The City of Ionia

“Do you want some bread and butter?”

I refused, carefully touching the bandage wrapped around my head. Ruby must’ve carried me to her couch.

I didn’t remember much. The last thing I vaguely remembered was the parasite's words and then me banging my head.

But after learning the truth and its capabilities, how could I continue to live an everyday life?

I clicked my tongue and took a deep breath while leaning back against the couch cushions. The ceiling was bland. There was no decor, no weird stains, nothing—just a bland, wooden ceiling.

“Ruby,” I said while staring at the blandness, “I’m sorry…for what happened at the lake.”

“I don’t need or want an apology. I understand how deeply hurt you are. It’s going to be ok.” She kneeled in front of me and sandwiched my hand between hers. “You will be ok,” she mouthed with a petite smile.

“I’m not. After what happened, I want to throw myself into the pit of death. Continuing to live like this is just torture.”

“What happened to Harley is not your fault.”

“That’s not true. If I were there, Harley’s protection would’ve been secure, at least.”

“You don’t know that.”

“I do!” I lifted my rear off the couch, but I plopped back down lifelessly instead of fully standing. “I do know. I just do…”

My mind ached with guilt. Why did I agree to stay behind? Why didn’t I speak up?

Why did she agree to come with me to the City of Ionia?

Why did she have to leave after promising to come?

Why did the parasite infect me? Why did I have to learn the truth that way?

Why couldn’t everything be normal?

I clasped my hands into my face, and my palms clogged my shuddering breath. Ruby attempted to comfort me, saying things that went in and out of the other ear.

I didn’t care.

All I wanted was to live a beautiful life. Every time I come close to beauty, something gets stripped away from me. Every time.

First Raphtalia, now Harley. Every time. Every time. Every time.

“Jill, you’re shaking.”

My hands slowly slid down from my face, pulling my skin along.

Ruby’s eyes widened as she slid back, her face still as a rock. She didn’t even look like she was breathing. She was like a tree. There, but not doing anything.

The one thing that caught my attention was her inability to blink. Mortified, she stared through my soul.

“Jill,” she trembled. “Your—Your eye.”

Considering how I still had control of my body, I could safely assume it was one eye—the left eye. I wasn’t sure why it was red.

In front of the leader of the Bariac Cult, in front of my friend, it was red. A disgusting red that plagued my soul.

I slid down the couch and crawled to her, clasping our hands together. She didn’t back away or shield her body in disgust but instead opened her body for me. She wasn’t frightened or afraid of what might happen, and I wasn’t sure why, considering what she saw in the cave.

“Jill…the cave…is that?”

Our hands trembled in unity, though mainly I was shaking. I bit my lower lip, not knowing how to explain myself. I shuddered and whined like a dog lost in the woods. My eyes couldn’t maintain contact with hers. I didn’t know what to do.

“Jill, listen,” she softly said. It’s okay. If you are worried about the incident in the cave, don’t be. I don’t hate you, nor am I afraid. Everything will be okay.”

“Eh—Ah—Ah”

After my voice stopped cracking, I let the cries fly out. I yelled and buried my head in her chest, slamming my hips with my fist. Tears streamed down faster than any river. Unable to take proper breaths, I nearly choked on air. It was a mess. The entire situation was a mess.

“I don’t know anymore,” I cried. “I don’t know what to do. I just want that thing to shut up!” My palms squished my ears. “Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!”

Didn’t that bastard say it’ll leave me alone? So why was it speaking?!

“Ji—Jill.”

Ruby stopped my cradling body, placing my head against her chest. Her chest was relatively warm, maybe because of the sweater. I found it odd that she wore a sweater in the summer but never questioned it. She stroked my hair and quietly hushed me with her soothing voice.

A soft, comforting voice. Immediately, I quieted down. I’d never received this treatment. I’ve only been on the witnessing side when Quinn had temper tantrums. Ruby knew how to handle him. It was like watching a puppet master at work. Every line and movement was executed with perfect sound and timing.

“It’s ok. Everything will be alright. Whatever is going on, you will overcome it because that is the type of person you are. Nothing can stand in your way. You can’t be defeated before achieving your big dream, right?”

“My…my big dream?”

“Oh, don’t tell me you forgot,” she also sounded happy.

What an insulting question. How could I forget such a thing? How did that even slip my mind? What was I doing? I couldn’t forget about my grand dream.

Oh…right. The conversation with the parasite. It was all coming together. My dream flashed before my eyes. The gray walls separated two distinct individuals from the same species.

I remembered my conversation with the parasite. I remembered it all from the glimpse of every detail.

I wasted enough time sulking.

“You should know me by now,” I muttered in disbelief. I lifted my head off her chest and stared directly into her mesmerizing eyes, sharper than any blade. “I will never forget my dream.”

“Your voice makes your words believable,” she sulked.

“Ruby, can I request something?”

Her head tilted slightly with a barely noticeable nod.

What I was going to ask her was selfish. It’s a request that petrified me each time it crossed my mind, not because of what I was going to ask but because of the reaction she may give. If Harley were here, my heart rate wouldn’t be so high right now. She would’ve asked on my behalf.

But she wasn’t here, so there was no one to lean on. I had to swallow my nerves and just speak.

“Can I…leave the cult?”

The lids of her eyes raised. She froze in place as though she lost her place in the world. A blank expression with not a single blink. It was like staring at a wall.

“Ruby?”

Finally, she slowly raised her hands and palmed my cheek. Her chilly hands trembled against my face. There was no question about how she felt. Even the most heartless creature could sniff the distraught within her soul.

“Don’t leave me. I already lost Harley. I can’t lose you now.”

“Huh?”

She pulled me in close. I wasn’t prepared for it. It felt like I got whiplash.

“Please stay with me…”

***

I took one last look at the inside of my tent. There was a table with a miniature, round mirror where Harley used to check her outfits. Clothes, either hers or mine, were scattered around with little care. I hadn’t cleaned it for three weeks. While equipping a backpack, I unzipped the tent for the last time.

“I’ll miss you,” I whispered with a heavy breath.

Glimpses of the moonlight peaked through the quilt of clouds. It sparkled like Harley’s silver jewelry whenever she wore it on occasion. The camp was vacant, and not a single person was in sight. Maybe because everyone was tired from the bonfire, I wouldn’t know since I didn’t attend.

After leaving Ruby’s place, I immediately went to my tent and reminisced about the memories I’d made here. Everything was From my arrival to my first bandit raid to our first trip to Clueknicks. Some moments made me giggle, others not so much.

Regardless of how my memories made me feel, I collapsed in the dark, admiring that those moments were real, which made them worth it. I wouldn't change the good, the ugly, the humerus, or Harley—except for maybe what happened three weeks ago.

I headed towards the woods, leaving this place for good. I’ll leave everything behind. If I lose to the agent—no—I shouldn’t even consider that option since it won’t happen. There’s no way I’ll be defeated.

I’ll win. That’s the only option. Win and find a way into Ionia. No matter what.

I stopped just before entering the woods. It seemed as though I was about to enter undiscovered territory. The chilling sense of what could be lurking within the dark sent a shiver up my spine. I was never afraid of the dark, but for some reason, today, I wasn’t comfortable with it.

I took one deep breath and took a step.

“Jill.”

I stopped. Oh? Why was she here? I turned around.

“Ruby?”

Back at her cabin, she begged me not to leave. I told her I had no choice and had been here long enough. She refused to take that as an answer and held onto me tighter. We agreed after a little more convincing and attempting to stand my ground.

If I defeat the SCAR agent, I must bring back a souvenir from the House with Answers. If I don’t defeat the SCAR agent, well, I forgot what she said since not defeating it wasn’t an option. So, basically, I threw that possibility out the window.

Once we agreed, I went to my tent, thinking I wouldn’t see her for a while since I planned on leaving in silence. But it looked like that wasn’t going to be the case.

“What is it?” I asked.

“Why are you leaving right now? At least wait till morning.”

I didn’t want to leave in the morning for one sole reason.

“I want to leave in peace. If I leave in the morning, there’s a chance Jeremy will bug me, and I don’t want that.”

That wasn’t really the reason. Sure, I wanted to leave without being bugged, but I randomly threw in Jeremy’s name for no real reason.

“Oh, really? Well, if you want, I can make sure you leave tomorrow in peace. Under one condition, of course.”

I had no reason to object.

“Sure,” I said.

“Want to have a sleepover?”

***

We talked about anything and everything. The memories, battles, stupid stuff we did. Everything. Chatting with someone in bed felt refreshing. It reminded me of the irreplaceable times with Harley. I took our night talks for granted.

While chatting, she asked me an interesting question.

“Jill. Do you not want to say goodbye to Jeremy and Roger?”

I found that question pretty funny.

“Why would I say goodbye if I’m returning to drop off a souvenir?”

She giggled while sitting upright, hogging the blanket all for herself.

“Right, I forgot the terms and conditions I created.”

We shared a good laugh and later fell asleep.

***

I left the following day while she was still asleep and headed to the House with Answers.