattoos across his chest. The geometric ram with yellow and teal swirls was something she remembered fondly. That smoky cedar and eucalyptus scent of his body wash irritated her nose, as it always had. He combed her hair with his fingers before he pulled her hand up to his chest.

The man snuggling her smiled to show off the one crooked tooth in his otherwise perfect teeth. This was everything her heart ever desired, but too good to be true. Their bed back in their cozy apartment was a welcome sight compared to waking up in the desert surrounded by lion people.

“Time to wake up, sleepy head,” He kissed the top of her head, “You’ve been asleep for a while now.”

“Fuck you.”

“There’s my wife,” He chuckled caressed her face, “Still mad at me?”

Looking into his handsome face enraged her. Those beautiful brown eyes almost looked pitiful at her slander.

“Eat an entire bag of dicks, Roman,” She rolled away from him.

The extremely fit man grabbed her up and pulled her back to him, “Come on, baby. You can’t be mad forever.”

Charlie refused to meet his steely gaze. He nuzzled his face against her neck and kissed gently. The stubble across his chin tickled, but she wasn’t going to smile or giggle around him again. He wouldn’t break her that easily.

“Admit you miss me.”

“No.”

“Come on, baby. You wanted this for your birthday. An entire day of being together in bed. Why are you acting like this?”

“That was nearly a year ago. You spent the entire day with your band before I had to work.”

“You know I tried, but—”

“Excuse me? You didn’t even try!”

With that, the peaceful illusion broke. It was no longer a heavenly lit room with a comfortable bed in her sweet memories. His pleasant smile turned to a nasty frown.

“This. This is why!” He threw his hands up and stood, “No matter how hard I tried, you just wouldn’t give me anything!”

She hopped up and jammed a finger in his chest. He grabbed her hand and laced his fingers in between hers. He brought her hand to his lips. His arm wrapped around her to hold her at her waist. The entire swift motion caught her by surprise. With a sly smile, he gently kissed her hand. When she looked into his careless eyes, he stroked her back with his free hand.

“You know I love you, babe. I always have. Ever since we were kids.”

“Doesn’t feel like it,” She closed her eyes.

“I fucked up, Charlotte. I know that,” He sighed and brought her into a tight hug, “I tried to make it up to you, but I didn’t think you’d throw us out.”

“I didn’t throw you out. You left.”

“Because you wouldn’t look at me,” Roman kissed her forehead, “Just like now. Will you show me those beautiful gems of yours?”

Charlie couldn’t help but blush and look at him. Maybe it was just what she wanted, but this was the Roman she missed. He caressed her so gently. He lovingly kissed her face before he paused with his lips on hers.

“Can you honestly say you’d never forgive me?”

“You’re dead.”

Her whisper barely carried her words.

“If I lived, would you have?”

Her nostrils flared as she tried not to say anything she’d regret. She looked away from him before she had to answer.

“You’re happy I’m dead, aren’t you?” He mocked her, “Oh, he’s such a bad person. He deserves to be dead.”

“Roman, that’s not what I—”

“Do you even miss me?”

Charlie refused to answer. The man tilted her chin up to look into his eyes again and she studied his features. The soft brown waves of hair and dark scruff framed his sharp features. She hated how handsome he was, especially when he was a bag of garbage disguised as a man.

“I try not to.”

“You’re happy I’m dead, aren’t you?”

She simply scrunched her nose, “You’re still a piece of shit.”

“Do you wish either of us lived, then? Or are you just so happy we both died?”

“Roxy,” She said without hesitation, “I can say for certain that I wish Roxy wasn’t in the car.”

“The dog? Not me? Not even your own sister?” He laughed, “I’m sure she’ll be happy to know!”

“My dog did nothing wrong but follow two idiots into a car,” She scoffed, “Everyone else is up for debate.”

“That’s how you’d treat your baby sister, Charlotte?” The phantasmal man tsked, “She only said the best things about you. Don’t you think she felt bad at all?”

“I don’t care.”

“Yes, you do, or you wouldn’t have kicked us out! Sasha was pregnant, for God’s sake,” He sputtered, “You know, technically this is all your fault. You should feel guilty. You should beg for forgiveness. We died because of you.”

“Oh, really?” She crossed her arms.

“If you left instead, we would’ve lived. Via would’ve put up with you for a few months. Everyone would’ve been happier,” He scowled her, “But no, you had to grow a spine. That’s what happens. Learn your place, Charlotte. Maybe the next unlucky chump that cares about you will have an easier time putting up with you than I did.”

She lovingly placed a hand on his face. He closed his eyes and leaned towards her touch, almost as if he believed that she wouldn’t say anything. Perhaps months earlier, she wouldn’t have. But she was honestly tired of all this.

“Roman, from the bottom of my heart,” She said as optimistically as possible, “Go fuck yourself.”

Charlie wheezed as she took a deep breath and opened her eyes fully. The stars cleared from her vision, and she felt a heavy pressure on her chest. She held her head up and saw a turtle shell.

“Uh, hey there?”

A tiny turtle head peaked from the shell and happily chirped when it noticed she was awake. It nearly purred as it crawled across her chest to rub its head against her face. It looked remarkably like the large turtle she helped move the eggs of at some point in the past.

“Hey squirt! Calm down. Where’s your mom?”

Divine Familiar now named: Squirt. Would you like to identify?

“Maybe later,” She rubbed her forehead, “I feel like shit. What are my stats?”

Location: Healing Springs in Ferigor

Afflictions: 2 levels of exhaustion

Low Health: 12 out of Unknown

Low Stamina: 100 out of Unknown

Low Mana: 4 out of Unknown

“That doesn’t sound great,” She groaned, “Squirt, you’re a bit big on my chest. Can you move?”

Charlie could almost hear the turtle say watch this, with his cheerful croak of “Raah!”

Instead of taking up the majority of the space on her chest, it shrank to a size that fit comfortably on her hands. In the space it used to fill, a slippery bubble took its space. Squirt sucked in all the water and belched loudly. Charlie laughed and the turtle quickly tucked back in his shell. He toppled off of her as she shook from her laughs.

You have two messages. Would you like to hear them?

“You’re a voicemail now?” She snorted, “Yeah sure.”

First message.

The terrified whimpers and squeals played in her head as Squirt all but batted his eyes at her. She could nearly understand his thoughts, but the gist of the message begged her to wake up and acknowledge he was there. The general phrases she got were about making sure she wasn’t mad at him.

“Were you worried about me, little buddy?”

“Raw!”

“I’m fine… probably,” She poked at him, “And you’re very cute.”

He happily chirped and shook in his shell as if he was wagging his tail like a dog. She squealed happily at him as he chirped like a bird.

“I’m not mad at you, Squirt. Why would I be?”

His croaking sound made her furrow her brow as she tried to understand.

“Graah! Raw. Graw!”

“Oh, I almost died? Sounds about right,” She scratched under the turtle’s chin, “Not your fault, little buddy. I’m sure of it.”

He purred and nestled into her chest. Charlie took a deep breath and looked up at the ceiling. She wasn’t sure where she was, but it was comfier than waking up in a metal cage. The canopy of cerulean fabrics over her cozy bed reminded her of a little girl’s princess themed bedroom. Oddly shaped orbs dangled from the ceiling. Looking up wasn’t painful but moving at all sent spikes of pain as if her skeleton tried to jump out of her body. Once she winced and reached for a sore section on her stomach, the orbs squirted water into the air. It trickled down like snow and gently misted her skin.

“Ah, humidifiers. Looks like…”

Under the effects of Healing Spring. Regeneration amplified due to blessing.

“Blessing?”

Holy water (lesser) applied by the goddess Puddles.

Charlie listened as the being explained the blessing. She groaned as she laid back down and accepted that she might need to rest more

Side objective “Obtain blessing from water god” complete!

“I knew she would like me,” She smirked victoriously, “Alright, one voicemail taken care of. Let’s move on to the next.”

Next message.

“Hello. You must be Charlie. If you can hear this, then I’m right about you. Either way, I look forward to finally meeting you. Until then, we’ll eagerly wait for any news about you.”

The feminine voice seemed welcoming. But without a name or directions to a meeting, the tone came off as ominous.

New objective: Meet ERROR.

“Squirt, do you know how the creepy lady is?” She whispered as she scratched him like a cat, “Also the ‘we’ doesn’t help either.”

The turtle bubbled angrily as if he said he would protect her.

“Didn’t your mama give you to me so I would babysit you? Or are you here to watch over me while I rest up?”

A furry hand pulled a beaded curtain back and a surprised tigress walked into the room.

“Uh, hi?” Charlie barely waved, “Do you have water or anything? I’m parched.”

The tigress dropped the bowl she carried and put her hands over her snout, “She’s awake!”

Charlie coughed as a group of Leonie women surrounded her and pushed her back down. The endless furry hands patted damp cloths against her. She tried to swat them away as she tried to sit up. Squirt sprayed them with water until they took a step back.

“Let the nice ladies work on me,” She laid back down, “How long have I been out?”

Squirt crawled between a modesty sheet and his summoner. He snuggled between Charlie’s breasts and stuck his neck out to watch the Leonie nurses suspiciously. Puffs of vapor left his nose as he narrowed his little eyes for any potential threats. She chuckled at the tiny protector and scratched under his chin.

“Just about a month,” Navara moved the other women out of the way to see her.

“A month? Well, shit.”

Charlie looked around the room to see a pristinely white bedroom with lit candles, basins of water, fluffy pillows. Out of any room she woke up in recently, it was the biggest improvement. Healers puttered about the room doing mindless chores.

“Where am I?”

“The temple infirmary… How do you feel?” The lioness held her hand to comfort the sickly woman, “You look better.”

“Like I’ve been hit by a car.”

“A car?” One of her nursely visitors looked around.

“It’s a—” Charlie rubbed her temples, “Never mind. Why’ve I been out so long?”

“You nearly died!” Puddles appeared from a basin of water on the other side of the room, “I can’t believe you—!”

“The yelling!” She groaned, “Inside voices, please.”

“Did you just—”

“Yes. She has the gumption to tell a god what to do,” The tiny water goddess raised a hand, “She’s an idiot. I think we’ve established that.”

“How did I almost die? I just remember…” Charlie yawned, “Trying to summon something?”

Squirt chirped happily and proudly before he wiggled under the blanket against her.

“You tried to summon a divine familiar. You know, something that only gods can do or assist with,” Puddles crossed her arms in annoyance, “Why did you think you could do that? You’re lucky I came to save you.”

“I thought I’d be fine because big mama gave me the egg. I didn’t know I’d have to do something dangerous,” She paused before a sly smirk crept across her lips, “You worried about me, weren’t you?”

The watery girl simply scrunched her nose and refused to answer.

“Because you liiiiiike me,” She teased, “You want to be my friend, don’t you Puddles?”

“I’d kill you myself!” The small goddess ignored the question, but Charlie saw the small smile, “But Ocean wants to speak with you. So, I'll wait until then.”

She laughed until it turned into a fit of coughing. A number of hands touched her, and a message repeated in the cheerful robotic tone.

You are under the effects of multiple healing spells. One level of exhaustion healed. Health, stamina, and mana regeneration rates increased.

“Thanks everyone.”

“Until your fully healed from exhaustion, I’m afraid you won’t get much from it,” Navi sighed, “You’ll have to rest a few more days at the very least. Now that you’re awake, though, we can start planning the celebration.”

All of the healers clapped excitedly and giggled about the news.

“Celebration?” She blinked, “Why?”

“When we were underground, the godbeast thrashing about caused sink holes on the surface. If it wasn’t stopped—”

“She was a mama turtle.”

Puddles took a deep breath to stop herself from slapping the woman, “If she wasn’t stopped, then multiple sections of springs would’ve collapsed into the dungeon below.”

“Hundreds could have been killed. The entire Healing Springs could have collapsed and no longer worked without a god’s direct connection,” Navi squeezed her hand, “We owe you a great debt for saving our village.”

“Consider us even for Davon finding me in the desert.”

The Leonies around her laughed heartily. The lioness patted her shoulder with a playful grin that she would have normally considered terrifying from an animal.

“We’re throwing a party. I’ve even ordered a seamstress to come make you a few outfits as gifts from different people –especially those on the edge of the largest sink hole. Veila said something about pants, in particular.”

“Awesome,” She chuckled, “Can I get up and walk around.? Or am I bed ridden?”

“You want to walk around?” The lioness blinked, “We figured you’d want to sleep more.”

Charlie’s stomach growled angrily. Squirt chirped to further alert the room of his summoner’s discomfort.

“You must be hungry. We’ve fed you some, but it’s hard to do that when you’re asleep and your familiar would not allow us near you,” One of the healers looked at him, “Unless Puddles was here to tell him otherwise.”

“It’s exhausting to always babysit you, you know,” The girl crossed her arms and sighed dramatically, “But, I guess I can chaperone a small walk about town.”

“Actually,” Navi winced, “If you are going to be traveling soon, we may need you to purify more water.”

“Of course,” Puddles face rippled as her watery hand rubbed down it, “Then, who will make sure she doesn’t get in any more trouble. We can’t leave her alone.”

“Why not Davon?” Charlie asked, “Is he busy?”

The lioness grinned mischievously, “You’d like more alone time with my son?”

“I trust him not to let me get in too much trouble,” Completely oblivious to the mother’s sentiment, “Plus, I feel like he owes me after I saved his life and his village.”

“I agree!”

Still obnoxiously ignorant, to the point Puddles wondered if she was ignoring his mother’s hopeful undertones, Charlie sat up and stretched while holding the cloth at her shoulder. Squirt grunted unhappily at losing his comfortable spot between her breasts but held the blanket to cover her.

“I just need like… clothes? Did Veila ever send that fabric to your house?”

“Yes. She’s sewed an acceptable dress as well. I’ll have him bring it right over?” Navi clapped, “I’ll make sure he takes good care of you until the celebration! Go to him with any request.”

“Okay…” She narrowed her eyes suspiciously, “I will do that?”

The healers giddily whispered as Navara shooed them away. She sauntered back over and sat at her bedside.

“Is the dress going to fit?” Charlie asked, “I mean, I only saw her once.”

“Oh, many of the women came in to take your measurements for seamstresses. You’ll probably have some more outfits by the time the celebration is over.”

“I’m sorry, measurements?”

“The healers lifted you and let the those who wanted to see you take measurements,” Puddles shrugged, “Not a big deal. It’s done for corpses often.”

“Are you telling me that I, being naked as the day I was born, was fondled by a bunch of people for nearly a month?”

“It sounds suspicious when you put it that way,” Navara hummed, “Only a select few could change you. Most were mystified by your enchantments.”

“Tattoos,” Charlie sighed, “They’re just tattoos. No magic.”

Squirt angrily huffed and a stream of water splashed against her hand. She lifted it up to see the turquoise turtle on her finger.

“Huh. I guess this one is, isn’t it?” She scratched under his chin, “Good boy.”

“Well, duty calls,” Puddles flipped a wave of hair over her shoulder, “I’ve got to make sure you all can survive without me for a few days.”

The water basin she manifested in rattled as she left the room. The remaining two chatted quietly until Davon stepped into the room. He relaxed when he saw her sat up and speaking.

“You scared us,” He joked, “Can’t take my eye off you for a minute before you’re kidnapped and nearly killed.”

“You know me, big troublemaker,” She chuckled and pointed her thumbs at herself, “Your mom said you’d be fine walking around with me?”

“Uh, sure?” He tried not to grimace, “Are you healthy enough to leave the infirmary? You still look—”

“Absolutely wonderful, Davonathan,” His mother narrowed her eyes, “Of course you’d love to chaperone her.”

“I do have work later today. I can until—”

“I’m sure someone could cover your shift,” The lioness turned and cheerfully smiled at her, “I’ll make sure someone covers your shift.”

The lion gave his mother an odd look, “I don’t think that would be best. You know, since I missed the last six while I was getting healed.”

“You were hurt?” Charlie quickly looked him over.

“After I left you, I ran into a wererabbit hive. I took a bit of damage before I could get out and get help,” He nervously looked towards his scheming mother, “Just took a bit to heal the puncture wounds. They have sharp teeth.”

She recounted the rabbit teeth the size of her forearm on the creature, “Yeah… That checks out. Sorry you got hurt. If I had been better at fighting, then—”

“No! No. You handled a godbeast,” He threw his hands up to stop her, “I couldn’t have ever done that.”

Squirt blew a small stream of water at him. Charlie laughed until she coughed again. Davon flicked the water from his face and gave a disappointed look to his own giggling mother.

“Are you sure you can get my shift covered? It’s two a shift now since the sinkholes.”

“I will do it myself if I can’t.”

He squinted at his mother, “Okay…”

Navara stood and dusted herself off. She gave Charlie a quick hug before she walked over to her son. Davon’s face fell as his mother whispered something in his ear before she left the room. He held a hand over his face as he approached her bed.

“What’s with the face?”

“My mother is… insistent that I try to court you.”

“I’m sorry, what?”

“Apparently you said something she interpreted in a way you would be…” He shook his head, “I’m going to be blunt and say I am not interested. If my good looks attracted—”

Charlie cackled loudly until her stomach hurt in protest. Squirts chirps sounded like laughter as well. Davon furrowed his brow at the rather insulting reaction to him letting her down easily.

“Davon, I’m not a furry. I’m good, thanks.”

“What’s a furry?”

“I’m not going to unbox that,” She held up a hand to pause his reaction, “Nothing to worry about it. You’re not my type.”

His sigh of relief made her chuckle harder, “What? From how hard my mother could’ve pushed that, I doubt I could’ve gotten out of it on my own! You’re considered a hero around here now.”

Title obtained: Spring Savior

Spring Savior: You save the Oasis from certain doom. Your heroic deeds will be recorded by the pride and recounted for generations to come. All animorphs will behave friendly upon hearing of your title.

Davon waited until her next coughing fit passed. He tossed a carefully wrapped package onto the bed at her feet.

“Here’s the dress that Veila made for you. I’m sure you’ll have more gifts once we get outside.”

“Are people really that excited?”

“I’m sure when you see it, you’ll understand.”