Reincarnated as the God of Shitty Life Counseling for Defective Washed Up Waifus

Consultation 27.

“Hey, God, do you think I got infected for the second time? It’s been months since I got it. Any antibodies I had built up are probably gone by now.” My client today was none other than Author.

“You’re feeling sick, Author?”

“Yeah, it’s a lot worse this time too. A fever getting worse by the day. I even heard an auditory hallucination today. Lightheadedness. The inability to think clearly or concentrate is pretty bad today too. Elevated heart rate when at rest, I’m even resting on my stomach to increase blood oxygenation levels. Stuffy nose. Phantom unexplained muscle pains. An inability to fall asleep properly despite feeling sleepy. Waking up in the middle of the night several times. It’s the whole works this time.”

“So even a higher-up can get sick. Wait, what about me? You asshole! Are you trying to pass it onto me?”

“Haha. Yeah, that was my plan. If I get sick, I’ll drag your ass down to the grave with me. Kohoh. Kohoh.”

I reflexively jumped up out of my chair and dove to the side like I was avoiding a sniper’s bullet headed directly for me.

“What are you doing, God? Join me. Hahahaha. Join me.”

“Author, you’ve lost your mind. Go back to your place, stay the fuck away from me, and go to sleep. You’re seriously creepy. Shoo! Shoo! What’ll happen if you get all the other Gods sick too?”

“Then even better, we can all suffer through this together. Hahaha.” Author stood up and looked at me with an evil grin.

“Author, please spare me!” I grabbed my chair and backed up into a corner while using it as a shield.”

I waited for my impending doom. I waited, and waited, but nothing came.

After a few minutes in silence, I heard a click. It was the sound of the door to the room opening up.

I heard a distant mumble, “I’m too fucking tired to mess around with you right now. Gotta go to sleep. If I somehow die peacefully in my sleep from this, even better. At least I won’t have to watch the shit show that will soon hit the world if I die now.”

I stood up from behind the chair and looked around. Author was already gone, nowhere to be found.

After Author left, I sterilized the entire room. 

Author, please don’t come here just to mess with me just because you feel like it!