The Broken Prince's Love

Camille seemed so smug when she suddenly talked about how stupid Lucille was for letting herself get fooled by Cedar. She had declared that Cedar had only used her lover and now prepared for a long narration after Cedar had just said that he would explain later.

The former dowager empress looked like she enjoyed making fun of Lucille. She kept mocking the other woman. “That expression tells me that you didn't know. Come on. Think about it. Why would Cedar be so sure that he could hide in the Valerian estate for a while? Do you really not know?”

Lucille didn't. And she felt like she didn't want to know either. A part of her almost wanted to turn away to hide her face. But she didn't have any choice. She could only meet Camille's gaze and listen.

Camille was happy to continue with that same self-confident smile. “Cedar did his research. I told you that he is good at finding out weaknesses. He did well here too. He pointed out some parallels between him and the young lady of the house Valerian. Your mother disappeared somewhere years ago, and his father is gone too. Your father values power and pulled some strings to gain influence by using his daughter, which is how people viewed my relationship with Cedar too. Cedar said that if someone found him and could be convinced to hide him with some stories, it would be you. I always knew that he would be able to persuade anyone, but with you, it was ridiculously easy. That wasn't surprising though. He already knew that you were a lonely girl with barely any self-confidence. He only had to press a few buttons, and you would melt for him.”

Lucille's heart skipped a beat before it pounded three times as fast. She could almost hear the blood rushing through her veins. Cedar had known that he could meet her? He had known about her difficult circumstances and had talked to her because of that? Because he had been sure that she would hide him for the time being? That was a bit too much all of a sudden, and she wasn't even given time to process it.

Camille laughed to herself as if she had just won something and resumed without giving Lucille a break. “You should take a look at your face right now. I can't believe you didn't get it even after I kept on telling you that he was only using you.” She wiped away a few imaginary tears and still giggled a bit while she continued. “That wasn't all that was fake, you know? The attack on your mansion was planned too. Cedar knew that an attack would follow at some point. We organized that so that we could prove that I would hurt him. He was living at your house while knowing that I would send assassins at some point. How awful of him, right? And it gets even better. Do you remember the arrow that hit you? That was supposed to hit Cedar. He purposefully would have let himself get hurt so that the guards would have to bring him to the palace. But then you took the hit for him and made it easier for him to come to the palace. How do you feel about hearing that now? I bet that you could cry. Go on and weep. It's not like this is surprising. There is no way that Cedar would ever fall in love with someone. Even the thought is ridiculous.”

It seemed like Camille enjoyed this a bit too much. She giggled and seemed happy in general. And this time, she had reached her goal with her words.

Lucille wasn't happy at all. She felt her stomach churning, and a wave of overwhelming nausea crashed over her. If all of that was true, it meant that her meeting with Cedar had been staged from the beginning to the end. Then the whole first month they had seen each other had only been based on acting. Everything after that had been real though.

After all, Cedar wouldn't have needed Lucille's help after leaving her estate anymore. But that had been after she had been hit with an arrow. What if Cedar had felt guilty because she had gotten hurt when he had stopped to make sure that he would get hit himself?

Lucille went through that scene in her head again and again. In retrospect, it was obvious that Cedar had slowed his pace to allow the assassin to properly aim at him. And if she thought about it for longer, Cedar had also been much too prepared for an attack. How come he had known about the service escalator they had used to flee? He had been able to move around the estate as quickly as she was despite not living there for long. That had almost seemed like he had memorized the fastest ways to leave the garden. And Cedar had asked about the Northern Market and about how often servants were there. He had asked about the security measures of her mansion, and he had known about more hiding spots than she had known.

Cedar had really been prepared to run away during an attack before going to the Northern Market. He had planned to use an injury from this attack to get into the palace. And part of that plan had included Lucille sympathizing with him and hiding him. At least that would make sense.

Lucille was in a state of paralysis and could barely move. But she forced her head to gaze at her lover.

Cedar already looked at her. He held her hand in a tight grasp as if he would never let go of her. But he wasn't smiling. That meant that he was upset which only made sense if there was some truth to Camille's story. So, Cedar had really come to the Valerian estate to use it as a part of his stage to get into the palace. He had known about Lucille's past and had used that to ensure that she wouldn't reveal his presence. This had to be it, or he wouldn't look at her like that.

Lucille wasn't even sure what to say. She could only sit there and stare at her lover. Surely, this was only how it had started. There was no way that Cedar still only used her to his advantage. But even knowing that he had done it in the beginning hurt. She opened her mouth to speak but was interrupted

Camille laughed to herself before happily adding something else. “I can't believe that you actually look so shocked. Did I just break your heart by revealing that? It was better that I did it. Cedar would have been less kind about it. He never cared about you even for a single second. So, it seems like you will have to give up on becoming empress now. You are nothing but a filthy little insect on his path. Don't forget that. I will gladly remind you of your little worth as often as-”

Cedar's voice was unusually cold when he cut her off. “Shut your mouth. Don't get involved with things that don't concern you. You shouldn't speak for others when you have no idea what they think.”

Camille, who still seemed out of her mind, let out a giggle. “Oh, are you upset because you wanted to reveal it? I'm sorry. But you can still make fun of her now. After all, she isn't crying yet, so you can make her.”

Cedar stood up in an abrupt movement. “Keep quiet about things you don't know anything about.” He had repeated similar words but used an even harsher tone, which silenced Camille completely. He didn't pay attention to that and only turned to his lover. “It would be better if we step outside to discuss this for a moment. Is that fine?”

Lucille felt a lump form in her throat, so she didn't say anything. She just nodded and allowed him to lead her out of the room, grasping her lover's hand tightly. She heard Camille speaking, but she didn't listen to that and focused on calming down. It was a strange feeling that had formed a pit in her stomach, and she didn't want to cry because of that.

Cedar entered the corridor with her, but he didn't stop there. He wanted to discuss this in private, so he brought her to the sitting room next to the office, which they had entered last time too. He closed the door behind them. Then he faced her again. By now, his smile was back again, and it was as blinding as ever. He was really upset.

Why was he upset though? He had known about all of this.

Lucille opened her mouth but didn't know what to think, so finding the words was even harder. She gazed down at their interlocked fingers for a moment before she lifted her head and made eye contact with Cedar. She hated seeing him like that. He tried to seem happy so badly that it was obvious that he felt horrible. That meant that he regretted it, right?

Lucille took a moment before she forced herself to speak. “Were you...following that plot when we met?” In the very beginning, he had certainly been putting on an act. That wasn't surprising since he acted in front of everyone he didn't know. Another question was more important. “For how long?”

Cedar probably didn't notice how wide his smile was, but she did. Still, she didn't say anything about that while he replied. “Just until shortly after we came to the palace. But I tried to keep you out of that whole mess. The only thing I truly did on purpose was to tell you about how dangerous my mother was. I normally wouldn't have addressed that topic, but you were interested. So, it was easy to explain it in a way that would remind you of your own father. Aside from that, I just wanted to make sure that you wouldn't throw me out of your home, so I tried to gain your sympathy. But I quickly came to like you. Otherwise, I wouldn't have talked to you that often.” This made sense.

Lucille was a bit relieved to hear that. Still, something in her heart stung. She remembered the conversations with Cedar and how he had mentioned his mother occasionally. So, he hadn't done that because he had wanted to but to make sure that she would trust him. And he had asked about her mother and listened to her. Apparently, he had already known about Emily though. He had known that Lucille was sensitive in this regard and had used his own strained relationship with his parents to gain her sympathy. So that she would protect him until he could be hurt and enter the palace.

The words escaped Lucille's mouth before she could stop them. “How much of what she said is true?”

Cedar was silent for a moment before he replied. “I wanted to play the victim in front of Theodore and hide in the palace for a few months until he trusted me enough to ignore me. In the meantime, Mother would have prepared everything. When everything was over, I would have seemed like a valid option for the succession of the throne. That this was the plot I came up with is true. The revolt last year was already a part of it. I lost on purpose and showed that I was tired of fighting against my brother. Then I gained some sympathy by admitting how exhausted I was. We waited for a few months before we continued the plot. The big fight with my mother was fake and the letters we exchanged were too. I kept the letters on purpose to prove that she was angry at me. And...” The prince paused shortly before continuing. “I knew that my mother would attack us at some point. But she didn't stick to the plan. Originally, she was supposed to send me a gift a day before the attack so that I could be prepared. Then the assassins would storm into the house and scare everyone enough to make someone alert the royal guards. And most importantly, those men weren't supposed to hurt anyone but me. They were merely supposed to shoot one arrow at me to show that I changed sides. But nothing happened as I had described it before. My mother suddenly changed the orders to have them kill everyone, but that definitely wasn't planned.”

Lucille thought back to that day. The day that a dozen servants had lost their lives in the Valerian mansion. That had happened because of Cedar's plan. Because he had come up with a long-term plot to gain his brother's trust before stabbing him in the back.

That was truly a cruel plan. It seemed like Cedar had abandoned that long ago, but he had just seen Lucille as a way to move his plot forward in the beginning. He had even used her staff members as pawns, who had carried the consequences when things had gone wrong. That wasn't unrealistic since Cedar had been used to evaluating all people around him based on whether they could help him.

But still, it hurt.

Lucille thought back to how scared she had been while Mathilda had been killed in the room she had hidden in. She remembered how panicked she had been upon climbing over the wall and upon seeing the arrow aimed at them. So, she had caught an arrow despite Cedar planning on letting himself get hit from the very beginning? That had been fake? His terror upon seeing that had been real at least though, right? Because she had ruined his plan. Lucille wasn't sure what to think anymore. She wanted to turn away to hide her face, but she forced herself to gaze in Cedar's direction. But she couldn't meet his gaze. Instead, she looked down at their hands.

A moment passed in complete silence. One would have been able to hear a pin drop, and the tension in the air was thicker than it should have been.

Cedar's voice was quiet when he spoke again. “Are you...alright?” That was a funny question when she had just found out that she had been a playing piece in his plot to gain power.

Lucille knew that her role wasn't that insignificant anymore, but she was still upset about this. She blinked a few times and turned her head to the side. She needed time. “It's...just a bit much.” She sounded like she would cry in a moment, and that wasn't wrong. Still, she couldn't hold back her first thought. “I don't really know what...what of the things you told me in the beginning were true. And what was...” She didn't dare to make eye contact after that.

Cedar responded quickly, and his voice completely lacked the usual confidence, which made her even more unwell. “I didn't lie to you. I only...phrased things differently. I never liked it when people pitied me, but in your presence, I just...admitted that I knew that my mother was horrible, which I had never done before. But I didn't lie. And I also didn't really act to make you see me as a different person. I truly do care about you, and that has been the case for a long time now.”

Lucille unwillingly remembered all the times that she had brought Cedar food in the annex. She thought about their conversations and about the first times that they had hugged. Then their kisses, which had happened much later, came back to her mind. All of that couldn't be fake. She truly did love Cedar, so suddenly hearing that he might only have seen her as a chance to gain an advantage even if just in the beginning felt horrible. “Since when have you liked me for real?” She had asked impulsively and almost didn't expect a reply.

But Cedar responded. “It started after we had talked a few times. I wouldn't have allowed you to get so close if it had been any different. I was...in denial at first. I only really understood it when those men attacked you and I was scared for your life.”

Lucille remembered his expression upon seeing her collapse after that arrow had hit her. He truly had been upset about that. But that didn't necessarily mean he felt bad because he liked her. She could barely speak thanks to the lump in her throat, but she forced herself. “Did you let me stay in the palace afterward because you felt guilty because I had been injured?” She just wanted to hear a no here, and it would have been fine. But she only noticed that her question might have sounded a bit different to Cedar a moment later.

He hesitated for a second before he responded. “Of course, I felt bad. But that doesn't mean that I didn't like you. I cared about you then, and that is why I took care of you. You stayed in the palace because my mother would have targeted you either way, but that still didn't change my personal feelings at that time. You don't need to worry about that. I really do like you.”

She knew that. He had shown it to her often enough.

But Lucille couldn't bring herself to just nod at that. Her chest still hurt, and she barely managed to take a single breath without feeling like her muscles were cramping. She knew that the past and the present were different, but she still felt horrible about this. Cedar had used her greatest weakness, her parents, against her. He had tricked her into trusting him without her even noticing it. She wasn't sure what to say when her head was spinning, but she opened her mouth anyway. “I know. But I...need some time to think this through.” Maybe a bit more space as well.

Everything could go back to normal tomorrow. She just needed a night to process all of this.