The Girl Wants to Be M*rdered

“Please reconsider.”

“………”

“…I’m begging you.”

Once broken, something never returns.

That sad lesson was already deeply engraved in my heart.

On the dangerously trembling ground left with deep scars, even rebuilding new relationships was not permitted, and any new creation through that uncertainty would ultimately just be a facade.

Yeah.

On that horrific day when I killed Aris.

Remi and I had already crossed a river we couldn’t return from.

So if the day comes when we must face each other, it will be the day when the spark of hatred in Remi’s heart is completely extinguished, not even a smoldering ember left.
Or perhaps when one of us is dead.

But then, why?

Why?

“I’m not going to back down.”

“Father—!!”

Bang, my hand hit the desk, causing a loud noise to erupt.

The mountain of papers stacked high, like proof of the workload, couldn’t withstand the impact and scattered like fallen leaves.

Even the attendants waiting around jumped in surprise at the noise.

Only the seasoned attendant remained unfazed, not even raising an eyebrow.

However, despite my outburst, my father sitting right across from me remained steadfast, staring at me with a firm will.

It seemed that he had no intention of retracting his decision to send me to the Akard Empire, and I opened my clenched fist to cover my face.

What in the world is happening?

No matter how much I tried to calm down, my heart was wildly springing out of control.

I hadn’t even exercised, yet my chest was rising and falling visibly beneath my clothes.

My ragged breath and wildly beating heart clearly showed that I had lost my composure in a fit of excitement.

How disgraceful I looked was more than enough to warrant ridicule from others.

“…Hoo.”

“Anna.”

Through the fingers hiding my face, I could see my father’s kind eyes looking at me.

The reason dark clouds gathered over the peaceful kingdom was all my fault.

If I weren’t here, everyone would have been living a happy life.

Aris wouldn’t have died either.

Yet, despite that, my father’s eyes, reminiscent of the forest, contained not anger but only mercy and love directed at me, forcing me to hold back even stronger defiance in front of him.

I have always been a loser, unable to do either this or that.

“…It’s already been two years.”

The first to break the silence was my father.

Gently, and without revealing any negative emotions, his demeanor felt almost like he was speaking to a child, captivating the atmosphere with an enchanting charm.

“I and your mother have been unable to ease our worries… I was the one who suggested separating the two of you, but isn’t it time to face each other again?”

“……….”

Two years ago.

Remi went to study abroad at Museion, following my father’s command.

My sister thought all of it was my scheme to keep her away from politics and use her as a political pawn, but the truth was that it was all my father’s idea for Remi.

‘Let Aris go from your heart now.’

‘Look at the broader world.’

‘Those who are alive must live, don’t you think?’

Anyone would say they didn’t live in despair, but Remi’s case was particularly severe.

She hardly ate or drank and did nothing but chase the illusion of her already deceased Aris.

My sister’s body, visibly crumbling from the roots, was filled with hatred and resentment.

Remi’s unusual behavior escalated to the point where she once drew her sword and came to where I was taking classes.

Aris’s desire for me to become a good king.

If it hadn’t been for that curse that still gripped my throat, I might have offered my neck to Remi back then.

But as long as Aris’s words and that plea remained in my mind, I couldn’t simply choose to die.

In front of Remi, who was crying and pleading for me to bring Aris back, I remained silent.

A sad soul that lived without disgrace or honor.

They say that an evil being, faithful only to itself, would even refuse deep hell.

At the threshold of hell, the dead lamented, merely envying other fates and issuing mournful cries.

I awaited that end, living each day without even paying my share of penance.

“Remi should be stable enough by now.”

“…..Yes.”

“Royal family members aren’t included in the agreement with the empire, so Remi can return to Tesilia freely anytime. She must be starting to miss her home.”

Remi’s outburst came to an end with my father’s stern reprimand after hearing the news.

Having dropped her sword and weeping bitterly, she looked to the heavens, crying out asking what she was supposed to do and how to live, leading even my father, who had come to stop the fight, to lower his head.

Thus.

Unlike me, who could lean on any small straw, Remi, who had no one to rely on, had no choice but to bottle up her burning anger and ruin herself.

Having lost all purpose and goals in life, Remi became a complete wreck.

Seeing Remi, who had aimed a sword at me and screamed in despair, my father eventually made a long and painful decision.

He declared he would send Remi to the Akard Empire for her studies.

This was my father’s consideration to help Remi start a second life in a new land without any traces of Aris.

He knew well that Remi might harbor anger towards his decision, but he believed that if that anger could sustain her life even a little, he would accept it.

Of course, even my father never predicted that that anger would be directed at me.

“If Remi finds life in the empire to her liking and doesn’t wish to return to the kingdom, let her know that it’s fine. This father won’t stand in the way of your path.”

“……….”

“And if you believe Remi is still tied to Aris’s death, it’s fine to return here as well. This will be the last time I send you away.”

I knew this day would come sooner or later.

I wasn’t dumb enough not to realize that Remi’s study abroad was not a bridge to mend our fractured relationship, but merely a temporary emergency treatment.

It was like wrapping a cracked mirror with bandages.

With a clang sound.

A mirror that had shattered into pieces rather than reflecting others as it was originally meant to.

However, even though we were walking different paths now, the day would surely come when our faces would meet again.

And that day had just come sooner.

It wasn’t anything astonishing.

But no matter how much I knew that.

Even if I took a deep breath and tried to calm my heart.

Facing my sins head-on was always a difficult task.

Especially if it were with my beloved sister.

“I beg of you. Anna, my daughter.”

“……….”

What am I feeling right now?

Is it even a feeling that can be called such?

A lump of blood trying to rise from my chest, crawling up my throat.

That suffocating feeling that continues to torment me, never disappearing.

“It’s okay if the child decides not to return. It’s okay if she’s not ready yet. But, just once… I hope you two can meet.”

“……..”

“You are sisters, after all.”

A heartfelt request from a father, rather than a king.

How had it appeared so suddenly, these wrinkles that weren’t there before, marked on his rough palm as he held my hands.

Those hands, now aged and weak, that I could easily shake off, yet for some reason.

I couldn’t pull my hands away from my father’s until the very end.

“…I understand.”

In the end, I had no choice but to nod my head.

“Guest, where shall I take you?”

“…….Where…”

I pulled the hood of my white robe deep over my head.

On such a gloomy day, why was the sky so clear without a single cloud?

I would have rather wished for rain to pour down.

The blindingly bright sky and the pleasantly blowing wind.

Seeing two sisters appearing friendly, walking hand in hand on the street, made me fidget with my sleeves.

Because the possible future where Remi, Aris, and I could fit into that moment tormented me.

I lowered my head, barely able to force my heavy lips to speak.

Yeah. I have to go.

I have to, because I must.

“I want to go to the Akard Empire.”

“…..It will be a long journey.”

Long, huh.

For a coachman who felt that traveling 30 miles a day was a lot, the trip to the empire would seem long.

However, if the journey was so boring it made me yawn.

If like a journey that seemed endlessly long.

I wished it would be long enough to never see the end.

“Let’s set off right away.”

I climbed onto the carriage.

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