LIGHTNOVELONLINE Chapter 33
“Why did it end up like this? Huh?”
Eliya asked.
As if she couldn’t understand why it was possible to be eliminated.
As if there was some interesting reason behind this.
Judas deliberately answered boringly and plainly.
“…I’m sorry.”
He bowed his head in shame.
“It’s because of my lacking skills. I apologize for not meeting the lady’s expectations.”
“Oh? Skills, skills. You say you lacked skills… Hmmm.”
Eliya stretched out her hand.
Her small, soft fingers cupped Judas’s face and lifted it.
Her crimson eyes scrutinized him.
After her examination, she relaxed and smiled gently.
“Considering you spent two nights sleeping outside that mountain, you don’t seem to be starving. You don’t look sleep-deprived either. You don’t seem to have caught a cold from the wild’s chill. You even look quite clean. So just what skill was lacking for you to get eliminated?”
“……”
Information about information.
Even though Judas said nothing, Eliya had already figured out a lot.
“The broken part of the bracelet is quite honest. Other parts are completely intact, but why did that gem specifically break?”
Eliya glanced down at his wrist.
It was too late for him to hide his hand behind his back.
She chuckled softly.
“How mysterious. You always surprise me, but why are you so predictable in this instance? It makes it harder to predict you. Just what are you…”
For just a moment, cracks appeared in Eliya’s mask.
No one noticed it.
Not even herself.
Only Judas sensed that her mask was fragile.
His eyes trembled for a moment.
To the still-silent Judas, Eliya said in a coaxing tone.
Before long, her mask returned to normal.
“Tell me why it happened. Who knows, I might listen and absolve you of the reason for your elimination.”
She was someone with the right to say that.
Judas had to choose.
Would he tell the truth about what happened during the exam?
Or would he keep his mouth shut till the end?
‘…….’
Judas sorted out his thoughts.
*
The reason I fought.
It’s not something I can easily bring up.
Passing the exam would be nice, but honestly, I’m not that keen on it.
I’m not even worried about Brown and Connor’s safety.
It’s just that mentioning Eliya’s shame in front of all these people feels awkward.
Being a bastard is like that.
Is there anyone here who doesn’t know about it?
Whether they know or not is a problem.
So, my answer is simple.
I’ll just say what I told Gawain.
“I just ended up in a fight with another candidate during the exam. They initially agreed to team up with me but attempted to betray me halfway. I fought back because they even tried to attack my teammates.”
I intentionally omitted more detailed circumstances.
This alone is a sufficient fact.
No matter how suspicious Eliya might be, she has no choice but to believe this.
As for Kale and Galliot…
I’ve already openly confronted those who tried to mess with me.
Even Lindell, though we’ve made up now.
“Hmm.”
But for some reason, Eliya didn’t seem to fully believe it.
“Who are they?”
“…Connor and Brown.”
“Who are they?”
Eliya looked around.
Two people flinched at the moment her gaze passed over them.
“Those two.”
It was Connor and Brown.
“Sir Gawain.”
“Yes, my lady.”
“Is it true?”
“Yes. I checked with those two, and indeed, Judas had the bracelets belonging to Brown and Connor as evidence of their elimination.”
It was exactly what I said when we returned here.
“Are those the only witnesses?”
“There are two others who are teammates from the same camp who collaborated.”
“Hmm….”
Yet, Eliya still seemed suspicious.
With her finger on her lips, she stared intently at me.
But does she always carry that cat doll around?
“Strange.”
Eliya took a step back.
She opened her four fingers except for the thumb.
Short and tiny fingers.
She folded two of them from the spread.
“There are four witnesses. But two of them are teammates in the same camp. You could persuade them to commit perjury, right? If you don’t provide physical evidence, the testimonies of the other two victims lose their credibility.”
Eliya grinned.
“If you hadn’t confessed, you might have passed the exam. Why did you do something like that? Especially breaking your own bracelet?”
“…!”
“Could it be you don’t mind becoming my knight?”
“……”
“Surely that can’t be the case?”
“That’s of course not the case…”
Her child-like bright smile was almost too pure.
And that made it all the more chilling.
Eliya mustn’t know what’s going on inside me.
She’d been like this even as an adult.
Throwing out random remarks to gauge others’ reactions.
Her probing words aren’t baseless.
Eliya’s intuition and reasoning abilities are remarkable.
She grasps plausible circumstances and possibilities, using them to scrutinize others’ reactions.
And I am incredibly weak against such probing.
I responded as calmly as possible.
“I was merely trying to take responsibility for my actions.”
“Responsibility, huh… How amusing. Among nobles, there are plenty who shun responsibility, but here’s a former slave talking about it.”
Eliya laughed as if it were amusing.
She seemed satisfied, though I couldn’t understand what was so satisfying.
“It seems truthful, yet you’re still hiding something from me?”
“……”
I might’ve hidden the details, but everything I said was true.
It’s enough to grasp the course of events.
They started the dispute first, and the impatient me retaliated and fought back.
That’s all there is to it.
But Eliya didn’t believe any of it.
‘How did it come to this…’
“It doesn’t feel like the right place for a conversation.”
Eliya glanced around.
The supervising knight and all the candidates who had returned from the exam were looking at me and Eliya.
Among them, Brown and Connor looked pale.
At this rate, they might faint.
“Follow me.”
Eliya decisively took the lead.
Her back showed no intention of letting go of me.
I had no choice but to follow her.
*
Eliya led me to a nearby camp.
It was the place where the supervising knight and soldiers stayed for two days.
Her sudden arrival caused quite a stir in the campsite.
A few knights rushed out to greet her.
“Ah, my lady…! What brings you here…?”
“Just because.”
Eliya didn’t elaborate further.
She pointed at me and said,
“I have something to discuss with him. Clear the tents.”
“Uh, well…”
The knights were flustered, blocking the entrance of the large tent.
Eliya blinked up at them.
“What are you doing?”
“No, um…”
Ria shot them an icy glare.
I too couldn’t understand their reaction.
Why are they acting like this?
Are they hiding something inside?
“Step aside. I’m not repeating myself.”
Eliya warned.
Eventually, the knights stepped aside.
The moment Eliya stepped into the tent, she staggered back.
I instinctively grabbed her shoulder to steady her.
“Smells….”
Eliya mumbled, covering her nose with a red blanket.
As she said, the smell of smoke and alcohol mixed inside the tent assaulted my senses.
The interior was as chaotic as the smell.
There was no trace of discipline or order.
Scattered bottles, dice, cups for gambling, dartboards, and even some soldiers sprawled across the floor, unable to hold their liquor.
As Eliya stepped back, she looked at her shoulder.
More precisely, at my hand gripping it.
“Ah, I’m sorry….”
I quickly pulled my hand away.
Eliya stared at my retreating hand.
‘Does she dislike being touched…? She suddenly hugged me, you know? Climbing onto the bed at night… well, of course, I’m different from her, but still.’
After a long pause, Eliya hugged her cat doll tightly and muttered.
“…It’s okay.”
“What?”
“I said it’s okay.”
“Oh, yes….”
“By the way, I have many directives for Sir Gawain…”
The knights rushed into the tent as if they were fleeing.
Soon, chaotic sounds erupted from within.
It seemed they had hastily begun to clean up.
Eliya walked away from the tent.
There was a chair and table used for meals.
Fortunately, this place was relatively clean.
It would suffice for Ria to do a light cleaning.
Eliya and I sat across from each other.
“Are you finally willing to explain it to me?”
Does she still think I’m lying?
She called me just as I hesitated.
“Judas.”
“Yes, my lady.”
“Look at them.”
She gestured toward the tent.
The hurried cleaning soldiers and knights.
“There’s not a trace of discipline or duty from them. Their loyalty to me is merely a façade. Yet, I don’t expect monumental loyalty from them. They’re merely those whom I randomly selected from the main house.”
Having said that, Eliya looked at me.
“Are you just a person with false loyalty to me, too?”
A flat voice.
Her expression was devoid of emotion when she stared at me intently.
It was merely a sincere question.
There was no intent to evoke sympathy.
Eliya, who doesn’t understand sympathy.
But right now, that question hit me too hard.
Unbidden sympathy stirred within me.
A bastard. An abandoned child.
Surrounded by those sent from the main house.
I don’t owe her loyalty.
To the extent that false loyalty seems extravagant.
So, the reason I’m unable to answer her carelessly now is that it’s driven by human sympathy.
It’s a ridiculous situation.
I must tell her that I heard people gossiping about her because she’s a bastard, who finds herself in this environment.
‘Especially since she could be someone who might strangle me…’
Yet, my feelings are honest.
Presumptuously, I feel some sympathy for her. A bit.
In the end, I couldn’t win against Eliya’s stubbornness.
“Lady.”
I said while avoiding her gaze.
“The topic of illegitimate children… those two I fought with talked about it.”
Eliya didn’t respond right away.
After a glance, her expression remained as expressionless as usual.
Ria seemed angrier.
Her wide eyes looked vicious.
“The firm truth is that yes, those who tried to betray me, my teammates. That’s all there is to it. No other secrets.”
“I see… A reason worth hiding.”
Eliya did not scold me.
She neither smiled nor felt sad.
It was a colorless expression.
And that made it all the more frightening.
I could not understand what she was thinking.
“But I’m curious. Is the subject of that hidden reason myself, or those two?”
Whether it is to hide from being hurt by herself.
Or to protect the two from being executed for offending a noble.
“…Both.”
“Presumptuous.”
“Yes?”
“You’re saying I’m on the same level as those two.”
…Does it lead to that conclusion?
It isn’t entirely wrong, though?
To be honest, I’m closer to the former.
I was more worried about Eliya hearing about it than about Brown and Connor.
But explaining myself would only make it sound petty.
“I’m sorry.”
“I will let it slide, just because it’s you.”
How should I interpret this blatant favoritism?
“Judas. Do you get angry when leaves fall?”
“Yes…?”
“Imagine leaves fell in your yard. It doesn’t matter if they’re from a tree you owned, or blown in from outside. Would it make you angry or sad?”
I thought about it carefully.
What kind of riddle is this?
I can’t figure out her intent.
I just answered as it came to mind.
“I wouldn’t particularly think anything of it.”
“Why?”
“Um… It’s a natural phenomenon, and you can just clean it up?”
“I feel the same.”
Eliya smiled brightly.
“It’s like if someone insults me behind my back, calling me a bastard, it’s nothing more than leaves piling up.”
“…….”
“There’s no reason to react emotionally. You can just get rid of them as needed. Oh, I won’t be the one to clean it up myself, though.”
Just clean it up.
Soon, it becomes a matter of simply killing someone.
Her values equating murder with cleaning leaves.
And her attitude conveying that being a bastard is a natural phenomenon like leaves.
To her, I couldn’t offer any answer.
Since I thought whatever I say would be meaningless.
“But still, one thing piques my interest.”
Eliya smiled and asked.
“How do you think of me?”
What does she think of herself, being a bastard?
Why would she ask me that?
Would my answer become just another leaf?
It probably would.
I don’t know what answer she hopes to receive.
A bastard.
I know what answer I would provide.
“I don’t think anything particular about you.”
Surely, no one would dare to answer negatively in front of the high-born Eliya.
So it must be a most frequently heard answer.
No one would have shown discomfort.
I don’t show discomfort either.
There are no thoughts, just as I answered.
Eliya is simply Eliya.
The nature that I have judged her by cannot be defined as being a bastard.
A gaze consumed by a crazy fire.
The image of her killing people like burning trash.
And someone who might strangle me.
Defining a person comes from their actions.
Perhaps I don’t live in a class-bound society.
Thus,
“I believe that birth doesn’t define existence.”
After saying that, a fleeting question arose.
What if Eliya doesn’t kill me?
A game world.
But different from a game.
I can choose and act on my own.
Unlike that time when I was forced to pick an unwanted option.
If I can evade or overcome tragedy,
Then that tragedy becomes non-existent. How should I redefine Eliya?
While she certainly displays some characteristics of a bad woman, she’s not the bloodthirsty monster I know, but rather the young Eliya before me.
How should I think of her?
“…….”
Eliya didn’t respond immediately.
An extended silence followed.
Her gentle smile gradually faded, replaced by a dazed, blank expression as she stared at me.
‘Why is she looking at me so intently…? Did I speak out of turn?’
It was burdening, so I slightly turned my head away.
Eliya continued to look at me.
After a while, I caught sight of her cheeks turning red.
Her crimson eyes met mine.
“Don’t look at me…”
“Yes?”
Eliya suddenly lifted the cat doll to cover her face.
With her eyes cast downward at an angle, her big eyes peeked at me.
“Don’t look at me…”
Her voice was almost a whisper.
This was the first time I had seen Eliya like this.
Eliya even pulled the red blanket up to her eyes.
As I watched her, an indescribable strange feeling overwhelmed me.
My head grew dizzy, and my heart ached a little.
‘…Why did she suddenly become so cute?’