Synth

TO’s uneasy sleep shattered as DH shook them awake, a finger over their lips to signal the need for silence.

“What is it?” TO signed, not wanting even a whisper to wake up the others.

“Avery is awake.” DH signed back. “I just got back from the lower level. Their system was giving me alerts, and I went down about an hour or so ago. They woke up a little later, and I made sure they were stable before I came up to tell you.”

It was hard for TO not to talk now. A thousand questions bubbled at their mouth and it was a glorious display of self-control that they could keep them from stumbling out. After a moment of thought, they finally got their hands to move and sign back the most important question. “Are they ok?”

“They’re stable.” DH signed back. “But they’re confused, and not entirely lucid.”

“When can I talk to them?” That was the main thing that TO wanted to know.

“I don’t know yet.” DH signed back, “Today, I’m certain of that, but we want to get some tests done before that.”

“We?”

“Goretta and I. She’s running scans to see if there’s been any damage done, but given what we’ve already seen, we think that they’ll be fine.”

“What kind of damage?” They signed back, remembering how GiDi had been so worried about complications before. At DH’s advice TO hadn’t looked up what could have happened, but GiDi had, and their worry now echoed loudly in TO’s mind.

“Don’t worry about that.” DH signed, “just trust me. Try to sleep. I’ll tell Avery you’re anxious to see them, and when they’re feeling up to it, I can bring you down. Ok?”

TO nodded in response, their ears flicking low. They were happy that Avery was awake, obviously, but they hated how little they could help in this. That all they could do was sit and wait made them feel oddly itchy on the inside, made them want to move, to do something!

DH leaned forward, kissed TO, and then scratched the back of their neck for a moment before getting up and heading back towards the elevator. Now that TO was more awake and DH was a further away, there were things that TO could see that they hadn’t before; They noticed how disheveled DH’s clothes were and realized they were wearing the dirty clothes from the day before. There were new stains scattered across the fabric, but thankfully, none of them appeared to be bloodstains. DH’s ears weren’t down, but they were lower than normal; exhausted.

They wanted to help. More than anything TO wanted to be able to get up and help but they knew that they’d be useless down there right now, and that even if they wanted to be there with DH for emotional support, the process of helping TO get up and in their chair would be more work than DH needed to do right now, and the noise would probably wake up everyone else. Silently cursing their uselessness, they watched DH disappear into the elevator, and listened to the whirr of machinery until it stopped. After several moments of silence broken by the gentle breathing and subtle shifting of the others around them, TO finally pulled DH’s pillow to them and let it rest on their chest, willing their mind to slow so they could get back to sleep.

‘I’m so useless right now’

*Stop thinking*

‘is Avery really going to be ok?’

*Stop thinking!*

‘Will everything be ok when Avery wakes?’

*Stop Thinking*!

‘Will I be ok when Avery wakes?’

*STOP THINKING*!

They held the pillow to their chest, counting their breaths. They wanted to just be happy that Avery was waking up, but the anxiety that sat in their stomach since they got on the ship wouldn’t allow it.

It wasn’t fair.

They wanted to stop thinking.

======

It was mid-afternoon before they heard anything else, and even then, it wasn’t from DH or Avery. Snout came in with their ears high as they went over to where TO lay in the nest of pillows.

“Come on.” They said as they brought the wheelchair over to TO, “Avery wants to see you.”

“They do?” TO was in the middle of doing the line exercises Lendulin had taught them and while the accuracy was improving as she said it would, the stroke they worked on when Flit spoke made their line curve off course. “Why?”

Snout chuckled, their ears twitching as they leaned over to help TO up, “Because you’re their friend; their family? Because they just woke up and they’re probably scared and want people they trust around them?”

“Right.” TO said, their ears flicking down. Whatever the reason was, Snout clearly hadn’t been told anything and TO didn’t know if that was good or bad. If Avery felt like TO was a danger to their pod, then they would have warned Flit, right?

Maybe they warned DH. “Why are you bringing me, not DH?” they asked.

“Well, DH insists on watching over Avery’s stats while they’re recovering, at least for a while.” They settled TO into the chair and stepped behind them to push TO to the elevator. “I hope I’m not too disappointing of a substitute.”

“No! it’s not that at all!” TO said, turning painfully in their chair. TO their relief, they say only amusement on Snout’s twitching ears.

“I understand.” Snout said, “You’ve been away from DH for the best part of the day, and you want to see them.” They approached the elevator, “Hey, Vik, can you call-“

“It’ll be here in less than a minute.” Vik said, not even waiting for Snout to finish his sentence, “Your timing is excellent.” They finished up some line of code, then looked over to Snout again, “Did I hear you say that DH’s is going to be down there all day?”

“Yes.” Snout said, “DH and I are helping Goretta check the stats.”

“You’re helping her?” Vik asked. “I figured that since you’re a Syn- a Chilacian yourself, she’d be helping you. “

“Well, despite possessing a Chilacian brain and having some knowledge of neuroscience, Goretta is a specialist and an expert. I’ll defer to her knowledge.” The door opened, and Snout pushed TO into the elevator. “Remember, we didn’t do the alterations, and ideally we weren’t even supposed to know they were being done!”

The door closed, and they went down to the basement. Far sooner than TO was ready for they were out on the lower floor and heading to the makeshift medical bay. The desire to hurry up to see that Avery was ok warred with the fear of what might happen, and so TO did nothing to either hasten or hinder the small trip.

The door slid open. Inside, TO was surprised to notice Goretta’s absence, but they didn’t bother to ask questions about that because it was Avery, siting up in bed and slowly sipping on watered-down juice, who took all their attention. TO immediately moved to get up, wincing in pain as they forgot about their knee in that moment. They felt Snout’s hand on their shoulder and heard them say something, but TO didn’t listen. They willed their chair forward as fast as they could, their eyes darting over Avery, taking in every aspect of their appearance as they drew closer.

There were rings under their eyes, so dark they were almost black.

Avery’s face had lost its roundness, and they now had a far more angular, drawn look to them.

They looked tired.

There was an awful wound on Avery’s neck. It was clean, but a set of four nasty looking stitches bound the skin together, an angry dark blue mark running through them all. TO knew it would scar.

Their skin looked oddly chalky and almost fake. It was as though they had a film over their skin.

They got close enough to Avery to reach out and take their hand and discovered it to be bonier than TO expected, and their grip on TO’s own hand was weaker than expected.

TO closed their eyes, and took a deep breath as they held Avery’s hand, feeling their weak grip and pulling up from their memory how Avery had looked before Kei attacked them. When they opened their eyes again and saw the stark contrast between then and now, the words slipped from their mouth before they could think. “I should have killed Kei.”

DH moved around the bed to approach TO, “TO, don’t-“

“No!” TO snapped, looking over at DH, “Look at Avery! Look at them! Our friend! our Ankrya! Look what Kei did to them!” They turned back to Avery, grasping their hand with both of their own. Any fears of Avery’s distaste for their actions that day burned away once they saw just how much damage Kei had done to their friend.

if anything, they should have done more to stop them.

“I should have done something.” TO said. “I should have done more. I should have-“

Avery leaned forward, their forehead resting against TO’s. “You really are a dumbass.” They said, their ears twitching. “You did everything you could have.” Their voice lowered to a soft whisper, “You did everything you could. I should have listened to you.”

Those were the last words that TO expected to hear, and for a long, drawn out moment they simply stared at their friend. Finally, they pulled Avery into a tight hug, only loosening their grip when they heard DH hastily asking them to watch the wires that were still attached to Avery. With a shaky breath, they loosened their grip before leaning into Avery, resting their face on Avery’s shoulder. Hot tears of relief burned at their eyes, and while they tried to stop them from falling, they couldn’t. Avery kept whispering, ‘I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry’ over and over as they clutched at TO, pulling them close as they could.

After a moment, TO heard the door behind them slide open and closed again. They thought maybe it was GiDi and turned to look, but then saw that nobody had arrived; Snout had left.

“Where did Snout go?” TO asked, pulling back and wiping their cheeks with the back of their hand.

“Avery wanted to talk to us alone.” DH said, “They said that before you got here. I intended to let Snout talk to Avery before sending them away, but...” They sat down on the chair normally reserved these days for Noss, “But, I think we need to talk. Of course, I’d rather Avery be a little more recovered before we do, but they insisted.”

Avery nodded, wiping their eyes as well. “I did.” They said, “We have to talk, and there were so many times when I was there, under, when I couldn’t wake up and I wanted to say something.” They shook their head, “Sometimes I’d wake up, but I’d wake up in my head, and I’d be so tired, but I could hear what was happening around me when that happened. And I tried so hard to say something, to move, to speak, but I just couldn’t and I’d get tired and I’d fall asleep again-“

“Avery, breathe.” DH said. The machine attached to Avery had started beeping at a faster rate, and when DH told them to breathe, it began to slow down. “This is why I asked if this could wait. You’ll get too excited, and to recover-“

“It’s fine.” Avery said, taking a few more breaths, I’ll be careful. I promise. I’ll take it slow."

Even as they spoke, TO’s heart vibrated in their chest, making them feel like they were shaking all over. “This is about something you heard when you were out?” TO asked, feeling their ears dip once more, and that awful feeling like they had swallowed something heavy settle in their stomach once more.

“Yes. Well, it’s a bunch of stuff, and it’s important.” Avery said.

TO nodded and took a deep breath to steady themself. They didn’t feel as worried now: If Avery wanted them gone from the pod they doubted that they’d have embraced TO as they did. Still, that didn’t mean that Avery wouldn’t have rather harsh words for them.

“Alright.” TO said. “Go ahead.”