The Girl Wants to Be M*rdered

Ah, we finally met.

I really didn’t want to.

I truly didn’t want to.

My reason for choosing death among so many methods.

“Standing next to them, yearning for happiness, is something I am not allowed.”

In my hands lies a person’s life.

What they usually do, what bad habits they’ve got, and their general state of cleanliness can all be known just by looking at their hands.

When I gaze at someone, the first thing I always check is their hands.

Living in a world divided between lies and truth, it’s truly ironic that the most honest expression of intention exists.

The more they act, the more their tendons and bones stand out.

Blood and nerves twist before finding their way to flow again.

Skin and flesh are torn and rubbed, gradually hardening.

Like the rings that expand with the passage of time, life stacks up in various forms in the palm of my hand.

A work of art, filled with sacrifice and hardship.

Thus, I could confidently say without hesitation.

I swear, about every life I’ve led until now, and the eternal life I will tread forward.

You have truly lived with effort.

“…Umm…”
“…It’s warm.”

My body felt like it was melting.

It had been a while since I felt my older sister’s palm, and it was really warm and firm.

It wasn’t soft and squishy like the hands we held when we were kids, but rather a rough hand filled with calluses, as if she was gripping something tightly.

The touch of those big, crooked calluses was not pleasant by any means, yet thinking about the fruits of her labor contained within somehow made it a joy.

I earnestly kneaded my sister’s beautiful hand, with my small, delicate one.

This fleeting action probably couldn’t repay her, but for this princess of tragedy sleeping surrounded by flowers, I hoped it would bring a bit of solace.

I prayed fervently for my sister resting on my knees to have a bright future.

And that in that future, a burden like me wouldn’t exist.

“…Ugh…”

“Your sister must really be tired.”

Sitting modestly, my back resting against a tree.

Leaning against the rough bark wasn’t easy for an ordinary child, but my body, which couldn’t feel much, handled it easily.

Of course, if marks were left on my back, it would have been obvious to my sensitive sister Sia or Ellie, and I would’ve surely been scolded.

On my thigh, my sister Remi was resting her head, groaning with a frown.

Sometimes shaking her hands and feet, she was sweating coldly.

Remi, who didn’t seem well from the start, had collapsed at the entrance of the greenhouse, gasping for breath.

I never imagined Remi would be here, and upon seeing her welcoming face, I briefly thought I might be hallucinating.

She really had a talent for startling people.

Realizing that Remi wasn’t well, I worked to pull her in with one hand and set her comfortably.

She probably looked like she had fainted from simple fatigue and stress, so she would wake up in a few minutes.

Well, until then, I would simply enjoy this merry time, the fun of sisterly play.

—cough, cough.

“He~llo! Is anyone there?”

“…Ugh…”

As I lightly poked her with my finger and pulled it back, her cheeks jiggled like a chewy rice cake.

The warmth of family skin felt sweetly addictive, almost like melting away.

Sometimes tickling, sometimes tugging, sometimes poking.

Her playful demeanor ignited the little mischief inside me.

Her frowning face, and the short intervals between her sounds gradually grew more playful.

Remi’s expression turned from a pained, cold sweat porcelain to one of delightful chaos.

“………”

“………”

I felt a hint of nostalgia looking at her face and admired it.

Behind those closed eyelids, I imagined there were beautiful eyes sparkling like stars.

Sometimes she would hold me during our sleep together and would ask for a tummy rub, I wondered if she still did that.

Was this where I had fallen down the stairs and lost a tooth after hitting a stone?

“Really—”

I never expected to see her again.

Sia’s behavior toward me, which had been strangely suspicious and peculiar.

Of course, Sia tried to hide it, but her unique habit of speaking quickly and her rising voice at my name was not something she could easily fix.

When Sia noticed me, she panicked as if being chased by something, grabbing me as I was staring at a lamp post, pulling me into the dormitory where she lived.

She rattled off various insane reasons why I shouldn’t leave, saying it was a dangerous construction site filled with terrifying monsters trying to kidnap me.

Honestly, I wondered if I should respond to such blatant lies, but I agreed anyway.

Though, I snuck out while Sia was at class.

I couldn’t fathom what prompted such a clumsy act, but little did I know that Remi would be here.

Fate is indeed puzzling.

—splap, splap!

“Hehe~”

“Ugh…”

If I were in Sia’s position, I’d completely understand why she wouldn’t want Remi and me to meet.

They would have no way of predicting what chemical reactions might happen between us.

They couldn’t possibly not know, yet perhaps, being deeply aware of my past, Sia and Ellie went to great lengths to keep everything secret without telling me, the main party involved.

Maybe they just didn’t want to leave even a small issue behind.

For Sia to deceive me required considerable determination; no further explanation needed.

Still… it was a bit regrettable regarding Sia.

The excessive paranoia she held toward everyone around her as potential threats seemed to be something she should’ve overcome by now.

—Craaack.

“This sister truly is a sleepyhead.”

“…………”

“Seriously, such a sleepyhead.”

Remi’s shivering, weak hands.

My one hand wouldn’t budge, held tightly in her iron grasp.

My delicate skin had already reddened, with a bit of blood seeping through, and my fingers were pale with a slight hint of purple.

I thought maybe my hand would truly be crushed, but seeing Remi hold onto me as if she returned to her childhood, I stopped resisting and smiled gently while gazing at her face.

What could be so frightening?

What could be so scary?

What meanings lay within the tears flowing from her eyes?

As if my hand was the only lifeline that could save her, Remi wouldn’t let go.

Though she should’ve been of age to be called an adult, her actions were so childlike that it made me chuckle softly.

The sun slowly sank lower.

The flowers that had bloomed brilliantly were now settling down to sleep after carrying out their duties.

Through the hands tightly clasped together, our hearts connected in this fleeting, infinite moment, but it was soon nearing its end.

Sia would soon come looking for me around here.

Sleep.

God showers humans with trials and, at the same time, with sleep, allowing all that is good or evil to lose meaning and become subjects of forgetfulness.

But ultimately, sleep is just sleep.

Sleep exists only for the new sunrise of tomorrow.

“—Now, it’s time to wake up.”

The princess cursed and lost to sleep, dreaming nightmares.

There was only one way to awaken her.

Though, I wasn’t a charming prince from a story, sadly, my only means—my hands—were not moving.

To think that even as adults, if a younger sibling didn’t wake me up, the older sister wouldn’t be able to rise.

She was indeed a sister who needed a lot of help in every way.

So, sister, it’s time—“—could you please wake up?”

I slowly lowered my head.

The flowers curled their petals, hiding their faces.

The sun watching over everything in the sky blushed, dyeing itself red, and disappeared beyond the tall mountains.

No one would know what had occurred there.

Except for one person.

“Ah, you’re awake, sister!”

“…A…Alice?”

“A…Aliceeee!!?”

The misalignment is soon.

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