The Gate of Shadows

Fenris opened the door, looking for the phone he had left on his bed. Melody didn’t notice him come in. However, when he saw her sobbing, he turned right back around, only to slam into Liam, who rushed to the door upon hearing her cries.

Seeing the boys almost tumbling into each other made me giggle.

Is it okay for me to be this happy?

"I’ll protect you, too. Just Like Fenris does. No, I’ll do it better!" Melody mumbled, continuing to sob.

A soft hum felt my lips, feeling her fill a hole within me that no one else had.

Will you say that if you know everything that happened that day?

I tried to soothe her as best I could, but she quickly tugged away from me, noticing the audience we had gained. When the boys came into her view, she grabbed a pillow from the bed and threw it at them.

"What are you two staring at?! Get out!" The black wolf yelled, eyes twitching, cheeks red.

Even though it wasn’t her room, it wasn’t long before she stomped towards the door, kicking them out and scolding them some more.

“Don’t you know to respect a girl’s privacy!?!” She howled, not accepting any explanation from the two.

Melody had such a small body compared to Layla, yet she was more fearless than anyone Lycan I had come to know. She told off two bigger wolves like they were pups, which amazed me. The boys were harmless to her, but the surrounding air didn’t seem to be one of a runt.

If anything, she reminded me of Fenris whenever his playful side withered away. Liam was right about her, yet to me, she was becoming my one and only friend.

That’s what Fenris called you, right? Can you truly be my first?

She knew nothing about me, though. I didn’t want this relationship to begin with a lie. Collecting my thoughts, I waited for the boys to leave as she slammed the door on them both.

"Men... are just terrible, aren't they?" Melody huffed, turning back to me.

However, when she saw my expression, all her previous frustrations flushed away. I gently smiled at her, patting the bed beside me.

"Melody... Would you like to hear my story?" My voice trembled.

Even if it changed how she gazed at me, I wanted her to know everything.

Fenris will probably yell at me for telling you later, but…

I usually avoided anything related to my past; even my beloved wolf didn’t know the full story from my side. They learned from a pack of files when Tania first took my account, which was missing many details.

It felt like my voice wouldn’t come out whenever I spoke about my past, yet something about Melody told me it would be okay.

We were two kindred souls, broken in different ways. Perhaps knowing she wasn’t a victim of the fall made me feel more comfortable.

"I’ll listen to anything you want to say to me, but only if you want to say it to me. Got it?" Melody answered, sitting beside me, ears and eyes entirely focused on me.

A soft smile rose on my lips. “Thank you. You have no idea how much that means to me.”

This was a tale I hadn’t spoken to anyone about. Even though it was engraved in my mind almost every night, I would relive it some nights, others I wouldn’t. Lately, what haunted me the most was the dream that ended with Fenris's death.

I also had a second reason for doing this: if, after this entire thing went down, she still could look at me the same way, perhaps she could help me figure out the festival's meaning. Even though she was designated as a 'runt,' she was also a Lycan.

"Still, are you sure? You might hate me once, you know." I warned.

Instead of backing away, Melody grabbed my hands, facing me head-on. "I really doubt that." She assured me.

It left me shaking my head slightly.

You’re one of a kind. I’ll miss you dearly if this pushes you away. It makes me not want to tell you anything.

"Hah... Before I start, I want you to know I’m grateful for everything. Thank you for showing me what it is like to have a friend.” I smiled.

Her eyes glossed, shaking her head as her lips curled down, "I’ve never had one either. A broken wolf and a witch... What a pair we are." A soft sigh left her lips, "I’ll always be your friend, that I’m sure of."

I glanced away from her and towards Shade, who tilted her head.

Are you sure you want to do this? That’ll be a hard hill to die on, Lily. Shade warned.

There was no going back, though. If I wanted a genuine friendship, she would have to know everything.

"Let’s see after I tell you my story. If you still feel the same about me," I whispered, starting to feel a hole form in my chest.

When my lips parted again, I began my story from the beginning until the end. I told Melody everything about my childhood, including how my mother slowly went insane after my father left us and how she died at the hands of the Cerberus order after they raided in pretenses.

The events after my mother’s death were still vivid in my mind. From how my grandmother blamed me to how she treated me whenever I failed to do anything, everything slipped out without stopping. Stella’s search for perfection made me reach towards my back and remember all the whippings I had endured.

How many grimoires are burned into this mind of mine because of you?

I retold how she beat me senselessly for simply calling her my grandmother. Then I told Melody about my light and how I met Fenris. I watched him play with Liam, Ezra, and Owen before he yanked me out of the darkness.

When I talked about my light, it filled me with an emotion that I didn’t quite understand. I described how being with him made me feel alive, how I probably fell in love the first time I saw his smile, but most importantly, that he was the reason I wanted to live.

Subsequently, I told Melody about how Stella tore me from everything to use me as a sacrifice to open the gate to the nether world. The way she beat me to a pulp before locking me up in a dark room for what felt like ages before coming back and carving my body into what it turned out to be.

The smell of burning flesh still lingered vividly in my mind, and it made me shiver, wanting to turn myself into a ball. I continued telling Melody how it felt to wake up in freezing water before walking down a hall of witches, who were glad to see me sacrificed.

The way the coven threw me into the sacrificial circle before Stella ravished me with a wooden stick, ruining me for life. I retold the moments when I woke up alone minutes before the ritual was completed and what I did in my stupidity to change the spell.

“I just wanted to save everyone, but I…” I trailed off before continuing.

My mistake made me become the vessel of the realm the witches wished to unleash into this world. I destroyed Silverant because I couldn’t control my emotions, along with all the people who died because of me, including how I made the man I loved more than life itself an orphan and crippled his brother.

Liam had also lost his family because of me. I told her everything without hiding a single thing that happened. I thought I would’ve broken down and cried, but my tears were dry. All I felt was hollow and broken, allowing me to confess how much I wanted to die when the dust settled but couldn’t without damning the world to death.

Throughout my story, I never dared to glance at Melody, who listened to me without interrupting. Fenris knew everything that happened from the files, yet he never dared to ask for my account.

You probably thought it would hurt me, didn’t you, my love? Ah… you were right.

It was agony to relive it, yet by the end of it all, I was empty. There was no anger or hate, just nothing. I had completely disconnected from the entire event of my torture.

Yet my guilt is what weighs me down the most.

“Perhaps if I had died that day or if I hadn’t done that spell that bound me. Maybe the crystal would’ve been able to close the gate instead of being bound to me.” I voiced, gripping my chest.

“Nobody would live in constant fear of the world ending if that had been the case. Everyone would’ve had a better life if it weren't for me.” It didn’t feel like it was me anymore.

We sat silently for a moment while I collected my thoughts before slipping.

"If I think about it. It would be better for Fenris... No, for everyone, if I could die without destroying the world. I want to die to make it easier for everyone. But I can’t... I’m trapped in this cage called life.” My voice trembled, breaking by the end.

Ah… I’m still that caged bird. I never made it out of that circle.

“Now, I’ll be forced to see the man I love marry another, unable to tell him how I feel. Pathetic, isn’t it? I shouldn’t be here at all." I cackled nervously.

I knew my future was to be a caged bird without any sight of freedom. All the kindness Fenris wasted on me when I didn’t want to be saved.

No, I don’t deserve a single ounce of anyone’s kindness.

The years never erased that from my mind. I was alive because I needed to, not because I wanted to. No matter how many times Fenris embraced me, it would never change the fact that he would never be mine.

Even though I should’ve been okay with living by Fenris's side before I realized it, I wanted more than to be by his side.

I want every ounce of Fenris to be mine and no one else. But… It’s impossible. If I do anything, I’ll just hurt you.

Even if he forgave me for everything else, I could never change my actions. Though, if I hadn’t killed a single person, it still didn’t change. He was the next alpha, destined to marry the beautiful Layla.

When those words left my mouth, Melody snapped, yanking me into her sweet embrace.

"Don’t be so stupid! So, what if the world changed because of you?! You survived that horror and are still breathing now! That’s all that matters! You’re a survivor!" The black wolf declared, holding me in her arms ever so protectively.

The only thing I could do was grip her dress, completely blown away by her.

Your soul is too bright. I… I can’t!