The City of Ionia

I lay with my limbs spread out, staring at the dark roof of the tent. My head rested on Harley’s pillow, though my body wasn’t in the covers. It was too humid for that.

I should dip my body into the pond. It’s been a while since I’d bathed in maybe a week or two. I wasn’t sure.

I couldn’t drag myself outside. I had no energy or motivation. I just wanted to lay down without the candle’s flickering light.

“It’s been three weeks. How long are you going to coop yourself in?”

I hammered myself in the forehead. There was no need for it or me to speak. I just wanted silence.

I was resting in total darkness. I couldn’t see my hand, which extended towards the ceiling. Where did it go?

I knew it was up, but how did it look?

Man, I guess locking myself in really taxed my mental state. How pathetic was I to worry about what my hand looked like in the dark?

I lifelessly dropped it onto my face with a sigh and rolled to my side. Something poked my thigh from my pocket. It annoyed me, so I rustled through without adjusting myself and pulled out the petite silver necklace that bothered me.

A silver semi-circle was its pendant. To the touch, it was cold, almost as though it was buried in the snow. A silver chain with miniature loops intertwined with one another.

A necklace so beautiful—so warm.

The first gift I’d ever received.

A reminder of what I must accomplish.

“Raphtalia…”

I wasn’t sure how it got to my pocket. On normal occasions, I would wear it subtly underneath my shirt. So, how did it end up in my pocket? Did I take it off?

I wasn’t sure. The last few weeks were a blur. I couldn’t remember what happened since learning the truth about the parasite, let alone what I ate for breakfast yesterday. Now, thinking about it, I don’t even think I ate at all yesterday. Or did I? What was the last thing I ate?

I grasped it tight against my forehead before shifting around to wear it around my neck. I rolled over to my back with my palms up and arms separated from my torso.

Darkness enveloped the environment. Alone, I lay with an empty mind.

That was before someone called my name outside.

“Jill.”

I didn’t answer. I wanted peace, not conversation.

“Jill. I’m coming in.”

The sound of the zipper was louder than ever, maybe because my mind was emptier than a clear sky.

“Ah, no light again. C’mon, you can’t be living like this.”

Seconds later, a little flame rose from the candle, illuminating as much life as possible.

“C’mon Jill, let’s go.”

Jeremy tried to get me to sit upright, but I fought back.

“Jill, you can’t lock yourself in here. Plus, you gotta eat something. You haven’t eaten in two days. C’mon, I’ll make you something.”

I resisted as he tugged me upright again. He took a frustrated sigh and swung his body, using all his power. It took him a few tries, but eventually, I complied.

“What do you want for food?”

I didn’t answer.

He threw my lifeless arm around his shoulder and walked me out of the tent as though I was injured.

I squinted my eyes as the sun blasted its rays, blinding me. My hand was a temporary shade, but it only did so much. My head turned away from the sun with my hand over my eyes. It hurts. It’s been a while since I came in contact with the sun.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” I muttered.

I blinked a few times before following Jeremy, who had somewhat decent eyesight. I followed him without complaints as he held my wrist while walking to the kitchen.

My legs dragged against the ground. I could barely get them to move. What was once a few minutes walk turned into ten. Baby steps were all I could do.

“Are you not feeling well?”

“I’m fine,” I said while holding onto my hip.

“Lier…”

Even though he mumbled, I heard his words loud and clear. I wasn’t going to say anything because I didn’t care. In truth, he was correct. So what if I did lie? The truth can be locked away within my soul.

“Oh look,” Jeremy said, “it’s Ruby.”

Ruby sat with Quinn on a bench with a plate of chicken and steamed vegetables. Her hand held a fork as she fed her child with a smile.

How could she smile? Did she not care? No, that couldn’t be it. She must’ve moved on. So quick, though. How could one move on so quickly?

How could she act like nothing happened?

Ruby greeted us with a smile once she noticed us. “Good afternoon, Jeremy and Jill. Are you heading to the kitchen?”

“Yep. She hasn’t eaten in a few days, so I will force-feed her.”

“I’m aware,” she replied. “Well then, carry on.”

“Um, one thing.” Jeremy dropped my wrist and whispered something in her ear.”

“Oh. Y—Ok. I’ll handle it, don’t worry.”

I didn’t care what they talked about. I just wanted to collapse in the dark tent.

They said their farewells, and we continued to make our way to the kitchen. Once we were there, Jeremy sat at a table, and I slouched deep enough for my chin to touch my chest.

He didn’t ask what I wanted, nor did I care. I didn’t want to be here. Why did I let him drag me?

Oh, it’s probably because I didn’t care. That’s been my mindset for a while. I didn’t care anymore.

All that talk about the pendant earlier seemed to have gone to waste. I wanted to get into Ionia, but at this point, I didn’t know if it would be worth it anymore, and I didn’t want to do anything.

Let me plummet slowly into the darkness with an empty mind. I think that would be an ideal way to pass the painfully sluggish time.

Jeremy spun the plate around the table, rotating it one full round. Chicken and rice are a staple meal in my diet. Well, that and pastries—though it was more of a snack than a meal.

“Let me know how the chicken tastes.”

I gazed at it: whitish brown chicken cut into even pieces, white grains of rice with no spices on top—just plain white rice. Nothing beats the basics. It was my favorite meal, a final meal I would eat if the world were coming to an end.

But why didn’t I want any?

My stomach wasn’t full. It growled a few times last night. I didn’t have the energy to pick up a fork and eat.

Still slouched, I pushed the plate away. I couldn’t even look at Jeremy. His face must’ve reeked with confusion and disappointment. I never did this to him. I always ate his food, with or without complaints.

I had to say something. Rejecting it in silence would kill me further.

“I—I don’t—-I’m not hungry.”

“You have to eat. I’ll feed you if you want.”

“No. I don’t want anything. I’m going to go back to the tent.”

Jeremy pulled a chair next to me. Holding a fork, he pierced a piece of chicken and waved it close to my face.

“Open.”

I opened my mouth wide enough so that a fly couldn’t come crashing in. He slowly shoved the piece of chicken between my lips and pulled out, leaving the piece to soak in my saliva.

I forcefully chewed. Nausea kicked my head, and I felt like spitting it out. I couldn’t do that to Jeremy, so I painfully swallowed. It felt like a rock traveled down my esophagus. There was no way I could take another bite, so I waved him away.

“I can’t. I’m done.”

“You took one bite.”

“I know. I can’t eat.” I pushed myself up while holding my stomach. It didn’t hurt, but it wasn’t fine. It was more discomfort than pain.

“Oh….ok. I’ll—I’ll pack it so you can eat it in the tent when you want.”

I doubt I was going to, though I accepted his offer. While he occupied himself with that, Ruby entered the kitchen alone. She carried this weird, almost sentimental look for some reason. Whatever it was, I didn’t care.

“Oh, hey, Ruby. Do you want anything?”

“I appreciate the offer, but I’ll pass. Maybe in an hour or two. I’ll come back somewhere around then.” She smiled with a miniature nod before walking up to me. “Do you mind coming with me, Jill?”

Great, what now?

Why was I so popular today? Just leave me alone. Let me dwell in the dark, alone, in peace. Was I asking for too much?

Not wanting to get up, I groaned with my forehead against the table. It was cool to the touch, which I found weird, considering it was the middle of summer. Weird. I never noticed till now.

“Jill?”

I sluggishly raised my head and tried to force a smile, though I doubt it was even noticeable.

“What?”

“I have somewhere I want to take you.”

“Where?”

“You’ll see.”

Well, that wasn’t so informative. Countering would do nothing for me, so I agreed to come, though it felt like I didn’t have a choice.

Ruby gently clasped her hands. “Great. Shall we get going?”