Orochimama

"Yep. That's definitely Zabuza's apprentice." Kakashi stated as he peered at the monitor. He had been called to the central command are of the Forest of Death when his team showed up a full day before the the end of the three day time limit and they were getting chummy with ninja of other nations.

He expected no less from Naruto.

"We can kick them out for that right? Missing-ninjas aren't allowed." Anko asked with poison in her eyes, apparently she was intent on having as many Sound ninja kicked from the exam as possible.

"I looked into him. He was never a Mist ninja. So technically he's justified to take the exam." Kakashi commented and ignored the sound of annoyance from the special-jounin.

"Still, they showed up the first day. Them and Sand. That means they sent in ringers. No way are these guys all genin." Anko practically growled.

"You can't kick them from the exam for being too competent. They held the rank, they can take the exam." An old voice announced as the Third entered the room, getting a quick wave of bows from everyone in the room.

Sarutobi walked calmly over to the monitor and watched the teams briefly through the monitor. Kakashi followed the gaze and looked over them himself. A team made of the Kazekage's children and two teams from Otokagure. He had to wonder if Orochitama had actually planned for all of the Sand and Sound ninja to either befriend Naruto or commiserating with the other members of Team 7 on the burden of foolish teammates.

"Not what you expected, is it Anko?" Hiruzen asked.

"Why are you-" Anko began but the Hokage continued.

"They aren't what I had expected either. They have good teamwork. Even now they look for each other and seek to cover each others angles while still being open and sociable. It brings more credence to our latest theories."

The room went quite except for the steady grind of Anko's teeth.

"We should still knock as many of them out as we can." Anko insisted and Kakashi watched in silence.

"For all we know, that could be exactly what Orochima-, er tama is wanting. This could be a ploy to accuse us of stacking the deck against them, a minor village. Us being thought of as afraid of them would be as much a credit to them as one of their gennin getting to the final round." Hiruzen took out his pipe to gave it a puff the old man pondering before coming to a conclusion. "There is an odd number of ninjas here. Give Gaara the pass and make sure the other two Sand ninja fight Sound ninja, remember the request by the Hyuuga to have Neji and Hinata fight, let the rest be truly random. We can get a better idea of their capabilities."

Kakashi did his best to seem engrossed in his book and not nod along to the assessment. By giving Sand the position of a guaranteed pass it would be difficult to argue that Konoha had stacked the deck against anyone. Then having Sand and Sound fighting could hint at any sort of alliance the two had if one side purposefully lost. On top of all that, they could get a look at how the ninjas fought and set them up with their worst matches with Konoha ninja so the public could see Konoha ninja being the ones to come out on top and save the village some face after the whole debacle with the fair.

It was the smart play.

The two Hyuuga fighting was just to make sure that there wasn't as public of a display of a branch member beating a main house member. The internal politics of the Hyuuga were a mystery to many, but it didn't take a genius to figure out that a member of the main branch being utterly dominated by a branch member in front of thousands of onlookers could cause some issue.

At the Hokage's words the room sprung to action and in moments everyone save himself and Anko left the room. The purple-haired woman stood in place, fists clenched, breaths deep, and gaze into the middle distance. Orochitama showing up on their doorstep hadn't helped the woman's mental space, especially since he knew she went to at least one of the Star Wars shows and quite enjoyed herself.

"It's not any of my business, but-" Kakashi began but found himself cut off with the door opening to let in the monkey masked ANBU of the Hokage's personal guard.

"Mitarashi-san. Hatake-san." The man greeted before-

Anko and Kakashi both startled as the ANBU took off his mask in front of them and bowed deeply at the waist.

"I require your assistance with something that might be seen as treachery." The man continued and in no way managed to make either occupant in the room feel comfortable with what was just said.

"Why the hell are you coming to me for that!?" Anko hissed.

"What? Like I'm an expected person to ask about treachery?" Kakashi asked.

"No. That's why it makes sense to ask you. People have been expecting treachery from me for years and the last fucking week as rather reminded people of that." Anko snarked back.

Kakashi inclined in head in acknowledgment.

"I'm sorry. I know this out of the blue, but I have a limited amount of time in which to do this before suspicion will be drawn." The ANBU, well, Kakashi supposed now he was just Sarutobi Tadaomi, the Hokage's son. "You two were chosen because I was certain that you hadn't been compromised."

"Compromised about-" Kakashi began.

"No time. No questions. I received intel that Shimura Danzo is a traitor and is possession of doujutsu capable of injecting overwhelming suggestion without hint of it's use."

Shit.

Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, oh fuck. That would mean that any number of high ranking Konoha ninja were compromised and being controlled by one of the worst bits of pond scum to ever sludge into existence from the village. If true, this was enormous.

"Proof?" Kakashi asked.

Tadaomi tossed a pair of scrolls towards them. "Verified from multiple sources. Most damming from documents left behind by Danzo's former student, Nono."

"Well shit." Anko said as she looked through the document.

"Dead drops at Seventh Street. Look for teal. Burn all communication after reading." Tadaomi ordered.

"For what? What are we planning?" Anko asked but Kakashi could tell she already knew.

"The assassination of Shimura Danzo."

God damn it, was any of the vacation time he was being given going to actually be vacation time? He seemed to be way more stressed on this mandatory vacation than he ever was on doing his actual job.

And why did he feel like this was somehow Orochitama's fault?

xxxxx

It was worth noting that ninjas tended to like any place that the natural inclination of people was to whisper; when the very ambiance had people speak to each other in hushed tones without a matronly woman being nearby to stare in disapproval being necessary for the quiet. Such a woman was generally still there, but her position not being strictly necessary was appreciated and the locations often manifested such women regardless. For this reason, ninja loved fancy teahouses as neutral meeting points. The locations rarely cared who you were so long as you showed up in suitably expensive clothing and could pay upfront. Further, politicians and nobles often liked to use them for rendezvouses with forbidden loves and secret allies, so the staff made a habit of not asking questions about names and reasons for visiting and, in fact, tried very hard to forget faces altogether; and it wasn't even to cater to ninjas specifically, it just naturally attracted them after the fact.

I might also have chosen the tea house as the meeting location because the waitresses would make certain assumptions about that the leader of Hidden Waterfall, an older man, meeting two women that dressed...well like how the leader of Hidden Grass and I dressed. The misunderstanding and assumptions amused me almost as much as the man's face when he realized how things looked to an outside perspective.

A glance at Ineda Rena showed that she mirrored my amusement. She was remarkably close to my outfit as well, though I suppose there was only so many ways you could wear a yukata while hinting at both sex and danger. The leader of Hidden Grass leaned back and took in all the opulence of the fancy tea house with a casual disregard that only came from extensive time in such environments spent learning the social norms and deciding that one didn't particular care. I'd have found the woman amazingly attractive were I not pretty sure her mating habits had much in common with praying mantis.

Or, to put it in a vernacular I had learned in another world, don't stick your dick in crazy.

Elder Saito clearly at least knew the spirit of this saying as he very slightly scooted his chair further away from her every time she batted her eyelashes at him. Good sense considering the man was not a particularly powerful ninja, to the point that Saito might very well have been the weakest leader of any ninja village. Against all odds Saito appeared to be the leader of his hidden village on the basis of only his leadership and management abilities and not the strength of his arms, so to speak. Indeed, the man's entire bearing and personality seemed born to make decisions on zoning restrictions. This was a foreign concept to ninjas and half the ninja world was certain that man was hiding some deep power within him.

I was at least seventy-five percent sure the man wasn't secretly extremely powerful.

"So- um-" Saito began unsteadily before coming to himself and straightening up speaking with iron, "Why have you called us here?"

"To have tea." I said, my tone teasing as I poured the jasmine tea into ceramic cups and gently passed it towards them, keeping my hands in view at all times and moving slowly so as to not make anyone unduly excited.

"Yes love, I understand that, but I imagine you called us all the way out here for something more," her voice trailed off before speaking again with a husky purr, "juicy."

"I'm afraid juices aren't on the menu today," I said with a wink before sliding a plate of mitarashi dango over to the two before taking a bite of the food myself.

The two looked at the offered food with suspicion, as befits a ninja.

"No, I'm here to talk a bit about recent events that have changed some things." I took a happy drink of the jasmine tea, it tasted of happy times.

"Oh? Are we going to talk about how you got to boldly disrespect Konoha to it's face and just walked away?" Rena fanned herself with one hand. "Because that was hot."

"I wouldn't phrase it quite so-" Elder Saito paused, "colorfully, but the event was impressive. I have concerns about some of the things that came to light during your 'Greatest Show'."

"Everything I said was true. Akatsuki is incredibly dangerous and intends to gather all the tailed beasts." I said lightly.

"Well, yes, that is troubling, but I more meant your commitment to overthrow a hidden village and bringing about the 'beginning of the end of the shinobi world.'" Saito pushed his untouched plate of dango away from himself. "You ask for an alliance between us, but I will not commit my village to fighting the whole world."

"I hate to say, but I agree with him." Rena leaned onto the table and picked up the dango stick and began to motion with it. "I love the idea of doing debaucherous things while the world burns down around us, but the ninja under me tend to get a bit stabby about such things."

I gave a nod of my head. They were valid concerns and I'd have become worried about the value of my allies if they hadn't brought up the concern.

"I understand the concern, and while what I said was true, there was a certain amount of hyperbole to it. Except the killing a Kage thing, that's happening." I said happily before taking another big bite of the dango.

"If you expect us to back you after instigating one of the major villages to attack you, you will find yourself disappointed." Saito growled.

My smile widened. Saito was bold and speaking his mind. He was proving himself quite fitting for my plans for him. "Oh, if I piss off a Hidden Village I don't expect you to back me. In fact, I insist on holding off on officially forming an alliance until after that is done. Though I suspect you will only be pleased with the results."

"And what is your plan?" Saito pressed.

"Oh my, Saito-kun, I couldn't possibly tell you. We aren't in an alliance."

Rena let out a bark of laughter before pointing her stick full of dango at me. "I'll accept the alliance. Tell me now."

I gave a polite tittering laugh. "Yes, you'll accept it now but you wouldn't mean a word of it, Rena-san."

"Since when has that ever mattered to a ninja alliance?" Rena said in an offended gasp.

"Very well. Assuming the assassination of a Kage doesn't result in your village being attacked, what is this 'destroy the Shinobi World' all about?" Saito asked.

"Ara ara, is that all?" I tutted gently, "Simply put, the current way that Shinobi operate is killing the nations, it must evolve and change if the world is meant to be advance beyond it's current stagnation"

My declaration was met with two shocked faces I savored the reaction briefly before continuing. "The hidden villages hoard their advancements and knowledge to themselves and any place outside them is left in near squalor. Our science, art, and culture just reinforces itself behind the high walls of the hidden villages and the system that the ninja have created makes it so that a ninja can only know greatness through bloodshed." I said sadly.

Rena looked at me as though I was speaking a foreign language but Saito had the look of a man finding religion, that is, a man who was seeing a glimmer of something he had deeply hoped in his heart for.

"You've noticed it too?" Saito asked.

"Noticed what?" Rena asked.

"A ninja is judged solely on their contribution to the battlefield, but it's a waste. There are so many more jobs ninja could fulfill. With Earth Release a small team of ninja could make an entire town in a matter of days, not even mentioning how much a dedicated team could do for the roads. Those that know how to make sealing scrolls can move product faster and in greater numbers than conventional means. My recent display showed the millions that could be made in entertainment. There is cash on the table and no one is taking it." I stated passionately.

"If it's meant to make so much money, why hasn't anyone else done it?" Rena asked pessimistically.

"Competitive interference." Saito groused.

"Huh?"

"Other villages tend to come by and trash anything other ninjas build on mere principle." I supplied. "It is a source of income for their enemies, so if they destroy everything they build, no one will pay them to build things."

"Doesn't sound like something you can just fix." Rena waived a hand dismissively.

"Yes, much as I love the idea, what are you going to do that's so different?"

"For one, the physical structure of my village. It isn't, strictly speaking, a village. We are separated throughout the country. There is no one or two spots you can attack and cripple us. We can respond quickly to threats by being so spread apart and modern technology allows all the bases to keep in communication with each other." I serenely sipped at my tea as the two considered the statement.

"That structure does allow you to respond to any threat quickly." Saito pondered aloud.

"It's not enough. A focused strike can pour in, cause the damage, and leave. Structure isn't enough." Rena stated sharply and without a hint of seduction. She was taking this seriously now.

"About that. I had some plans to offer an alliance to some of the larger villages and adjust our own agreement a bit." I stated lightly.

"Change it how?" They both asked suspiciously.

So I told them, I spent the next fifteen minutes explaining my plan and was met with a silence heavy enough to give a man a concussion.

"That's-" Saito said breathlessly.

"Sweet tits of Uzume." Rena finished for him. Certainly not his intended words, but they had the spirit of it.

"Yes. Fitting of a plan to end the Shinobi World, eh?" I teased.

My declaration was again met with a space of silence.

"It won't work without a mutual defense pact with Konoha." Saito stated firmly.

"Yes. I think I can manage it." I stated with confidence I didn't wholly have.

"What makes you think you're going to be able to get them to agree to side with a former traitor?" Saito asked.

"A gift to an old friend." I said wryly. "However, I will only be able to secure the alliance if you both have done your end of the plan. I have the structure. I have the power. I have the permission from the Daimyos. When the time comes, after I depose a Kage, I'll need you both to fulfill your part quickly."

The two exchanged looks. What I was offering would give both of them much and I was the one taking most of the risk, I was just asking them to step up at the very end.

"If-" Saito hesitated, "If you manage to do everything you said, you'll have my agreement, but you won't have the agreement a moment earlier."

"Oh, I'll leave you happy with my performance, I assure you." I purred making the man's face twitch. I turn to the other occupant in the room with a questioning look.

"Oh I'm in. Let's roll the dice, and if it fails we'll burn this bitch down!" Rena stated with a cackle that couldn't come from someone of sound mind.

A knot of tension loosened inside me. That was it, that was all the politics I needed to have done before everything started. The last piece of the puzzle before violence, and violence was much more predictable.

With a smile, I plucked up my cup, still half full of jasmine tea, and held it aloft in the table. "To our future together."

The two glanced down at their untouched food and drink, paused, and with the dignity of a proud man walking the gallows, the two clacked their cups to mine and we all drank.

Now, I just needed to make sure to overthrow a Kage, guard a wedding, ensure an adoption, then make nice with the people I have most personally and emotionally injured. Should go off without a hitch.

xxxxxxx