Side Note

Gold. All I see is gold. Do I know anyone obsessed with gold? Yes, yes I do. Mammy… although I would've thought it'd be her house, not… this bathroom coated in nothing but gold. The bathtub is gold, the sink is gold, and the toilet seat is gold… holy shit, is the water in the toilet gold? How does that work? And why am I in the bathroom? Do I need to take a shit? Hmm…

"Do you normally strip when you find yourself in someone else's bathroom?" I turned around and saw Mammy wearing a golden bathroom robe, standing at the door with her head in her palm. "I'll just give you your ticket to the next floor so you can get out of my hair."

"Aren't you going to give something else too?" A cool new weapon would be great… or maybe using coins for some sort of buff. After all, the pattern has been an ally, then an enemy. 

"Hmm… a single coin." She took out a single golden coin and flipped it at me, which I easily caught. I examined it, hoping to see if it held some secret, but to my disappointment, it was literally just a coin. "I don't know how you'll use it. Maybe for a trade or as a distraction."

"Oh. Is that really it?"

"Yes. Now, your key," Mammy took out a wooden coin and then flipped it over to me. "My first treasure. No real value and its sentimental value has been overtaken by something else."

"What something else?"

Mammy glared at me. "Fucking finish this gauntlet, so that bitch of a rabbit returns her to me."

And onto the next floor, I went.

Gold. All I see is gold. Do I know anyone obsessed with gold that isn't Mammy? Yes, yes I do, but he's dead. Scorzar The Eternal Hoarder. I stole his pants, remember that? Oh yeah, back to the gold. So, it's not a bathroom only coated in gold, but instead a normal cave with a massive hoard of golden coins, golden statues, and golden… well, everything, all in a pile in the centre of the cave. 

There's even a life-sized golden statue of a dragon on top of the golden stack… why is it breathing? I walked up to the breathing statue of a dragon and poked the inside of its nose, causing it to let out a sneeze, blowing me away from the gold and waking it up. It was a sleeping golden dragon… yikes.

"Who dares interrupt my slum… ber? Where am I? This realm does not feel like the one for the dead." The dragon belted out, its voice shaking the cave, causing some coins to jingle together. It looked around, and before long, it eventually made eye contact with me. I immediately turned into a statue, hoping that would make it think I was a statue (I am not keen on fighting a dragon), but my hopes were shattered when it poked me in the nose with its claw. "Foolish human… no, demigod. Why are you here? Why am I here?"

"Demigod? I like the sound of that." Is it because my mom is the Creator? Oh god, do I smell like her? She smells incredibly shady, though! "And I think you're here to fight me."

"A fight? How boorish and boring. Give me treasure, and I'll allow you to pass." 

"I've got this." I took out the gold coin from Mammy and showed it off. The dragon leaned its head closer, before suddenly being enveloped in light that shrunk the dragon until it was no bigger than a human… no wait, that's not a human, that's a fish beastkin. 

"A mere gold coin, whose value is less than its weight compared to the ancient currencies I have long amassed in my vault." He scoffed. "Pray tell, what made you think I would accept such a poultry offering?"

"Uhh… it was given by Mammy?"

"Who is this Mammy?"

"Mammon, the Demon Lord of Greed, the Golden Empress of Treasure, and I think she's my daughter-in-law."

"Ho ho… one of the Seven Cardinal Sins? Very well then, your offering is accepted." He took the coin, and then nothing happened. "Why are you still here? Scram."

"I need something from you to go to the next floor."

"You dare ask to receive something from Scorzar The Eternal Hoarder?"

"Yeah."

"Hmph… very well then. What exactly do you need?"

"Umm… something of sentimental value?"

"Hmm… there was a gift I was given by the man I loved." He removed a silver necklace around his neck and held it out. I noticed a monster's fang hanging on it, giving it a very rural feel. I grabbed it and pulled, but he wasn't letting it go for some reason. "Did you really think I'd hand it over?"

He grew dragon claws on his other hand, swiping at my head. I let go of the necklace, then ducked, dodging the claw swipe that was deceptively fast, despite the dragon hand being twice my head. How the hell do I fight a dragon… I have a dumb idea. 

He swiped at me again, and I dodged by rolling through his legs, then bolted straight towards his gold stash. Noticing where I was running, he lunged at me, swiping at me with his claw. I grabbed the closest golden statue and used it as a shield, watching it get cut in half by the Hoarder's claw.

Realising what he had done, he knelt down at his cut statue. It's said that there's nothing Scorzar The Eternal Hoarder prizes more than his golden treasures, so surely he must be too distraught. I snuck behind him and grabbed the necklace he held, finding myself turning transparent, as was the norm. I wonder who the ally will be this time.

I appeared in what seemed to be… Earth. It's not like Las Vegas, where I was, but it looked like a city I saw on… what was it called again? Television? Yeah, it looks like one of those… so I'm facing an Otherworlder… but who?

"You absolutely fucking bitch of a maid. I'm fucking finally glad to beat your sorry ass into a fucking pulp!" I was promptly lifted into the air by an invisible force, its source being the vulgar person shouting obscenities, who looks familiar… but why?

Chapter namesake: Big Fish by Chance The Rapper feat. Gucci Mane