Side Note

Hello, the maid who hasn't been doing maid things recently, Madeleine here. I am currently doing a maid thing: Making tea. Why am I making tea? Because I am fucking good at it, obviously. That and I love tea. I feel like I haven't gotten to talk about tea recently, which is a sign of terrible times since I always talk about tea and how I'm so good at teamaking. I got an SSS for it in Maid School, after all. The school didn't even know we had that grade until the Headmistress gifted it to me… wait… nepotism? I'll never forgive my mother!

"Shut your trap, maid." I turned to the other person on the floor, Maggie. You know, the bandit chief wife. When was the last time I saw her? The Paintist? "It sure was then. Ya one slippery person, ya know? I tried shadowing the last time I saw ya, but before I knew it, I had no idea where in the world ya were."

"I… uh… think the gang and I ended up on the road after that." I finished making the tea and then served it for both myself and Maggie on the table she had in her tent. She took a sip and then complimented my tea. Man, it's been a while since someone has drank my tea. "Glad to have been of service."

"That is the most maidlike thing I have heard from ya mouth." She took another sip from her tea. "Now, let us commence business."

"Yes, let's do that…" I created a dagger and then stabbed it into the wooden table. "I offer this simple dagger. What do you offer?"

She facepalmed. "That's not what I meant by business."

"Oh…" I took the dagger back, returning it to under my skirt. "So what did you mean?"

"I want to talk about what I have been tasked with." Another sip. Maybe I should sip my tea. Mmm… tea. "I was asked by a peculiar maid to stall your advancement through this pyramid."

"Oh." We both took sips of our tea. "So, are you going to stall this out with a talk?"

"Preferably, you'd leave me alone so I can drink this tea in peace."

"Oh. Give me the key, then."

"I will." She took a carving knife out of her pocket. "A gift I got when I was young."

I took it, then took a sip out of my empty cup… I always drink tea too fast. "You wouldn't happen to know who's next, would you?"

"He's a bandit."

"Coolio." I took the knife and went to the next floor. If it's just a bandit, I should be fine.

This is not fine. I repeat this is not fine whatsoever! It is not just a bandit, it's the bandit responsible for the first of my many deaths I've had! I am currently running away from giant spinning balls as we speak. I've tried destroying the balls, but as it turns out, they are very durable. I've also tried attacking the bandit but forgot that the balls redirect attacks. This might be harder than the fight with the telekinetic… how did I even beat him before? Oh yeah… I had Mel… new plan! I make a Shadow Clone of Mel! 

…

I cannot make a Shadow Clone of Mel without Mel. This isn't good.

"HAHAHA!!! I SHALL GET RETRIBUTION FOR THE HUMILIATION YOU DARED PIN ON ME, SOL!!!" Holy shit, more spinning balls are flying towards me, in the opposite orbit from the one chasing me. I stomped the ground, making a pillar of earth rise me up, enough to fly over the… the spinning balls are pulling me in! I landed face-first onto a spinning ball. This has gone from bad to worse. How? I know he can… no time to speak. I tapped the ball, creating a layer of ice around me, and then the spinning ball exploded. The layer of ice protected me, with the explosion sending me a distance away from the pursuing balls, the debris landing beside me.

So yeah, the balls explode. There are balls all over the arena. The bandit in the middle is surrounded by balls. I have no idea how to win this aside from using the rocket I landed next to… wait, rocket? That came out of nowhere… oh, there's a note on it.

'Yo, what up mom, it's me, ya boi and deus ex machina. Here's a rocket you can ride to fuck up Sol. - Love, your favourite daughter, Darky.'

Huh. I pressed a big red button on the rocket, and it was sent flying, expertly manoeuvring around the balls the bandit was controlling and lodging itself right in his round body before letting out a gas that seemed to put him to sleep, making the balls around him to stop floating and land with a great thud onto the ground. Well, that was anti-climactic. I walked over to the round bandit, searched his body, and eventually found the key, evident by my legs turning transparent. It's a… bounty… of himself, but he looks really young, and only 2 silver? Well, I won't judge.

I am inside an office… what is that I smell? Soup?

Chapter namesake: Rocket Science by Falk Au Yeong for No Straight Roads