The Lame Daoist Priest

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In 1993, just the day I was born, the fat nurse took me to the baby’s room. As a result, my feet slipped and fell to the ground! It also pressed me to the bottom! If it were n’t for Lao Tzu ’s stubborn vitality, he would have been smashed to death by these more than two hundred pounds of meat balls!

Dad has no education, and was blinded by the time he got his name. It was just this time that Bruce Lee ’s “Raptors Crossing the River” was playing on the TV, so Dad immediately came up with inspiration, and said: “Just called Bruce Lee!”

Submit the birth certificate to the relevant department and register for me. As a result, I didn’t know which grandson made it. I was surprised to write Bruce Lee as Zhang Xiaolong! So the biggest joke in history appeared in my account! My father’s name is Li Guofu, my name is Zhang Xiaolong, and I told your uncle, which 2B brain-dead account was given to me? Have you ever seen a son who is not the same surname as his dad? But the family is rural, and the father and mother are illiterate, and this matter will go away.

When I was 5 years old, I was wearing open crotch pants and throwing stones with four children. As a result, I smashed the glass of my uncle Li’s house next door! I swear! The stone that hit the glass of Uncle Li’s house was definitely not thrown by me! It was done by four other children! Uncle Li came out and asked who did it. The hands of these four grandchildren were pointing at me at the same time. That was a tacit understanding! There is no sound here! I ’m going to choke, good few of you grandchildren, pit me, right? I will never play with you again! I thought cruelly in my heart. . . As a result, my dad lost money, and went home to give me a stink.

At the age of 6, I walked behind my mother’s ass, but I forgot that my mother had the habit of closing the door. As a result, my head was caught in the door. At that time, I cried and wowed like a big head baby. It took many months to reduce swelling.

When I was 7 years old, because of the confusion between Chinese Pinyin and English letters, the teacher refused to let me go from kindergarten to first grade, and I was gloriously squatting!

At the age of 8, when the class was stinky, he took out a bottle of Jianlibao drink and swayed it in front of other children. As a result, when the tab was opened, the drinks were all sprayed out, making the chest of the same table Xiaohui wet, I was in a hurry Help her wipe! As a result, the school bell rang, and the teacher came in. He was a middle-aged bald man, and he was quite lascivious. When I saw that I was rubbing in front of Xiaohui’s chest, I shouted in my throat: “Let go of that girl!”

Then he carried me to the office and educated me on ideology. Said I was precocious and blasphemed the female classmates, bad nature, and almost did not expel me. Later, the dad gave the grandson two big cocks, and then Ya left me behind. He also said that the death penalty was exempt, and the living crime was inevitable, so I continued to squat in the kindergarten for a year.

At the age of 9, I finally graduated from kindergarten! The dad burst into tears and saw who said to whom: My son has a good time!

At the age of 11, the factory where Dad worked was facing closure. At the critical moment, Dad made a move, and the result was to save the entire plant! In order to thank the father, the chairman promoted him to be a manager, and let him learn with pay, from Chinese pinyin to financial management. To say that this person is really life, who knows that Dad who came out to work in a rural area can also encounter such good things?

In the same year, a few children and I went to someone’s garden to steal apples, but the dogs found them and chased us! Let’s run like life! I do n’t know what happened. I ran at the forefront, but the dog just fell in love with me! More than a few other children, I fell to the ground, a bite! Those grandchildren were also unwilling, and all ran away! Later, I went to the hospital to sew a few stitches and got a rabies vaccine. The school was afraid that I would infect my classmates. In particular, I was given a 6-month long vacation, which is longer than the TM summer vacation.

At the same time, the chairman of Dad Factory bought a house for my family in the city, so that Dad could go to work. So we moved, and I said goodbye to my grandsons who had pitted me for more than a decade!

At 12 years old, my parents are not at home, I want to wipe the glass and give them a surprise. The results did not stand firm, fell directly! My family lives on the second floor! Live on the 2nd floor of TM! But I broke a leg!

At the age of 13, I went to the toilet to learn smoking with a classmate in elementary school. These grandchildren are very experienced, throwing cigarette butts directly into the toilet and flushing water, and then swiftly took out the gum from the pocket and chewed! Only I was smirking at the cigarette director with a cigarette butt. . .

14 years old, confession to girls failed! Decided to buy a bottle of pesticide to commit suicide! I exchanged pesticides from the owner of the pesticide store for 130 yuan, and drank a piece of toenails. I vomited at that time and vomited all night. I collapsed the next morning.

At the age of 15, I looked back and found that my life was full of tragedy. I bought suicide for the second time and committed suicide! But this time I learned smarter and changed to a pesticide store. After I bought it, I unscrewed the cap and found that I got another one! I burst into tears, and my heart said that Nima was fifteen years! Fifteen years! I finally got another drink! At that time, I couldn’t take suicide anymore. I took a bottle cap and ran to the pesticide store. I went to the boss to change the bottle. Then I returned home with a smirk. The pesticide bottle was placed on the coffee table, and they looked at me with a grim look. As a result, I was beaten up again, and since then I swear, I will never drink pesticides again!

At the age of 16, standing under the telephone pole to pee, who knows that the telephone pole is leaking! Paralysis almost didn’t electrocut me! I was crying at that time, Nima, whoever I messed up with, I TM wanted to pee and almost lost my life!

17 years old, admitted to an ordinary high school nearby, at his own expense. My transcript can be described by a poem: the front is crowded, the back is my sole respect. So if you can be admitted to a high school at your own expense, you should burn high fragrance. Although the grades were poor, the penultimate or something, but after all, I was admitted to high school! Dad decided to put on a feast!

In the same year, my mother bought me a ‘Cock Basket 1258’ and let him ride to school every day. I have no problem. The school is not far from home. I can ride home in about 15 minutes.

Riding a bicycle, I became more and more proficient in bicycle technology. Now I can completely release the handlebars and ride like acrobatics. Unexpected things happened! When I let go of the handlebar, I didn’t notice a small stone in front of me. As a result, the front tire rolled up, and I fell directly. The chin hook fell off, and my left arm was broken. My father and mother rushed me to the hospital Hospitalization.

After being in the hospital for seven days, the arm was cast, and the chin hook was hung back again.

My girlfriend, who had been punished for three months, came to the hospital to visit me, leaving a sentence that you are a good person, and left. I mean, you actually want to scold me for being stupid, and yes, who can bear his boyfriend’s head was caught in the door for hours, squatted in kindergarten for two years, fell off the second floor and could break his leg and drink pesticide twice Suicide failed, urine was almost electrocuted, and a man who could fall off his chin by riding a bicycle?

On the day of discharge, the doctor told me that after the chin hook was dropped once, it would be easy to fall again in the future, so he taught me how to connect the chin hook by myself, and made me pay attention to it. The speed can’t be too fast, can’t shout and sing with open mouth. . .

Although I have tried my best to pay attention to this problem, accidents still happen frequently. One time when I was eating in the cafeteria at noon, my chin fell off while eating, and my mouth was drooling. As a result, the three old ladies on the opposite side scolded me for stinking BT and stinking rogues. Are you three dinosaurs drooling? Really TM speechless. . .

Soon, my name was spread throughout the high school.

At Qingtian Second Middle School, you can not know the first school flower, but you must not know the first joke, Zhang Xiaolong Xiansen.

Anyway, I ’m a celebrity, buddy. The return rate in school is as high as 90%. Everyone is whispering in the back. No one in the class is willing to make friends with me. If I do n’t know Taishan, I do n’t even see my macho side.

It was already mid-October, and it was completely dark when school was over at night. On the way home by bicycle, I found a group of people watching in front of me.

Was there a car accident?

I like to watch lively, pushing my beloved basket 1258 forward, and finally squeezed to the front. Before I could see the situation, I only heard an old voice trembling and shouted: “Sun, grandson Save Grandpa! “

I saw a sloppy old man lying on the side of the road, pointing his index finger at me.

I pointed to my nose and asked, “Me?”

I don’t know this old man at all, but I’m sure he must be referring to me! Buddy, I keep pointing back, looking for a cheap grandpa, this kind of thing is not unusual, I am numb after the torture.

“It’s you! Grandson!” The old man called out and called a kind!

Although buddy I keep pointing back, this does not mean that my IQ is low. I nodded and asked, “Do you know my name?”

“Zhang Xiaolong,” the old man answered quickly and concisely.

“How do you know?” I asked in amazement.

At this time, the passer-by said: “Boy, are you a student of the second middle school? It’s too bad to pretend that you don’t know your dear grandfather. I have to go to your school and talk to your principal.”

The old man also said: “Grandson, come and help me. Grandpa raised you from an early age. You need to be filial grandpa.”

Filial piety to your grandma!

Today is definitely the most memorable moment in my history. If I do n’t help the old man now, it is very likely that I will be expelled from the school. If I help him, this old guy is probably a celebrity, and I will fall in love with me in the future.

With so many people watching, I could only come to the old man and lift him up. The old man whispered, “Hey, I wonder why I know your name? Your school sign on your chest reveals your identity.”

I was lying in a slot at the time, and I almost threw my hand back to the ground. . .

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