The Broken Prince's Love

Lucille could tell that something was wrong as soon as she opened her eyes.

It wasn't new that Cedar was lying next to her. But it was very different from usual when he pressed his face against her neck and held onto her as if she would disappear. He normally lay there and accepted how she clung to him while carefully putting his arms around her to avoid waking her up. Today, it seemed like he hadn't paid attention to that. This could only mean that he was very upset and needed to be close to her.

Lucille stiffened without wanting to. It would be better if she pretended to be asleep. She knew that Cedar hated showing weakness after all. But her small movement had already alerted him.

Cedar lifted his head and made eye contact with her. The sun was barely rising, so the light that came into the room was reddish and very dim, but that was enough to see that he wasn't smiling. He had a completely neutral expression. And yet, he still looked like an angel sent to save her in every imaginable way. Even his voice sounded enchanting when he spoke. “Good morning. It's rather early. How about you sleep a little longer?”

It was too late for that. Lucille had already woken up, and now she doubted that she would fall asleep again. Especially since she knew that he wasn't feeling well. She let her head lie on the pillow while looking up at him. “It's fine. Since when have you been up?”

Cedar was quiet for a bit too long. “I don't know. Maybe for an hour or so. It's fine though. I'm used to rising early. I only started to sleep longer when I first showed up in your estate.” He stopped and closed his eyes for a moment before opening them again. “It's been eight months since we met, you know? That's a long time. I barely noticed how those months passed.” That was true.

They had been in the palace for seven months now. So much had changed, but nothing indicated how much time had truly passed.

Only now, Lucille noticed that she felt comfortable in the palace, as if she already considered this her home. She didn't even think about the fact that she had planned to leave at some point. That thought made her a bit dejected, and she allowed her eyes to fall shut. “It's been a while since then. I still remember how I picked you up in my garden. I was so scared when I saw all of that blood. I hadn't expected to find the prince of Artias bleeding out behind our house.” She opened her eyes again to look at him.

Cedar let out a low chuckle and gave her one of those rare, genuine, soft smiles. “I didn't expect that you would help me after that failed meeting. I was convinced that you would either inform my brother or demand something in return for your protection. And then you spent more time with me. Now this happened. I don't think I regret choosing your garden to collapse in.”

Lucille's heart skipped a beat when she heard that. She nodded as well as she could without lifting her head. “I'm glad too.” She paused a moment before quickly correcting her statement. “Not about you collapsing. But about the fact that we met because of that. I could have never thought that I would...win such an important person like that. You suddenly appeared in my life, and I almost regret not talking to you much earlier.”

Cedar met her gaze and lifted one of his arms to stroke his fingertips over the side of her face. That sent pleasant shivers down her spine, but he didn't seem to notice what he was doing with such a little motion. “Me too. I have to admit that getting hurt might not have been as unfavorable as I thought it to be. I would have never opened up to anyone if I hadn't ended up in your house. So, I might have needed to get hurt that day just so that I could be close to you now. In that case, I will gladly accept what happened and say that it was for the best. I'm happy to be here now. And for the first time in my life, that is an honest truth and not just an empty excuse.” It meant a lot to hear this from him.

Lucille wanted to see him be happy. If she was part of why he felt good, it was even better. She showed him a soft smile and then tried to respond with something that he would like to hear too. “It's wonderful that you can finally say that. My life...has been much more pleasant since you've been here too. So much changed, but I don't want to go without any of this. I'm really happy about our meeting.”

Cedar smiled back at her. He still hadn't withdrawn his hand and began carefully playing with her hair. He absentmindedly lifted a strand before letting it sink down again. Then he twirled her hair around his fingers while he spoke. “It's calming to hear that the sentiment is returned. All of this came pretty suddenly, but in the end, it feels like it was meant to be. I've never really opened up to someone. And then you waltzed into my life. Or rather, I crashed into yours after falling out of a tree and landing in a pool of my own blood. You asked me about some things, and I just replied. And within a few months, I couldn't think about ever going on without this anymore. You laid out bait and caught me as soon as I got a little curious.”

Lucille already felt the familiar blush on her face. She moved her hand up to hide her cheeks at least a little before she replied. “But you caught me. I didn't...I mean... I was interested in you as soon as we met. And when you spoke with me, I was drawn in. I always knew that you were full of charisma, but this is... You are much more than I ever saw from the distance, which isn't surprising. You are such a wonderful person, and I'm extremely happy that you are in my life.” She wanted to underline her words with a movement as well, so she lifted her hand. She barely dared to do it, but she brought it closer to Cedar.

Then she left him enough time to say something to reject her. When he didn't do that, she carefully put her hand on his head. She gently ran her fingers through his hair. His hair was so soft, as expected of someone growing up in luxury. Lucille paused her stroking, but Cedar relaxed under her touch. He didn't move for a while and closed his eyes.

Lucille couldn't stop letting her fingertips roam around. She wanted to make him feel good, and at the same time, she was a bit selfish. Cedar's hair felt pleasant, and his expression was the most rewarding thing someone could have offered. For a while, she just continued to stroke over his head while the both of them were silent. It seemed like they were simply content with this calm scene.

Some minutes passed like that. But at some point, Cedar opened his eyes again and whispered to her. “My head tingles. I think this is the first time.”

Lucille hated hearing that. This was enough to make her heart clench as if it had been pierced by a dagger that was made out of ice. “No one massaged your head yet?” She was much more dejected about this than he was.

Cedar didn't seem to care much and just gave her a slight smile. “Well, you can guess who did it. But she only sacrificed a few seconds when she needed to remind me that she cares about me. Anything that went on for more than a minute was dangerous. Because she either demanded something in return, needed to show that she loves me despite being the one that hurt me or was happy about something. And when she was happy, it was mostly because she had hurt Althea or Theodore. As you can imagine, those times weren't pleasant.” He paused for a short moment before focusing on the present again. “Now it's my turn. I will massage your head too.”

Lucille considered accepting that option for a moment. After all, being touched by Cedar sounded nice. But she quickly threw that idea away. He saw this as his duty, didn't he? She had given him something, and now he wanted to give it back. But this wasn't what he was supposed to do. He shouldn't think that affection was something he only got if he worked for it. So, Lucille rejected him. “No, thank you. I was very much content massaging you. I gave that to you without demanding anything in return.”

Cedar gave her a little smile. “I know. You're not like that. And I don't plan on doing this to pay you back. I will do it because I want to. If you don't want a massage, will you allow me to offer something else?”

Lucille felt her heart skip a beat when she saw his expression. He was obviously planning something. That usually meant that she would enjoy it very much too. So, maybe she should trust him, even if she felt like he might overwhelm her if he teased her a little too much. She nodded and waited for him to do what he had in mind.

Cedar's smile widened and made him look even more playful than before. “Thank you. I am pretty sure that it will be nice for the both of us.” He slowly moved, and she quickly noticed that he might really cause her brain to stop working soon. Cedar didn't need to worry about her moving away, but he still gave her a chance to stop him. When she didn't do that, he carefully climbed on top of her. Somehow, he managed to not rest his weight on her and was still so close that she could feel his breath on her face.

Lucille's throat felt dry. She could only look up and wait for what would happen. She almost held her breath, but she was too excited for that, much like she was too excited to calm her rapidly beating heart.

Cedar seemed to be in a much better state. He smiled down at her while he put his hand on the side of her face and stroked over her cheek. “If you look at me like that, it only makes me more content with my choice.” He leaned down even more and guided her head so that they perfectly fit together.

At first, their kiss began like every other had begun. Their lips met, and Cedar was so careful that she felt like he saw her as porcelain. But then, it slowly changed. It felt like he left her more than enough chances to pull away when he became slightly more assertive.

But obviously, Lucille didn't think about stopping now. Her blood felt like it was rushing through her body with doubled speed. She didn't know what to do with her hands, so she wrapped her arms around his neck to show him that she was absolutely alright with this. This whirlwind of emotions probably overwhelmed her poor body, but inwardly, she could only scream in joy.

This was new. It was so different from what they had done before, and it was just as wonderful.

Lucille lifted her hand and caressed the back of Cedar's head again. She had no idea how to kiss, so she just did her best to return the passion she was offered. Her heart hammered in her chest and told her that she was overdoing it, and yet, every fiber of her being craved more.

Luckily, Cedar didn't pull away yet. He allowed himself to come a bit closer to her and still had his lips on hers while stroking over the side of her head with his free hand.

By now, the air seemed to be lacking, but Lucille still couldn't bring herself to let go. Instead, she tangled her fingers in his hair and allowed him to kiss her with even more passion. If this went on for much longer, her heart might not take it. Much like her lungs might give in too

That he needed air was probably the only reason Cedar lifted his head at some point again.

This should have ended the fireworks of emotions inside Lucille, but that wasn't the case. She finally got oxygen again, so she was panting. Her stomach still tingled, and the area around her chest felt weird. Her lips felt strange too, and yet, the most distracting thing had to be the eye contact with Cedar. She could have sworn that his face was red too. Just a little bit. Her cheeks were definitely burning up though. She forced herself to let go of his hair and tried to catch her breath while looking up at him.

Cedar was quiet for a minute and just breathed slowly before he smiled at her. “That was a bit sudden. I apologize for overwhelming you. But I have to admit that it was nice.” He cupped her chin again and gave her such an affectionate gaze that she felt like she could barely concentrate anymore.

Lucille still took a little moment before she forced herself to speak. “I...found it nice too.” That was an understatement. Her whole body had reacted so strongly. If anyone found out that they were doing such things, they would be called shameless and much worse. But she couldn't bring herself to care. She was even a bit disappointed that it was over.

Cedar carefully moved to the side to lie down next to her. He still kept his eyes on her and watched how she slowly turned to him to maintain eye contact. For a moment, it was silent until he showed her a smirk that made her feel much weaker than before. “I seem to have an overwhelming effect on you. You still haven't regained your composure.”

Lucille would have liked to deny the second statement, but that would be a lie. The fact that she hadn't been able to breathe for a while might not be the only thing that kept her panting. Maybe Cedar's smile was just too breathtaking when she knew that he was only looking at her like that. So, she just admitted the truth. “You're right.”

Cedar chuckled at that and rested his head on the pillow again. “That's good to hear. I already thought that I was the only one who lost their self-control. I did feel a bit bad. But if you enjoyed it, that's good.” He grinned at her and probably relished in seeing how red she was.

Lucille would have liked her embarrassment to be her greatest worry, but that wasn't it. Right now, something odd was rising inside her.

She wanted to speak about this. She had talked about this matter with Blanche and her maids a week ago, and ever since the conversation, she hadn't been able to stop thinking about it.

Lucille pressed her lips together and averted her eyes. She didn't want to ruin the moment, but this was important. She had already given Cedar her first kiss, countless hugs, an unrivaled amount of trust and most likely her heart too. So, she needed to know one thing. “Cedar, what are we?” Her question was followed by silence, so she quickly resumed. “How exactly would you define our relationship? I know we said that this might develop into something more...meaningful in the future, which would mean that we are somewhat certain. But...”

Cedar spoke in a soft voice before she could force herself to finish. “It's already meaningful to me. Very much so.” He was completely serious at this moment, and even his smile had disappeared.

Lucille didn't want to make him misunderstand. She needed to tell him how she felt about this even if she felt like her head was as red as a tomato. “To me too. That's why I want to know this. Are we...” Saying this out loud felt so odd. “Are we a couple now? I know that the title is not really important, but... I would like to be certain. I want to be able to...think about this with some clarity. Of course, I won't pressure you. But this is important to me, so I want to hear your thoughts. We have time, so you don't have to answer now, but...” She would like an answer.

Cedar scanned her expression, and it seemed like he took in every bit of her expression. Then he met her gaze and stared right into her eyes. He hadn't put up his guard right now. He didn't act or force himself to smile. For once, he let his uncertainty show. “I care about you more than about anything else. I can't give you a guarantee because I never felt anything like this. And as you know, I'm not the most trustworthy person when it comes to...affection and things like that. So, I'm worried.” He had said that often enough.

Even if they had obviously been close for a long time, it had taken Cedar a bit to accept that this would get more serious in a romantic sense. He was the one who had said that it would be a horrible idea for anyone to be with him. Just because he couldn't believe that he was a good person despite his past.

Lucille met his gaze without ever averting her eyes. She couldn't tell him much about his feelings, but she knew a few things about him too. “I think you can tell the difference between truly caring and just imagining it. And you showed me more kindness and affection than you may notice. I don't need much more than that.” Except for maybe a future with the man she had fallen in love with and him saying that he loved her.

Cedar was as serious as before with slight traces of dejection. “I can be sure that I care for you. Because it's only you that makes me feel like this. But I don't think that...this feeling can magically solve problems. I want you to know something. If you choose to be with me, it won't just be a small decision that you can make and take back again. We both know that I'm not completely sane. I doubt that I will be able to grant you the life that you wished for nor the one that you deserve. After all, I can't just flip a switch and become normal overnight. I can do my best to make you happy, and I can be as kind as possible. But that won't undo the damage my childhood left. I know that you don't see me as a bad person because I never showed that to you. But I'm unstable. I've hurt people, and I even killed some.”

She knew that. He had even killed someone to save her life. How could she blame him for that? The fact that he regretted that now said everything, didn't it? He felt guilty even though his mother certainly hadn't raised him to feel sympathy for other people. He was already much more than Camille had ever made him out to be, and this was only the beginning.

Lucille trusted him fully. Cedar would be able to cut the threads that were binding him to that horrible woman.

He would never completely forget what had happened.

But he could become happy.

And Lucille would like it if she could stand by his side while he did that. She slowly moved her hand toward Cedar's and grasped him to interlock their fingers. “You never lashed out at me or yelled at me. You can control everything that makes you angry, and you are kind to me. You are kind to others too, even if you don't notice it. That is all I need to know to be sure. I...want to be with you.” Her heart was beating with so much vigor that it felt like her rib cage vibrated, and she could hear the pounding in her ears.

Cedar looked at their hands for a moment before making eye contact again. “Please be a bit more careful. You can't say that if you don't really mean it. If you say yes to me, I won't let go. I've...always been attached to the few things that mattered to me. Of course, we've already crossed that border long ago, but...” His voice trailed off, and he only began again because he wanted to make sure that she heard what he was worrying about. “Once I find something I adore, I won't ever let it get away.” That made it sound like he expected her to run away.

Lucille was pretty sure that he didn't need to worry about that. She averted her eyes while replying, only for him to gently grasp her chin. “You said-” She stopped herself. Cedar wanted her to look at him. If she made such an important promise, there was no way that she could avoid eye contact. So, Lucille forced herself to meet his gaze and used all the courage she had left. “You said that you considered marrying me. You don't need to think about how I could take it back at all. I don't plan on giving my all to someone, only to change my mind later. If I tell you that I like you...I'm serious. As long as you don't treat me badly...” Like her father had treated her mother. “I won't have the desire to leave.”

Cedar seemed to understand what she had been thinking about while saying that last sentence. He reached for her and stroked over her cheek. “I wouldn't ever hurt you. Not intentionally at least. I know that I'm not always good at reacting to others' emotions, so I might say the wrong thing when-”

Lucille stopped him there. “That's fine. You don't have to feel bad because of that. Most people don't know how to console others. I meant...purposefully. If you don't do that, I would like to stay with you. Because you're...the most wonderful person I ever met.”

Cedar almost seemed like he would make some derogatory comment about himself. But he stopped just in time when he saw her expression. She had to be so red that he would worry by now, but she was full of determination. He held still for a few seconds before he whispered to her. “So, you want to be with me? In an... official romantic sense?”

She nodded as much as she could. She needed an affirmation now. She was still unsure even if she was rather certain that this whole discussion could only lead to one ending.

Cedar took her hand in between his. He gently stroked over the back of her hand before leading her to him and pressing a small kiss onto her fingers. “It seems like I might have used up my luck for the rest of my life, huh? I almost can't believe that I managed to impress such a wonderful young lady.” He muttered that to himself before staring into the distance for a moment. Then he focused his attention on her again. A little smile formed on his lips. “And you gave me permission to be selfish. So... I can officially call you my lover now?”

Lucille had known that this would be the case. Still, hearing it so suddenly overwhelmed her. She weakly nodded while tightening her hold on his hand. “Yes. And then you're...”

“Your lover.” Cedar almost seemed like he had as much trouble grasping this as she had. He stared at her for a moment before his smile became brighter. It wasn't his fake one though. She had really managed to make him happy. “Then do we need a nickname too? I'm not sure if shortening my name is possible, but I could do it with yours. I could call you ‘Luci’ or something similar to that. But that might be a bit too boring. I will come up with something nice.” His grin already proved that he would use this chance to make her blush at some point.

Lucille was pretty sure that she would faint if he ever addressed her with something too overwhelming.

And Cedar immediately proved that to her. He leaned over to her to whisper into her ear. “I could call you my ‘princess’, but that might be confusing because we have Aurora. Then maybe something more direct would be fun. Like ‘my beloved’. What do you think?” He had surely done this on purpose. There was no way that he hadn't said this to her in such a sweet tone without noticing what he was doing to her. And then he made it worse by leaning down and gently putting his lips onto her right shoulder, which immediately made her skin tingle.

Lucille felt like her head was about to stop working at that moment. She could feel how he grinned into the kiss and quickly noticed that her poor heart might just be forced to work much more from now on.