The Butcher of Gadobhra

Lightning struck the city of Gadobhra repeatedly as the sudden and intense storm raged. When it ended, it did so as abruptly as it had started, the clouds dispersing and the sun shone down. The great doors of the Endless Dance were kicked open as the Knight of the Jackelope emerged, leaping to the courtyard and spinning on one toe, two laughing children held above his head. Other children emerged, leaving the haunted building. They gathered around the knight, wondering what game they would play next.

Three women and two men stepped carefully from the building, shielding their eyes against the sun's glare. Their pale skin was in contrast to the tanned arms and legs of the children taken from Hungry Town. Their clothing, once richly made of rare silks, lace, and crushed velvet, was worn and old. Their dancing shoes were falling apart with holes in the toes. They looked wistfully at the knight. "Are you sure you cannot stay? Now that you have vanquished the Mad Composer and the Corrupted Orchestra to the crypts, we will need a new Dancing Master."

Sir Larry pointed to the younger of the two men. "Larry thinks Estevan will make a good Dancing Master. He helped Larry rescue the stolen children, learned the Happy Hamster Hop, and taught Larry how to Ballet. Larry must get the children home and find Squire Squeak. But Larry will be back someday!"

The Knight and his gaggle of children walked down the broken staircase from the huge castle on the outer rim of the city. The nobles watched him go, then turned to Estevan. The new Dancing Master pondered things for a moment. "The bright sun burns my skin, but it inspires me and gives me hope. Eight Hundred Years trying to perfect that damned waltz was boring. We must do new things, take new steps, and renew the Dance."

"You will open the Dance?"

He nodded, "Yes, I will open the Dance. Let us invite those of gentle breeding and agile feet to join us. I think Sunday afternoons to start, in the solarium. A casual affair of a hundred of us and a few guests. Those who behave will be invited back, and those who don't will be thrown to the dungeon below to keep Petrik the Mad and his Orchestra busy."

"But we don't have a solarium."

"Then we need to get busy building one! I'm scheduling the first event for later in the month. I'm giddy with excitement." They retreated to the quiet shade of the building and the doors of the Endless Dance closed, though not so tightly as before.

Sir Larry made his way through the city, escorting the children home. The Night Terrors, Ghouls, and Meat Daemons were wisely staying clear of him. He came to a large rock and moved it aside to reveal his squire hidden in a hole beneath it. The squire grumbled about the sky doing crazy things and crawled out of his hiding spot. His stomach growled, and he pulled a quarter wheel of cheddar from his pouch and took a large bite. Seeing the hungry looks of the children, he divided the rest among them, along with a loaf of fresh bread from Rowan Keep. The knight tapped him on the shoulder and the squire sighed and pulled out another cheese, this one so stinky the children made faces and laughed. He gave a smaller piece to the Knight, who pushed it under his helmet and into his mouth, chewing noisily. Then, led by the Knight, they skipped all the way home to Hungrytown.

They spent the rest of the day in Hungrytown, returning stolen children to their families and listening as the children told the story of how the Knight had rescued them. Each child showed off a pair of beautiful dancing shoes crafted by the Mad Composer and a pocketful of gold coins taken from his hoard. All of the children showed off their new dancing skills in the town square, except for one little girl who hugged her dancing shoes as she watched. Milo had noticed that she had limped on their way home.

Larry pointed to her. "Vicennia can't dance. They kicked her out of the Endless Dance when she was little and then stole her back to work for the Mad Composer, polishing the dance floor and mending shoes." He pointed at Milo's left leg. "Larry knows you made a magic leg once. Make one for Vicennia, please?"

Milo had no idea how Larry knew about his prosthetic leg. Did it matter? Something was broken and he needed to fix it. Vicennia was scared but Larry held her hand as Milo examined her bones. He could feel the Bone Blight in her leg, making the bone thin and the muscles withered from lack of use. The blight would eventually do worse. His Mend Bones spell could make her stronger, but it couldn't cure the Bone Blight. That was going to take something stronger.

A shadow fell across them. The old woman from the strange house looked down at Milo. "You're one of those crazy people who like to do experiments. Tell me what you are doing to that child and I better approve, or your fuzzy hide will be fixing a hole in my roof." She looked at Larry. "Or maybe two holes."

Milo was already lost in the problem and unaware of the threat. Larry just nodded, not worried. He knew his friend wouldn't hurt her.

"I'm going to cure her Bone Blight with a transplant from my bones. The Ancient Rune of Strong Bones is more powerful than the disease."

"You do that then, I'll watch and keep the child asleep." She placed her hand on Vicennia's forehead and the girl went to sleep.

Bone thickened on his hands forming armor and a sharp claw gave him a thin sliver. He made a small cut on the girl's leg and slid the sliver next to her fragile bone. Mana poured out of him as he reshaped her bones, using the sliver as a template. The Ancient Runes in his bones spread to wherever the Bone Blight lived, erasing it. It seemed like forever to Milo but only a few minutes later, he was done. Mama Laveau handed him a cup of sweet-smelling tea and honey. He had only taken a sip when he heard a chuckle that could only be Vladimir.

"At first I thought you were sneaking away without saying goodbye, but I see you just came here to fix something else. And an interesting experiment. No one has ever cured that curse."

Milo smiled at him, glad of Vladimir's company. He liked him best of all the crazy people he'd met in this place. "Just getting started. Larry wants to dance with her. Care to assist me in creating a magi-tech leg brace to strengthen her leg until her bones heal?"

"You have to ask? She will dance under the moons as agile as any of my mother's people."

An hour later, with a gleaming metal leg, Vicennia danced in the town square, as agile as any of the other children stolen by the Endless Dance. While the Knight played with the children, his Squire talked with the old woman who asked about their adventures and asked very specific questions about what was going on in Gadobhra and Sedgewick. She seemed satisfied with the answers, and Milo wondered later why he had told her so much. It might have been the tasty blackberry cobbler she put in front of him. Vladimir had noticed a man with one leg and another with a withered arm. He told Milo he had to share and leave them to him. Later, Squire and Knight took their leave, politely refusing any reward, and walked back to Sedgewick. Vladimir waved, already absorbed in his new project under the watchful eyes of Mama Laveau.

Milo turned to Larry as they walked, "You should have come got me if you had a big quest."

"Larry tried. You were doing the weird thing where you talked to yourself and fixed stuff. And it was a new quest, not one on our list. Larry went to the Dance while you had fun playing with weird new friends."

The squire pulled out their nearly completed list. "It was new, but I think it will count for some of the quests we have left. There's number 517: Start a new trend among the nobility. And didn't you say you killed a demon with a musical instrument?"

"Larry smashed the Possesd Pipe Organ of Postuldamus with a tuba."

"That counts! Nearly done, only one more to go, and I've been working on it. But we need to visit the Dungeon under the tavern."

The Knight hopped excitedly. "Last quest and a fun dungeon full of happy people. Will they have cheese?"

The Squire nodded, "I think we can count on that."

"But chicken soup first! Larry wants to visit nice ladies in the tavern who feed him and say goodbye."

"Chicken soup it is." He was sure the Mayor was going to have some questions for him. Letting her know about his project was just as important as talking to the other scary woman in the dungeon.

Weasletongue the Very Clever, was alerted to the break-in by one of his minions. The dungeon was locked up tight until the Under Rodent decided to open it back up. She would be upset with him if she found trespassers had made it inside while he was on guard. He didn't know what had stirred her to wrath, but something had happened upstairs with the Dungeon Keeper, and his boss was unhappy. And when she was unhappy, she got hungry.

He was working as fast as he could, driving his dungeon repair squads to make improvements and think up clever traps. He had to be useful! The useless creatures would be eaten first and everyone was trying to avoid making that list. It was amazing how morale improved overnight! The bells rang in all corners of the upper floors, and he quickly gathered three of the ten-man patrols: Skartongue, Rattipede, and Hordemaster. They would fall upon the trespassers like an avalanche of vengeance...after carefully setting traps and an ambush. There was no sense in taking chances.

He deployed his troops down either side of a crossroad. If the traps in the main corridor didn't kill the two adventurers, they would ambush them here. If they fled further, more traps would surely kill them. Minions were deploying behind them and erecting a barrier to stop their retreat. He had them! She would be pleased and not eat him!

The sound of his Fiendish Spear Trap came to his sensitive ears, then three of the Maiming Manbear Traps clanged shut, and finally, he heard the wooshing sound of the Diabolical Flame Jets. But there were no cries of pain, only heavy footsteps. The two adventurers from the world beyond the Tavern stepped into view, and their appearance froze all of the bosses in place while the lesser creatures fled screaming.

The first was a handsome ratkin with a wicked spikey stick and an arcane screwdriver in his belt. He wore stylish goggles that made Weasletongue envious. Weasletongue did not recognize him. This was not one of his minions. There was an aura of power circling him, and his tail moved ominously. Then, the second stepped into view, and the first became old news. It was an immense Cheesefiend! The largest he had ever heard of, all the more terrifying that it walked upright. Huge muscles, massive claws, and a mouth of sharp fangs sent jolts of fear through his minions. Weasletongue noted that this fiend had very straight teeth and a nice smile. Who was his dentist?!! Then he saw the intelligence lurking in the fiend's eyes and became even more scared. The only thing that made fiends controllable was their low intelligence. This one had surpassed that.

They spotted the waiting ratkin, and the Cheesefiend's gaze ran across them all before it waved at them with its huge clawed hand. That was enough for everyone but Weasletongue to leave, running as fast as they could. The terrible berzerk rage of a Cheesefiend was legendary, and fighting something like this monster was way above their pay grade. Hordemaster was useless without his horde of lesser creatures. The large, rotund warrior lumbered after them as they fled. The Ratipede was stamping its feet, trying to move in reverse, but became tangled and collapsed into a pile of legs and shoes. Skartongue just turned and walked away, fading into the shadows and leaving Weasletongue to his fate. Weasletongue only stayed because the Fiend's handler yelled at him to stop, with authority in his voice that Weasletongue couldn't ignore. He had no choice but to wait for the terrible things fate had in store for him as the two invaders walked up to him. He tried as much as he could not to cringe in fear, but his knees betrayed him.

The fiend bent over him. "Larry thinks this one is feeling bad. Is he sick?" Weasletongue shook even harder when he realized the fiend was intelligent enough to talk.

Tallsqueak had seen the signs before, "Stress from working too hard. See all the tools on his belt? I've done the same a few times. You work until you collapse."

"Yes, yes. Weasletongue is a very hard worker. The dungeon needs so much work and I never stop! But you are guests, and I will rally what energy I have left to please you!" The nervous ratkin hoped that his Rank 8 Groveling would be enough. He should really work harder at it. He just didn't have the time these days! He was lucky that this visitor had obviously worked in a dungeon before and knew the intense pressure that came with success and trying to stay out of the Dungeon Lord's belly.

"Larry suggests a small snack for hardworking dungeon people, heroes, and engineers. We have stinky cheese left, don't we?"

Tallsqueak saw the ratkin's ears twitch and eyes widen. "Sure, let's eat the last piece and share with this helpful fellow. Maybe he can guide us to the lower levels." Hundreds of eyes were on the scene as a cheese fiend, an engineer, and a hard-working trap master sat down for a small snack. The watching ratkin were amazed at Weasletongue's negotiating and groveling skills. Somehow, he wasn't dead, and they were giving him the special stinky cheese from the outside!

Weasletongue said he wished to help but explained he was on duty and sadly couldn't show them to the lower levels past, pointing to a set of stairs. Pulling out a notebook, the engineer turned to the last page and asked Weasletongue to draw a map. As the pages turned, Weasletongue squealed in joy. "TRAPS! Beautiful Traps!"

"Oh, do you like them? I wanted to show them to the Under Rodent."

"Yes, yes, please do. I will build them. Every one of them. Or...maybe you could give them to me now? It would save so much time." If he could claim these for his own work, he would become a legend.

Tallsqueak produced a second notebook and handed it to him. "I always keep the original drawings for myself. You can keep this one, and I'll tell your boss that you're already working on them. You can draw the map to the lower levels here on this page of my copy."

Weasletongue smiled his best fake smile and drew the map. Then he waved to his new friends-who-didn't-eat-him and wondered how he would construct any of these traps without more mana. The dungeon was running on fumes, and now this crafty opponent would tell his boss he was making her these new wonderful traps. Perhaps being eaten by the fiend had been the better fate. He contented himself with looking at the lovely machines that could rip, tear, spindle, and mutilate adventurers with ease.

As they walked down the long spiral staircase, Larry said, "Tallsqueak made a book of traps?"

"With some help from my new friends. They are all crazy smart people. Very crazy. And one thing they like to do is talk. Whenever we took a break from our projects, they would talk about theories—crazy ideas. I asked them what they considered the very best traps to be, in Theory. They talked and argued, and I wrote down all their ideas, and while I hid under the rock, I made plans. Plans someone could actually build. Theory is fine, but practical is better for traps."

Larry nodded in agreement, "It's good to have friends."

At the bottom of the stairs, they greeted their old friend Bennie, the Dread Rabbit and Fearsome Necromancer. He'd gotten a promotion to boss and ruled this level. He still seemed very nervous and was anxious to help show them the way to the next level. Down through the levels of the dungeon they went, each one the home of some strange subterranean creature. They only had to fight once when a belligerent capabarra blocked their path, demanding tribute. Choho the Dreadful was more polite once Larry slammed him into the ceiling, and Tallsqueak pinned him to the wall with a Rune of Force. They left him to collect his teeth from the floor and entered the true Lair of the Under Rodent.

None of the Dungeon Denizens knew what transpired in their meeting, but instead of draconic roars and screams of pain, they heard the tinkling sound of the Bunny Dragon's laughter. The visitors didn't leave, but there were no bloodstains or bits of splintered bone to clean up. Wistyburble emerged from her lair in good humor the next day with a smile on her face and ordered everyone to the upper levels to begin work on a new look for her dungeon, filled with the clever traps provided to her. Mana surged into the dungeon in huge waves, coming from her throne room, providing everything needed for their work. If anyone ever noticed the small crystal that adorned her throne, they didn't speak of it.

Two days later, and far, far away in Shadowport, Tallsqueak, and Sir Larry emerged from a hole in the wall provided by Brinka, the Tunnel Muggle.

"Larry had fun. It was nice of the Fairy King to make Larry a knight forever, and Larry doesn't even have to wear the armor! Does Tallsqueak want to go on another adventure? The Picklegang is trying to steal Sugarplums from Flowertown."

Tallsqueak shook his head. "I have to find a way to fix an overheating Fusion Reactor. I may be gone for a while."

"Larry will handle the bad pickles then. Have fun fixing things.' Both left, heading to Flowertown to stop a sugarplum heist and to the basement of a hidden bunker to stop a crazed AI from winning a game and melting down part of Philadephia.