The Broken Prince's Love

Cedar bit into his food while trying to ignore how his mother stared at him. Announcing that he hadn't had a breakdown in the past eight years had shocked her quite a bit. She had been silent for at least a minute by now. He wouldn't continue the conversation if she didn't do it, but he didn't need to start hoping at all. His mother wouldn't be kind enough to stay quiet.

As if he had predicted it, Camille spoke a moment later with narrowed eyes. “Your breakdowns can't be gone. You know how bad they were. You broke someone's arm when you were eight. It's much worse now, isn't it? You just don't want to admit it because you know that I'm the only one who can console you when you lose your temper.” She was still deluding herself. Probably because she desperately wanted to feel needed.

Cedar showed her a bright smile while explaining the obvious. “But they really are gone. You, of all people, should know. To be honest, you never really consoled me but purposefully made it worse so that I'd cling to you and scare off others. But that doesn't work anymore. You tried to make me break down a few times already. Did you forget that? It never even made me flinch. That should tell you enough. But it seems like using my weaknesses against me directly isn't sufficient for you. You even told Lady Peril about my triggers, didn't you? Just so you know, she failed to upset me too. So, I would appreciate it if you refrained from sending others to try the impossible.”

Camille clenched her fists. Her knuckles were white by now, so it wouldn't be surprising if she left crescent-shaped marks on her palms afterward. Her long fingernails always had left deep wounds when she had lashed out at her son too. “I don't remember something like that. Why would I tell anyone about what triggers you?”

Cedar could list a hundred reasons in an instant. His mother assumed that the following things would happen if he had a breakdown. He would get scared and search for her guidance again. He would return to being the little boy who desperately longed for little scraps of her affection and was utterly devoted to her. And he would hurt Lady Peril, whom Camille saw as a rival for her son's attention, and possibly scare Lucille in the process.

But none of that had happened. Thankfully.

Cedar beamed at his mother while replying. “Of course, you don't remember. When it comes to things like this, you forget quite easily. Especially since you risked killing that woman anyway. You don't care about what she knows when you want her dead, right?”

The dowager empress opened her mouth immediately, and it was obvious that she already felt offended again. “Cedar, how can you say something like this? Even if I deeply dislike that loose woman, I would never harm any noble. That should be obvious!”

Cedar shrugged. Theodore let out a little laugh, and Blanche just whispered a small “Actually...” Those reactions should be enough to make anyone understand that hiding their true intentions was useless.

But Camille just glared at the people around her before she turned to Cedar again. “As soon as I address your breakdowns, you distract. You don't like talking about that, and I understand that. But you can't just accuse me of bad things either. Don't forget who always calmed you down when you attacked random servants again.” That made it sound like the Cedar had actually been a huge danger to those around him. Maybe that was partly true, but he had hurt fewer people than his mother had. His breakdowns might have been violent, but they hadn't been triggered by nothing. So, in general, only people who had wished to provoke Cedar, some of his stupid instructors and in rare cases Theodore, and Camille had seen the result of those tantrums.

Still, Cedar was embarrassed when he remembered that. He was more than glad that he could control himself now, but that didn't mean that talking to his mother was any more pleasant. He was pretty annoyed with her ignoring what he had tried to tell her for the past five minutes. So, he did it in a more obvious way. “Believe me when I say that I don't care about those triggers anymore. You could list all of them right now and provoke me for hours, and I wouldn't snap at you. You can tell me how useless I am and that you are disappointed in me. You can say that you never loved me and that you are disgusted to even look at me. You can tell me all about how I shouldn't have been born and that I'm a monster. Or that Theodore is so much better and that I should just-” He had prepared to say a bit more, but he didn't get that far.

Blanche cut him off with a strange expression. “Don't say that. Don't say any of that. We know that you dealt with your mental health by yourself and are perfectly in control at all times. You don't need to prove anything to that woman. Don't hurt yourself by spouting such nonsense.” She pressed her lips into a thin line while saying that and looked at him with something that resembled pity. But that wasn't quite it. It was something similar though, and it was strange to meet her gaze like this.

For a single second, some weird emotion formed in Cedar's stomach. He didn't remember what exactly had caused this, but he could vaguely guess it. He found it odd that someone defended him like this. Surely, he still hated his triggers since they addressed everything that had made him insecure as a child, but he had made sure to hide that. No one should see that he cared even a little bit.

Blanche shouldn't be interested in this in the slightest. In fact, she should be the person who cared the least here since she had never seen how destructive his breakdowns could get. And yet, she was glaring at Camille with so much hatred while not showing anything like that to him. It was odd.

It became even stranger when Theodore inserted himself into the conversation. He met his mother's gaze and spoke in a voice that sounded calm but hid much more hatred than many people would notice. “I don't know what gave you the impression that Cedar was a bad person. Because he isn't. Despite the horrible person who raised him, he managed to grow up into someone who thinks by himself and refuses to harm anyone if it isn't absolutely necessary. I have to admit that he was aggressive as a child. But that was after someone sent assassins to attack him in his free time. He isn't to blame for any of his issues when you purposefully implanted them into his brain to chain him to you. And even after he was forced to live with you for so long, he knew that hurting others was wrong and did something against his anger issues.”

Cedar didn't like hearing that. It felt wrong to be told this by someone who had seen his worst side. Hadn't he threatened his brother during some of his breakdowns? Theodore should hate him for that and should agree with Camille. And yet...

Theodore didn't even stop there. He kept defending his brother while attacking Camille. “I'm pretty sure that Cedar didn't have any bad breakdowns for the past decade. And aside from that, he only raised his voice at people who deserved it. His self-control is flawless, and he reached that level despite having been a child while he learned that. You, however, have been hysteric for all of your life and never bothered to hold back so comparing you two is stupid. Cedar is a sane person who can have nice conversations with others and build relationships while you are just a walking block of bitterness and unjust hatred. I wish Father hadn't left him in your care. Then Cedar would feel much better now. All of his problems stem from you. Every single one does.”

Cedar wasn't sure what to say about that. He just scanned his brother with slight skepticism. He had expected a little help to show that they were on the same side, but the emperor had delivered more than necessary. Especially the fact that Theodore had praised his brother's self-control despite being met with some rather unkind breakdowns when they had been children. Granted, that had mostly happened when Theodore had said something stupid, but still.

Camille was just as taken aback upon hearing that. But of course, she didn't do anyone the favor of staying silent for a bit longer. She only took a moment to process this before she woke up from her paralysis. She looked from one person to the other before glaring at Theodore. “Why are you saying that, you unknowing brat? I raised Cedar to be the person that he is now. He is much stronger than you ever were and gathered much more knowledge to rule the nation.”

Theodore stayed calm, but there was anger bubbling underneath his facade when he replied. “I never said that that wasn't true. That's why I want him to act as my advisor too. But that Cedar learned so much is his accomplishment and not yours. You only hurt him, so don't you dare to pat yourself on the back for that.”

Camille only got more angry at that. She had given up on veiling her fury on her face but still spoke in a whisper to keep others from hearing her. “Why are you defending him? You should know best what he can really do. He threatened you often enough, didn't he?”

Theodore leaned forward and gazed at the dowager empress with nothing but pure fury. “But he never acted on it. Did you not notice? He had a dozen chances to kill me by now. During our childhood, after my coronation and now too. But he never did that. Because he doesn't wish for my death. That is only your goal and not his. So, take your filthy hands off Cedar and finally let him live his own life.”

Cedar normally wouldn't stay silent during such a discussion, but right now, he was actually too shocked to know what to say. He just beamed at the group while trying to understand what his brother was thinking. That was rather hard.

Guessing what Camille was thinking was easy though. Her face was scrunched up while she stared at the emperor. “His own life? Cedar lives for me. I'm his mother, and in contrast to you, he didn't leave me and go to some whore that-”

Theodore cut her off a second later. “Insulting my mother will not help you, so shut your mouth. Likewise, I will not allow you to slander Cedar either. Think about what you are saying before opening your foul mouth, you damned hypocrite.” He seemed to be upset, or he wouldn't voice such direct insults. Why? He hadn't been attacked. Was he this angry because Althea had been insulted?

In any case, it only provoked Camille more. “I can say whatever I want! I'm the dowager empress. I never lied. Cedar always did what I told him to. What makes you think that he will suddenly stop to play family with you? Don't make me laugh.” She sounded so bitter while saying that. “He hates you, and he will always resent you with every fiber of his being until it tears him apart from the inside.” That wasn't true, but she said it with so much conviction. Arguing with her wouldn't do anything. “You saw what Cedar can do! He is a monster. He is ready to kill and injure anyone around him just because they said one little thing he didn't like. He isn't capable of-”

Cedar prepared for the whole lecture about how he wasn't able to feel a connection to anyone but his mother. But that didn't come.

Blanche interrupted the other woman with an unusually cold tone. “Shut your mouth. We know more about Cedar than you do because you never bothered to care for others' opinions. You've always been like that. Both me and Theodore care for Cedar, so stop saying hurtful things about him. He isn't a monster nor is he cruel in any way. In fact, he even watched out for people he disliked because they kept telling him stupid things. I once made the mistake of saying almost all of his triggers to his face, and yet, he didn't attack me. He only told me to think before I speak because he worried about me upsetting you at some point. That serves as proof that he fully controls himself. You may not recognize his efforts, but we do.”

That was true. Cedar hadn't hurt Blanche. But he had threatened her because he wanted her to remember not to provoke him or Camille, who would lash out if she felt offended. He had been pretty mean while doing that. Afterward, Blanche had cried and panically hidden behind her guard, and Theodore had looked terrified upon finding out what had happened too. Why weren't they angry about that but claimed to care about the prince?

By now, Cedar had begun eating to cover up his uncertainty about what to say. He glanced at his lover to distract himself, and immediately, his mood deteriorated even more.

Lucille's expression was odd. She frowned at Jenna while the other woman spoke about something. What was Lady Peril doing again?

Cedar considered walking over to ask what was going on but decided against it. He focused on the conversation in front of him and quickly found out that it was pretty bad. It looked like Theodore was ready to split open Camille's head, and the dowager empress would probably throw her utensils at her son in a moment.

So, Cedar did what he had always done. He changed the topic to keep his mother from exploding. “It seems like our opinions differ here. How about we discuss something else then? We talked about health issues ever since you received your medicine, but before that-” He didn't even manage to come up with a fake topic in the meantime.

Camille already saw her chance and grasped it immediately. “Yes, we talked about how sick I was.” She put on an expression that made it seem like she was suffering, and deep wrinkles formed on her forehead. “Cedar, ever since you visited me and coldly left me alone, it has gotten much worse.” It almost looked like Theodore mouthed an ‘Apparently, not bad enough’, but Camille didn't notice that and kept on babbling. “I was lying in bed with a fever for days at a time. I was hot and cold, and I felt so alone that I thought I would die at times. Cedar, you need to promise to be with me in my last moments when my weak heart finally gives in after so much suffering. That is the least you can do after abandoning me like this.”

In the past, something like this would have given her the desired result. Cedar would have apologized a hundred times before promising not to leave her. Now it was very different though. Cedar had to admit that keeping upright the wall between him and his mother was much easier when she was angry and unable to lull him into returning to her side. So, he would provoke her as much as he could. He just needed to remember what she had told him when he had been sick and she hadn't been in the mood to deal with him.

“What are you whining about? I had it much worse.”

Camille hadn't expected that. She looked at him with wide eyes and could barely believe that he had just said that. “What?”

Cedar beamed at her while deciding to add something else. He would be more specific. “You used to tell me that when I was sick. You said that you had been through worse and that I shouldn't complain. Now I'm telling you the same. I can assure you that I felt much more pain in my childhood than you did. If I remember correctly, your arm wasn't broken because you...” He cleared his throat. “Fell down the stairs. Your mother didn't smash a mirror onto your head because you talked to your brother. And you surely didn't need to swallow all of your complaints while eating things that almost made you suffocate.” He only noticed that Theodore hadn't known about the mirror incident when the emperor narrowed his eyes at Camille. It seemed like he would have to talk about that later now. Great. Cedar would rather not mention this. But it was too late now.

Camille barely seemed to register his words. Still, she hated the fact that he even dared to use her words against him and tried to justify her actions. “Your training only helped you. You are the best fighter around here now, aren't you? That broken arm was good for you. You learned to finish off attackers easily without even batting an eye. That saved you from the assassin a bit later too. You always used to say that that training was great, so why are you lying now?”

Cedar forced himself to eat a bit so that his plate wouldn't remain full until the very end. It was unfavorable that he needed to chew now while his mother was glaring at him, but he took his time before replying. “I never said that it was bad, even if I would argue that there would have been kinder methods. But you can't deny that I went through a lot more than you did. If you complain about pain, it's like me complaining about how hard it is to be empress. I never experienced that, and you never experienced real pain.” She had never been forced to hold still while someone pressed blazing hot metal onto her back.

But Camille seemed to have forgotten about that. “What? Your brother's stupid advisor broke my leg on purpose! Can you-”

Cedar cut her off. “Your leg wasn't broken. It was only sprained. But my teacher broke my arm on purpose because you ordered him to do it if I lost. I can still remember how the breaking bone sounded. After that, you told me that it was my own fault. Isn't provoking Theodore and Lord Astame your fault too? After the scene you caused there, which might have involved you planning to hurt the empress as well, it's a wonder that he didn't have you executed immediately. Be grateful.”

The named event had been the day that Blanche had been drugged, and Cedar's mother had had no better idea than to tell him to use that to hurt her. He had refused and run away when his brother had taken over, only to have Camille come back with a sprained leg later. He couldn't say that he had felt any sympathy regarding that day.

Cedar calmly put another portion of his food onto his fork and ate it. Seemingly, he had been frustrated enough to gulp down the whole salad without noticing it. Blanche and Theodore were done as well despite seeming much too angry to eat.

Camille didn't look like she would finish her plate. She just waved to the servants and glared. Seemingly, she had noticed that reminding her sons of that day wouldn't do her any good. Theodore was already plotting her death, and Cedar had stopped unconditionally listening to her after that incident. That day wasn't a good memory for either of them.

A few servants came and exchanged the plates to put down the main course while being careful not to get too close to the fuming dowager empress.

Cedar kept an eye on those people from the corner of his eyes, and it proved to be beneficial. He froze in place while he showed the other man a bright smile. It was nice to see him here after such a long time.

Reeve was wearing servant clothing and just walked around as if he belonged there and wasn't an assassin from the outside. But how quietly he walked and how he set down the plate without shaking proved that he was too focused. As soon as he made eye contact with the prince, he stopped in place, and they stared at each other.

What was Reeve doing here? That he had sneaked in couldn't mean anything good.

Cedar immediately glanced at Lucille. She was currently glaring at Lady Peril, who looked oddly shocked. No suspicious servant was over there. Still, he had to keep an eye on her. But first, he would deal with this. He eyed Reeve while speaking up to inform his brother and Blanche. “I feel like there is a person you need to meet.” He gestured to Reeve. “May I introduce him to you? That is Reeve. My former personal guard. If you see that man in the royal estate, arrest him. He is the one who brought in some letters and secret messages.”

Camille actually looked shocked for a moment. “Cedar, what are you...” Had she seriously not expected her son to reveal this? Did she think that Cedar would be neutral and not against her? That was stupid.

It only annoyed Cedar more. So, he made eye contact with his brother. “He's an assassin too. Not as much of a sadist as the previous guard, but he is very cowardly. So, scaring him off is easy enough. I trained with him often, so I can tell you all about his fighting style.” He ended by grinning at his mother before looking at Reeve again.

Reeve showed him a strange expression. For a moment, it looked like he would try to say something or stay in the room, but then he turned around and left. Apparently, he had seen the emperor's gaze and could imagine that this wouldn't end well.

Theodore raised his hand to gesture to a small group of guards, who immediately ran after Reeve. After that, he took away the plate that Reeve had set on the table and gave it to a servant to replace it. He didn't care whether that upset the dowager empress in any way.

Camille didn't seem to get that though. She glared at her son while grabbing her teacup with way too much force. “You have some nerve. Arresting a random servant just because Cedar lied to your face. You-”

Theodore cut her off with an emotionless expression. “I can investigate each person in this nation as I see fit. That I know every person in this house but don't recognize him should justify that even more. Besides, I trust Cedar much more than I trust you. If that servant isn't special, you shouldn't feel the need to complain at all.”

Cedar would like to point out that trusting him was stupid, but since he had told the truth, it was good that Theodore did that. He just focused on his plate and ate some potato pieces while he looked at his mother's ugly expression.

Apparently, Camille was really upset with him now. She even glared at him while he was just chewing his food. “Cedar, you truly don't know boundaries. That man supported you for two years ever since your brother murdered your former guard. How can you forsake him like this?” She didn't treat her pawns any better. Who was she to complain?

Cedar ignored that in favor of eating another bite. He chewed and swallowed slowly until he was sure that his mother was about to blow up and then replied. “If Reeve didn't do anything illegal, nothing will happen to him. So, there isn't an issue here. The reason why Theodore killed that other man was probably self-defense since you know how arrogant that idiot was. Let it be.”

Camille opened her mouth again, but he didn't let her talk.

Cedar set down his fork and continued. “I don't like repeating myself. But I feel like you haven't grasped it fully, so I will have to say it again. Mother, I'm not on your side anymore.” Not that saying this would make the situation better, but Cedar at least wanted to try.