The Broken Prince's Love

Cedar had hoped for his mother to be her usual hysterical and whimsical persona for once, that she would abruptly change her mind as always.

But of course, Camille had decided to be stubborn now. She had truly refused to eat anything the following day as well. Since she hadn't consumed anything for three days in succession, it was decided that Cedar would meet her. And now, he was standing in front of the palace and waiting for his mother to arrive while questioning his life choices.

Why had he thought that it would be a good idea to see her? He didn't want to do it at all. He could only be met with fake kindness or cold cruelty. But now the decision had been made, and he would need to pull through with it.

Still, Cedar felt the urge to turn away when the carriage arrived. Instead, he walked toward it though. He ignored the skeptical gazes of the knights around them to the best of his ability while waiting for Camille to leave the coach.

It was ridiculous how on edge the guards were. They almost seemed like they expected the dowager empress to start a fight. They didn't seem to remember that that woman was in her fifties and wasn't very strong, but at least they weren't careless.

Cedar stood there for a few seconds before he realized that no servant opened the door to the carriage. Apparently, his mother expected him to do that. He waited a bit longer and considered ordering a guard to do it for him, but he decided against it. So, he let out a sigh, which earned him sympathetic gazes for some reason, and stepped closer to the carriage. He put his hand onto the handle and already prepared to greet his mother with a radiant smile. It was such a little motion, but somehow, a small part of him was on edge. He expected something unpleasant.

He would have favored just being paranoid, but apparently, his guess had been correct.

As soon as he opened the door, something, or rather someone, fell toward him. Cedar had to take a step back and catch the whole weight that had been thrown at him to avoid tripping or letting this person smash onto the floor. In an instant, his annoyance came back with full force.

Any other woman might have accidentally fallen out as the door had opened after a long pause but not the dowager empress. His mother had definitely thrown herself at him on purpose. It was indeed Camille who now stood directly in front of him and held onto him with a weak grasp. She looked up at him, and he immediately noticed that something was wrong.

Camille truly looked horrible. There were dark rings under her eyes, and her unusually pale skin only made it more obvious that she wasn't feeling well. Normally, she would have never left the house like this. It seemed like being told that her husband had had another wife upset here more than anything else. Even Camille's voice sounded much weaker when she spoke. “Cedar. You're finally here.” She closed her eyes and leaned her head against him.

Cedar could barely believe it, but this was much worse than her anger. His mother was too calm. He instinctively expected her to do something bad now. So, he was tense and prepared to discuss with her again. He wouldn't need to wait long, and then she would hurl his triggers in his direction and keep insulting him the whole time. For now, this was probably the calm before the storm. A few seconds passed in silence as Cedar tried to hide his uncertainty before he spoke. “Good day, Mother. I heard that there were some issues since you refused to eat. That was why I believed that it may be appropriate to see you.” Because he wouldn't have too many chances to talk to her in the future.

Camille didn't seem to understand the underlying hint here though. She merely stood there in silence for a few seconds. Was she expecting her son to stroke over her head? He certainly wouldn't do that, no matter how long she kept her head lowered.

After a moment, Camille looked up at him, and surprisingly, her face didn't show rage. It was more of resignation. “I didn't refuse to eat. I merely could not bring myself to swallow anything. I missed you too much.” She moved her arms a bit and stopped digging her fingers into his clothes. Instead, she just hugged him, but she used significantly less strength than usual. Either she was trying to guilt-trip him into doing what she wanted again, or she really was sick. Then she would surely nag him to take care of her soon.

Cedar didn't look forward to that at all. He would rather endure half an hour before sending her off instead of being forced to sit next to her while she was whining the whole time. But right now, his issues probably weren't as important as her hunger. “I see. Then you should be able to consume something now, correct? I had a servant prepare something small for you.” He wasn't sure whether Theodore hadn't messed with that, but he hadn't checked, so he couldn't be blamed either way.

Camille looked at him with something in her eyes that he didn't like. “That wasn't necessary at all. You are always so considerate.” She lifted her hand and stroked over his head with so gentle motions that it actually scared him. This almost made it seem like she would ask him to do something for her soon again.

Cedar didn't like it when she touched him like this. When Lucille did it, it made his skin tingle, and while the same happened here, it wasn't anywhere close to a pleasant sensation now. He considered pushing his mother's hand away, but he let it be and just focused on planning the rest of the day. He had probably spent five minutes with her already. He just had to hold on a bit longer. “We will get you to eat a bit now. Is the table on the terrace fine?”

Camille weakly nodded. “Yes. Cedar, you will accompany me, right?” Her expression was oddly relaxed at the moment. Normally, she looked much more stern and icy, but now she almost seemed weak and gentle. Camille was nothing like that. It was uncomfortable.

Cedar would have liked to refuse her, but he didn't have that option. “Of course. That is why I met you here. We need to have you eat something.” That was the only reason he had seen her, and he didn't mind being open about that. “Let us go to our destination. We don't have too much time, so we should use it wisely.” The longer his mother ate, the less she could speak to him.

Camille still didn't give him space and kept him in her hug. “Every second with you is used wisely. I missed you so much, my sweet baby.” That was even weirder. Since when was she so gentle when she talked to her son? And that pet name was pretty old too, so why did she use it now? Her son wasn't five anymore.

Cedar chose to ignore that and the churning in his stomach as well. “We will get you some food now.” He carefully took a step back. He had intended to let her walk on her own, but he didn't expect her to let go either.

As expected, his mother was by his side a moment later. She hugged his arm this time and clung to his side like that. She had used to do this often, but her grasp was much weaker now. Maybe Leonard had drugged her before she had come here. But why wouldn't he have given her something that made her more hysteric and unlikable? Having her act docile like this wouldn't help anyone. It would only risk people believing that the dowager empress wasn't so bad at all.

Cedar tried to push those thoughts away, but he was getting a bit worried. He looked around and almost expected assassins to corner them despite the palace being pretty safe. But there was no one here aside from some servants and guards. So, he couldn't justify delaying the meal any longer. Cedar brought his mother to the terrace and quickly noticed that they were rather slow.

Camille seemed to have some trouble walking. That might be an act, or she might truly be this weak after not eating for three days. Both would seem logical.

Cedar wasn't happy about either option. To be honest, he wasn't happy about seeing his mother in general. But here he was, holding her arm and bringing her to a table just so that she wouldn't starve herself. Hopefully, she wouldn't ask him to feed her. The prince was a bit worried about that but was still relieved when they reached the table. He pulled back the chair just so that his mother would finally let go of him, but he still wasn't granted luck by the gods.

Camille held onto him. When he looked down to tell her to let go, she stared at him with an expression that made her seem much too pitiful. Damn it. She knew exactly how to make him feel horrible. “Cedar, will you stay next to me?” She was good at making her voice sound this helpless. Or she truly felt like she had to resign after hearing about Althea, her greatest rival. But he couldn't be sure.

Cedar would stay on guard either way. “I will stay here, Mother. Just sit down and focus on eating for now.” He hated it, but for some reason, she listened.

Camille took a seat on the chair, and he pushed her closer to the table. For a moment, she just sat there like a lost child before looking at him again.

Cedar sat next to her despite previously planning to go to the other side. He inwardly groaned and counted the minutes until he would be able to leave. “I just prepared some smaller snacks and your favorite food items. Please eat something.” He needed her to eat, or he wouldn't dare to send her away. He had even swallowed the bitter pill and had gone out of his way to order what he knew she liked. Hopefully, he hadn't done that for naught. And hopefully, she wouldn't be too clingy.

If she asked him to feed her, he would probably lose any patience he had left.

Thankfully, Camille didn't do that. She looked at him as if she considered it but then took the fork in her own hand to eat a bit of the cake. Her movements were slow and uncoordinated. Her hand almost seemed to shake slightly, but she managed to nibble on her favorite cake.

Unfortunately, she didn't eat much. Camille had only consumed half of the small pastry piece when she already put down her fork. Then she only gazed at her son with something like a pleading look in her eyes.

Cedar didn't like that at all. In fact, he hated it with every fiber of his being. Why did Camille see the need to act like this all of a sudden? This strategy wouldn't get her far. Surely, she would make him feel horrible, but he wouldn't change his mind either way. He was on Theodore's side. He had enough reasons, with Lucille being the main one, so he would stay strong until the very end. Still, Cedar felt himself tense. He braced for even more emotional manipulation and just waited for the harsh comments that would probably follow. But he didn't stay quiet for long and spoke up when he couldn't meet Camille's gaze like this any longer. “You barely ate anything. Are you sure that you don't want a bit more?”

Camille glanced down at her plate before meeting his gaze again. “I want to eat more. I am hungry. But I...can't. I have not eaten for a while, so my body seems to reject it. I believe that it would be fine after a short break. Cedar, would you take a walk with me? Maybe that will help my digestion.”

Cedar didn't want to do that. But sitting here or walking around wasn't too different. So, he might as well go along with this to keep her from bothering him. “We can do that. But we are only allowed to stay in this part of the garden. We will need to stick to the smaller path.”

“Thank you, Cedar. I'm glad that I'm able to spend some time with you.” Camille's lips formed a faint smile, and that was enough to make him worry. Was she planning something vile? If so, she didn't show it. She slowly stood up when her son rose to his feet and almost tripped while doing that.

Cedar extended his arms to her reflexively and carefully stabilized her by holding onto her shoulder. It was only a small touch, but he still disliked it. Right now, she was too kind for his liking, so he refused to let her get even closer. He didn't need her to get into his head again. “Are you alright, Mother? Your footing seems to be a bit unstable at the moment.”

Camille took a moment to stand upright after swaying a little. “I...fear that I am still a bit weak. I have not left my bed much for the past few days. That may be why I need to get used to walking around again.” In that case, taking a walk was a horrible idea. Did she expect Cedar to catch her each time she fell?

He considered telling her that this wouldn't happen, but he knew well that he wouldn't let her crash onto the floor in front of him either. “Maybe it would be better for you to stay seated then. We don't want you to hurt yourself.”

Camille smiled again. It was as odd as before, but it was much weaker too. “Thank you for worrying about me, Cedar. I'm lucky to have a son like you. I couldn't imagine any other person being as wonderful to me as you are.” Of course. Because she had conditioned him to take care of her as she relentlessly pushed anyone else aside.

Cedar just beamed back at her. Maybe he should show her his serious expression for once, just so that she understood that being with her had never made him happy. But while he was facing her, it was hard to fight against the urge to grin the whole time to cover up his emotions, so he couldn't help it. “I will try to keep you from tripping. But please be careful when you walk anyway. We will only do a small round and then come back to let you eat a little bit more. You need to get some energy to walk around after all.”

Camille didn't protest. “Of course. You always know best.” She just held onto his arm again and walked next to him. She was still extremely slow and didn't seem like she was fully awake either. Even her face made it seem like she was in a daze. But that look in her eyes showed something different.

Cedar was sure that his mother was aware of what she was doing. Unless she had been drugged. He refused to ponder this for longer. Either way, he couldn't quite relax even when they walked around the gorgeous flowerbeds and were accompanied by the warm rays of the sun. He just kept watching the area around them even as he expected something unfavorable to happen. When he didn't find anything troublesome, he glanced at his mother and waited for her to speak.

Surely, she would begin to talk about how he had left her behind soon. But even after a minute passed, that didn't happen.

When Camille opened her mouth, she addressed a strange subject. “You have always been a genius no matter which field you dealt with. You were especially good at politics. You learned the constitution by heart, did you not? Every single person who heard about that was so impressed. You acted like it had been nothing, but you put in a lot of effort, right?”

Cedar wasn't sure what this subject was supposed to do for them. But he replied anyway. “It didn't require any special effort, but I did read the constitution quite often.” That had taken hours upon hours. He had never questioned why it would be necessary for him to learn those laws by heart nor had he done it for himself. He had only learned it to make his mother proud. And when she had been able to brag about him being intelligent, she had always praised him. “I'm pretty sure that I still have it memorized.” He said that without wanting to add it.

Camille carefully withdrew one of her arms to reach up to him. This time, she put her hand on the side of his cheek and stroked his thumb over his skin. Then she looked up at him with something that was the closest to real affection she could show in her eyes. “Of course, you would. You truly are an intelligent boy. You deserve so much more than I ever offered you.” She gently squeezed his cheek before withdrawing her hand. She somehow managed to pull out a small golden drop from some part of her coat and carefully pushed it into the pocket of her son's jacket. That was honey candy, wasn't it? Did she want to reward him for learning? But in that case, doing it without reminding him that she was proud was odd.

Cedar was growing more irritated with every passing minute. Something was wrong. Objectively, it was too strange for Camille to act like this. And as if that wasn't enough, Cedar's intuition also told him that something was wrong. He knew that something bad would happen soon, and he hated the fact that he couldn't predict it.

He was almost sure that Camille wouldn't hurt anyone here simply because she couldn't. She was much too weak, and there were too many guards here. So, she might have invited assassins again. Cedar was even more cautious now. He only waited for one of his old instructors to jump at him from behind. He was stronger than all of them, so he would win without a doubt.

Camille didn't seem to notice that her son's silence was an answer too. She just looked at him with that heartbroken expression again before she leaned her head against his arm. For a while, it was silent until she spoke in a voice that was almost a whisper. “Are there laws about members of royalty committing murder?” That sounded more like her again.

Cedar barely held back the bitter laugh and relaxed a bit. If his mother was like this, he could deal with it better than with her being kind. “That's an awfully direct question. Why do you need to know that? Do you want to kill me now?”

Camille slowed down even more and forced him to stop like that. She just looked at him now, but her expression was strangely calm. She seemed dejected and exhausted but not hysterical or loud like she normally was. “No. I would never even think about that. I could never harm you, Cedar.” She was quiet while she said that, but she sounded certain.

Maybe this would have convinced Cedar if he didn't remember all of the times that she had hurt him. He could list a hundred times that he had been punished for stupid things. He remembered being yelled at and how his mother had used every weakness she knew about to hurt him psychologically. His whole life had been directed by that cruelty.

But even now, a small part of him wanted to pull his mother close for a hug. That small part wanted to ask for all the affection he hadn't received when he had been younger and relished in hearing her say that she cared for him.

However, Cedar wasn't stupid enough to fall for that. He knew what his mother was like. Maybe he knew her better than she knew herself. So, he only forced himself to put up his guard more. “I think you proved the opposite often enough. I don't know what makes you think that sending assassins after Theodore and me will make it seem like you wouldn't hurt your children.”

Camille was quiet for a moment. He almost expected her to snap at him now, but she was unusually calm today. That only made her behavior even more suspicious. He was almost sure that something strange would follow now. Something that would make him feel horrible or something that would provoke him.

But Camille just looked at him with so much sadness that it hurt. “I asked about the law it's because I believe that your brother will try to murder me soon. When you think about dying, your life flashes by in front of your eyes. That made me understand one thing.” His mother slowly let go of his arm to step in front of him. She reached up to his face and carefully put her hands on his cheeks. She was uncharacteristically gentle while she spoke to him. “I regret so much. For example, not showing you that I do love you. If you don't believe me when I say this, I must have done everything wrong. I didn't always do what would have been the best for us two. I should have. I should have been more careful from the very beginning. I should have kept in mind what is most important. That is you. Cedar, my sweet baby. I should have protected you.” It seriously looked like there were tears in Camille's eyes.

The dowager empress had cried in front of her son a few times. But never like this. Normally, she looked so angry when she complained about other people, mostly Althea, whenever her husband had ignored her. She had begun yelling or had hidden herself under her blanket. No matter what the reason had been, she had been more furious than sad. Even after the former emperor's death.

But right now, she looked vulnerable. Seeing that was horrible.

Cedar felt his heart clench. He wanted to avert his eyes so badly, but he couldn't do that. Otherwise, he would prove how sensitive he was when it came to this. For a single moment, he wondered whether she was sincere. Whether her acknowledging her mistakes could mean that there was another chance for her. That Camille could change like he had.

But then he remembered how many people had died because of her. That couldn't be forgiven. The mansion of the Valerians appeared in front of his inner eye, and he remembered Lucille almost bleeding out in his arms. That had been done by his mother just because she had disliked him talking to someone. Camille wouldn't mend her ways just like this. Cedar would need to be on guard around his mother. If he wasn't careful, she would end up pulling him too close again because he felt bad.

Cedar opened his mouth to say something and prepared to move her hands away from his face. But a motion behind Camille made him focus on the pathway on the other side of the palace. He was sure that he was mistaken at first, but he would never confuse that beautiful red hair with anyone else's.

His lover was walking around there and came toward him. But why? It didn't make sense for Lucille to be here at the moment. Why would a servant let her come here at the exact moment that Camille visited? This could only cause trouble.

Cedar immediately looked down to try to bring his mother away before she scared Lucille again.

But Camille had already turned around. To his surprise, she didn't glare at the other woman for long, nor did she seem upset when she faced him again. There was some undeniable sadness in her eyes when she spoke in a faint whisper. “Lady Valerian is an important person, is she not? I can see it just by the way you look at her.”

Cedar almost wanted to deny it to keep Lucille safe, but he couldn't lie about his emotions and didn't have to do it when Camille knew either. “She is. I care for her with all of my heart and want her to stay by my side for as long as possible. I can't imagine going on without her.” He wasn't sure what he had expected. But certainly not this.

Camille smiled at him. It was only her mouth that formed a smile, but her eyes remained full of grief. “I understand. Then it seems like I didn't think about this enough before doing something so stupid.” She never allowed anyone else to criticize her. Why was she saying this now? She remained silent for a moment before she continued. “Can we see her?”

No.

Cedar wanted to do the very opposite. He wanted to bring Lucille far away from his mother. Why would he suddenly make those two meet? “Mother-”

Camille spoke before him, but she still used that gentle voice. “If she is the one that makes you happy, I need to get along with her a little. Otherwise, there won't be a place for me in your life anymore. Isn't that right? But I don't want to stop seeing you. Because I love you, Cedar.”

Those words didn't mean anything to her. He needed to remind himself of that thrice. Cedar barely opened his mouth when he already saw that the red in the corner of his eyes came closer.

Lucille, who was being accompanied by a male servant, walked over to him. That didn't make sense. Why didn't she try to stay away from the woman she hated so much? She was so nervous and fiddled with her fingers. Why would she risk coming here?

Cedar only realized that his mother still held onto his face now and wanted to push her away. But he didn't get to do that.

Camille already took her hands away, not without stroking over his cheeks again. Then she turned around and faced Lucille. There wasn't any anger in her voice when she spoke. “I wish you a wonderful afternoon, Lady Valerian. I hope that you have not been troubled by anything in the past few weeks.” What was this? Had she seriously offered the other woman a polite greeting?

That was wrong.

Lucille looked like she was as shocked as Cedar. She took a moment before she stammered her greeting while curtsying. “I wish you a nice afternoon as well, Your Majesty. May you enjoy this day as much as possible.”

Camille showed a faint smile that didn't serve to push away the dejection in her eyes. “I am sure that I will. After all, Cedar finally allowed me to see him. I...” Her smile faded. For a moment, she was silent. The prince waited for her to yell, but that didn't happen. Instead, she continued to talk in a calm voice. “Maybe everything happens for a reason. It seems like we were supposed to meet here today. Then it should be fine for me to do what I should have done a while ago.” She stepped forward and did the one thing that didn't make any sense.

She curtsied.

This arrogant woman seriously bowed down to someone? Her motions were so graceful that one wouldn't know by watching her, but Camille never bowed to anyone. And then her words followed. “I have misjudged you in the past. I believe that I need to apologize.”

Cedar's blood froze in his veins, and in an instant, terror washed over him. That was wrong.

Camille never apologized to anyone. She never did. In the past, Cedar had been forced to make her apologize to Theodore and Blanche, and even that had been a hassle. That had taken way too long and ended with him being hit or blamed even when he hadn't been involved in her tantrum before. Camille wouldn't apologize to Lucille voluntarily.

She would rather kill herself.

And just at that moment, something else happened. The servant behind Lucille opened his mouth and said something to the prince.

Cedar didn't listen. He already moved. He had stood slightly behind his mother, who had stepped forward while curtsying. Now letting her closer to his lover seemed like a horrible idea, and he just wanted to jump to Lucille's side as quickly as possible. He didn't know whether he overreacted, and he didn't care.

But once again, his paranoia was justified.

Camille moved without a warning. She lunged forward the last step and put one of her hands onto Lucille's scalp, pulling the other woman to her by her hair. That had to be painful, but it was by far the smaller issue. Camille had used her curtsy to bring her hand to her skirt without anyone noticing it. She reached in and pulled out something that looked like a dagger while aiming it at Lucille's neck.

Cedar had begun moving without waiting any longer, and that had also been necessary. Each second was crucial here. Lucille wanted to back away in a panic, but she was much too slow. He had to step in before she got stabbed. He would even be hit with that knife instead if it helped, but he automatically switched to his fighting mentality while moving.

He had needed to act quickly. He had barely gotten to the two women in time and merely had a few seconds left. So, he used the simplest way to make someone drop a weapon. He lifted his arm and used his elbow to push down the enemy's arm with full force. The only problem was that he hadn't controlled the movement by himself. His instinct had kicked in, so he had used much more force than what would have been needed. His posture had been a bit too focused on fighting as well. Once again, his special training caused more damage than it did good.

A sickening crack sounded through the air.

Cedar knew that noise. He had once experienced how a grown man had broken his arm on purpose, and he had broken someone's arm himself during one of his breakdowns. The noises back then had been much too similar to this one to be a coincidence.

He had just broken his mother's arm.