The hero is now gone, but I’m still here, now what? (Undergoing editing)

After finally moving on from my fear of entering the tower I… managed to reach the lobby, which is great- it really is in all actuality, especially because I can finally confront everything and tell my friends that I am, in fact, starting to feel like shit, and that goes double thanks to all the things that’s been happening lately but…

 

… the gleaming elevator doors looked intimidating from where I stood and I found myself paralyzed from indecision and worry, unsure if I should go inside and head up or just… stand here.

 

Like an idiot.

 

I didn’t know what to do or how to proceed- well what I needed to do was obvious but I just couldn’t do it-

 

I took three steps forward before wincing and heading back the way I came.

 

It’s fine- this is fine-

 

I just-

 

Just need to enter the elevator, press the button, and-

 

All those thoughts came so easily to me but that’s the problem- they’re just thoughts- I’m just standing here- not doing anything-

 

Actually going past the lobby and passing through those doors and seeing my friends- at the thought of that? I freeze up- paralyzed- there’s really no other way to describe it- I’m scared, I don’t know what to do- I’m- I just can’t MOVE-

 

I wanted to run away- felt tempted to run away-

 

“No- no- it’s fine, it’s fine,” I chuckled nervously while focusing on the fact that I was starting to pace back and forth, the elevator was in front of me, I just-

 

“I just have to go in, press a few buttons, wait things out- enjoy the elevator music maybe- no- I need to think about what I wanted to say and then uh- go inside the suite and say what I’ve been thinking of to my friends- yep- that’s the idea,” I nodded at myself in encouragement.

 

At the thought of a plan that’s well thought out, it only took a bit of courage and I managed to get through my fear and head inside the elevator.

 

When they closed, I stared at them in a daze and realized that this is it isn’t it? There’s no going back-

 

I swallowed the temptation to run forward and press the button that leads back to the bottom floor-

 

“This is fine!” I said, my words sounding a tiny bit hysterical in my ears, “this is absolutely fine!”I

 

I kept nodding at myself while listening to the soft elevator music that was playing all around me-

 

I started breathing heavily-

 

Okay, okay- I think I may have miscalculated a few things, like the fact that I didn’t in fact, think about what I could say to my friends while waiting for the elevator to come up to my suite- nope- that plan went up in flames the moment anxious thoughts about how bad things would go when I admit everything to my friends plagued my mind-

 

What should I do-

 

“What should I do?-” my teeth found my well manicured nails and they went on to repeatedly bite them-

 

I started pacing back and forth again- okay, Neophyte- me- you’re older than everyone, what do reasonable, completely rational adults usually do when they need to talk to someone about their problems?

 

Drink alcohol- no, the TV shows I watched back in my past life didn’t have anything! All I remembered about this particular part of adulthood from them were old men going to bars and finding a girl they could do adventures with!

 

What the hell?!

 

…

 

So the Elevator doors opened up sooner than I liked- also how is it faster now? I swear this thing moved slower than a turtle when we used it to descend this morning - and as I stood here, directly in front of the door to my royal suite, I…

 

Considered whether or not to kick all of my friends out and do nothing but stay inside of my suite for the rest of my life like some prisoner but quickly realized- in that very same train of thought, - that doing something like that would never work out-

 

Laceresta will definitely kick down the doors hard enough that they’ll go off their hinges before forcing me to talk to her about what the fuck is going on and why I decided to just randomly kick them out.

 

Okay- great- so I have no choice but to actually talk to them…

 

I sucked in a lungful of air and took a single courageous step forward, and then I took the next, and another, until I was walking across the woolen carpet on the lobby outside my suite and it kept going until I reached the door-

 

I stuck my hand out, touched the doorknob- and immediately retracted it like I just touched something hot.

 

I glared at the bronze doorknob, and then sighed, “this is fine,” I said to myself as a way to convince myself into thinking that things simply couldn’t get any worse right?

 

Haha…

 

Okay-

 

A split second of sudden bravery came my way and I managed to push through my fear, grab the doorknob, twisted it hard enough to make it creak, and then violently slammed the door open-

 

“Neo?” Fafnir turned to me, face concerned, “are you okay?” Her concerned expression grew and I was sure it happened partially because of the smile I was currently trying to force, which for some reason made my cheeks feel uncomfortable- “Neo?”

 

Okay, the… actual confrontation isn’t actually that bad, she just asked if I was okay-

 

Which I am, yep. Definitely-

 

I idly scanned the room and after my gaze went through everything I can possibly stare at- who wasn’t Fafnir or Laceresta- my eyes were forced to finally settle on Laceresta and Fafnir, who were staring at me with- with welcoming and soft smiles on their faces.

 

And that is enough to make me think that things aren’t so bad- at least until I tell them what was bothering me, and then their smiles would twist into a frown, and the mood would go down-

 

“So, did you guys like my gifts?” I smiled, it’s okay to lie to them- definitely, I’ll just- I’ll just go out tomorrow, find Korbinian and then Prescine, take them to lunch, ask them about- about teaching me how to do politics, and then I’d be golden! Yep!

 

I mean- sure I did tell Stalactite and Stalagmite about my problems but they wouldn’t tell anyone unless I tell them right? It’s my privacy-

 

Right?..

 

And it’s their choice whether or not they wanted to talk to people about their concerns for me or not…

 

I sighed- it’s fine- things shouldn’t be as bad as I think they are-

 

I mean, what’s worse? Keeping a secret and letting it go out of hand or nipping it in the bud?

 

It’s the former- the latter- I mean- I should-

 

“Guys-” I froze again, it’s- I don’t know! I’m too scared I want to run away-

 

I forced a smile when Fafnir and Laceresta looked at me with expectant gazes- did they want me to talk about what was bothering me?..

 

I- I’d rather not-

 

“Sorry for being late,” I said in apology, forcefully swallowing down all the words threatening to fall out of my mouth.

 

They both smiled, “it’s fine,” Fafnir calmly responded with a shake of her head, “we don’t really mind, right Laceresta?”

 

“Not at all,” the Lioness agreed, “it’s like what we told you earlier remember? It’s fine if you do this sort of thing,” for some reason, her smile felt forced to me but she was right, she did say that she didn’t mind me going around in the city when we were heading for the cafe earlier didn’t she?..

 

“Was it fun?” The Lioness followed up.

 

I nodded and met Laceresta’s gaze- I- I think I want to keep this sort of dynamic for a little while longer- I don’t want to tell them that I found a private investigator tailing me- that’ll just get them worried-

 

For now, I’ll lie, it’s not like it hurts anyone but me anyways- “it was fun!”

 

Fafnir started tapping the space next to her on the couch, “what did you do?”

 

I felt like… a kid being asked by my parents about my recent school trip but you know what? I didn’t think I mind.

 

I think this is kind of fun.

 

“I went to Cream’s Edge, ran… around in Maximum Speed for a bit and oh- I found an hourglass somewhere in the city, it was a clock and it looked… different when everything is slowed down- you know?” Fafnir’s smile was carefree as she listened in to what I was saying and when I faced Laceresta… I found something similar- but warmer- huh. I thought she would be angry at me?

 

Encouraged even more by their reactions I continued-“The way the sands fell slowly, the way they gathered up in the funnel, it was all so cool to see and I didn’t know I’d see something like that if I just explored the city,”

 

“Mhmm…” Fafnir hummed, “and you just ran around under the effects of… what was it? Maximum Speed?”

Ah.

 

Okay-

 

Maybe I’m being a bit too enthusiastic here.

 

I played it cool and played along- but I knew I just made a massive mistake- “Yeah! Uh, do you find it weird that I know a Technique that-”

 

“Belongs to a Prophecy?” Laceresta cut me off and I reluctantly nodded, anyone can technically get Maximum Speed but if that’s how she thinks they work then I’m cool with it- “you’re the Saintess, of course you’re gonna get something like this,”

 

“I guess…” I trailed off, playing along, what other reason can I put out here? What else can I say?

 

Am I even lying if… I don’t have a choice to begin with?

 

“So… what was it like?” Fafnir offered to put the conversation back on track and I took the chance-

 

“Neat,” I replied vaguely and thankfully, the two of them decided to leave that particular topic behind and Laceresta didn’t push the fact that I had such a powerful Technique at my current age.

 

I continued, “I got to see regular people living their lives, going about their day to day with smiles and carefree attitudes and I thought that… I wanted to keep it that way, keep them smiling- continue their lives-”

 

“Then train so we can kill more Demons,” Laceresta said bluntly.

 

Fafnir- who I swear shot the Lioness a glare just now, - shook her head, “she can already defeat a Duke-”

 

“No, no, she’s right,” I said, smiling lightly- I did need to train, push myself again, that sort of thing.

 

And it’s not just because I to save the lives of everyone else- but that’s definitely a big motivation, if anything, - but also because my life is under threat by nobles and I need to be able to defend myself when the time comes.

 

I don’t just need strength, I need more Techniques, ones that prevent poison especially, or healing Techniques in case someone close to me gets targeted- I need a lot of things but more importantly- I need more strength, so that means that I need to learn how to cook herbs so I can have better results in my training as well…

 

“Neo?” I faced Fafnir, she pursed her lips, “are you okay?”

 

“Hm? Yeah,” I nodded, “I just thought about how I can make herbal stuff,” and a few other things related to my problems, but she didn’t need to know that. None of them did.

 

“I can help you with that,” I faced my ever reliable maid, who, like always, was ready to help me, “we can pay a visit to the library after class tomorrow so I can pick up a book about herbal medicine and start learning how to make them,”

 

I frowned and stared at Zath, she stared back- Zath didn’t know how to do it? Then why force herself? It’s fine if I get to learn all by myself right? But then it’s also her job and I know it’s important to her…

 

“We can learn together, Zath,” I suggested, earning a surprised reaction from my maid, “wanna teach me?”

 

She suddenly bowed and after grabbing her glasses- which understandably fell off of her face, - answered with a positive, “I would love to,”

 

…

 

As it turns out, spending most of my time in the city crying and worrying about everything resulted in me not really having to say much to my friends when I come back to the suite. Who knew?

 

But, in the end, we did talk a lot, mostly because Zath and Laceresta had a lot to say about what they wanted to do when they go out to hunt this weekend and that opened up a topic where all of us talked about our plans during that time: we wanted to hunt down powerful creatures, for Zath and Laceresta, it was to help root out some of the “nest capable” monsters.

 

And I’m pretty curious how those translated here, were they actual Dungeons that someone can grind infinitely for materials like back in the game or was it just a simple nest that gets wiped out when every single monster inside gets wiped out?

 

Probably the latter- definitely the latter. I don’t think the concept of “infinite grinding” exists here, if ever.

 

I had a wry smile on my face as I stepped out of the gravity well, “of course they’d get wiped out,” I murmured, “what else? And the nest will be empty after that.”

 

It didn’t make sense for the monsters to suddenly come back to their nest after it’s been filled with the stench of their own kin’s blood after all, that’d just get them killed again.

 

I continued wiping myself with my white towel and thought about the implications of that sort of thing.

 

Everything is no longer a game. Resources are hard to come by and everyone has to work hard in order to get stronger, not just simply kill monsters and level up.

 

I know that it’s not all bad since everything in this world is so much more varied now and it’s not just being determined by numbers and levels anymore and things like personal experience, thoughts, feelings, and muscle memory, matter.

 

Everyone doesn’t have to grind for hours on end to get stronger and… I don’t think that’s a bad thing, personally, training in safety and learning how to fight properly is so much better than repeatedly throwing myself in danger.

 

And I think the biggest proof of all this is that Lucille managed to kill the Demon Baron with the help of her team.

 

Thanks to this world no longer being a game, she’s a lot stronger than her canon counterpart-

 

And why is that? - I silently asked myself as I wiped the sweat off my neck and collar, moving the white towel over my painfully tender skin.

 

So why is Lucille stronger than her canon counterpart? The answer is simple; this is no longer a game and everyone’s no longer defined by some arbitrary number that goes up linearly, training happens here, and training can make someone stronger, then there’s the fact that instead of EXP, it’s actual experience, ones where someone learns from, where, just like me, someone can slowly learn more of the world they are living in.

 

Learn how to fight, how to deal with monsters. Everything in between.

 

Before going to the school, I do remember Lucille managing to fight a Grisly Spider all on her lonesome, which I’m pretty sure helped with her fight against the Demon Baron.

 

There’s also the fact that the wider world is no longer some indestructible prop that stays the same no matter what kind of attack it takes, things can be broken, used for fighting, or hiding.

 

Everything is so much more than a simple obstacle that some knowledgeable player can use to cheese boss fights. There are no more areas as well and fights can start from one place and slowly go to the next, and if I want to use extreme examples, then they can end miles away from their origin.

 

There are so many more factors going on this time around that I realized I completely overlooked- I’ve been training in rooms all my life, fought the same opponents over and over again, I never realized that I… that there’s simply more to things than what I already knew, that this world is quite literally, real.

 

I’m living in it now.

 

And how weird is it that it took me 16 years to realize that this is no longer truly a game? That what I knew from Everlast may or may not become useless?

 

How weird is that?

 

I let out a puff of air as I finished wiping my arms, “how weird is that?” I voiced my thoughts, murmuring them under my breath, “how weird is that?”

 

Man, maybe I should’ve learned about more things? Not just back in the game, but here too- We literally had an entire library and all I focused on were the books I was familiar with, the books about monsters, the ones about Techniques, the ones about how to fight- all of them were from a game that, by this point, is probably no longer valid.

 

Or at least some of it isn’t.

 

I know I’m the way I am specifically because I played this world as a game and most of the things that I know are still out there: the special weapons, the locations of various things like cults, monsters, Omegafaunas, and so many more.

 

They’re all out there, and I can take advantage of them thanks to the fact that I know where they are.

 

Sure, I’ve exhausted everything I knew about the start of the game (almost half of what I knew till midgame is gone Technique wise,) but I still know a lot of important things and…

 

I guess that means I'm still responsible for saving this world.

 

Doesn’t it?

 

It was this thing that got me to ruin everything- and it’s this thing that I’ll use to fix things.

 

I let out a sigh, guess that's just something I can never escape.

 

Even after everything though, Lucille is stronger than her canon counterpart, that's- that's honestly insane to think about and I couldn't be any more prouder of her, she trained hard, in all honesty, and that's good, she needed to train hard, be better- we need to save humanity.

 

She has a lot of work cut out for her, she's going to have to train a lot and… she needs guidance doesn't she?

 

I'm not fit for that.

 

I never will.

 

And with that being said- who's the perfect person to train her then? Instructor Quoketh? Probably not- definitely not, she'd burn Lucille out and make her all depressed, seriously, that woman needs to tone down her training, it's bordering on sadistic.

 

Anyhow- I can’t think of anyone who will be a great sparring partner for Lucille unless…

 

Bismuth is a candidate as a love interest for her isn't he?

 

How did he meet her in canon again?

 

Hm…