The Broken Prince's Love

The longer the kiss went on, the more obvious it became that he was getting warm as well. Cedar would have liked to act unaffected, but he could forget that when his ears and cheeks got red. Maybe Lucille wouldn't see it. And even if she did see, he wouldn't mind.

He did love her. If he couldn't say it, maybe his body's reaction would prove it.

The couple separated after a short moment, with Lucille still sitting on his lap. She looked at him with wide pupils, and her cheeks were even redder than before. She was absolutely stunning.

Cedar had seen that often enough and still felt like he was falling in love more every time. He could never find the words to tell her how wonderful she was, no matter how many attempts he had. He scanned her face for as long as he could while taking in all the details. For a few seconds, they were silent until he just admitted it. “You are beautiful. Whenever I look at you, I am captured a bit more.”

Lucille opened her mouth, only to freeze in place. She stared at him while trying to process that. She became much more embarrassed than before and averted her gaze before muttering her response. “Thank you. When I see you, I always get reminded of...how much I love you.” She held still for a moment before she forced herself to look at him. “I love you. And I can be sure because it feels wonderful whenever I catch a glimpse of you. When I hug you, it is even more pleasant. Then my heart is overflowing with nothing but happiness.” It seemed like it took all of her confidence to say that.

Cedar thanked her with another kiss. He was as sweet as possible while gently tangling his fingers in her hair. He enjoyed it as much as she did before slowly pulling back.

Lucille watched him already, and quickly, her embarrassment came back. She leaned forward and hid her face by burying her nose in his shoulder.

The prince just hugged her and allowed her to lean against him. He relaxed like that and closed his eyes. He wouldn't mind having Lucille with him for the rest of his life. That would make him truly happy. And if she agreed to share a room with him, that was like a little yes that indicated that she would agree later too. Maybe it was foolish to hope for something so important, but still. He turned his head to his lover and whispered into her ear. “We can seriously think about moving into a room together. I don't mind. So, just tell me when you came to a conclusion or if you want to talk about it first. We have time, so don't feel pressured.”

Lucille weakly nodded before pressing a small kiss onto his neck. His skin tingled where she had touched it. She might always be overwhelmed when he teased her, but it seemed like she had an equal amount of power over him.

Cedar almost melted. It was truly a blessing to have his beloved here right now. Without her, he would probably be in the middle of questioning whether he even deserved any kindness after hurting his mother. But at this moment, he refused to think about that and just enjoyed his lover's presence.

The couple sat on the bed together until the sun set. They talked about random things and cuddled before deciding that they should go to sleep at some point. Getting ready for bed was much more fun when Lucille was directly next to him, and it almost looked like she would collapse onto the bed as soon as they lay down. When they had slipped under the covers, Cedar expected her to fall unconscious within a few seconds. He knew that he would stay awake for a long time, so he hoped to distract his mind by focusing on how cute Lucille was when she slept next to him.

But to his surprise, Lucille didn't sleep immediately. Instead, she just lay there in his arms and relaxed. He thought that she would nod off after a few minutes, but then she opened her eyes again to look at him. “Are you still awake?” Her voice sounded a bit drowsy, so she probably wanted to sleep but couldn't.

Cedar ran his fingers down the back of her scalp and whispered his response. “I don't think I will sleep tonight. I'll try, but I probably won't succeed.” He never did when he began overthinking. He would go through what had happened in his mind a few more times until he had convinced himself that his reaction had been wrong and had caused more damage than it did good. This would end up with him questioning every little thing he had ever done. He hated his brain for that, but there was nothing he could do to prevent it. He could just make it a bit better by being close to Lucille in the meantime. “But that doesn't mean that you can't sleep. Just close your eyes, and get some rest. I will be alright in the morning.”

Lucille was silent for a moment before she replied. “But you need sleep. You were stressed, so you need to rest now. Is there...anything I can do to help you?” It was sweet that she thought about this. But there was no way.

Cedar could usually fool himself quite well when it came to his emotions, but attacking his mother was too big of a deal for him to just ignore it. “I don't think so. I...am used to laying awake after...unpleasant events.” He had had some of those events in the past. And today, he hadn't just broken his mother's arm. Lucille could have died too. There was no way that he could calmly sleep now.

A few seconds paused in silence before his lover replied. “I see. But maybe something can help you. I could try to...sing you to sleep.” She spoke much quicker as soon as she had said that. “I mean, that sounds a bit odd, but for me, it was good. Well, when I was a child. I don't know how it is now. But...” She cut herself off and just summarized it. “My mother used to sing a specific song to me. I can't really sing, so...I could hum it. It probably won't sound good, but maybe it will help you sleep.”

Probably not. Any additional sound would just keep him awake. And at the same time, Lucille would keep herself awake too. That certainly wouldn't help.

But Cedar had to admit that he would like to hear Lucille's voice. “Sure. We can try it, but if it doesn't work, you don't have to feel bad. And you need to promise me that you will sleep in a few minutes no matter what. We don't need to go without sleep together.”

“Alright.” Lucille paused for a moment. She brought her hand to her lover's scalp and began drawing small patterns there while looking into the distance. She probably tried to remember the song she had heard as a child. She took a short moment before she began. It was a slow melody and probably from some sort of nursery rhyme or lullaby.

Cedar enjoyed watching his lover for a while before he closed his eyes. It was a nice melody, and he did his best to focus on that and nothing else. He didn't know how much time passed, but it felt like the murmur in his head got quieter.

It made absolutely no sense, but it seemed like Lucille's voice truly helped him. Cedar could only focus on her hand on his scalp and her soft humming while his head was cleared of thoughts about anything else. He didn't even notice what was happening before he drifted off to sleep.

It wasn't a calm or relaxing slumber, but that was better than nothing.

The next morning was odd. Cedar was a bit confused by the fact that Lucille had truly managed to make him sleep despite him overthinking everything. It didn't keep him asleep, and the many times he woke up in a cold sweat were more than enough to exhaust him, much like the vivid nightmarish scenarios his head came up with whenever he tried to fall asleep again. But any reminder of that was wiped away by the satisfaction of having his lover next to him when Cedar eventually made it through the night. He didn't manage to enjoy that for long though.

The doctor knocked on the door soon after that and complained about Cedar not visiting to change the bandages. He insisted on disinfecting the cut again, even if that wound was rather small and not that painful at all, before leaving after complaining for ten more minutes. Apparently, that man wondered whether Cedar was just hiding his pain from others without noticing that this wound wasn't life-threatening. He even made the prince swear that he would visit once a day to let the doctor treat his hand. That was a bit annoying.

Especially since Cedar had other things to do. He would need to go to the office to finish his work for the day. Then he would have to discuss the details of what would happen now with Theodore. Apparently, that was surprising though.

Lucille acted as if she was completely shocked about him wanting to go out. She asked him whether he was sure multiple times and even offered to accompany him.

Cedar couldn't let her sit next to him while he took care of his documents, so he decided that he would bring her to the empress' room, where Lucille usually spent her time until noon. He bid her farewell with a kiss and calmed her once more. He was truly fine, so she wouldn't need to worry. As soon as the door closed behind Lucille, he prepared to walk to the office. That quickly made him realize that there was a much bigger issue than the whirlwind inside his mind.

Many of the staff members had already found out what had been going on. In fact, it looked like all of them already knew. Every single servant stared at the prince with even more inquiring gazes than usual.

That quickly made Cedar's mood deteriorate. He already blamed himself, so he didn't have to listen to others talking about how cruel he was. Even if he tried to prevent it, his thoughts wandered to Camille, who had to be in pain while sitting in a cold cell and waiting for her son to free her. But Cedar wouldn't go to her, so she would just wait for naught and get more scared with every passing hour.

He hated that thought. It reminded him that he was abandoning his mother. Surely, she deserved it, but he had seen it differently his whole life. He couldn't just change his mind overnight.

Every one of Cedar's steps was accompanied by that strange pit of guilt in his stomach, and he could barely focus on the people around him. He didn't want to hear what they said to their colleagues. He just hurried to the office and hoped that no one would cross his path today. And then he saw what he didn't need now at all.

A group of guards was walking in his direction, probably because they had to go to the other side of the palace. But when they saw the prince, their steps slowed. It seemed like they were whispering to each other before keeping their eyes on him and approaching him. One of them was the guard that had troubled Cedar by the library. That man hated him, so this wouldn't be nice.

Cedar seriously considered spinning around and running away in the opposite direction, but that would be like admitting that he was sensitive to this matter. His reaction after the incident had been bad enough in itself. He was pretty sure that only Lucille had seen how affected he had been, but still, everyone had seen how he had lost his smile and clung to his lover while trying to ignore Camille. That was too much of a weakness that he had already revealed. His self-control had to be flawless now. Not a single crack could destroy his perfect facade.

So, the prince forced himself to act like he always did. He had a little smile on his lips that probably made him look confident, and even a little arrogant, while he met the guards' gaze. He scanned all of them for a moment like he usually did to confirm whether they were dangerous and then directed his eyes onto the hallway in front of him again. If he was lucky, this would show them that he wasn't interested in talking.

But of course, he wasn't lucky. He never was when Lucille wasn't involved, so this wasn't a surprise.

The group stopped next to him, and one of the guards stepped forward in hopes of being addressed.

Cedar would have liked to ignore them. But of course, he stopped and turned to them to smile at the group. “Yes?” He didn't need those guards to tell him how horrible he was now. He already knew that. “Is there something I can assist you with?”

The guard in front of him was quiet for a moment before he replied. “Not directly, Your Royal Highness. We wished to tell you something and would ask you to listen for a moment. It will not take long.” He sounded awfully uncertain for someone who was probably about to insult the prince.

Cedar ignored the urge to tell him that he was busy. “I do not mind. Please go ahead.” He did mind. He just wanted to leave and hide from those people's judgmental stares. It had been years since he had cared about others' comments like this. Normally, he didn't feel bothered, but when his weakness was revealed, he felt like he was just pathetic.

A few seconds passed in silence. It almost made him hope that the guards would leave again. Of course, that didn't happen. But for some reason, no one gazed at him with hatred or fury either. There wasn't any disgust to be seen and not even a mocking smile. It seemed like those people here were too shy to show their dislike outright. That was weird. The man from the library was here after all, and he certainly hadn't hidden his annoyance last time.

Cedar was about to speak up again when the silence was finally broken.

The guard that had stepped forward suddenly bowed to the prince. The rest of the knights did the same and stayed in that position while he spoke. “We sincerely apologize. It was our mistake. We didn't react in time and forced you to act. We should have ensured that that woman wouldn't bring any weapons, and we were responsible for keeping her from hurting other people. But we did not keep our guard up and made such a careless error. Thanks to your quick interference, no one was hurt, but it could have ended up worse. We...know that apologies do not do much, but we wished to say that we deeply regret what happened. We promise that nothing like this will ever occur again. From now on, we will be much more careful.” That was surprising.

Cedar could only stand there and smile at the men. Was this a joke, or did they want to evoke a specific reaction from him? Or had Theodore seriously managed to convince those people of the fact that they were at fault?

Admittedly, those guards had made a fatal error. They hadn't thought about Camille doing something suicidal and hadn't checked a weak elderly woman, who had never once attacked anyone with her own hands, for weapons. One couldn't blame them for that, but in retrospect, the mistake was daunting. But since Cedar, who knew Camille best, had also made a mistake, that criticism was useless. One couldn't blame the guards for not being fast enough either. Cedar had barely reacted in time, and he had stood directly next to Camille. The guards had kept their distance to grant them some privacy. It would have been impossible for them to be there in time.

Cedar was just thankful that he had managed to be there. He wasn't so happy about breaking Camille's arm, but the guards wouldn't care about that. The prince scanned the group in front of him while trying to figure out what they wanted. They acted kind, but that certainly couldn't be the truth. Why would they treat him with respect now when they had never had?

Cedar hoped that his smile was as flawless as always, but he put in even more effort to seem like his normal cheerful self. “Please raise your heads. No one could have guessed that Mother would be that reckless. Attacking someone within the royal estate is reckless, even for her. No sane person would have tried. And you did react quickly. It was just that she was much closer to Lucille than anyone else was. Thankfully, no one on our side was hurt.” But his mother wasn't in a good state. And Cedar didn't even know how she was right now. He almost wanted to visit her once to confirm how she was doing, but that wouldn't help them.

Camille would get upset, yell at him and threaten him, or she would try to lure him in by acting hurt and vulnerable. And neither of that would matter since Theodore would kill her off in just a few months anyway. So, Cedar should force himself to be more indifferent. He didn't need to be in a bad mood just because this had happened, and he certainly didn't want to grieve for weeks when his mother eventually lost her life.

A few seconds passed in silence. Cedar already expected that the guards would make fun of him or call him a sadist. But that didn't follow. Everyone just looked uncomfortable while standing there. He considered offering that he could leave, but then the knight spoke up again.

“Still, it is our task to protect the inhabitants of the palace, and we carelessly let down our guard in the presence of a person who was known to be dangerous. That is unforgivable, but we will work hard to ensure that something like that never happens again. Please accept our sincere apology.” That was unusually submissive for the people who always pointed out that the prince had no power here.

Cedar braced himself for an underhanded comment and just smiled at them. “It isn't my place to do so. You serve my brother, and I am sure that he will not hold it against you though. Of course, I will not criticize you either.” He was much more upset with himself than with anyone else. “In any case, you are not to blame and will not be held responsible. Thank you for your continuous services to the royal family and your sincerity in this regard.” That was it, right? Hopefully, he could retreat before it got worse again. But apparently, he wasn't that lucky.

The guards still didn't let him go. The knight from before looked like he wanted to say something yet again. This time, he took even longer to speak up. “We thank you for your leniency in this regard. But...we do have to apologize for something else as well.” Seemingly, it would get even stranger. The guard was visibly hesitant and only spoke after a few seconds had passed in silence. “There have been some issues ever since you arrived here. Of course, that has...been caused by the rather unpleasant experiences that we have had in the past. And it is understandable that we were a bit skeptical, and-” He cut himself off. He stared at the prince for a moment before resuming. “That is not an excuse though. We judged you without knowing anything about your relationship with His Majesty. We sincerely apologize for any issues that developed.” He paused once more before adding the rest. “It's... The dowager empress is a truly horrible person. That you had to endure her for so long is horrible. It seems that you are very strong since you managed to bring that behind you.”

Cedar didn't know how to feel about that. A part of him was taken aback because he had never expected the same arrogant guards who had troubled him in the past would apologize. But at the same time, he was a bit annoyed, as always when he received pity like this.

And more than that, he was a bit angry at himself. He hadn't put his past behind him. It wasn't that easy. He wished that it was. But that wasn't the case, or he would have forced himself to get over it already. His childhood and Camille's presence in his life would always haunt him until the end of his days. Of course, he would move forward and do his best to forget more and more about the horrible events that had transpired, but he couldn't erase them.

However, it would get better.

It had already gotten way better than Cedar could have ever imagined it to be. He had never believed that he would push away his mother to stand with someone he loved and support Theodore. But now he was here, and that future wasn't impossible but reality. Apparently, the prince's reputation also wasn't as bad as it had been when he had come home first. Time really changed everything.

Cedar wasn't sure what exactly he should think about the words he had received though. So, he just replied as he always would. He put on a bright smile and spoke as if he wasn't affected at all. “I have to admit that we did meet in unfavorable circumstances. That was my fault. So, it is very much understandable that you reacted in the manner that you did. Since I am now on my brother's side, it would be nice if we could try to move past that though. I thank you for your compassion. From now on, there won't be any issues coming from my side, and it seems like Mother will not be a threat for much longer either. Please do continue to serve the royal family with all of your loyalty. In return, the Estien household promises to protect you and Artias with everything we have. I wish all of you a wonderful day and that you may not run into any problems.” He had successfully danced around the issue of this being rather odd, even though those people had suddenly forgotten their hatred for him. He wouldn't complain if they really left him alone, but he wouldn't be surprised about them suddenly insulting him again because he had seemed too arrogant for them. But that didn't happen.

The guards just bowed again, and one of them replied. “Naturally. Our loyalty belongs to the royal family, and we will use our lives to protect the palace. Please have a pleasant day and allow yourself some rest after the stressful event yesterday. We hope that you will recover quickly.” What was that supposed to mean?

The wound on Cedar's hand was ridiculously small. There was no need to wish someone a fast recovery for that. He could probably train today already if it wasn't for the doctor, who refused to accept that the injury wasn't that bad. The stressful event of yesterday bothered him enough. Knowing that people thought that this was his weakness only upset him more. It seemed like he would need to act well to cover that up. “I thank you for your regards, but that is not necessary. I was not hurt badly, so everything is fine. A bigger problem may be that the staff members worry about the safety of the palace, but even that should not cause too much trouble. Well, then. I fear that I need to leave now, or I will let my brother wait. Have a good day.”

Cedar turned around and directly steered toward the office. He was a bit worried about people gossiping about this incident. If someone pointed out that he had stopped smiling after hurting his mother, his weak spot would be obvious. As a consequence, his smile was radiant while he walked the remaining way to the emperor's office. He ignored everyone who stared at him and immediately knocked on the door when he arrived. Thankfully, he was allowed to enter after just a second and quickly slipped inside before closing the door behind him.

Theodore was already sitting at his desk with documents in front of him, but he wasn't really reading them and stared at his brother instead. “I knew you would come. I told you to take a week off, didn't I?”

Cedar beamed at him and came closer to the desk. “You said that I could enjoy some free time if I wanted to. But it's simply not necessary. It was my left hand that got injured, so I can still write without any issues.” If he hadn't come, he would admit that he needed a while to relax after what had happened. Showing weaknesses still seemed to be his greatest issue, so obviously, he would hide this by continuing as if nothing had happened. That had always been his strategy.

Unfortunately, Theodore knew about his brother's strange traits. He obviously couldn't read Cedar perfectly, but he got much closer to the truth than others, which was rather unpleasant. Even now, he seemed to have predicted what would happen.

The workplace in front of the seat at the round table Cedar always used was already prepared. A ridiculously small amount of documents, which only seemed to be two or three pages, lay there. Next to that, a plate with some of Cedar's secret favorite food items stood, including strawberry tart, as well as chocolate milk. There were more sweets than actual tasks to find here.

Apparently, the emperor didn't leave the decision of whether Cedar wanted to work to his brother. Theodore had just decided that they would take it slow, and that was set now. Stubbornness ran in the family, so Cedar didn't even try to discuss here.