The Human From a Dungeon

Gali Morathi

Adventurer Level: 13

Dwarf - Calkutin

"I don't fuckin' get it," Rebis said while rubbing his temples. "Isn't this a dead dungeon?"

"Apparently not," Heino replied. "Travelers have gone missing nearby, and the only thing the disappearances have in common is tracks that lead back to this dungeon."

We stared at the mausoleum that marked the entrance of the Talokam Dungeon for a moment. Rebis wasn't wrong, until a few days ago it had been classified as neutralized and looted. Then some newbie adventurer went looking for his missing cousin and found some blood and a ripped pack, then followed some tracks back here. It's probably for the best that he immediately turned tail and reported it to the Venator's Bureau.

Our party is contracted to the Venator's Bureau and is currently comprised of five members. Mako, an orc from the Unified Chiefdoms who's large enough to make a Nahalim pause. Ithrima, an elven sorceress that's been with the party for about half a decade now. Then there's Rebis, Heino, and myself. All three of us are dwarves from the western fringe of Calkuti, and founding members of our locally famous group, the Western Wasters.

I absolutely hate our name. It's supposed to indicate the fact that we originate from the western portion of Calkuti and that we are willing to go into the wastes. To me, the name makes it sound like we're a bunch of drunks. Unfortunately, the one who coined the name died slowly and painfully because of consumption. It was sad enough to make us to stick with the dumbest fuckin' name of all time.

"What do you think, Gali?" Mako asked. "This gonna be an easy one?"

"Bah," I replied. "How should I fuckin' know? Don't got anything to base that kinda judgment off of. Last reported monster in this fucker was kobolds, but kobolds don't do kidnappings. Hell, they don't even like going above ground."

Mako shifted, his heavy armor clinking as he hefted his pike casually onto his shoulder. The rest of the party also fidgeted nervously. Nobody liked it when I couldn't tell how dangerous somethin' was gonna be. It's probably just luck, but I've never been wrong. Might also have something to do with the fact I don't venture a guess unless I've got something to go off of.

Well, I guess it's not like I've got nothin'. A dungeon supposedly filled with lower tier monsters suddenly becomes a hide-out for kidnappers, the entrance to said dungeon is a fuckin' grave marker, and I can smell death from all the way out here. There's no chance this is gonna be a safe quest.

"Fuck it," I sighed. "I'm gonna say it's probably life-threatenin'. So let's just do what the bureau asked and take a peek, yeah?"

"Sounds good to me," Rebis said, attaching his shield to his arm. "It's all they're fuckin' payin' us for anyway."

"Come now, Rebis," Ithrima scolded. "We don't do this for the pay. We do this to make things safer for the citizenry of the Empire of Calkuti."

Ithrima was the most patriotic of our rag-tag group. To her, being an adventurer was a calling, not a job. Can't say that I entirely disagree, but I'm far more concerned with being able to eat than whether or not some fool is sleeping safely in his bed.

"Listen bitch, the citizenry of Calkuti is safest when I've got a good brew in my belly," Rebis replied. "And it ain't like they're buyin'. So really, to ensure their safety they should be payin' me loads."

"You sound like a bandit, short-stack," she growled.

Rebis, Heino, and I began glaring at her once the slur left her mouth. She instantly realized her mistake and her eyes locked onto the ground.

"I'm sorry-"

"You're gods-damned right you are," Heino said. "Gali and I didn't call you a bitch, did we? So what the fuck are you doin' using our height as an insult?"

"It's not even a good insult," Mako said. "There's a lot of advantages to being dwarf-sized."

"I said I'm sorry!" Ithrima shouted. "Fine! I'll change my insult to cousin-fucker. You happy?"

"That'll do for me," I said.

"Yep," Heino nodded.

"Much better," Mako grinned.

"Hey! Fuck all of you," Rebis scowled.

"Now, now, Rebis, we're not your cousins," Ithrima said with a wicked smile.

Rebis glared at her for a moment, but couldn't come up with a come-back. Instead, he drew his sword and started angrily marching toward the dungeon.

"We fuckin' doin' this or not?" he asked over his shoulder.

The four of us chuckled and started following after him. Heino, who also wields a sword and board, chased after him to share point. Mako took his place between them, not having to run because of his long legs.

In his armor, our orc's damn near untouchable head-on. But since he uses a pike, he's vulnerable to attacks from the side. Heino and Rebis cover his flanks with their shields and swords, while Ithrima and I handle ranged attacks and healing when it's needed. It's a tried and true formation that's led us safely through many fights.

But the moment we crossed the threshold of the dungeon, a knot formed in my gut. The smell of death was almost overpowering now. There's corpses somewhere, and probably a lot of 'em. Gods, I hate being right.

We activated our lights and I nervously checked my string and quiver. The soft twang of the string echoed in the dungeon, causing me to wince slightly. Everyone else looked at me with a raised eyebrow, and I sighed softly at my rookie mistake.

We continued forward, and I noticed Ithrima fiddling with her ring. It had been given to her by her husband to mark their engagement, and it became her arcane focus after he was killed by a warg. His death is what made her want to become an adventurer. She only plays with the ring when she's thinking about him, or when she's nervous. It felt good to know that I wasn't the only one.

Both the floor and the walls were tiled, apparently by magic. The lack of tool-marks was a dead giveaway. Mako started poking the tiles in front of us as we went, and eventually his pike found a trap. Once the trap withdrew, he pointed out which tile was its trigger and we stepped past it. We didn't get far before Mako stopped again.

"Damn, that's gross," Mako said softly, poking his spear at something.

"What is it?" I asked.

"Dead kobolds," Rebis said. "Looks like they've been here for a while."

Heino held his nose and knelt to get a closer look.

"They sure have, the flesh is pretty rotten. This one's neck... I could swear that's a hand-print."

Mako knelt down, took a look, then nodded solemnly.

"Yeah, that's definitely a hand-print. Those ones were cut, though. So two of 'em? One with a blade and one strong enough to crush a kobold's neck bare-handed?"

"I don't know," Heino held out his hand and compared it to the neck. "Pretty sure that's a left hand. Might have been only one attacker, blade in their right hand and grabbing with their left."

"There's a lot of things that use blades when they don't have to," Rebis added as Heino and Mako stood. "Even some adventurers do that."

"True," Heino shrugged. "Guess we still don't know what we're dealing with."

With the mystery left unsolved we continued on, hoping to find more clues as to what we were dealing with. It wasn't long before we did find more clues, but they were in the form of several more groups of kobold bodies. We stopped to examine each one, and our findings grew grimmer as we went.

"It's like whoever did this was just playing with them," Heino said solemnly. "I don't get how you make it through this many kobolds without getting a wound or two that'll make you hesitant."

"What do you mean?" Mako asked.

"This one's got a spear next to it, but also has a hand print on its neck. Would you try to go hand to hand with someone holding a spear?"

"No. The whole point of a spear is to make people keep their distance."

"Hold on, this one's got a bite mark on its shoulder," Rebis said.

Heino jogged over to him and examined the dead kobold. I fought the temptation to join them.

"Tell me this isn't what I think it is, Heino. It only looks like that because of the rot, right?" Rebis asked.

"Oh no..." Heino replied.

"What is it?" Mako asked.

The bulking orc joined the pair of dwarves and examined the corpse. The three of them went uncharacteristically quiet. Ithrima and I shared an annoyed glance.

"Well? Don't keep us in suspense," I growled. "The fuck did you find?"

The three of them stood.

"There's no doubt about it," Mako said. "This is a vampire bite."

"A vampire?" I scoffed. "Here? And since when do vampires snack on kobolds?"

"Since when are you a fuckin' expert on vampires, Gali?" Rebis rebutted.

"Since your mom taught me last night. She sucked just as-"

"The Night Kingdom has vamps," Mako interrupted with a sigh. "Heard that the Chiefdoms were fighting them again this year. Could be one came through the chiefdoms with the drow army."

"No, that doesn't make sense," Ithrima said. "Drow can't become vampires, and there's a mutual hatred there that runs deep. They wouldn't have let a vampire accompany them, and if anyone could spot a vampire it would be a drow."

"I wouldn't give the drow in Lofin's army too much credit," Heino added. "Heard they're dumber than the sticks they carry."

"Yeah, if there were any drow that would get fooled by a vamp, it would be their soldiers," Rebis scoffed. "Doesn't matter how it got here, though. That's definitely a blood-sucker bite. Nothin' else with teeth like that has hands, and this kobold's throat was crushed like the other ones."

Nobody said anything as we contemplated how a vampire bite could have ended up on the dead kobold. After a few moments of silence, Mako shrugged, and the rest of us took that as a signal to form up. Ultimately, Rebis was right. It really doesn't matter how it happened, only that it has.

I glanced at Ithrima, knowing she would be crucial in the coming fight. Vampires are legendarily difficult to put down, pretty much have to burn the flesh right off their bones. Ideally, you'd ash the bones in the process. I assumed that the three in front knew how to fight vampires, then remembered an age-old saying about assumptions.

"So... Has any of us fought vamps before?" I asked.

"No, but I've been taught," Mako said. "Pin 'em down, let the mage burn 'em."

"It'll be easier if you stick 'em and me or Heino lobs their head off," Rebis added. "Then we put the bits in a pile and have Ithrima do the fwoosh."

Which leaves me with the task of filling the vampire full of enough arrows to slow it down enough for Mako to get his pike in deep. Good thing I brought the barb-heads. Couple of gut shots or a lucky hit to the legs should do the trick.

We continued down the dungeon, avoiding traps and piles of dead kobolds. Our footfalls echoed softly, almost rhythmically. But something was off with that rhythm. Mako held up his hand, and we immediately stopped, readying ourselves for a fight.

"Here it comes," the big ass orc said.

I pulled back the string on my bow and moved to get a clear line of sight down the hall. I steadied my breathing, and waited for whatever was running toward us to come into view. The sound of footsteps didn't stop, and grew louder as we waited. Breathe in, pat pat pat pat, breathe out, pat pat pat pat. Wait... Pat pat? Is the vampire barefoot?

Before the thought could fully construct itself, a kobold came into view. Upon seeing us ready to tear it apart, it flung itself to the ground and threw up its hands. The sounds of its whimpers replaced its footsteps.

"No hurts please! No fights!" it said. "Look! Look! I gots no pokies or slashies! I just a word-bringer!"

The tension in my bow and jaw slackened at the same time. The tension in the rest of the party evaporated as well. I almost laughed, we'd been expecting a grueling fight with a vampire and were instead greeted by an unarmed kobold survivor.

"A word-bringer?" Rebis asked. "What word do you bring, lizard?"

"I not lizard, I kobold," it said stubbornly. "I eat lizard."

"Aren't kobolds cannibalistic?" Heino asked.

"Dunno that word."

"We're wasting time, the vamp could be behind it," I said. "Speak, kobold. Quickly."

"Yes yes. The lord wants you to be word-bringers and tell the... uh... shitty people that there are vampires in here."

The kobold rose to his knees and looked at us expectantly.

"You mean city people?"

"I said that."

"Wait, did he say vampires?" Mako asked. "As in more than one?"

"More than I can count, and me count real good," the kobold nodded excitedly. "Best counter, now that Thssis is dead. All the way to seven!"

The five of us froze. One vampire would be a hard fight. Two would damn near kill us. Three would guarantee a couple of us would die. More than seven would mean that all of us would die and become vampires without even putting up a fight.

"Fuck that," Rebis said. "Time to go."

We all turned in unison and began to leave the dungeon. The patter of bare feet trailed after us. I turned to face the kobold as we continued to walk.

"The hell are you doing?" I asked.

"Comin' with," the kobold said, as if it were confused by the question.

The five of us looked at each other as we walked, and each of us took a turn shrugging.

"Yeah, alright then," I said. "Come on."