Rising Shards

Side Fangs #141: “Cat Governor (Part 2)”



With all the ballots cut out and cat ears adorned, it was time for speeches from the leading candidates to see who would be governor if we were all cats in the same clan. Due to to coming up with the idea, Kalei was in the lead by my estimation. She had Marmalade and Kai backing her. I was also in the running due to Stella endorsing me, but since Stella couldn’t vote, I could only count on Zeta’s and Michi’s votes. And my own if I could vote for myself. Roux was also one of the leaders.

“I think Roux would be the most interesting cat governor,” Aira said.

“I’m on board with that, I think you want someone really interesting to be cat governor.” Iris said.

“I’m winning in the interesting category, something Koridia and Ohri both are falling way behind in.” Roux said.

“I’m gonna count that as your speech,” Kalei said.

“No, let me do a for real speech!” Roux said. They stood up and cleared their throat. “Gathered cat clan members, because our numbers were lessened by the calamity, the great drought and strife caused by Kalei, you need a cat governor who can pick you up and meow you right outta the darkness. And who better than Roux for that? No one. Nyah.”

“Hold on, what calamity?” Kalei asked. “You can’t just add lore to make me look bad.”

“And you shouldn’t make light of the great drought and strife that wiped out three quarters of our clan. Especially because you caused it with your incredible misuse of the food supply, and you hoarded all the good toys to yourself. The squeaky squirrel plush just for you? Really? Get real.”

“Maybe I had a good reason to keep the plush for myself, maybe it was hazardous to cats and got recalled!" Kalei said.

“So you’re not denying that you wrecked our clan’s chances by leading us to that grain farm that had no mice and no good food?” Roux said.

“I was only doing what I thought was best for my fellow cats,” Kalei said. “And you know whose advice I took on that one? My top advisor Roux.”

Iris gasped.

"Our candidate Oka Ohri is not loud and dramatic like Kalei and Roux, which means you should vote for her.” Michi said. They held up a sign that said OKA: A CANDIDATE OF STABILITY. Michi had also drawn us all as cute cats already, and they drew Zeta super cute, so Michi was winning a ton of points in my book.

“That’s a really good argument.” Iris said. “What do you think, Maia?”

“Michi has a good point,” Maia said. “But do we want a theater kid as cat governor?”

Iris gasped again.

“Hold on, am I still a theater kid even if I’m a cat?” I asked.

“Theater kid is part of you no matter your form.” Kalei said.

“This has morphed from speeches to a debate and I’m getting all confused,” Aira said. “I think Roux’s still my pick, though.”

“Yeah, alright, let’s all shut up when speeches are being given,” Kalei said. “I’m calling Roux’s speech done, so it’s my turn.” She stood up. “I, Kalei Koridia, would get our clan to the best neighborhood where we could roam about and steal food from houses, I’m talking high end stuff. Big mouse territory, we’d all be sitting pretty, fat cats chilling on a nice summer day, not a care in the world.”

Marmalade and Kai clapped for that speech.

“I guess it’s my turn then?” I said. “I would be a very chill leader like Michi said! I would get a bundle of catnip in every…where do we keep our stuff? Lockers? Cat lockers? Sure. Catnip for everyone!”

Zeta cheered while Michi held up their sign.

“I think everyone had really amazing points,” Iris said. “I don’t know who I’m going to vote for now.”

“Gotta run the cookie under the blue light.” Kalei said.

What?” Zeta asked.

“Have you not seen that meme?” Kalei asked.

“No…?”

“Well. Basically I mean it in a ‘when in doubt, vote for Kalei’ kind of way.” Kalei said.

Lillia and Ko were pulled from their focused studying long enough to vote before Lillia made Ko put her headphones back in and continue reviewing her math sheets. My best guess as everyone cast their vote was that we’d all have such random opinions that no one would actually win. Stella was summoned by Zeta to count the votes, to be an unbiased third party.

“And the results are…” Stella said. “In third place, with three votes, Roux!” We clapped.

“I was a spy for the dog clans all along, so this is a win for you.” Roux said, graciously taking the loss.

“And in second place…or maybe I should just say the winner now?” Stella asked. “I’m gonna say the winner. With five votes, your new cat governor is…Oka! Kalei got four votes.”

“What?” Kalei asked. “Hold on!”

“Awww…” Marmalade said.

Zeta got very hype and cheered so loudly that her sister told her to quiet down. I was stunned at my new position of power in this hypothetical scenario where we were all cats.

“Uh, thanks everyone!” I said. “I would like to thank my campaign manager Michi for helping out here, and of course to my starlight boo. I promise to be a good clan leader. And, uh, meow?”

“You won me with the catnip, not gonna lie.” Maia said.

“I have to rethink my strategy for the next election,” Kalei said.

“Do you have any advice as leader, since I think you somehow became the reigning governor during that?” I asked.

“I guess don’t lead us into a farm with no food and a bunch of dangerous farm equipment.” Kalei said.

“I think you’ll do great,” Zeta said. “Or would do great if we were all cats.”

“Heh, thanks!” I would have been alright if my only vote was from Zeta, but it was really nice to win something, even if it was something as silly as this.


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