The Broken Prince's Love

Cedar wasn't too happy when Theodore called him to his office. He almost feared that the emperor would insist on discussing the allergy problem again, but thankfully, that wasn't it. Still, sitting together with Theodore in a small room with only the two of them was annoying.

Especially since his brother seemed to trust him enough not to invite any guards in.

Even Leonard, who finally worked as an advisor again, was more careful and had insisted on staying in the room. Theodore had just thrown him out without any discussion.

And now Cedar sat here with his greatest enemy while drinking tea. “So, I assume that you wished to address something specific. What is bothering you?”

The emperor leaned back on the red sofa and replied in a serious tone. “A lot. To be honest, there are so many things we have to clear up. But this was mostly about Lady Peril, who came to have an audience with me a moment ago.”

Cedar had to hold back from showing his annoyance, which meant that his smile grew. “Ah. I see. This is connected to the letter then? Did she mention why she knew that Lucille and I were here? Or did you ask why she felt the need to warn me about Mother?”

Theodore watched how his brother took a sip of the tea before responding. “Of course. I didn't ask that outright though. I assume that she didn't expect you to show the letter to me, so I tried to be subtle to not give away that you did. But talking probably won't be the best option anymore for long. I have to admit that I will use a more underhanded method to find out what she is planning. After all, she sent this letter without me knowing about it, which is strange in itself. And as you said, she couldn't have known about you being here. That means that she probably has connections to some servant who smuggled the information out and the letter in. We will find out in a while. For now, I just wanted to speak about what you think about this situation.”

Cedar shrugged. “What am I supposed to say? The Peril family was close to Mother until they suddenly had a fight. Then that household retreated and officially chose to be neutral. I have no idea why she wrote that letter, nor do I know why she would be interested in information from the palace.” He only had a suspicion, and that one wouldn't be too pleasant if it turned out to be true.

Theodore looked at him for a moment. “I see.” He turned his gaze down to the table, on which some documents lay. He leaned forward to push them aside before continuing. “Was that note all there was in the letter?”

The prince considered lying, but this wasn't worth it, so he replied with a radiant smile. “No. There was a second smaller note too. She wrote that I could turn to her if I ever needed help with anything. She phrased it in her usual sultry tone, so I burned it.”

Theodore's face scrunched up. “Good. I don't have to ask what you think about her. It should be clear.”

Cedar noticed that his personal emotions were influencing his judgment, but he couldn't help it. “Of course. The Peril family is about as loyal as a mercenary. If you offer them more money, they change their minds in a second. Everyone except for Lady Peril, at least. She doesn't seem to forget what she wants and will fight for it until the bitter end. You probably know how she monopolized the market for perfume in just a few years. It's almost terrifying how she happened to do all of that by herself. She still says that her husband is the one doing business, but as you know, she did it alone. And, to be honest, I would do something against her soon. I don't trust that person at all.”

Theodore nodded, and a faint smile appeared on his lips. “It's good that we are on the same page. I don't trust her either. Nor do I believe that she should be in business much longer. As I mentioned, I have an unfair advantage. I have what it takes to steer against her monopolizing some other parts of the cosmetic market too. I will deal with her in the next two years while trying to prevent the use of harsher methods. Duke Vasquez is already in the middle of dealing with some of her connections.” His smile faded. “Unfortunately, I don't think that Lady Peril committed any serious crimes we could put her on trial for. Most likely, I won't be able to prevent her from coming here. Unless she is stupid enough to do something you can call disrespecting royalty in front of witnesses.”

Cedar listened to that while drinking his tea. He kept his eyes on his brother in the meantime. Why was Theodore talking like this? Normally, the emperor wouldn't even consider searching for crimes to get rid of a person that hadn't caused trouble for him. So, this was unusual. “May I ask something? What you said almost sounds like you dislike her and would rather ban her from entering the palace. Why? Did she do something unpleasant while I was gone?” Maybe Jenna had tried the same strategy that had failed for Cedar on his brother. That would definitely make the love-struck emperor, who lived for his wife, furious.

But Theodore quickly refuted that idea. “You know what she did. You were the person who suffered because of her. Don't think I didn't notice that.” So, he was talking about the issues from back when Cedar had been fourteen.

The prince put on an even brighter smile. “I don't think we remember the same thing. I never suffered-”

Theodore cut him off a moment later. “Maybe that was the wrong word. I only know that she made you extremely uncomfortable. During that time, you started hating perfume and long fingernails, even if it was just unconsciously. I only saw what she did in public, so I don't want to know what she tried while you were alone. I don't want to make you get close to her ever again. So, I would like to refrain from inviting her, but that could be difficult thanks to her status. She is quite popular among the nobles. Only superficially, of course. Behind closed doors, most find her infuriating. We'll do our best to keep her far away from you.”

Cedar was slowly growing irritated. He didn't know what to say when his brother suddenly spoke about things like that. Cedar had a reason to dislike Lady Peril, but Theodore shouldn't care at all. The emperor hadn't ever gotten into a fight with her, so he should stay out of this. In addition, Theodore was saying things that weren't true. “I can assure you that I don't have a problem with long fingernails nor do I hate perfume. You may-” He wasn't able to finish this time either.

Theodore already replied in a serious tone. “Not anymore. For a while, you hated it, but you forced yourself to get used to it very quickly again. Still, you didn't forget. I saw how you kept Lady Peril at a distance when you came out of confinement. You haven't forgiven her, which is definitely the right thing to do. If anything happens with her, involve me. I don't mind taking care of it. If it has to be in private, so be it. If someone else plays dirty, we can do it too.” That made even less sense. Why would he go so far? Why would Theodore care?

The prince watched his brother for a moment before replying. “It seems that your memory is quite good. After all, you still remember such unimportant things from such a long time ago. Do you pay attention to me during every ball? Aren't you busy taking care of your empress? By the way, is-” His attempt at changing the topic was ignored.

“I wouldn't say that I have an extraordinarily good memory. I just remember important things. And some woman traumatizing you is definitely important, so don't always dismiss it.”

Cedar would have liked to point out that it really wasn't that bad, but he didn't receive the chance to speak.

Theodore already continued. “Obviously, I paid attention to what you are doing. I have to admit that it was partly because I expected you to do something unfavorable, but I also wanted to make sure that no one tried something that could hurt you. I also kept an eye on you during our childhood.” That was another great topic.

Cedar let out a little chuckle at that. “Oh, my. That isn't too good. As a child, I was a bit...bratty. You must have been troubled. I had quite the temper.”

Theodore responded without skipping a beat. “Apparently, you needed to have that. After all, the dowager empress seems to have raised you to feel like everything around you is a threat. She had people attack you at random intervals so that you would need to be prepared to resist such a sudden fight. That's what you meant when you said that you didn't fall down the stairs on your own. You didn't expect one attack, and as a result, your arm ended up being broken. It's no wonder that you were always on edge after that shock training.” So, Theodore had figured it out after a little hint. That should have been expected. The perfect emperor had his way of finding out about things if he wanted to know something. The only question remaining was why he had bothered enough to check.

Cedar drank a sip of his tea before looking up. “Maybe. I have to admit that I was distracted that day, so it didn't end as nicely as it could have. Did you want to talk about that?”

Theodore narrowed his eyes. “Don't say that. That sounds like you blame yourself. It's that woman's fault that you got hurt. I never met such a despicable person. We'll make sure to return the favor when the time comes. I don't need to discuss this now, but in the future, we will have to. There are a lot of things we need to talk about at some point. What I wanted to ask for now is whether you will object to one of the things I will propose in a while.”

Cedar leaned back and smiled at his brother. “Oh. That's what it was. If you want to know how I'll react, this is probably not related to any law. What you want to ask is a matter connected to the royal family. You could decide by yourself since you and Her Majesty are on the same page. But you would rather have the majority on your side. That means that this decision is rather important to you but also very discussion-worthy. So, I assume that this is about granting Althea the title of a member of the royal family, correct?”

Theodore nodded before lowering his eyes to the table. “Of course, you would guess it. I'm in the middle of giving her the title of a dame since she saved my life and thus served the whole nation. But that isn't enough. I want her to officially be my mother. I would like to prove that she adopted me and that she married Father to be his lawful wife, even if that technically never happened.” He was quiet for a little moment and carefully watched his brother before he continued. “Right now, I'm even considering giving her the title of the dowager empress.”

Cedar stopped drinking his tea and lowered the cup to grin at Theodore. “Mother will kill you. I'm not joking when I say that this is the most painful thing you could do to her. She'll finally lose her mind if you propose that.”

The emperor was completely calm when he replied. “I know. That the current dowager empress deserves all the bitterness and rage that will come from this decision is the secondary reason I'm doing this aside from appreciating my mother's efforts. Althea was the one who raised me and had Father's love and respect. She deserves that position much more than the current dowager empress does. And it shouldn't be a problem either. After all, the current holder of that title probably won't keep it much longer. I won't let Camille attack me, Blanche, our child or anyone in the capital. And I won't let her hurt you either. If anything dangerous happens, I will gladly change my strategy. So, what do you say about that plan?”

Cedar pressed his teeth together. Why would Theodore go out of his way to announce that he would protect his brother? And what answer was the emperor waiting for when he would probably do it anyway? It didn't make sense. The prince gave his best to smile as he responded. “I don't mind. Althea deserves it. She was the closest person to our father, raised you and even offered to help me sometimes. You should just keep in mind that Mother does have some supporters left. She will use all of them to bring you down at once if you try that. You've seen her in a bad mood, but you never noticed what happens when she breaks down.”

Theodore gave him a weak smile. “Maybe. But I can guess. I'm prepared. And while I already knew that you would respond like that, I'm glad. You never disliked Althea, even though the dowager empress did her best to make you despise her. Isn't that right?”

Cedar probably shouldn't reply now. It would be better to keep quiet to let Theodore fill out the gaps by himself. “Well, you may think what you-” He cut himself off when he saw his brother's expression. He went through his memories of the revolt and quickly understood. He had said a bit too much that day. “Ah. Her Majesty told you about what I said back then. About how I would have favored being raised by Althea. I have to admit that my childhood would have been much calmer that way. Are you happy with me being honest about that?” In some way, it felt like a defeat to admit that he wasn't happy with being with his real mother at all, even though he wouldn't truly wish for anyone aside from his mother to raise him. In the end, he had just said this with the full intention of evoking a reaction from his brother.

Theodore could have easily used this to make fun of his brother. But he didn't. “I'm happy that you also noticed what a kind person Mother was. But I'm not happy that you couldn't be raised by her. I regret that you weren't with her too. I would have been much more content about you growing up in a kinder environment like I did. I did have a lot of problems that were related to people targeting me in my childhood, but enduring that was much better than needing to live with the dowager empress. That woman is the worst punishment I can imagine.” He could spare his fake pity for someone who actually cared for it. Theodore especially should know that his brother wouldn't want to hear anything like this. Yet, he said all of that before gazing at Cedar without the hatred he should have shown. “You look like you wanted to say something else about that too.”

Cedar smiled. It had been more of an unconscious idea, but he truly had something he wanted to address. “You've gotten better at reading other's faces.” How unfavorable for a person that wanted to hide every bit of their emotions. “Congratulations. I have to admit that there is one thing I would like to say. Of course, I regret not being able to live with Althea, who would certainly have been a very caring mother. But I regret one thing even more. That I didn't intervene before Althea got hurt seven years ago. She might have gotten out unscathed if someone had warned her. I knew what would happen. I met the assassins and talked to every single person, which is how I met Leon. So, you can't claim that I had no idea. But I still didn't say a single thing. I could have protected you and saved Althea's life just by stepping forward and telling you what was going on. But I didn't. And when I came to your carriage, I regretted that.” He didn't know what kind of reaction he expected after saying that in a much too cheerful voice while smiling.

It would have been normal for Theodore to get sad upon remembering his mother dying. It would have been normal for him to become furious too, which was what the prince might have wanted to see instead of this infuriating pity. After all, Cedar had truly been responsible for that incident.

But the emperor didn't give his brother the rage Cedar had wanted. He just showed a faint smile. “You didn't attack us. You merely stood by while the thing that your mother had told you about from the moment you were born happened. She had you under her control and made sure that you wouldn't question her decisions. It would have been impossible for you to free yourself from those chains when you were only fourteen. I can assure you that Mother never blamed you either. She would be happy to see that you are changing for the better. She always worried about you. And you cared more about her death than anyone else. You are the only one from the palace who even voiced their condolences.”

Hearing that made a pit of guilt form in Cedar's stomach. His smile widened as he put aside his cup. “Aren't you being a bit too generous? You act like you will just forgive me for my mistake. That's way too careless, isn't it?”

Theodore remained as calm as before when he responded. “You were never at fault. I know you hate hearing that, but it was that woman who manipulated you from the very beginning. The roles could have been reversed too. I am very much aware that I also could have ended up in that woman's clutches, and I already find the thought unbearable. That's why I won't blame you.” He waited for a moment before he leaned forward and resumed. “I will be honest. Our relationship is...still complicated. And I know that this will take years to calm down. But I want to move on. I don't want to allow that woman to ruin our lives any longer. So, I want to remind you that there aren't only lingering bad feelings that have been created because of that woman. We had times during which we got along as well. It was always fine until we got interrupted by the dowager empress. You know that too. We started playing together when my mother made us, but we met of our own free will after that. You remember how we broke into Father's office to look at documents back then, right?”

Of course, Cedar remembered. But he doubted that talking about this now was a good idea. After all, many of their friendly times had ended with arguments much harsher than outsiders could have imagined them to be. “You mean when I threatened you with Father's sword? That happened in his office too.”

Theodore let out a low sigh. “Don't distract. You didn't hurt me back then, and that hadn't been your intention either. After all, you could have hurt me a little before claiming that I was the one who messed up with the sword. I was five years older than you, so it would have been easy to convince people that I just overreacted instead of you doing anything. But like I said, I didn't want to talk about that. I was referring to the fact that we played with each other even when no one forced us. You were always on edge while doing that, most likely because you couldn't have your mother's people find out. But you still took the risk. So, you didn't hate me completely.”

Cedar didn't know what to say about that. He couldn't quite refute it. Despite him resenting Theodore and being so jealous, he had never quite hated his brother with his whole heart, at least not as a child. That had been impossible when the person who always explained how horrible her eldest son was had seemed much more hateful.

Even at the age of ten, Cedar had seen the difference between how Theodore and Althea talked to him and how his mother had treated him. He would have lied if he said that there hadn't been times in which he had wished for his brother's death. But upon hearing that Theodore had survived the assassination attempt, he had still been relieved. In the end, he couldn't even specify how he felt about his brother.

But that seemed to be the norm. He couldn't explain what he thought about his mother either, and he couldn't figure out what Lucille was to him.

The prince drank a sip of his tea before speaking up. “If you say things like that, you seem to be sure. Then there is no point in asking me, right? I don't want to sound impolite, but I really don't know what you want to hear.”

Theodore replied while he leaned back again. “I don't want to hear anything. I only wanted to speak to you for a while. As I said, I am aware that we won't get over our differences in an instant. And this will be hard for the both of us. But I don't want to give up on you or let you suffer because of your past circumstances. I don't know if you noticed, but you already listened more than you normally would. You still change the subject when it gets uncomfortable, but you aren't running away. We can try to work on that. Of course, I won't force you. But I want this situation to slowly relax until we can act like normal brothers, or at least similarly.” That was hard to imagine. The past couldn't be erased after all.

Cedar met the other's gaze as he crossed his arms. “You sounded very different when we met after I came out of confinement. I have to admit that I changed too, but you act like something special happened.”

Theodore stared right into his brother's eyes, which almost made it seem like he was piercing the other man with his gaze. “Something did happen. You finally turned away from that vile person. Of course, I want to help you now. You already did a lot on your own, but you still have to take the final step. You need to let go of her. That woman will never become a good influence in your life. And no matter how much you want it, there won't be a chance for us to save her. I know that I cannot imagine what you are feeling. But you need to draw a line once and for all. Otherwise, you will only hurt yourself. And I'm here to support you. Blanche will be happy to help too. And most importantly, Lady Valerian is right by your side as well.”

Cedar forced himself to relax when he heard that. How ironic all of this was. He considered using this chance to point out that he and Lucille weren't in a relationship but stopped himself when he saw his brother's expression. He probably wouldn't be able to convince the other man of that, so he could let it be. Cedar was quiet for a moment before he spoke up. “You know, sometimes I worry. Did something happen to you and Her Majesty? You're both so very different from before. She suddenly started telling me things she couldn't have known while insisting that I told her. I know for a fact that I didn't though. And also, she is nice to me now, which is scary in itself. Suddenly, you are nice too, and now I wouldn't be surprised if you pulled out a sword laced with poison to get rid of me in secret.” He seemed to have said something that wasn't quite wrong since the emperor suddenly seemed much more serious than before.

Theodore met his brother's gaze, and the atmosphere almost appeared to have changed when he replied. “Something big did happen. But I can't tell you. Let's say that you helped us out but can't remember, which is good. It would be a huge problem if you remembered, so be happy that you don't.” It seemed like something rather important had happened without the prince noticing it.

Cedar was starting to get a bit annoyed with him seemingly not knowing about such a crucial event. His smile remained the same as he replied. “Her Majesty already said that too. You two are really mysterious, huh? Well, I won't pry. Even if I find it strange that I don't remember something so crucial. If you can't tell me, there is no helping it.” He lifted his cup to drink a sip again. When he finished, he looked at Theodore, who scanned him with care, before resuming. “Was that all you wished to tell me today?”

Theodore was quiet for a moment before nodding. “I don't have anything else to address. But I would like to offer you to stay here for a while longer. We can finish our tea in peace. And it would be nice if you could come more often in the future. As I said, there is a lot we need to talk about.”

Seemingly, the future would get rather exhausting.

Cedar smiled back at him. “I understand. How could I refuse the emperor? I will be there when you call for me.” Even if he wasn't sure whether he was ready to talk about most things his brother would deem important, there was no way for him to run away. And maybe, just maybe, it would be better to face their problems too.

But accepting that was hard when this conversation already left Cedar torn. On the one hand, it felt relieving to know that Theodore understood some of the things that had happened. And yet, the emperor's sympathy was so very confusing.

The prince stayed in the office until he finished his cup before excusing himself. Even when he left the room, it was like a bitter feeling was stuck in his throat. Drinking tea the whole time hadn't helped to get rid of it. Maybe he should go eat something sweet to make it disappear.

Cedar forced himself to walk through the hallways with a bright smile, which was necessary to hide his inner turmoil. It had been a while since he had felt like this. But this time, it was much worse.

The doubts came back with full force and dug themselves into his stomach like a knife.

He was strong and clever enough to do almost anything. But when his desire to act faded away more with every day, he wasn't sure whether he could go on like this anymore. Ever since the attack on the Valerian estate, it had been like a scale was slowly tilting more and more as one side became much heavier than it should have been.

There were two sides, two choices, and his heart had already decided on one. But could he make a complete turn like that? He wasn't sure, and that uncertain feeling made his chest feel hollow.

Cedar wanted to see Lucille now. That would only make him want to choose what would change his life even more, but he needed her presence. Maybe he was lucky, and she would ask for a hug today too. After all, a hug didn't sound too bad right now.